Humor

9 epic ways you can troll your radio guy

Messing around with your fellow Joes is always good fun. It's a lighthearted way of letting them know that they're one of the guys.


If you didn't care about someone, you wouldn't mess with them, right?

Every unit, from combat arms to support, has a communications (commo/comms) person. They range from being tasked to operate the radio systems to being a full specialization, from grunt AF to fobbit. These guys are there for us, but that doesn't mean they're not above some playful ribbing every now and then.

Doing any of the things on this list should always come from a place of mutual friendship. Don't be a dick about it. Basically, don't anything that would get you UCMJ'ed, impede the mission, or lose your military bearing.

1. Yell that you can't hear anything on channel "Z"

Zeroize is a neat tool. It is designed to wipe out all of the information on the radio in case the worst happens. It's also coincidentally very easy to access. Watch as their eyes grow big and run to your vehicle to set your radio back up.

"You did what? Godd*mn it" (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Andrew Neumann)

2. Say "is this chip thingy supposed to come out of the SKL?"

For some reason, you get your hands on the most protected piece of equipment of a radio guy.

A quick explanation of what that key does is that it allows you to load Comsec. Ripping it out would essentially zeroize it. Don't actually rip it out. But saying that you did will make commo guy sh*t himself.

"See this thing? Don't touch this thing" (Image via Army.mil)

3. During radio checks, say "Lickin' Chicken" instead of "X this is Y, Read you Loud and Clear, over."

Radio checks are boring. And it's usually the last thing before rolling out on the 0900 convoy that we all arrived at 0430 to prep for.

When one person starts saying "Lickin' Chicken," it spreads like wildfire. Before you know it, everyone will say it during radio checks. On the commo guy's end, it's like hearing the same joke 100 times over and over again.

"uh... roger, over..." via GIPHY

4. Say that the antenna is still lopsided

Most commo dudes are perfectionists (emphasis on most). If the SKL was their baby, the OE-254 (cheap ass FM antennae) is the bane of their existence.

Theoretically, just attaching it will make it work. But that won't stop radio operators from trying to get it juuuust right.

"Godd*mn it... Let's try this again..." (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Sarah N. Petrock)

5. "Hotkey" your mic

Everything is set up. Everything is green. Things are finally working. Then someone leaves their hand mic under something that pushes the button down.

"No problem!" thinks the radio operator. Just double tap on their own mic to mute that person until they release the mic.

But if you intentionally hold down the push-to-talk button after they mute you to keep messing with them...?

"For F*ck's sake..." (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Timothy Shoemaker)

6. During a convoy, ask why we don't have any music playing

Different type of radio system. And there's totally no way to solder an aux cable onto a cut up W-4 cable to connect your iPhone up to the net, blasting music out to everyone in the convoy.

Nope, never done it...

"Finally! Let's blast some Drowning Pool!" (Image via Army.mil)

7. Ask us to fix your computer

Not all Signal Corps soldiers are the same. Radio operator/maintainers are the less POG-y specialization. They only pretend to be POGs to get out of Motor Pool Mondays or bullsh*t details.

Ask the other S-6 guys for that. If they do know how, it's not their main task. It's the computer guy's.

Related: 7 undeniable signs you're a super POG

"Sure, F*ck it.  Whatever. Case of beer and I'll look at your personal computer" (Photo credit Claire Schwerin, PEO C3T)

8. "Run out" of batteries

Batteries weight around 3 lbs each. A rucksack full of them surprisingly runs out faster than you'd think. So it's fairly often that comms troops have to run back and forth to get more batteries.

Tell your radio maintainer that you're running low and then just stockpile them for later, making them run around the convoy with a full ruck.

"But I just... roger... moving..." (Photo by Spc. Crystal Davis)

9. Tell them that a drop test does nothing

This one is how you really dig into the saltier, more experienced radio guys.

A comms guy's bread and butter is a fully-functioning radio. In most cases, the problem is simply putting the correct time in the radio. Others is making the radio work with their "commo magic." That magic is almost always just kicking the damn thing or picking it up a few inches off the ground and dropping it. Ask any radio operator and they'll tell you it works.

There's no explanation — it just works. Saying that "It's a bunch of circuits, why would that work?" will just have them bullsh*tting you on why they went all caveman for no reason and miraculously having things work.

"Explaining why this works will anger the commo gods and we'll lose our power" (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Todd F. Michalek)

Is there anything that we missed? If you have any ideas on how to mess with other job specialties? Let us know in the comments section. We might include them and give you a shout out.

Related: Complete hater's guides to the Air Force, Army, Navy, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard.

Lists

The 6 dumbest things I thought knew about the military before joining

When I joined the military, I didn't have a lot of time for things like "background research" or "making an informed decision about doing something that might affect the rest of my life." I didn't even look into which branch I should join. I just walked up to the line at the recruiters' offices. Like a drunk stumbling through the streets late at night on the hunt for food, I went with whatever was open at the moment I got there.

Keep reading... Show less
Articles

How R. Lee Ermey's Hollywood break is an inspiration to us all

While there have been many outstanding actors and celebrities who have raised their right hand, there has never been a veteran who could finger point his way to the top of Hollywood stardom quite like the late great Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey.

Keep reading... Show less

5 of the stupidest diseases you can develop at the gym

Ladies and gentlemen, for years, we've noticed an ongoing problem that occurs when certain people at the gym are looking for a little extra attention. After completing just a few repetitions of a weighted exercise, gym-goers develop horrible douchebag diseases that, over time, become harder to reverse.

If you know anyone who suffers from these or similar ailments, please contact a gym professional for immediate treatment.

Keep reading... Show less
Humor

11 memes that will remind you how boot you were

Newbies who first enter the military typically have a pretty tough time. They are continuously reminded that they suck by their superiors and are treated like children 99% of the time.

Now, fast forward in your military career a few years and, hopefully, you're an NCO by now. You look upon the boots who've just joined and probably say to yourself, "I hope I was never that bad..."

Keep reading... Show less

North Korea is still hitting 17 countries with cyber attacks

A North Korea-linked hacking group has been tied to a series of cyberattacks spanning 17 countries, far larger than initially thought.

A new report by McAfee Advanced Threat Research found a major hacking campaign, dubbed Operation GhostSecret, sought to steal sensitive data from a wide range of industries including critical infrastructure, entertainment, finance, healthcare, and telecommunications.

Keep reading... Show less
Military Life

6 things platoon medics absolutely hate

Navy Corpsmen and Army medics are some of the best medical professionals in the world who go above and beyond to render care to sick and wounded troops in the line of duty.

Although the armed forces' "docs" have earned tons of combat decorations throughout their proud history, not every part of the job feels valorous or glamorous. In fact, many docs must accomplish tasks they absolutely hate in order to do their job well. Here are just a few of unpleasant functions the job requires.

Keep reading... Show less

The US slammed Russia for moving more weapons into Syria

Russia has ratcheted up military tensions in Syria by announcing it would send the advanced S-300 missile defense system to Syria, and the US military had a savage response.

Asked for comment on the announced movement of the missile defense batteries to Syria, Maj. Josh T. Jacques of the US Military's Central Command, which covers the Middle East, said Russia "should move humanitarian aid into Syria, not more weaponry."

Keep reading... Show less
History

9 times the world stepped back from the brink of nuclear war

The atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in August of 1945 marked the end of the World War II, and the beginning of the age of nuclear weapons.

During the Cold War, the policy of mutually assured destruction between the US and the Soviet Union — appropriately referred to as "MAD" — meant that if one nation used nuclear weapons on another, then an equal response would have been doled out as soon as possible.

Keep reading... Show less