7 real excuses troops use that no NCO ever believes
No one likes being stuck on a pointless detail. Whether it's a legitimate task that needs to be done or it's just a way to stall for time until close-out formation, everyone would much rather be doing nothing. Some troops will try to talk their way out of work — but NCOs have been in long enough to hear each and every excuse troops can imagine. Plus,chances are they tried to use the exact same ones back in the day.
Yes, there are valid excuses out there, but an NCO who's been around for a while will side-eye even the most honest troop because of the onslaught of lame excuses, like these:
1. "I didn't set my alarm clock..."
Military life is nothing if not consistent. You know that each and every morning you're going to be at PT at a specific time.
The only way that someone could not set their alarm clock is if they undid it for whatever reason.
Your NCO might set you up with a more effective alarm clock.
2. "I've got an appointment..."
Appointments are known well in advance, so it's kind of hard to get caught off guard. You can't miss a dental appointment or else the chain of command will get hammered for it. So, most NCOs won't interrogate a troop if they say they've got to see the dentist, but it just so happens to be time for a huge detail and someone just so happens to have a surprise appointment, they might check their slip.
They'll know if you come back without your face being numb.
3. "I'm not feeling too well..."
Getting seen by the medics/Corpsmen is a necessary headache in the military and coming down with some kind of sickness isn't unheard of among grunts who live in some rough conditions.
Still, there's a proper channel for these sorts of things. The military isn't like some civilian job where you can just "call in sick" whenever you feel like it. The only alibi that might work is to blame MREs for some god-awful movements in your bowels.
Even if it doesn't work, you'll be ridiculed to the point that you might as well see the medics for burn treatment.
Don't worry. Motrin fixes everything.
4. "I didn't know that..."
Citing your own ignorance is the fastest way to infuriate an NCO. Essentially, the subordinate is trying to forgive their own wrongdoings by hot-potatoing the blame directly onto a superior.
If what you didn't know actually was niche information, like the location of connex keys, you might catch some slack, but don't ever think of saying something like, "but I didn't know that I couldn't walk on Sergeant Major's grass!"
So many people are getting away with driving without a PT belt. I'm disappointed.
(Meme via USAWTFM)
5. "I can't because we're all out of..."
This is a catch-all excuse for anything that shifts the blame onto supply, but it's almost always used in regards to cleaning supplies.
Sure, the cleaning closet may look bone dry, but your average supply room has more bottles of PineSol than they know what to do with. They'd be more than happy to clear some space in their lockers for actual military stuff. Just ask them.
Everyone gets creative with the crap in supply.
(Meme via Navy Memes)
6. "I can't come in because my car..."
If you're coming from off-post and your car breaks down, that sucks. Let your superiors know what's going on. If you report the issue two minutes before formation, you're in the barracks a few blocks over, and you didn't ask anyone else for a ride, then good luck keeping your rank.
If you're driving one of these around, we may believe you... but don't expect sympathy.
7. "But Sgt. Smith told me..."
Don't ever play the "mommy vs daddy" game between NCOs — you'll always lose. They won't just take you at your word. They'll argue and you'll be brought in as a witness. If it turns out that you were just saying that to try and weasel your way out of something, well, try not to cry when you get ninja-punched.
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)