7 things you'll never hear a Marine drill instructor say - We Are The Mighty
Humor

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

Marine Corps boot camp is specially designed to mentally break down recruits before allowing them to earn the prestigious title of U.S. Marine.


When Marine hopefuls step on those famous yellow footprints during the receiving process, they need to be ready to have tons of information hurled at them.

Throughout their 13 weeks of training, recruits can expect to hear all manner of orders, insults, and jokes screamed at them.

Related: 9 things you’ll never hear your platoon sergeant say

However, it’s doubtful they will ever hear these words:

7. “Whenever you’re ready, gentlemen.”

Drill instructors aren’t patient or gentle with their recruits because they don’t have to be. In fact, if a recruit isn’t moving at “double-time” — they’re freakin’ wrong.

6. “If we are too mean, let us know and we’ll tone it down for you.” That’s not what the Marines are for?

That’s just not going to happen, really.

5. “If you can’t run three miles, it’s okay to quit after just one.”

Marines pride themselves on finishing every job. Instilling that no-fail mindset into young recruits is critical.

 

marines running
Lt. Col. David Bardorf and Sgt. Maj. Michael Rowan lead their battalion on a run during the annual battalion’s physical training session. (Photo from USMC)

 

4. “You are outstanding! I can’t wait to serve with you one day in a grunt unit.”

The U.S. Marine Corps is known for being the smallest branch. It’s rare that you’ll run into your senior drill instructor years down the line, but it happens. That being said, the recruit you are now isn’t the Marine they’ll want to serve beside later.

3. “I will never show you my knife-hand.” Marines learn love knife hands. Or Embrace them, at least.

You will see your DI’s knife-hand frequently and often.

Marine DI executing a knife hand
This DI executes a perfect knife-hand at a recruit rocking a glow belt. (Photo from USMC)

 

2. “Slow down. The war will wait for you.”

The war doesn’t wait and you should never slow down. If that’s not common sense to you now, it will be.

Also Read: 5 heroic movie acts a military officer would never do

1. “Don’t worry about learning your general orders because they’re useless.” Not in Marine hell.

General orders are a pain in the ass to memorize, but they’re burnt into your memory because they can save lives.

 

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
U.S. Marine Corps Staff Sgt. Christopher J. Rebollar, a drill instructor with Company D, 1st Recruit Training Battalion, Recruit Training Regiment, corrects a recruit aboard Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego, Calif., June 20, 2016. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Erick J. ClarosVillalta)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of April 20th

Well, there’s no two ways about it, ladies and gents: this has been a hell of a week. The situation in Syria escalated and the one in Korea calmed. We came together to pay our respects to the most beloved figure in the veteran community only to have a t-rex puppet come and fracture us in two again.


Can’t we all just get along again and remember how much we miss being deployed because the tax-free income was beautiful? Probably not.

Just don’t do anything stupid today if you’re still on active duty. Five bucks says that there will be a 100-percent-accountability urinalysis on Monday.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Terminal Lance)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(WATM)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Decelerate Your Life)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(/r/Military)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Untied Status Marin Crops)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(WATM)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(PNN)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Untied Status Marin Crops)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Military Memes)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Army as F*ck)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(The Salty Soldier)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Disgruntled Vets)

Soon, this won’t be a joke.

When that moment comes, you know my ass will be first in line at the prior service recruiter’s office.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Pop Smoke)

Articles

6 reasons why veterans would gear up and head back to war

As veterans, we’ve all thought about signing back up at one time or another. But what would it take to truly get us back in uniform, to don all that heavy gear and take the fight to the enemy as we’ve always done?


Though we all have to take into consideration all the formations, bull-sh*t we receive from the chain of command — and let’s not forget all those wonderful uniform inspections. Everyone loves those.

With all the crap that comes with serving, many veterans still miss some aspects of military life.

Let’s gear up and go to war! (Images via Giphy)

Check out our reasons why we would gear back up to take on the bad guys.

1. If another major terrorist attack happens

The Sept. 11 attacks stirred up patriotism in millions of Americans, and some joined the military during that period just to get a little revenge.

I represent ‘Merica! (Image via Giphy)

2. For a huge bonus check

Everyone wants to line their pockets with extra beer money.

