5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Platoon sergeants aren’t there to be liked by the platoon, they’re there to make sure the platoon is prepared for every mission.


But, when a platoon sergeant gets along with their troops, it’s great for morale.

Personally, we think there’d no better person for the job than Wade Wilson, a.k.a Deadpool. Why?

Related: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

1. He’s freaking hilarious

Platoon sergeants have a special talent for humor, almost as if they teach it at Infantry Unit Leaders Course. Deadpool has mastered the art like it’s his job.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
He also has a dirty sense of humor.

2. Deadpool isn’t the “aye, sir” type

Deadpool bows to no one. Like any good platoon sergeant, if he disagrees with a higher-up, he says something about it — which means he would always fight for his guys.

The lower enlisted members of the platoon love platoon sergeants who are willing to fight on their behalf at the company office.

3. He’s always willing to joke around

Deadpool earned the title, “Merc with a mouth” by always finding the time to crack wise, using the previously-mentioned, professional-level sarcasm. This is a quality shared by the best platoon sergeants and adored by the lower enlisted members of their platoons.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Even in the heat of battle, he finds the time to crack a joke.

4. He has no filter

When explaining to a higher-up that he disagrees with something, you know Deadpool won’t veil his point in metaphor — he’s going to be blunt and honest. And he’ll probably be absolutely hilarious in the process.

Also read: 6 differences between machine gunners and riflemen

5. Deadpool is nearly impossible to kill

Most platoon sergeants are seemingly bulletproof, but Deadpool actually bulletproof. If wounded, he can simply regenerate, making him an extremely hard target.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
He can survive anything you throw or shoot at him… or stab or blow him up with. (Image from 20th Century Fox’s Deadpool)

Humor

11 hand salutes that are just plain bad

We greet superior officers, pay homage to the American flag, and show respect to fallen comrades by rendering the powerful, non-verbal gesture known as the hand salute.


Though there’s no real written record of how or where the worldwide tradition started, saluting dates back in history to a time when troops would raise their right hand (their weapon hand) as a signal of friendship.

Today, recruits learn how to properly hand salute in boot camp and demonstrate the act countless times before heading out to active service. After a while, muscle memory kicks in and the gesture becomes second nature. But many civilians use the salute as a form of celebration — and they get it so, so wrong.

Related: 5 awful military haircuts that would fail inspection

1. When Michael Cutler, son of a truck-driving arm wrestler, returns home from military school. (Over the Top)

2. That time Cousin Eddie felt super patriotic during Christmas. (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)

3. Some dude watching wrestling and drinking a beer. (USA Network)

4. After that former TV president gave a motivational speech. (House of Cards)

5. No clue where this is from, but it’s funny as hell.

Also read: 7 ways you know you’re an officer

6. When that little kid who turned out to be Darth Vader found out his dad was into superhero cosplay. (Jingle All the Way)

7. An unsat salute from a guy who once played a Marine in a movie. (Some award show on MTV)

8. So, we’re not exactly sure what she was trying to accomplish with her initial type of salute… but at least she ended it with a solid pointing performance.

9. At least Ms. Kaushtupper correctly mounted the American flag on the wall… (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt)

Don’t forget: 5 common movie mistakes veterans can spot right away

10. Even though his salute is off, it’s still pretty funny. (M*A*S*H)

11. There’s nothing wrong with this troop’s salute, but Dmitry Medvedev epically failed.

Humor

9 struggles infantrymen know all too well about mail drops

Being deployed on a FOB in the military means you don’t have much interaction with the outside world. Although news travels fast here in the states, it can roll in at a snail’s pace while you’re manning your area of observance.


During this time, regular mail becomes a very precious commodity.

But once that beautiful armored mail truck comes rolling on in, your emotions can roller coaster as you realize you just don’t know what you’re going to be opening up in those care packages or letters. #jodiisreal

Related: 12 images that perfectly recall checking into your unit for the first time

So check out how important mail drops to those serving in the military.

1. After weeks of not getting any care packages or letters from home, a rumor spreads throughout the FOB that the mail truck is finally inbound.

