9 things you'll never hear your platoon sergeant say

Our military isn’t known for going easy on its lower enlisted troops — unless you’re Bowe Bergdahl especially in the infantry. At best, troops grind out a hard day’s work Monday through Friday. At worst, they’ll work overnights and weekends  — and, oh by the way, they’ll do it in a war zone.

Throughout your chain of command, you will have a unique relationship with each ranking member. Some will never speak to you directly, while others will always be in your face — specifically, your platoon sergeant.

The platoon sergeant is the middleman between the lower enlisted and the senior officers, so don’t piss him off.

Related: 11 things your platoon medic would never say

Given the sheer volume of barking in your face that your platoon sergeant does, you might be surprised to learn that there are a few things you’ll never hear from him — here are nine:

9. “You’ve got a headache? Just take it easy today.”

You’ll need to be near death to get any time off, especially while deployed — every trigger finger matters.

8. “Tonight, I’m buying beers for the whole platoon at the strip club.”

The platoon sergeant may buy a case of beer every once in a while, but taking out all of his men is highly unlikely — and expensive as sh*t.

Best platoon sergeant ever! (Image via Giphy)

7. “We canceled the field op for today. It’s just too damn cold outside.”

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow will keep the grunts from heading out to the field for training. It just doesn’t freakin’ happen.

6. “After we get done at the range, just check your rifles back in at the armory. We’ll clean them on Monday.”

Nope! The government and your platoon sergeant wants your weapons and gear squeaky clean before the close of business — no matter how long it takes you to scrub out the carbon buildup.

That’s the best news I’ve ever heard. (Image via Giphy) 

5. “If anyone wants to sleep in before the long and pointless hike, feel free.”

As much as we’d love to hear out platoon sergeant speak those beautiful words, he won’t.

4. “Take your time guys, we’re in no hurry to start.”

The only way you’ll hear something like this is if it’s dripping in sarcasm.

If cute little Michelle can be on time, so can you. (Image via Giphy) 

3. “You lost your rifle in the field again? Don’t worry, we’ll double-back the next time we’re out.”

Nope! Your ass will be back in the field searching for that sucker all night if that’s what it takes. If you don’t find that precious piece of serialized gear, have fun getting NJP’d.

2. “Wow! The battalion commander is such a fair and honest guy.”

Sh*t always rolls downhill. That said, the B.C. gives the orders, and that’s that.

Also Read: 14 images that humorously recall your first firefight

1. “Don’t worry about being a few minutes late to formation.”

You should never be late to any event while you’re serving in the military. Being late is an indication you’re a sh*tbag.

Think you know platoon sergeants better? Give us your best anti-quotes in the comments below!

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