This is what the DoD has planned for a zombie apocalypse

We’ve all thought it. If the zombie apocalypse broke out right now, what would you do?

Rush to the nearest gun store or shopping mall like everyone else? Which are both a terrible ideas. Parents lose their sh*t over toys for Christmas, let alone survival for their kids.

Well, the Department of Defense has you beat.

The much belittled CONPLAN 8888, also known as the “Counter-Zombie Dominance” plan was created as a training guide. The guide accompanies the scenario of political fallout, a broken chain of command, and a target rich environment. The very first words of the manual are “This plan was not actually designed as a joke.” Think of how the modern U.S. military trains combating the fictional “Pinelandians,” “Krasnovians,” and those damned diabolical “Atropians.”

Also read: Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

The scenarios are fun instead of setting off some political red flags. After the forward, detailing how it’s a tongue-in-cheek way of planning around complete and utter chaos, it jumps head first into the absurd — to “undertake military operations to preserve ‘non-zombie’ humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde” in varying levels of Zombie Conditions (Z-CONs.)

At the bottom Z-Con Levels are Chicken Zombies and Vegetarian Zombies (and yes, they are referring to Plants vs Zombies). The zombies you do have to worry about are Pathogenic Zombies (created from a virus or bacteria), Radiation Zombies, Evil Magic Zombies, Space Zombies, and Weaponized Zombies.

CONPLAN 8888 has a six step operational chart — because even in the apocalypse, you can’t escape those things. They are:

Phase 0: Shape

This phase is the current state of things. Training continues as normal. Doctrine is written. Contingency plans are formed. No zombie outbreak has happened as of yet.

Funny enough all of these steps can be seen through out the television series “The Walking Dead” by AMC.

Phase 1: Deter

This is when things kick off. Unless they are controlled by a nation state or non-governmental organization, zombies aren’t cognizant and can not be reasoned with, there’s only one thing to do. Get ready to kick some ass!

It’s useless talking to zombies — because you know, they’re zombies. (Television series “The Walking Dead” by AMC)

Phase 2: Seize the Initiative

All units must be ready and willing to deploy for 35 days. Troops will head out to infected areas to provide security and aid and to quarantine the area.

On the one hand, a horse would be a good idea because it doesn’t need gasoline. On the other hand, you can’t exactly “Leeroy Jenkins” your way through a crowd on it. (Television series “the Walking Dead” by AMC)

Phase 3: Dominate

Now is the time for ass kicking and the fun part every zombie movie is based on. Control through superior firepower. Prepare to shelter in place for up to forty days in case the worst happens.

Call up your bro and get to some ass kicking! (Television Series “The Walking Dead” by AMC)

Phase 4: Stabilize

Repeat all steps until the location is rendered safe enough. Seek and destroy all remaining threats. Deploy counter-zombie teams to weed out pockets of zombie resistance.

Try to find a groups to keep strength in numbers (Television series “The Walking Dead” by AMC)

Phase 5: Restore Civil Authority

The zombie threat is gone and damage is probably widespread. Time to rebuild the world.

The fight for WHO’S civil authority is restored is the main conflict in the series now. (Television series “The Walking Dead” by AMC)

As silly and as ridiculous as the publication may seem, it takes the matter seriously. It does touch on many of the pop culture elements of zombie lore, but it breaks things down to become applicable to most situations that would similar to an actual outbreak.