We hope it’s true. (Images via Giphy)

2. Then a miracle occurs. Everyone in the FOB hears the roaring of the truck’s diesel engines entering the vehicle control point. The rumors must be true.

Do you see it? (Images via Giphy)

3. The mail truck pulls up and starts unloading all the packages and letters from its cargo bay. The platoon’s corporals yell out the names addressed on them one-by-one — you’re just waiting.

Any second now. (Images via Giphy)

4. Your name finally gets called! But you don’t want to look too happy because some of your boys haven’t gotten sh*t yet.

Hold the happiness back just a little longer. (Images via Giphy)

5. They continue to call your name over and over again. Somebody back home must love you.

Thanks, grandma. (Images via Giphy)

6. You find a quiet little corner, rip open your packages, and conduct a detailed inventory of your new stuff.

Yes! Cigarettes, Redbull, and dip! (Images via Giphy)

7. While you’re so excited to have all these new goodies, you noticed one of your buddies didn’t get sh*t this time around.

What a dilemma. (Images via Giphy)

8. You know what you must now do. First, you quietly pocket the stuff you want to keep, then dump the rest into a community bin for your platoon to share.

Your heroic slow clap. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 17 images that perfectly show the misery of returning your gear

9. You look over to your platoon sergeant and he gives you his seal of approval.

What were your mail drops like? Comment below.

Humor

5 things infantrymen love about the ‘woobie’

Though only a select few civilians even know of its existence, the “woobie” is cherished by all Marine and Army infantrymen, enlisted/commissioned, from Vietnam to the present.


Related video:

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There are two kinds of infantry: Those who gladly pay the embarrassingly undervalued $42.95 reimbursement fee to TMO so they can keep their precious, and those who live with shame and regret for the rest of their days.

This is for the rest of you, not yet acquainted with absolute benevolence.

Related: 5 ways Marines are like ancient Spartans

5. The woobie maintains perfect homeostasis

From the frigid mountains of Afghanistan to the jungles of Vietnam, the U.S. infantry fight our country’s battles in the air, on land, and at sea, but not without that one piece of military-issued comfort: the woobie.

She keeps you warm when it’s cold out, and cool in the hot summer — we freakin’ love that.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
For casual comfort!

4. It can conceal you while you sleep

Originally olive drab, the woobie has evolved into some of the best camouflage around for the infantry warrior. The woobie is currently sporting digital camouflage, appropriate to whichever branch it honorably serves.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Sleep tight, buddy.

3. It dries quickly when wet

Not everyone knows how truly miserable it is being wet for long stretches of time, but all infantrymen do. Google the term “trench foot” and you’ll quickly see that there’s nothing good about staying wet.

The woobie dries fast, and all infantry grunts praise her for it.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Air dry!

2. Don’t forget, it provides shelter when there is none

No shelter? No problem. If you have two packs and two poncho liners, you’re good to go. In fact, the more infantrymen, the more elaborate the structure you can construct by tieing them together. The woobie comes equipped with lashings on each corner and the sides, allowing for creative architecture.

Remember when you were a kid and blanket forts were a thing? It’s the same in the military, except with full-grown men and their arsenal huddled inside.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
A home away from home.

Also Read: The 7 best things about Air Force bases, according to a Marine

1. Plus, it’s green!

And not just the color green, though it usually is. The original woobies were fielded by special forces in 1962, and around 1963, the second generation of woobie was created utilizing WWII duck-hunter-patterned parachute fabric. The fabric entrusted with soldiers’ lives was recycled, reshaped, and repurposed to continue its contributions to a more substantial demographic.

The woobie is a staple of any infantryman’s loadout, and though it may follow the poncho on gear lists, the woobie follows nothing in infantrymen’s hearts. Warriors unite over its capabilities, and we honor woobie for all that it does.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 14

All the best military memes, distilled down to these 13 funniest.


1. Hey, a lightning strike would probably get you a decent profile for a few days, as well (via The Salty Soldier).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

2. Spraying each other with the hose isn’t funny when the pressure could tear a hole in the MOPP gear (via Military Memes).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
No horseplay during chemical attacks.

