Military spouses have been dealing with uncertainty since the beginning of time.
Imagine your spouse or family member is deployed on a carrier. Now, imagine it's during a global pandemic, which has notoriously infiltrated cruise ships, rendering hundreds of passengers ill. Finally, imagine you learn that your loved one's ship is impacted by scrolling through Facebook and reading a headline.
Unfortunately, this imagined scenario is one military spouse's reality.
Elizabeth (whose last name we won't use for personal security reasons) was looking at Facebook, taking a much-needed break from quarantine with her four kids, when she saw a friend (whose husband is deployed with hers) had posted an article by Business Insider that immediately stopped her scroll: "There has been a coronavirus outbreak aboard a deployed US Navy aircraft carrier." The article states that there have been three confirmed cases of COVID-19 on the USS Theodore Roosevelt - Elizabeth's husband's ship.
Her heart sank. "We haven't heard from them in awhile," she said in an interview with WATM. "Anytime anything noteworthy happens, communication goes down whether on purpose or by coincidence," she shared. She immediately got on the phone with other spouses to see if anyone had heard through official or personal channels what was going on.
Communication varied. One spouse got a voicemail from her sailor that he was fine. Another received a quick email saying there were only two cases on the ship, while one other had heard 15 sailors had it. This rumor mill is exactly why comms are shut down, to prevent misinformation for families desperate for an update.
When asked if she was upset she hadn't heard from her husband, Elizabeth laughed. "Oh, I'm not surprised," she said. "He's a team player. I know he would make sure all of his people had a chance to use the phone or email if there was an opportunity to do so before he did. He's been in for 14 years and he's been deployed a lot -- he's had almost six years of sea time. Really, this is not even the worst communication he's had on a deployment. I've gotten used to that -- nobody has all of the information; you just hope for the best and wait for your family member to contact you."
But in the meantime, Elizabeth feels the weight of the gravity of the situation.
"I'm trying not to go into panic mode yet," she said. "It's the military, you just don't know, but I hope if my husband was sick, someone would tell me." Elizabeth also wants to know what protective and preventive measures are being taken. "It sounds like from the article that the sick sailors were medevaced and now it's just business as usual. But in my mind, the likelihood of it being isolated is very small. They're on top of each other in close quarters and there are 5,000 of them. They use the same phones, touch the same doors, eat together, share work space. It's a floating petri dish. I want to know what they're doing to sanitize. How closely they're monitoring things. Is someone asking them every day? Are they taking temperatures? Are they really doing everything they can to keep our sailors safe?"
While Elizabeth is worried about her husband, she also has a healthy dose of perspective and a great sense of humor. She's thankful to be surrounded by family and a community that continues to support her. "I don't know what I'd do without them," she said. Elizabeth and her husband have a five year old, three year old and twins who are just one and a half. "We had a lot of time on shore duty," she laughed. "We got cocky thinking we would have one more and then boom: twins."
When asked how she's really coping with four kids in quarantine and a spouse deployed on a "floating petri dish," Elizabeth took a long sigh but said, "Honestly, I feel like military spouses are better prepared for this than anyone. With military life, we spend a decent amount of time figuring it out on our own. I wouldn't say this is even the most isolated I've ever been. The 'not knowing what's going to happen,' not knowing what the schedule is going to be in a few weeks or months, it's par for the course for us. I've been through the ringer enough times with the Navy, but for a lot of our friends, this is their first deployment. Mostly my heart has been with the ones who haven't been through this before because I remember how it felt when all of this was new."
Elizabeth shared the importance of reaching out. "Military community is so, so important. I love that the word encourage literally means to impart courage ... that's who the military spouse community is for me -- it's courage by proxy. The news is full of stories of women who are worrying they might be forced to give birth alone due to coronavirus restrictions, but military spouses have been giving birth to babies without family or husbands there, often overseas, for as long as time. They've moved alone, pursued careers alone, overcome all of these obstacles. One of the things you deal with is that feeling of isolation, which is so perfectly themed for where we are in the world right now. But you're never really alone."
Elizabeth continued, "It was so hard to hear the news of coronavirus on the ship, but it was so great to be surrounded by so many people who exactly know what we're going through. There is strength in numbers. We're not the only family going through this. We'll be okay."
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