Our trainer will make you a leopard

 

One thing that’s great about being in the military is you get legitimate, professional license to practice sneaking up on people. It’s the ten year old’s dream…and no adult has ever, in the history of maturity, grown out of it.

Try this.

Google search “sneak up gif.”

Got it?

Great. See you in ten hours.

                                                                                   (gif from rebloggy.com)

Pictured above is “Creeping With Intent To Scare Someone Crapless”, a perennial favorite. Note that it isn’t actually the raptor costume that makes this effective. This can be perpetrated to equal or greater effect “eu naturale.”

                                                                                 (gif via reactiongifs.com)

And never underestimate the joys of the “Tip-Toe-Tail-Tip-Tug,” as demonstrated here. Be very, very careful who you do this to.

                                                                                                 (gif via imagur)

And here’s an example of the classic game, “Who’s Hunting Whom?” Watch closely. Which dog do you most identify with? Your answer to this question will force irrevocable conclusions to be drawn about your personality.

For instance, Max is Dog #1, the hunter of the hunter of the hunted.

He makes it seem like he’s working his core when in fact, he’s lying in wait… (Go90 Max Your Body screenshot)

Why is he Dog #1?

Because this is Max. Max doesn’t sneak. Kids sneak. Max stalks. Stalks like a fox. His prey? Other jocks. And he doesn’t wear socks. Max wears stalkings.

In this episode, Max gets down and dirty with the core-connected muscles that make it possible for you to low crawl toward your target and then lay down some suppressing fire from the prone position.

But admit it. You thought you’d sneak out today without doing PT. Well, sorry, but Max has been hunting your ass since lunch break. He’s got you in his crosshairs and there’s nowhere to run. Because he can take anything you cherished during childhood and turn it into a regimen for self-improvement (for example, rope swings).

Remember how you loved Spider-Man?

Oh the crawliness that is me!                                                          (gif via smosh.com)

Yeah, about that:

This is the crawliness that’s about to be you. (Go90 Max Your Body screenshot)

Watch as Max ignores your pleas for mercy, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Max Your Body:

This is what happens when you swap your workout for PT

This is how you train for brotherhood

This is what happens when a troll runs the obstacle course

One session with this trainer will make you assume the fetal position

This is how you fight when the waters are rising