And a case of beer! (Image via Giphy)

3. If your military family went as well

The military brother and sisterhood have a very tight bond, you f*ck with one brother or sister — you f*ck with whole while family.

You said it girl. (Image via Giphy)

4. If you just couldn’t find a good enough job that suits you

Because office work just didn’t satisfy that inner combat operator in you.

These guys were all former snipers. True story. (Image via Giphy)

5. To feel that combat adrenaline rush again

Shooting and blowing up the bad guys makes an operator feel great about themselves. It’s a morale booster.

He nailed every shot too. He’s that good. (Image via Giphy)

6. To get some adventure

Post-military life is hard to adjust too. Sometimes you just want to leave the homeland and get back into the sh*t.

Can we go with you? (Images via Giphy)To all of our military family already forward deployed — we salute you.

Can you think of any more reasons to throw those cammies back on? Comment below.

Humor

7 unofficial rules that the E4 Mafia lives by

Control over the unit is spread between the NCOs and officers. In theory, these guys run the show. In practice, however, much of the work is delegated down to the lowest level. This is where the specialists, senior airmen, seamen, and lance corporals come in.

The highest rank among junior enlisted is left in an awesomely weird predicament in which they can shuffle work to the privates, satisfy requirements from higher up the chain, and then relax for the rest of the day. This is called the E-4 Mafia or Lance Corporal Underground.


But even those in these unofficial unions have a few bylaws that they must never break. Here’re a few of the rules that the Mafia/LCpl Underground are willing to admit:

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

For the most part, this book is one long essay on never volunteering for sh*t.

(Meme via Grunt Style)

See nothing, say nothing

The very first and most important law of the E4 Mafia is this: Plausible deniability is your best friend. These simple words can be used in almost every situation.

In the military, if you see someone doing something against regulations, you’re supposed to say something. But are you really going to call out your bros for putting their hands in their pockets when it’s cold outside? Hell no.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

Because if you show a little bit of effort, that’s where the bar will be set for you.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics

At first glance, it may seem odd that Sadi Carnot, a 19th-century French physicist, would have much to do with a bunch of slackers. As he once famously said, “total entropy of an isolated system can never decrease over time.” In layman’s terms, this basically means, “controlled chaos will always take the path of least resistance.”

If you ever ask a lance corporal to do anything, they will half-ass it and tell you that the task is complete. It’s science, really.

Always play the “Shaggy Defense”

This defense is named after a famous lance-corporal-turned-musician who was caught in an unpleasant situation. When confronted with the nasty allegations and irrefutable evidence, he simply kept repeating the Lance Corporal Underground mantra of, “it wasn’t me.”

If there’s evidence that something happened, but not enough to pin it on you, enthusiastically deny it.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

(Meme via LCpl Underground)

When in doubt, skate out

Unless you’re sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that an incoming task will be fun, don’t agree to do anything that comes down the chain of command.

If the first sergeant calls for four volunteers, don’t ever ask, “for what?” Expressing interest is, essentially, as binding as a signature.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

This is how you raise the bar. Take note, PFCs.

(Meme via US Army WTF Moments)

If you look right, you are right

The military is a very busy system. Despite all of the hurrying-up-and-waiting that happens, everyone is constantly on the move.

All you need to do to get away with nearly anything is put some effort toward appearing like you’re squared away. Rarely will anyone take the time to make sure you’re actually doing things right.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

The Mafia/Underground has been around since before anyone currently enlisted. That means that every Senior NCO was once a member.

Never forget where you came from

It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re going with your career. Your buddies who tell you that they’re ride-or-die really mean it — you should keep the same promise.

If you happen to get promoted out of the Mafia or Underground, don’t forget that your guys are still your guys. You may have more responsibilities now and you may have to make them work. That’s understandable. However, don’t think — not even for a single second — about turning into the NCO that stabs every single one of their former friends in the back.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

Blue Falcon-ing is a crime punishable by disassociation

There are three people that will always garner hatred from the E-4 Mafia: Jodie, the good-idea fairy, and the blue falcon.

If you ever dare to buddy-f*ck one of your fellow mafiosos, don’t expect them to have your back.

Humor

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

It’s that time of year again!