3. Why no American allies like American MREs:

(via Australian Warfighters)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Sorry, Australia. That stuff really messes up your down unders.

SEE ALSO: The US Navy strikes back after dodging rebel missiles off of Yemen

4. $15 isn’t bad for custom food in the field (via Military Memes).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
And you could label all your crayons, so no other Marines eat them.

5. “Sir, we’re definitely walking in circles. That guy who keeps turning around ahead of us? That’s our rear security.”

(via Military Memes)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

6. Gotta keep those buoys Semper Paratus:

(via Coast Guard Memes)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Buoy tending isn’t glamorous, but someone has to do it.

7. You’ll never escape. There aren’t even any discharge papers in that maze (via Military Memes).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Aint no discharge in the maze, ain’t no discharge on the ground, ain’t no discharge all around.

8. “Wouldn’t it be great if there were an animal patrolling with us whose primary skill is puking hairballs and showing off its butt?”

(via Military Memes)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

9. Everyone’s greatest hope during firewatch is that the drill instructor would talk to the other guard (via Team Non-Rec).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

10. He’s going to spend hours pointing out everything you did wrong (via The Salty Soldier).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Wouldn’t it be great to see this dog discussing an incident with an MP military working dog? Like, I would watch a TV show of an all-dog military just dealing with random, garrison shenanigans.

11. Soldiers will make fun of you for being weak and coddled …

(via The Salty Soldier)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
… while being secretly jealous of how much you are coddled.

12. The best part is that first formation isn’t until 0500 (via The Salty Soldier).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
And SP is at 0900.

13. Just. Make. It. Stop. (via The Salty Soldier)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Humor

A Vietnam vet’s daughter wrote this funny, heartfelt obituary for her dad

Terry Wayne Ward was a joker his whole life. That’s how everyone knew him. Sadly, he died from a stroke at age 71 in January 2018. When it came time for his daughter to write his obituary, she knew she had to honor his life in a way that evoked his unique sense of humor.


“Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper, and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse,” she wrote on his page for the Geisen Funeral Home.

“He is preceded in death by his parents Paul and Bernice Ward, daughter Laura Pistello, grandson Vincent Pistello, brother Kenneth Ward, a 1972 Rambler, and a hip.”

Sounds like a veteran’s sense of humor to me.

“With him as a father, there was absolutely no other way to write this obituary,” his daughter, Jean Lahm told The New York Post in an interview.

The obituary continues:

“He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman – he didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL. Still, Kathy and Terry wed in the fall of 1969, perfectly between the Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret.”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Terry Ward with his wife, Kathy.

Terry Ward died knowing that a young Clint Eastwood was the world’s biggest badass. Like many veterans, he liked hunting, fishing, golfing, snorkeling, hiking Turkey Run, chopping wood, shooting guns, cold beer, free beer, The History Channel, CCR, and war movies.

But he also liked ABBA, Bed Bath Beyond, and starlight mints.

The obituary was picked up on Twitter by scores of local journalists, then national journalists, who all shared the admiration they had for his daughter’s word, and of course, Terry Ward.

 

 

Ward “despised ‘uppity foods’ like hummus, which his family lovingly called ‘bean dip’ for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.”

Most importantly, Terry Ward wanted you to make donations in his name to “your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.”

So, We Are The Mighty wanted to share everything we knew about the great Terry Ward with you.

Humor

6 reasons airmen hate on Marines

There’s no best way to describe the rivalry between the branches of the American military to an outsider. It’s kinda like an inventive d*ck measuring contest mixed with elements of the Stanford Prison Experiment. Everyone talks about how they’re somehow the best while acknowledging their shortcomings.


We hate on each other for whatever reasons, but at the end of the day, we’re still on the same side.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
For example, the Air Force’s Maj. Jeremiah Parvin and the Marine Corps’ Master Gunnery Sgt. Richard Wells here. Parvin received the Distinguished Flying Cross with Valor for actions that saved the lives of Wells’ team during a 2008 deployment to Afghanistan. That’s how we do in real life.

