The hyperspeed of military spouse friendships
Part of the Air Force wife gig is making and losing friends constantly. It's a revolving door of meeting people, forming fast friendships and saying goodbye. The whiplash pace of hails and farewells has conditioned me to act quickly in forging relationships, more easily done in Mil-world because of the high-pressure situations we find ourselves in together.
The average time spent at an Air Force assignment is two years and six months before PCSing (Permanent Change of Station) to the next. That's 30 months to find a place to live, receive your household goods, pick up your vehicle from the nearest VPC (Vehicle Process Center), enroll your kids in a new school and get familiar with a new doctor before packing it all up and doing it again.
(U.S. Army photo)
So there you are, standing on the steps of the Coffee, glass slipper in hand. Do you chase after a fast friendship or let her go? There's only one answer for me.
"Hi, my name is Rachel. Let's be friends."
The great part of the military spouse culture is other wives get it. You show up, and you start getting invited to events. Two and a half years is already a short time to make a meaningful connection with someone, but odds are you don't have that long. When you meet that special person you want to get drunk with at the Christmas party, either they are probably halfway through their assignment, or you are.
I went to a wedding at Shaw and hit it off with another pilot's girlfriend who just moved there from out of state. She laughed at my jokes. I laughed at hers. We got our phones out to exchange numbers, but when we realized I was PCSing in under a month, we both just shrugged and put our phones away. The same thought went through our heads. "Damn. I liked her."
Heather Miner, president, Officers' Spouses' Club, left, speaks to a guest during the Havana Nights Gala & Benefit Auction hosted by Smith's Ranch in Twentynine Palms, Calif.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo/Preston L. Morris)
For the past eight or so years, moving around as an active duty Air Force spouse, I've been trained to nose out my new friend in a crowd then get to making her realize we are friends as quickly as possible. The downside of Hi-my-name-is-Rachel-let's-be-friends is that I forget that it scares civilians. It's just too aggressive. Time is a luxury I can't afford, and I suspect most civilians don't have that kind of pressure. I have to dial it down or else I come on too strong, which is very easy for me to do.
Where are you from? Did you like your high school? These questions are okay.
What illnesses run in your family? How often do you guys have sex? Did your episiotomy go all the way to your butthole? These questions are nooooot okay in the civilian world. Sure, they are a little wobbly in the military world too, but when you live overseas for a few years with roughly the same 100 people, things heat up quickly, especially when alcohol is involved. If I'm being honest, it's more fun that way.
After a series of cringe-worthy fails, I've untrained myself from using Hi-my-name-is-Rachel-let's-be-friends with civilians, even when I want to be friends with you now. Like, right now. But the truth is if in my heart I like you, I still don't want to waste time. I'm ready for us to be friends. Let's get to it.
- 5 ways military friends make your life easier - Americas Military ... ›
- 5 reasons military entrepreneurs make the best friends - Americas ... ›
- 7 reasons you need a MilSpouse bestie - Americas Military ... ›