Halloween parties are being planned and folks who couldn’t hack it in the real military pick up cheap ass costumes to make believe they did. Problem is, they don’t even have the common courtesy to swing by a military surplus store and give the veteran community a laugh at their sh*tty attempt at Stolen Valor.

Related: These civilians get pretty creative with their terms for ‘stolen valor’

Certainly this isn’t a comprehensive list. God knows how many variations you can make from camo patterns and a bit of fabric. The kids are also being cut some slack on this one. It’s not like they can enlist to get actual versions of what they’re trying to be.

1. Special Ops Ninja Costume

Whenever you’re at the bar and someone says they “can’t talk about what they did in the military,” this is what they thought the military does.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

2. ‘In the Green’ American cosplay spy

Ahhh, she’s supposed to be a spy. That explains the Soviet navy cadet rank.

She could probably get whatever information she wanted with that corset/half-jacket combo.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

3. Skull Military Man

The coolness of having an Army issued Punisher mask is immediately undone by actually wearing the Army issued elbow pads.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

4. Super Sexy Cross Front

It might get a little, uh, cold, if she needed to reload her machine gun.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

5. Men’s Sexy Sailor Navy

Every sailor in the U.S. Navy constantly fights the inter-service jokes against the rest of the Armed Forces. This costume just gives us ammunition.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

6. Diva Dictator

Her regime is about to get toppled.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

7. High quality military man

“I remember my times in the Army well. Second tour to Douic 66, me and the rest of my Rolling Stones buddies saw some sh*t.”

 

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

8. Sexy Marine

Still one of the better ones to make the list. Too bad this is still the exact stereotype military guys have about women in combat.

 

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

9. Mile High Captain

Someone finally wanted to pretend to be an airman! … Oh, wait. Nevermind.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

10. Military couples costume

Just everything wrong about this. Except the stock models got the feeling of being a dual-military couple right. She’s dead inside, and he’s constantly pissed at everything.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

 

 

Articles

Someone wrote a list of 65 ways civilians can simulate military life and it’s hilarious

Almost everyone gets email forwards from their family. In the days before social media, people emailed the jokes, memes, and urban legends that populate Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest today. These days, it’s mostly older people that stick to forwarding emails instead of sharing via social media.


Loved ones forward things to veterans wanting to know if something about the military or life in the military is true.

This one has been circulating around the internet for a while. Its origins are hard to trace, but the authors — whomever they may be — pinpointed some of the more bizarre aspects of military life by trying to find a civilian equivalent. It’s funny to look back at things military personnel and veterans accept as a part of life, no matter how strange it may seem from the outside looking in.

65 ways civilians can simulate military life:

1. Dig a big hole in your back yard and live in it for 30 days straight.

2. Go inside only to clean the house. On weekends, you can eat in the house, but you can’t talk.

3. Pour 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your hole, then shovel it out, stack sandbags around it and cover it with a sheet of old plywood.

4. Fill a backpack with 50 pounds of kitty litter. Never take it off outdoors. Jog everywhere you go.

5. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you’re hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

6. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

7. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn the water pressure in your shower down to a trickle, then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn it up so hard it peels skin. On Saturdays and Sundays, declare to your entire family that they can’t use the shower in order to keep it clean for inspection.

8. Go inside and make your bed every morning. Have your wife tear the blankets off at random during the day. Re-make the bed each time until it is time to go back outside and sleep in your hole.

9. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout “Get up! Get up! You are moving too slow! Get down and do push-ups!”

10. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.

11. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours. Hang a sign on the bathroom door that says, “Unserviceable.”

12. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it’s ok for you to leave your house before 5pm.

13. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over. Have them all dig holes in your yard to live in. After 30 days, fill in the holes and wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home as you set out for a 25 mile walk and After-Action-Review.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

14. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

15. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).

16. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes. Write down on a piece of paper everything you want the shop to fix the next time you bring the car in. Give your wife the list to throw away.

17. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours with the windows down before going anywhere. Tune the radio to static and monitor it while letting the car run. If it is cold outside, don’t run the heat. Sleep on the hood or roof of your car.

18. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.

19. Repaint your entire house once a month. Paint white rings around all the trees in your neighborhood. Paint all curbs yellow. Paint all rocks red.

20. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.

21. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
That government coffee.

22. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

23. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel when you are inside to eat. Tune the tint on the TV to green.

24. Avoid watching your green tinted TV with the exception of movies which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

25. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
The barracks barber or the Exchange barber? Roll the dice.

26. Sew big pockets to the legs of your pants. Don’t use them.

27. Spend 2 weeks sleeping in holes in your neighbor’s lawns and call it a deployment.

28. Spend a year sleeping in holes in your local area and call it world travel.

29. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald’s and NOT get promoted.

30. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers.

31. Blast heavy metal music on your stereo and conduct Ranger PT, grass drills, and sprints on your front lawn after your neighbors have gone to bed.

32. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their fighting positions. Don’t let them eat or sleep again for two days.

33. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.

34. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don’t pay attention to the menu anymore so they just ask for hot dogs.

35. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

36. In the middle of January, place a gate at the end of your street. Have your family stand watches at the gate, rotating at 4-hour intervals.

37. Make your family live with you in your hole for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you’re going to take them to Disneyland for “block leave.” When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Individual Skill Certification, and that it will be another week before they can go back into the house.

38. In your hole (refer to #1), with 200 of your not-so-closest friends (see para. 13), get the flu.

39. Sleep in a thicket of blackberries or rose bushes. Tie a string to your foot that runs to the house. Have your wife yank on the string about 3 hours after you go to sleep. Crawl out of the bushes and go to the house to see what she wants. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, “Just making sure you’re okay.”

40. Do not sleep from 1:00 a.m. Monday mornings until 3 p.m. Wednesday afternoons. Tie a branch around your neck and chew on sand to stay awake.

41. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, dig a trench into your hole so that it fills up with water. During the worst part of the storm, get out of your hole and go for a 12 mile walk.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
How you feel after that hike.

42. Don’t change your socks for a week. After they disintegrate off with pieces of your feet, put on an unbroken pair of new boots and go for a 12-mile walk.

43. For mechanized infantry or armor types: leave the lawn mower running next to your hole 24 hours a day. When you get an opportunity to sleep in your house, put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

44. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

45. Set up a port-a-potty in the corner of your yard. Once a week, have the service truck back into your yard and pump it out. Make sure the wind carries the smell into your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.

46. Every other month pull every single possession you own out of your house and line everything up on your lawn from smallest to largest, front to back. Count everything and write it down to file with your insurance company. Give your wife the list to throw away.

47. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

48. Buy a trash can, but don’t use it. Store the garbage in your hole.

49. Get up every night around midnight and stroll around your yard to “check the perimeter.”

50. Run the garden hose to your hole and turn it on. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. Jump up and get dressed as fast as you can. Run out into the backyard and get in your hole.

51. Once a month, take apart every major appliance in your home and put them back together again.

52. Build a scale model of your yard. Make your children draw sketches of it including little arrows indicating what they are going to do when they go out to play. Post these sketches on a bulletin board for reference.

53. Remove the insulation and widen the frames of your front and back doors so that no matter how tight you shut the door, the weather will still get inside.

54. Every so often, throw the cat in front of your hole and shout “Enemy in the wire! Fire Claymores!” Then run into the house cut off the circuit breaker. Yell at the wife and kids for violating security and not maintaining good noise and light discipline.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
You’ll never be squad leader with that attitude, Billy.

55. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go sit in your car. Say to no one in particular “Lost-One, this is Lost-Three, are you lost too, over?” Sit there for three or four hours with the engine running. Say again to no one in particular “Negative contact, Lost-Three out.” Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.

56. Cook a gourmet meal then eat it in the middle of a McDonald’s play place.

57. Receive 500 gallons of purified water. Only eat snow.

58. Find out your house was built on an erosion point. Burn your house down. Build new one 3 feet away.

59. Buy 10 pairs of sunglasses for your neighbors to steal.

60. When you catch above mentioned neighbors, only blame the neighbors that just moved in.

61. Dig a new hole in your front yard for a bathroom next to your original hole. Only piss in Powerade bottles.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Home is where you dig it. (U.S. Marine Corps photo)

62. When above-mentioned hole is washed away, dig a new bathroom hole 6 inches from your fresh water supply.

63. Every 2 or 3 days take your closest not-so-close friends camping across the street.

64. Shower semi-annually.

65. Have your parents take away your allowance on weekends that were a part of your vacation.

Articles

Here’s the history behind ‘Reveille’

We’ve all heard the familiar tune being blared over the intercom or performed live bright and early as the American flag is raised for the beginning of the day.


