A corpsman's advice to ISIS militants who fake injuries to get out of jihad

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Bad back, knee sprains, and other injury claims ISIS militants are using to scam out of duty are child’s play compared to excuses deployed by the finest members of the E-4 Mafia.

“For starters, headaches and stomachaches are rookie excuses,” says Tim Kirkpatrick, a former Navy corpsman and newest member of the We Are The Mighty Team. “There’s no way to diagnose these ‘chief complaints’ because they’re subjective.”

As a veteran with multiple deployments, Tim has heard every excuse in the sick call commando’s manual and can tell you what works and what doesn’t.

“A Marine rarely gets out of a hike,” he says. “He has to be dead or dying to get out of it, but there are ways.”

In this episode of the “Mandatory Fun” podcast, Tim and reformed members of the E-4 Mafia — your hosts, O.V. and Blake — divulge their ‘skating’ tips to ISIS fighters looking to file a proper jihad-ache.

Hosted by:

Selected links and show notes from the episode:


  • [02:00] ISIS militants are faking illnesses to get out of fighting.
  • [05:30] Common excuses Marines use to try and get out of work.
  • [09:10] The best ways to fool a corpsman into giving you a medical pass.
  • [13:00] Who are ISIS doctors?
  • [15:00] ISIS penalties for faking injuries.
  • [18:00] How ISIS organizes its fighters.
  • [27:30] That time a Taliban fighter shot his kid as an excuse to come on to a FOB to check out security.
  • [31:30] The risk Blake is willing to undergo for a buddy.

Music licensing by Jingle Punks:


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  • Heavy Drivers
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