5 problems Space Marines deal with just like real Marines

The Space Marines of Warhammer 40,000 are some of the most beloved, fictionalized versions of our beloved, real-life Marine Corps. Whether it's the hyper-masculinity or the gratuitous violence dispensed against the Chaos-worshiping heretics, WH40K's Space Marines are a logical place to start when imagining how our Marines might fare 37,982 years from now.


That being said, it's easy to see the bright side of dropping onto a planet bringing nothing but a Storm Bolter and unbridled fury against the enemies of mankind. No one ever imagines the all of the bullsh*t details that would inevitably happen in the Adeptus Astartes.

1. Physical Training

Keeping your Emperor-like body in peak condition takes plenty of work. After all, that 350+ lbs armor isn't going to carry itself.

It's kind of understood that Space Marines undergo rigorous training before they earn their futuristic equivalent of The Eagle, Globe, and Anchor — which is an organ from one the Emperor's clones. As much of an edge as that would give a Space Marine over their purely human counterparts, they still need to do an insane amount of sustainment training.

Just because you were perfectly fit at 18 years old doesn't mean you can charge into battle perfectly fine at 87.

(Games Workshop)

2. Safety Briefs

Space Marines are also supposedly hyper-intelligent warriors who are bred for battle. It can be assumed they wouldn't be grilled on the exact means of how they're going to fight. Thankfully, they wouldn't deal with "pre-drop" safety briefs.

What they would deal with is countless classes on why they shouldn't desert or turn to chaos. Even if they're the most devout Chaplain, they'd have to hear the same PowerPoint slide on why heresy is bad every weekend.

"And remember, if you or your battle buddy feels like committing heresy, my office is always available."

(Games Workshop)

3. Alcohol-related incidents

Remember those Emperor-cloned organs we mentioned? Apparently, one is implanted to purify any toxins from Space Marines' system. For it to work, a Space Marine must manually activate their liver. This would come in handy because, apparently, the alcohol in the Warhammer Universe is insanely strong.

One could only imagine the parties that are thrown in a Space Marine barracks after a glorious battle...

If you're going to model yourself after intergalactic vikings, you have to drink like intergalactic vikings.

(Games Workshop)

4. Weapons maintenance

No matter what kind of future tech you're using, if you're constantly training with weapons, you're going to have to clean them.

No matter how much the Space Marine cleanses, purges, and kills with their weapon, they still run the risk of hurting themselves (a one-in-six chance, to be precise) if they don't keep things clean.

Don't even get me started on how much of a pain in the ass it would be to clean out all the xeno blood from a chainsword.

(Games Workshop)

5. Morale is entirely based off a unit's leader

It doesn't matter how devout a Space Marine is, how many battles they've fought, or how many comrades they lost, Space Marines still run the chance of defecting every turn fight because of low morale.

The only way to counter this is to have a good leader. But, since Space Marines leaders have never heard the term "sniper check," it's easy to pick them off and ruin a squad.

Go ahead: Guess which one is the officer. Take as much time as you need.

(Games Workshop)

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