For other troops stationed on a military base, it’s the bugle call that made them dash for cover so they wouldn’t have to stand outside and salute on a cold morning or throw your pillow at the window in your barracks like it’s going to get the signal to stop — you get the point.

But the motivation behind the “Reveille” tune isn’t to just wake us up, but instead is to remind us of those who have served in remembrance.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Airmen salute the flag during reveille at the Eglin Professional Development Center. (Photo: Tech. Sgt. Jasmin Taylor)

Reveille comes from the French word “réveiller” or in English to “to wake up.

In 1812, U.S. forces designated the iconic melody to call service members to muster up for roll call to start the work day.

It appears there is no official composer of the tune, which is used by about six countries like Denmark, Ireland, and Sweden to mark the start of the day.

The notes for each country do vary and they all have written different lyrics as well.

“Reveille” lyrics

“Out on a hike all day, dear

Part of the army grind

Weary and long the way, dear

But really I don’t mind

I’m getting tired so I can sleep

I want to sleep so I can dream

I want to dream so I can be with you

I’ve got your picture by my bed

‘Twill soon be placed beneath my head

To keep me company the whole night through

For a little while, whatever befalls

I will see your smile till reveille calls

I hope you’re tired enough to sleep

And please sleep long enough to dream

And look for me for I’ll be dreaming too”

Click play on the video below and try to sing along.

(United States Air Force Band – Topic, YouTube)Fun fact: Reveille is also the official name of the Texas A&M mascot in the ROTC program — a dog. That is all.
Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of March 16th

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. There are a few things you need to know with the holiday falling on a Saturday:


• Stereotyping the Irish is not the same as any other ethnicity. Do not protest. Don’t even bring it up.

• Parkour is way, way harder than it looks. Do not attempt.

The Fast and Furious movies are not documentaries.

Try not to end up in First Sergeant’s office.

1. This also applies to athletes and politicians. But not firemen — firemen are goddamn heroes. (via Decelerate Your Life)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
I don’t give a sh*t what your National Defense Medal says.

2. We found your juice boxes, Air Force.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
How’s it taste?

3. Remember that skydick the Navy made? NASA is unimpressed.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Draw a dick on Mars and no one bats an eye. Draw one in the sky and everyone loses their minds.

Now: 8 advantages of having Marine veterans as friends

4. That time Big Bird went full veteran.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Public television needs more funding.

5. I’ll take another SEAL movie if this is the cast.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Can we get just one movie about combat camera?

6. Who’s the only real Commander-in-Chief?

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Trump who? Never heard of her.

Also: See the Navy haul its crew’s vehicles on the USS Ronald Reagan

7. Britain and Russia talk sh*t all week. Russians aren’t scared.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
General Winter now has a face.

8. If you don’t laugh, read a history book.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Or Google it.

9. It’s funny ’til you read about real Soviet snipers in WWII, boot. (via Military World)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
I hope her date is okay, though.

Check Out: Why the Navy constantly checks on this sunken cruiser

10.”You’re my family and I love you, but you’re terrible. You’re all terrible.” (via Pop Smoke)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
It’s just a joke. All base housing is terrible.

11. Halfway through Mustache March, half the Air Force reconsiders. (via Air Force Memes and Humor)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
And rightfully so.

12. All it needs is a Coors Light. (via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
*Amerigasms*

More Memes: 11 memes that will make any infantryman laugh for hours

13. Here’s another tough pill to swallow. (via Untied Status Marin Crops)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Only that pension they were promised is gonna be a shitty blended retirement instead.

Humor

How to make great 10-cent ramen while living in the barracks

In most parts of America, Top Ramen is considered a last-resort food consumed by college kids, recently divorced dads, and drunk people. It doesn’t have to be this way. Top Ramen has potential — it’s a diamond in the rough — and it’s up to you to showcase just how delicious this peasant food can be.


