10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

It’s that time of year again!

Halloween parties are being planned and folks who couldn’t hack it in the real military pick up cheap ass costumes to make believe they did. Problem is, they don’t even have the common courtesy to swing by a military surplus store and give the veteran community a laugh at their sh*tty attempt at Stolen Valor.

Related: These civilians get pretty creative with their terms for ‘stolen valor’

Certainly this isn’t a comprehensive list. God knows how many variations you can make from camo patterns and a bit of fabric. The kids are also being cut some slack on this one. It’s not like they can enlist to get actual versions of what they’re trying to be.

1. Special Ops Ninja Costume

Whenever you’re at the bar and someone says they “can’t talk about what they did in the military,” this is what they thought the military does.

2. ‘In the Green’ American cosplay spy

Ahhh, she’s supposed to be a spy. That explains the Soviet navy cadet rank.

She could probably get whatever information she wanted with that corset/half-jacket combo.

3. Skull Military Man

The coolness of having an Army issued Punisher mask is immediately undone by actually wearing the Army issued elbow pads.

4. Super Sexy Cross Front

It might get a little, uh, cold, if she needed to reload her machine gun.

5. Men’s Sexy Sailor Navy

Every sailor in the U.S. Navy constantly fights the inter-service jokes against the rest of the Armed Forces. This costume just gives us ammunition.

6. Diva Dictator

Her regime is about to get toppled.

7. High quality military man

“I remember my times in the Army well. Second tour to Douic 66, me and the rest of my Rolling Stones buddies saw some sh*t.”


8. Sexy Marine

Still one of the better ones to make the list. Too bad this is still the exact stereotype military guys have about women in combat.


9. Mile High Captain

Someone finally wanted to pretend to be an airman! … Oh, wait. Nevermind.

In case you were wondering about the main image. I found that one listed as “flight attendant” even though it has the Air Force logo on the back.

10. Military couples costume

Just everything wrong about this. Except the stock models got the feeling of being a dual-military couple right. She’s dead inside, and he’s constantly pissed at everything.



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