MIGHTY HISTORY

What the surviving nutjobs will actually find in Area 51 raid

(YouTube/Lil Nas X)

If you haven't heard about the planned Area 51 raid yet, then shut up. You have definitely heard about this crap. (And if you really haven't, then I am so sorry. Basically, 1.6 million people have signed up for a Facebook event to rush Area 51 en masse because "They can't kill all of us.")


Now, this raid will almost certainly never happen. Most of the people who are "going" probably just find the idea funny. But that begs the question of, "If a bunch of as-holes attempted to Naruto-run onto Area 51, what would happen? What would they see?"

Well, they would honestly find nothing and wouldn't get inside any facilities because the Air Force isn't likely to conduct any sensitive outdoor tests while a bunch of civilians are rushing the fences. They're gonna button up the base and try to protect their secrets without having to kill civilians by the thousands.

But if they did somehow get past a bunch of blast doors or the Air Force left sensitive equipment out, the runners would most likely find the same sort of experiments that Area 51 became famous for during the Cold War. No, not alien biopsies. The actual experiments that the Air Force did at Area 51, many of which are now public knowledge: aircraft testing and experimentation.

It's easy to forget almost 30 years after the collapse of the Soviet Union that, when America wasn't the only superpower, it took a lot of work and quite a bit of secrecy to stay ahead of them. The Soviet Union had a decent spying apparatus and a robust research and development industry of its own.

And the U.S. and the Soviet Union both knew that aircraft would be important in a potential war. That's why we worked so hard to steal each other's aircraft and radar prototypes and more. We wanted to know what their radar could detect, and we wanted our radar to be able to detect all of their aircraft and missiles. And, we wanted to develop aircraft that could outmaneuver and fight the enemy even if it was outnumbered.

So, scientists needed to work on radar, stealth technologies, and on aircraft designs and engines. All of those benefit from having lots of open space, but aircraft designs and engines require literally hundreds of square miles to adequately test an aircraft. So, the Air Force needed a big, secret base to test their new goodies in.

The dry lake bed at Groom Lake was near the center of Area 51. The area is valuable for weapons testing and pilot instruction, but probably doesn't host aliens.

(Ken Lund, CC BY-SA 2.0)

And guess where many of those projects went? An old Army Air Force training area at Groom Lake in Nevada known as Area 51. It's fairly common for old training areas to be re-purposed when the government goes shopping for an area to do some classified crap. In general, and in Area 51 in particular, these are areas where civilians already don't live or work, where the few residents nearby are already used to loud and weird noises, and where a few light shows will be ignored.

And the Air Force went to extreme lengths to keep Area 51 secret. Nothing was allowed to leave the base, and you needed a security clearance to even get on the base. Even once you were on the base, if something was being tested that you weren't cleared to see, you had to go sit in a building with the windows covered until the test was over.

We know all of this from court cases. People who worked at the base came down with weird cancers and material poisonings and so forth from all the weird chemicals used on the base. The military wouldn't admit that the base existed for years before it finally said, "Yeah, it existed." Then decades later, "Yeah, we played with planes there."

But there are still all those rumors about aliens, right?

Well, yeah, there are rumors. But believing in aliens at Area 51 is literally insane. It requires that you believe that the government can keep massive, reality-changing secrets to itself for decades and generations of workers. And that there was either only one alien crash ever or that each crash was successfully controlled by the government. And that the government wants to keep all this secret in the first place.

So, what would the raiders find if they actually get into the testing range? Maybe aliens. But, way more likely, they'll find some hypersonic missile prototypes, and maybe a B-21 Raider airfoil with some radars pointed at it. There's a slight chance that they find a Stealth Hawk or some other piece of custom kit like that. But that's only if you can find the good stuff on the 575 square mile base.

I mean, that stuff would be pretty cool to see. But is it really worth risking being shot by U.S. Airmen? Sure, they probably won't hit you with the first round, but those dudes have A-10s. You're not getting through that, not even if you run like Naruto.