Related: How certain MRE items become cash money to a service member

So, check out how to make the best Ramen coming from an eight-year Marine veteran-turned-chef.

Here are the tools you’ll need to make the perfect Top Ramen dish on a budget

  • 2-quart saucepan
  • Wooden cooking spoon
  • Stove

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
All the ingredients you’ll ever need. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Ingredients

  • 1 package of cheap Top Ramen with flavor pack
  • 2 cups water
  • 1 tbsp Soy Sauce
  • 1 tbsp Ponzu
  • 1 tbsp black bean chili paste
  • 2 tsp ground ginger
  • 2 tsp ground lemongrass
  • 1 lime
  • 1 bunch fresh cilantro
  • 1 egg
  • 1 slice of American or pepper-jack cheese

Step 1. Make broth.

Add all liquid ingredients along with the ground ginger, lemongrass, and provided flavor pack into the saucepan. Place on a stove at high heat and stir with a wooden spoon until everything is dissolved.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
The best Ramen broth ever! (Image from Sean Dodds)

Step 2. Bring to a boil.

Bring the liquid to a boil, stirring often with your wooden spoon.

Step 3. Prep the garnish.

As the broth slowly approaches a boil, chop up the cilantro. Cut the lime into a few wedges.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Choppin’ up the herbs. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Step 4. Add the noodles.

Once the broth is boiling, add the noodles and stir until it boils again. Then, reduce to a simmer and let cook for 5 minutes.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Drop it like it’s hot. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Also Read: 6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Step 5. Add some cheese and the egg.

As the ramen simmers, add the cheese and egg while stirring to scramble the egg in the pot. The cheese will melt and the egg will cook, just be sure to keep stirring until both are distributed evenly.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Don’t get any shell in there. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Step 6. Serve and garnish.

Bowl up your ramen, add 2 tbsp of chopped cilantro, squeeze the lime wedge over your bowl of greatness, and enjoy.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Enjoy! (Image from Sean Dodds)

What are your favorite ramen recipes?

Humor

This video answers the question of the casualty radius of Mattis’ knife hand

General James “Mad Dog” Mattis is known for many things, including outstanding leadership, delivering motivational quotes and demonstrating perfectly executed knife hands.


Mattis entered in the Marine Corps in 1969 and attended Central Washington University as part of the ROTC program.

Working his way up the ranks, Mattis oversaw a Marine recruiting station in Portland, led the historic 1st Marine Division into Iraq in 2003, held the position of commander of the United States Central Command since 2010, and served under the Trump administration as the 26th Secretary of Defense until 2019.

Having served nearly his entire 41-year military journey in a position of leadership, he’s had to answer all sorts of tough questions.

Check out the Marine Corps‘ video as the legend himself answers the most important question of his career. What’s the kill radius of his knife-hand?

(United States Marine Corps, YouTube)
Articles

6 tips we learned from ‘Ferris Bueller’ on how to ‘skate’ in the military

Ferris Bueller is the ultimate skater.


Skating is an art form which most people will never fully learn — until now. In 1986, Paramount pictures released “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” which taught countless teens how to play sick and get out of school.

Written and directed by the legendary John Hughes, the film focuses on a teenager who embarks on an incredible journey throughout Chicago while being unknowingly stalked by his high school principal.

While taking the day off, Bueller and his two friends learn more about themselves in a day than they would ever expect.

Related: 8 tips for ‘skating’ in the military

So check out our list of how Bueller taught us the art of the skate.

1. Be convincing

First, come up with an epic excuse why you’re unable to partake in a military activity (like going to work), and make sure you sell that sh*t like Bueller sold being sick to his parents.

Getting a “Sick in Quarters” slip is the goal if you’re in the military.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
I hope I look sick enough. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

2. Use your assets properly

Unfortunately, Bueller doesn’t have a car to drive himself around. So once he officially earns his day off via his parents, it’s time to get on the phone and find someone to pick you up.

Skating should be a team effort, but make sure you repay the favor and help someone else skate on another day.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Come over to the barracks and pick me up. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

3. Know the loopholes

Here, Bueller hacks the school’s computer absence program and changes how many days he has been absent. You probably won’t have this ability unless you have a special security clearance, but the moral of this story is to understand your limits.

