11 things your platoon medic would never say

Corpsmen and medics have to be the Jacks-of-all-trades when they’re out on patrol. They’re considered riflemen until one of their boys gets wounded or sick, then they have to jump into doctor mode.

As much as they love their brothers-in-arms — and will do anything for them in battle — living with your unit stateside requires a much different mentality.

Platoon medics

Navy Corpsman Daniel Jacobs and Adam Petree chat during an early morning meeting at the 52 Area Branch Medical Clinic (SOI) in Camp Pendleton, Calif. (DoD photo by Fred W. Baker III)

For the young “Docs” who live in the barracks, their job doesn’t stop once the medical clinic — or B.A.S. — closes for the day. They are embedded with their grunts every day of the year.

Related: This is why Corpsmen are better than Medics

Even though they’re considered “one of the guys,” there is a limit to what they’ll offer up when not deployed.

So, check out some calls you’ll probably never hear your platoon medics ever say.

1. “Everybody stop by my barracks room bright and early waking me up before morning PT if you need an I.V. to help cure your nasty weekend hangover.”

A quick fix to cure a nasty hangover. (Image via Giphy)

2. “Hey lance corporal, do you mind if I carry your M240? My M-4 is too light, and this is ‘arm’ day.”

Maybe you should carry that .240. (Image via Giphy)

3. “It’s 1700 on a Friday, but sure, come on into sick call, and we’ll take care of you even though it can wait until Monday.”

What would happen if a Doc actually said those terrible words. (Image via Giphy) 

4. “I’ve got the thermometer prepped and ready. Who wants the silver bullet?”

5. “Please, let me go on this long and pointless hike instead of watching everybody from the safety vehicle.”

Hikes never seem to end. (Image via Giphy)

6. “If you don’t volunteer to spend the next few nights out in the field, I will.”

7. “It’s okay, you deserved to get promoted over me.”

What it feels like to think you’re getting promoted, then you just don’t make it. (Image via Giphy)

8. “Doesn’t the rank of ‘seaman recruit’ have such an awesome ring to it?”

9. “Who needs a social life when you can stand duty at the BAS.”

Preach. But somebody always has to stand duty. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 6 movie medics you’d want in your infantry squad

10. “Can I please take his bleeding hemorrhoid patient over the Marine with a simple sore throat?”

11. “I’ll come in and work at the clinic, but only if it’s on a Saturday.”