And the rivalry doesn’t stop just because a veteran gets a DD-214. If anything, it gets worse. Just look at the Army-Navy Game. Are you ready to watch two irrelevant college football teams talk shit for weeks leading up to a game whose disappointment starts with ugly uniforms and usually ends with the Navy blowing out Army?

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
That’s what happens to the Army without air support.

Also: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

It’s usually all in good fun. But if you didn’t serve, don’t join in – veterans from every branch will turn on you immediately. That being said, let’s take a look at few good reasons airmen hate on Marines.

6. Those stupid haircuts.

Nothing says “motarded” like a Marine’s haircut. You know those memes where a guy with a stupid haircut asks a barber to f*ck up his shit? You could make a book of those memes just walking around Camp Pendleton.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Seriously, wtf is that? An inverted Mohawk?

5. They take everything so seriously.

Look, I get it. A lot of Marines are going to see combat. Every Marine is a rifleman, sure. But don’t wait til you’re in the barracks drinking cheap beer, hanging with even cheaper locals to lighten up.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
You don’t have to marry the first stripper you see in Jacksonville is all I’m saying.

4. Calling us the “Chair Force.”

If you’re a Marine Corps legal clerk, maybe slow your roll on calling anyone “Chair Force.” On an Air Force base, you’d still be derided as a nonner, which is as close to POG as the Air Force gets.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Sometimes we roll the same way, it just doesn’t take an airman 13 weeks to get there.

Also, the Chair Force crack is so old, Marines are probably going to honor it with a plaque or memorial of some kind.

3. Their damn uniforms.

Look, no one is going to argue about Marine Corps dress blues — we acknowledge they’re pretty damn cool, but let’s talk about the MARPAT. There was nothing wrong with BDUs. We all wore them and they worked for 20 years. Then the Marines had to have their own cammies, because optics and whatnot.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Look at all our Afghan enemies’ optics.

Okay, say we get into a war with China or something, then those might be useful. Hopefully we never find out. The real beef with the uniforms is that they led to every service getting their own uniform, and the Air Force ended up in these:

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Cool tiger stripes — at least we’re not the Navy.

2. And what’s with celebrities wearing Marine uniforms?

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Way to represent the Air Force, Chuck. You’re dead to me. (U.S. Air Force Photo by Staff Sgt. Tia Schroeder)

1. Complaining about superior Air Force facilities.

We hear you. Marine Corps facilities are garbage compared to the Air Force. The truth is that most facilities are garbage compared to the Air Force, even civilian facilities are garbage compared to the Air Force.

But Marines should be complaining to the Navy about facilities. After all, it wasn’t an airman that put Mackie Hall next to Sh*t Creek. You either get indoor plumbing or the F-35, but you can’t have both.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
And the Air Force didn’t make that call for your leadership, either. Yut.

As for our chocolate fountains, I don’t know where that meme came from and I don’t care. If I wanted to eat from the garbage, I’d visit a Marine Corps chow hall.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Look at him. He either loves it or is just trying to struggle through another meal. (U.S. Marine Corps photo)

There’s only one thing I won’t hate on the Corps for though: Those recruiting commercials. F*cking epic.

(TheMilitaryProject | YouTube)
Humor

5 reasons veterans love the “Terminal Lance” perspective

Wherever there is conflict or injustice, there is an opportunity for humor. At its best, laughter is a release of stress and anxiety and, as we all know, serving in the armed forces is wrought with both.


Like a modern-day jester (with less ridiculous clothing and much more topical ribbing), Maximilian Uriarte has created an outlet through which junior enlisted feel understood.

Terminal Lance is the vehicle Uriarte utilizes to bring some reflection and a smile to those who would otherwise have no publication to relate to, and this is why we love him for it.

Related: Top 10 Terminal Lance comics from 2017 

5. Terminal Lance is grounded.

The comic has always taken the perspective of a lower enlisted Marine, despite commenting big-picture subjects ranging from military gender equality and presidential elections to issues as simple as how horrible it is to have porta-john water splash up and make contact.