For instance, if your boss isn’t going to be around — you’re not going to be around. Get it? Good.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Knowing the loopholes will get you far in life. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

4. Have an epic backstory

During roll call, Bueller’s name is called out several times before this hot girl (Kristy Swanson) gives the teacher a bullsh*t reason why he isn’t in school. It works well during military roll call when the service member calling out names just wants to get on with the day and not hear any excuses — another loophole.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
How could you not trust this face? (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

5. Play the role

In the event you get an unknown phone call or run into someone outside your skating circle, divert into the sick mode ASAP.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Remember act sick. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Also Read: 11 hiding spots for an E-4 to sham

6. Make it a team effort

Ferris uses his best buddy Cameron to impersonate his girlfriend’s dad to get her out of school. Now, you probably won’t have to do all that, but it’s awesome to have military friends who are willing to skate alongside you that you trust.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Our favorite hypochondriac, Cameron Frye. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of April 13th

There’s no reason to be afraid on Friday the 13th. It’s not like anything terrible has ever happened in the military on Friday the 13th. Oh? There has? Like, a lot of times?

Well, just sit back, relax, and enjoy these memes. After all, it’s not like WWIII will suddenly commence over a few Tweets. Oh? It might? Well, that sucks.


On the bright side, our normally arbitrary number of memes released on Fridays is instead kind of festive today. So, there’s that.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

We’ve been preparing for war with Russia ever since the ’40s and it’s about to go down because of a Tweet?

Cool.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via /r/Military)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Military Memes)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via /r/Military)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via /r/Army)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme by WATM)

Fun Fact: Jason’s stalking sound is actually “ki-ki-ki, ma-ma-ma” and not “chi-chi-chi, ah-ah-ah.”

Here’s a source right here to prove it.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Grunt Style)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

Tell everyone you’re just trying to motivate the stragglers in the back.

For some reason, people still believe that.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via /r/military)

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

Articles

This special ops sniper challenge is the most ridiculous video you’ll see all day

Snipers are considered one of the most dangerous warfighters in the battlefield, taking out targets from concealed and undisclosed locations while homing in on prey that has no clue that they’re even in the crosshairs.


So who in their right mind would challenge a highly-trained sniper to a duel without having a weapon?

Answer: This freaking guy.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Comedian and BuzzFeed Blue host Mike Carrier. (Source: Buzz Feed Blue/ Screenshot)

Related: WWI’s deadliest sniper was from Canada

You may have seen Mike on the popular show “Outsmarted” currently on the BuzzFeed Blue channel on YouTube as he attempts to outsmart some of the toughest minds and computer software out there.

In the episode “I Tried Escaping A Special Operation Sniper,” Mike challenges a retired Marine Corps sniper, claiming that he can evade the devil dog’s crosshairs in a wide open space for 10 minutes.

If Mike wins, he’ll eat his favorite candy — Reese’s peanut cup. But if he loses the duel, he’ll be forced to eat wet cat food.

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say
Yum. (Source: Buzz Feed Blue/ Screenshot)

Let the games begin!

Step 1: Mike stands out in the open and strips down a layer of his clothing. Underneath, he is wearing a Zentai suit which he finishes putting on.

What a nice beach bod? (Images via Giphy)

Step 2: A car pulls up next to Mike, and four other men with matching body types also wearing Zentai suits pop out. A decoy perhaps?

Yeah, it’s a decoy. (Images via Giphy)

Step 3: Mike and his team ignite colored smoke grenades which confused the sh*t out of our trained sniper.

The confusion draws out the sniper. (Images via Giphy)

Step 4: The decoys dance in a circle, bringing the sniper in for a closer look.

Ring around the rosy. (Images via Giphy)

Step 5: After showing off their incredible dance skills, the decoys pair off and hide under blankets.

Team work. (Images via Giphy)

Step 5: Time is up! The sniper shoots one of the decoys in the a**.

Shot directly on the right cheek. (Images via Giphy)

Step 6: The winner is! Mike.

It’s time to celebrate. (Images via Giphy)

Step 7: Claim your prize.

Looks delicious. (Images via Giphy)Check out Buzz Feed Blue’s video to watch this intelligent dude attempt to outsmart a retired Marine sniper.
(YouTube, BuzzFeedBlue)