That time Politifact took Duffel Blog seriously

On Nov. 16, Duffel Blog held its head up high as the “The American military’s Most Trusted news source” was given the dubious honors of being ranked as “Pants on Fire” by Politifact. The award was bestowed upon them after their in-depth analysis of Bowe Bergdahl wandering off during his court-martial.

According to Politifact, “The article then becomes more ridiculous.” They continue with the astute observation that “…the Pentagon offered a reward for information about Bergdahl’s whereabouts: $25,000 or seven Guantanamo detainees, depending on the credibility of the information.”

Bergdahl Star Wars

Duffle Blog also reported Bergdahl’s praise for Star Wars‘ Finn leaving the First Order to join the Rebellion.

We attempted to contact a person affiliated with the website and received the following response: “Our newsletter is pretty straightforward, if you click ‘No’. You hate America.” We could only assume Paul Szoldra was busy drinking his cognac while reading a copy of Cervantes’ Don Quixote when he received the good news.

This isn’t the first time a “most trusted news source” came close to winning. Gizmodo recognized the greatness of the site when it learned that the Army was to issue Ballistic Tomahawk Bayonets instead of the standard issue non-tomahawk bayonet. Fan of Duffle Blog, Sen. Mitch McConnell, took their charge to heart when they brought attention that the Guantanamo Prisoners were receiving GI Bill Benefits.

Ax Bayonet

The new ax bayonet will make US Today sh*t their pants when they see it.

The site already holds ten awards in the Snopes’ Fact Check category. Still, nothing compares to the prestige of having the 500+ words dedicated in their name. Their political activism work is also well known since they petitioned the White House to change the policy on troops not being able to put their hands in their pocket.

This was quickly shot down when the Sergeant Major of the Army, Raymond F. Chandler III wrote an op-ed on their site stating that “putting your hand in your pocket would get you killed.”

Congratulations, Duffel Blog. You’re an inspiration to us all. On a related note, does anyone know what the word satire means? My Google isn’t working.