Throughout, Uriarte maintains the point of view of a young enlisted reacting to the world around him, it just so happens to also be the point of view of the largest demographic in service.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Maybe too grounded. (Source: Terminal Lance)

4. Terminal Lance is relatable.

Uriarte creates relatable comics by highlighting the nuances of life in the Corps and giving an honest look to our generation of service members’ attitudes. Abe, Terminal Lance‘s central character, is a lower-middle-class kid who joined the USMC with the starry-eyed hope of any kid raised on eighties war movies.

Abe becomes disenfranchised by years of letdowns and a seemingly endless river of bullshit crashing down on his head, which, coincidentally, mirrors some of the same feelings this writer had as a young Lance Corporal.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Don’t fall out. (Source: Terminal Lance)

3. Terminal Lance is funny.

Most veterans, if asked, will tell you about how painful their experience as an enlisted person was. However, they’ll probably have a smile on their face as they recount the comical details.

The feeling that the Marine Corps can ruin anything — including the very things that attracted these young people to enlist in the first place — is prevalent in Terminal Lance. There is humor in pain and Maximilian Uriarte is the unofficial voice of a whole generation of junior enlisted Marines.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Ruined. (Source: Terminal Lance)

2. Terminal Lance keeps it real.

Maximilian Uriarte is a credible source. A former infantry Marine, Uriarte clearly uses his personal experience with hazing, false motivation, mandatory fun, “voluntold-isms,” and the profound ignorance of boots to craft an undeniably accurate look at the reality of serving in the Corps.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Source: Terminal Lance)

Also Read: 5 things infantrymen love about the woobie

1. Terminal Lance is written for us by one of us.

Maximilian Uriarte was a “0351” Assaultman stationed in Hawaii. Assaultman is an MOS infamous for having very high cutting scores, creating a situation where very experienced and competent Marines are surpassed in rank by peers simply because of the competitiveness of their job.

Situations like this are the genesis for the term, ‘Terminal Lance” and inform Uriarte’s perspective in his comics. After serving four years, experiencing multiple combat deployments, and being honorably discharged from the USMC in May of 2010, Uriarte started pursuing a career in animating and storyboarding. We enjoy the fruits of his labor to this day.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Aug. 11

Don’t worry, destroying North Korea will wait long enough for you to take a bathroom and memes break. Here are 13 of the funniest military memes floating around, here just in time to help you relieve yourself before the Super Bowl of war:


13. This leader started as a slave racing pods across the desert. Now he’s here (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
We can all learn something from him.

12. It opens the cans; it pours the cans. Don’t make this complicated, sailors (via Shit my LPO says).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
It’s not your job to decide what it and is not a green bean.

ALSO SEE: Russia just deployed the ‘Terminator’ to Syria, and you’ll be shocked to see what it can do

11. Gonna need more beers before PT (via Decelerate Your Life).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
When it takes about half a case to make it to formation, it’s time to get out.

10. Larger casualty radius but you’ve got to throw a lot more of them for 360 degrees of effects (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
The Army might be waiting another couple of years for that Beretta replacement.

9. Most uncomfortable way to realize what your brother has been doing in the garage all night (via Weapons of Meme Destruction).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
But hey, at least you now know.

8. Correction: You got them ON one truck (via Air Force Nation).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Good luck at your next duty station. Maybe leave some stuff at the lending closet when you have to PCS again.

7. When the young guys realize why the veterans still buy hard copies of their magazines:

(via The Salty Soldier)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Hope you kept the driftwood, Morty.

6. Don’t care how long the contract is or how long the school is, create a dragon pilot MOS and I’m there (via U.S Army W.T.F! moments).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
And if Trump makes it happen, #TrumpDaenarys2024.

5. Well, at least the weak links have been identified, now (via Coast Guard Memes).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Sort of impressed if he can jump rope in those boots for very long, though.

4. The humvee is uncomfortable, but it’s boats that really hate this game (via Air Force Nation).

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
“Don’t worry, we’ll get you there saf—” “CUT SLING LOAD!”

3. So, if I just stay in this toxic environment for 15 more years, I can be one voice asking it to be less evil, please?

(via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Or I can work at a website? Making memes jokes on Fridays and then playing video games all weekend?

