Military logic is like military intelligence; it seems like an oxymoron until you realize it just follows its own — very weird — rules.
But sometimes, there's just no way to read the rules that makes sense, and you're left with these eight moments:
1. Just going to break these new boots in before we get into contact ...
In other news, never use your fighting load carrier in a fight and avoid getting into combat in the Army combat uniform.
2. In the Air Force's defense, airmen have a better history of success with planes than dates.
Don't talk to the cheerleader; save the world.
3. Come on, he left the pin in it.
Alright, gonna go work on my college courses after just one more game.
4. In their defense, every bag that wasn't laid out was inevitably incomplete on target.
So, this one might be on the joes, not the generals.
5. What they really mean is that it's too simple to make a good evaluation bullet.
Better complicate it up and turn it into a mind-numbing PowerPoint deck. (via America's Sgt Maj.)
6. Oh, the quaint old days when the jets cost only $70 million.
The F-35 will take aerial warfare into the future of ridiculous overmatch.
7. What if a truck comes by and can't see the soldiers in their fancy camouflage?
Also, are we not going to talk about why we need to rake the dirt in the first place?
8. Long drives are dangerous, that's why you should only do them in large convoys at night in tactical conditions.
Let's be honest, he's just trying to limit the first sergeant has to drive to pick up all the troops hit with DUIs.