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Lyrics you shouldn't text your friends if you're in the Air Force

The "Mileygate" witch hunts, the scandal over four instructor pilots and searches of their personal cell phones conducted with dubious legality, hit a new low. Despite no evidence of actual drug use, and each passing every drug test, three were stripped of their wings and given reprimands which will effectively end their careers. All because they were texting Miley Cyrus, JellyRoll, and other artists' songs whose lyrics contain references to "molly," slang for the club drug Ecstasy.


The text messages were originally found as the Office of Special Investigations (OSI) was looking into a case of an unprofessional relationship between another pilot and his student. One of the four pilots was ordered to give his cell phone up after being told OSI had a warrant for the phone, except the warrant was signed the day after the seizure. One pilot was refused a lawyer. Despite the ridiculous misunderstanding, the Air Force continued its persecution of the officers and is in full damage control mode. Lt. Col. Julie Huygen, chief of the military justice division, Air Force Legal Operations Agency, wants airmen to realize they are expected to abide by Air Force standards of professionalism at all times, even when they are off duty:

You must avoid offensive and/or inappropriate behavior on social networking platforms and through other forms of communication that could bring discredit upon on [sic] the Air Force or you as a member of the Air Force, or that would otherwise be harmful to good order and discipline, respect for authority, unit cohesion, morale, mission accomplishment, or the trust and confidence that the public has in the United States Air Force.

With Lt. Col. Huygen's warning in mind, WATM felt it necessary to help the Air Force bring you a few examples of other lyrics airmen should be careful of texting to their friends.

"She a hot tamale when she pop a molly, it's time to party, we party hard/Drink and smoke it, drink and smoke it, drink and smoke it, we high for sure"

Try to remember you and your friends are airmen in the world's greatest air force and not Chief Keef, 50 Cent, and Wiz Khalifa.

"How dare you bring another chick in my bed / You lucky I'm doing my yoga or you might be dead."

This Miley Cyrus lyric is problematic at best, as adultery is punishable for military members under Article 134 of the UCMJ. Also, the military looks down upon threats of violence off the battlefield.

"I'm tryna give Halle Berry a baby and no one can stop me."

Drake threatening to force a baby on Halle Berry is not only prejudicial to good order and discipline, it's also punishable under Article 120 of the UCMJ.

"Yeah I smoke pot, yeah I love peace, but I don't give a f-ck, I ain't no hippie."

Miley strikes again.

"Loaded up the Smith with the hollow TIPS/It's time to FLIP/And blast my way to the top ten LIST"

Big Pun can use hollow tip bullets, but under the Hague Convention of 1899, as a military member, you are forbidden.

"Put Molly all in her champagne/She ain't even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that/She ain't even know it."

There's so much wrong with this Rick Ross lyric, I don't know where to begin. Mr. Ross, you need to attend SHARP training.

"A 50, 60 grand, prob' a hundred grams though... I be smoking dope and you know Backwoods what I roll"

Fetty Wap can do a lot of things forbidden to U.S. military personnel.

"Let him hit it cause he slang cocaine/He toss my salad like his name Romaine"

Trading sexual favors for illegal drugs is forbidden under Article 112b and Articles 134-138 of the UCMJ. Even if it's with Nicki Minaj.

"Coke on her back made a stripe like a zebra"

Kanye can say this because he's not A1C West.

"MDMA got you feeling like a champion" Jay Z

"I'm used to Promethazine in two cups, I'm screwed up" - Lil Wayne

"Enough Oxycontin to send a f--king ox to rehab." - Eminem