2. #ThatDD214Life (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
#SquadGoals

1. “Oh, really, first sergeant? In the commander’s humvee, you say?”

(via Weapons of Meme Destruction)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Humor

5 conversations troops always have in a deployed smoke pit

The thing veterans miss most about deployment life is the camaraderie. Your brothers- and sisters-in-arms become as much a family as those related by blood. While every troops’ mission is different, ranging from the operator-AF SpecOps guy to the admin clerk who’s doing their part, there will always be beautiful moments of shared downtime where everyone just chats.


These idle hangouts happen most often in the smoke pit — even if a troop doesn’t smoke — because it’s where everyone relaxes.

There’s only so much you can talk about with your buddies. Quickly, you’ll learn where they’re from, what they’re like, and if they prefer blondes, brunettes, or redheads. Basic questions like this might sound lame, but they can actually tell you a lot about a person — and take your mind off war.

These are the ones that always seem to be brought up in the smoke pit (we apologize to our mothers):

5. What are your plans after you get out?

The answers vary depending on how far along you are in your deployment. They start out reasonable: “Oh, I’m thinking about going to work at my dad’s butcher shop.” Eventually, however, they turn into: “I’m going to start a band that will rival Five Finger Death Punch!”

The bands never work out. And for some reason, it’s never the guy who brings a guitar (and knows how to play it) who comes up with the idea.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
They’ll talk a big game, but when they get out they don’t even use their GI Bill. (Image via Wikimedia Commons)

4. Who’s your favorite pop star to sing along to?

Even the most macho gym rat gets in on this conversation — and you get some weird results. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or Amy Winehouse are the usual go-to choices, but every now and then a Justin Bieber gets thrown in there by a brave soul.

Funny enough, you can actually find out more about your comrade if they’re cornered into picking just one. If they deny having one, they’re lying. If they complain, “Why just one?” you really get to mock them.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

3. Marry, f*ck, kill.

For this game, you pick three celebrities and decide which one you would wed, bed, and want dead.

For some reason, troops will never pick challenging choices, like “Emma Watson, Emma Stone, or Emma Roberts” or “Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, or Chris Evans.” It’ll always be obvious choices that kill the game immediately.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
My heart kind of goes out to these three. They always get brought up in the first round of MFK. (Image via Reddit)

2. Would you rather ___ or ___?

This one also takes a turn for the weird the further into the deployment you are. Someone comes up with an unrealistic scenario and you pick between two unpleasant things (or two awesome things).

They usually start out as basic as “no internet or no sex” and eventually become, “would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
I mean, the duck-sized horses seem like the easy option because you could just kick them aside, but they can definitely over-run you. (Image via Digital Trends)

1. “Not even for $1M?”

In this hypothetical situation, a troop is offered an absurd amount of money to perform certain “acts.” This can get very inventive and it is always deranged, but people will really commit some emotions to their answers.

It’s completely hypothetical, of course — the logistics alone wouldn’t make much sense, but it’s entertaining to make your friend squirm.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
How much would it take for you to get to know Kim Jong-Un in the biblical sense? (Image via Flickr)

Articles

7 ‘Carls’ that every unit has to deal with

D-mnit Carl!


Everyone hates “Carl.” He’s that guy who won’t shut up during operations, or pushes buttons just to figure out what they do, or sometimes is just too eager to do stupid crap.

Unfortunately for everyone else, every unit has some version of Carl. Here are seven types that everyone runs into sooner or later:

1. The Carl who messes up a perfect thing

Oh, that Carl. Everyone is doing the right thing and nailing it, except for him. For instance, a daring commando raid in March 1941 landed in German-occupied Norway and managed to take prisoners, recruit new fighters, and damage infrastructure with only a single injury. That injury came from a man accidentally shooting himself in the thigh with a revolver. If his name wasn’t Carl, it should’ve been.

2. The Carl who always wants to screw around

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

(Meme via Pop smoke)

Everyone else is mission focused, but Carl is over there talking about fishing. Or wearing a funny prop. Or maybe even doing an accent while wearing a fake mustache. It would be hilarious back in the barracks. But since the squad is four steps away from a closed door and the fatal funnel, everyone really wishes he would focus up.

