A corpsman's advice to ISIS militants who fake injuries to get out of jihad

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | Spotify

Bad back, knee sprains, and other injury claims ISIS militants are using to scam out of duty are child’s play compared to excuses deployed by the finest members of the E-4 Mafia.

“For starters, headaches and stomachaches are rookie excuses,” says Tim Kirkpatrick, a former Navy corpsman and newest member of the We Are The Mighty Team. “There’s no way to diagnose these ‘chief complaints’ because they’re subjective.”

As a veteran with multiple deployments, Tim has heard every excuse in the sick call commando’s manual and can tell you what works and what doesn’t.

“A Marine rarely gets out of a hike,” he says. “He has to be dead or dying to get out of it, but there are ways.”

In this episode of the “Mandatory Fun” podcast, Tim and reformed members of the E-4 Mafia — your hosts, O.V. and Blake — divulge their ‘skating’ tips to ISIS fighters looking to file a proper jihad-ache.

Hosted by:

Selected links and show notes from the episode:

  • [02:00] ISIS militants are faking illnesses to get out of fighting.
  • [05:30] Common excuses Marines use to try and get out of work.
  • [09:10] The best ways to fool a corpsman into giving you a medical pass.
  • [13:00] Who are ISIS doctors?
  • [15:00] ISIS penalties for faking injuries.
  • [18:00] How ISIS organizes its fighters.
  • [27:30] That time a Taliban fighter shot his kid as an excuse to come on to a FOB to check out security.
  • [31:30] The risk Blake is willing to undergo for a buddy.

Music licensing by Jingle Punks:

  • Sideshow Donuts V2
  • Heavy Drivers