3. The Carl who won’t stop talking

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

Maybe it’s nerves, or maybe he was raised by overattentive parents, but this guy seems to think every moment is made better with his singing, sound effects, or commentary. Sure, some of his one-liners are pretty great, but it would seriously be better if he shut the f-ck up. For once.

4. The Carl who can’t get anything right

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

(Meme via God D-mmit Carl)

The whole unit can go through four briefings and dozens of rehearsals, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that when push comes to shove, Spc. Carl is going to hit the trigger while trying to engage the safety.

5. The Carl who randomly plays with dangerous equipment

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Meme via Damnit, Carl)

Of course, that’s why he shouldn’t be touching anything dangerous. Unfortunately, this is the military and keeping Pfc. Carl safe near an armory is like trying to keep “that” uncle sober during a distillery tour. You’re going to fail, someone is getting burned, and the locals aren’t going to want to see you again.

6. The Carl who is an expert in everything but his job

This Carl is at least moderately useful. They could be an expert in physical fitness or maybe they’re a “good” barracks lawyer (actually knows more than 25 percent of the regulations they try to quote!). But still, they know jack and/or crap about their actual job. Need someone to actually purify some water? Don’t ask Carl, he’ll reach for the hand sanitizer and eye drops.

7. The Carl who always has somewhere to be (usually the smoke pit)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

(Meme via Shut Up, Carl)

Call for an extra mag or grenade during combat and you’ll understand why this Carl is the worst. You reach back for some extra firepower only to hear from one of the Joes that Carl is actually in the Humvee checking his Facebook messages or in the smoke pit puffing on a clove cigarette (yeah, he’s that guy). Hope you can still achieve fire superiority.

Articles

3 reasons why Airwolf is more badass than the F-35

Okay, you’ve heard all the complaints about the F-35. It’s super-expensive. It’s got problems getting ready for combat. But in the real world, there’s no other option. And as WATM has already explained, the Marine Corps desperately needs to replace its F/A-18 Hornets.


5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Airwolf about to blow through two bandits. (Youtube Screenshot)

But suppose, instead of blowing their RD money on the F-35, the Air Force, Navy, and Marines had decided to pull out File A56-7W and instead replicate Airwolf? They’d have gotten a much better deal – and it might even have helped the Army, too.

Airwolf’s specs (click here for another source) reveal this helicopter already took advantage of some stealth technology, had modern ECM systems and sensors, and very heavy armament (four 30mm cannon, two 40mm cannon, and various air-to-air and air-to-ground missiles). All in all, it’s very powerful, even if it was the brainchild of one of the big TV showrunners of the 1980s and 1990s.

So, why does it beat the F-35? Here are some of the reasons.

1. It can operate off any ship

With a top speed of over Mach 2, Airwolf may have the performance of a fighter jet, but it takes off and lands like a helicopter – without the need for the complex mechanisms used on the V-22 Osprey.

Think of it this way; with Airwolf in its hanger deck every surface combatant and amphibious ship could carry what amounts to a Generation 4.5 fighter. Even the Littoral Combat Ships could handle Airwolf, giving them a lot more punch in a fight than they currently have.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Airwolf can land anywhere this MH-60R can land. (U.S. Navy Photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Sean M. Castellano)

2. It would replace more airframes than the F-35 would

The F-35 is replacing the AV-8B Harrier, F/A-18 Hornet, F-16 Fighting Falcon, and A-10 Thunderbolt II in U.S. service. Airwolf not only would replace all four of those airframes, but it would also replace all of the AH-1 and AH-64 helicopters in Marine Corps and Army service. The promise of the TFX program as originally envisioned in the 1960s could be fulfilled at last!

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
A look at Airwolf’s ADF pod and chain guns. (Youtube Screenshot)

3. Better performance

According to an Air Force fact sheet, the F-35 has a top speed of Mach 1.6, a ceiling of 50,000 feet, and a range of 1,350 miles without refueling. Airwolf hits a top speed of Mach 2, a ceiling of 100,000 feet, and a range of 1,450 miles.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Full-size replica of the Airwolf at the Tennessee Museum of Aviation, Sevierville, Tennessee. (Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

In other words, Airwolf would have the F-35 beat in some crucial areas. Now, the F-35 might have an advantage in terms of payload (fixed-wing planes usually have that edge), but the fact remains, Airwolf would have been a very viable candidate for that competition – and might have had the edge, given that the Army would have bought airframes to replace the Apache.

Oh, and here’s the Season 1 opener, just for kicks:

Humor

7 dumb things troops do the first week home after a deployment

It’s the moment troops have been waiting for. They’ve counted down the days until this moment since they first arrived in-country. The second those wheels touch the ground, families rush towards their loved ones and fill them with all the love they’d missed while deployed. After that sweet moment, the week goes downhill fast.


NCOs with several deployments under their belt will offer warnings to troops regarding their first reintegration. They’ll impart every grain of wisdom they can, hoping their troops don’t make the same mistakes as so many have before them. But, chances are, NCOs will sit back and watch their troops go through a second round of boot mistakes — like these:

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Who says we can’t get a year’s worth of sleep in seven days?

(Via Navy Memes)

Wanting to sleep the entire time

Everyone comes out to welcome you back to the States. They’ll probably have all these grandiose plans centered around how to “best” welcome you home. They’ll fail to take into account the fact that you’re jetlagged having come from half a world away.

Try to get some sleep. Even if you overdo it the first few nights, it’s well earned. Just don’t forget that you have to deal with people while you’re awake.

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Freaking out over “losing” their weapon

While on deployment (in-country deployments. Not a “deployment at sea” or Kuwait tour), troops need to have their weapon at all times. There is no Hell like the one that would be brought upon you if you lost it.

That’s why it takes a few weeks for us to process the fact that it was turned into the arms room for good. Just try not to scream, “where the f*ck is my weapon!?” in the middle of a crowded mall cafeteria.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

You’ll never trust the cleanliness of a shower again.

(Photo by Sgt. Randall Clinton)

Showering with sandals

After a while, anything “communal” becomes disgusting. This is because everyone who uses it automatically assumes it’s the next person’s turn to clean it. Nowhere is this more evident than in the already-disgusting communal showers.

Upon returning home, many troops they instinctively wear them, even in their own homes, because, at this point, it’s just too weird not to.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

If it seems like a dumb idea, but it works, it ain’t dumb…

(Meme via Dysfunctional Veterans)

Drinking like they did before the deployment

The funny thing about tolerances is that they’re perishable. Right before a deployment, a troop could down an entire bottle of whiskey to themselves and maybe get a buzz going. Afterwords, one sniff of beer might knock that same troop out.

Take things easy. Download a ride-sharing app or have a taxi on speed dial. Don’t expect your NCO to come play designated driver for you because they’re probably drunk after a single sniff of beer, too.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

“I’m a go**amn war hero. I can binge-watch Netflix my entire leave and no one can stop me!”

Trying to catch up on TV shows and films (all at once)

If the troops didn’t get the chance to binge watch everything at the MWR or get lucky with advanced deployment screenings, they’re going to be laser-focused on trying to find out what happened while they were gone.

This is extra applicable for TV series that are vulnerable to spoilers on the internet.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

…even you can afford the 39% interest rate.

(Via /r/Justbootthings)

Wasting so, so much money

The thing about deployments is that troops will still make money while they’re gone and have nothing to spend it on. All that tax-free combat pay just keeps piling up — even more so if they’re single.

It may seem like you’re rich enough to drop all that cash on the Corvette you wanted as a private, but you’re still making a boot mistake…

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

I’m not stopping you, by any means. Just advising you.

(via Pop Smoke)

Forgetting civilians aren’t fans of our humor

There really isn’t much to do overseas except hang out with the platoon. Everyone has told their jokes a hundred times over. The only way to keep things funny is to take it to the next level. Sooner or later, the jokes enter a realm that makes all of our grandmothers want to whoop our grizzled, war-fighting asses for even thinking it’s funny.

Just remember, there are now kids around as you tell stories about your scorpion death fights.