9 epic ways you can troll your radio guy
Messing around with your fellow Joes is always good fun. It's a lighthearted way of letting them know that they're one of the guys.
If you didn't care about someone, you wouldn't mess with them, right?
Every unit, from combat arms to support, has a communications (commo/comms) person. They range from being tasked to operate the radio systems to being a full specialization, from grunt AF to fobbit. These guys are there for us, but that doesn't mean they're not above some playful ribbing every now and then.
Doing any of the things on this list should always come from a place of mutual friendship. Don't be a dick about it. Basically, don't anything that would get you UCMJ'ed, impede the mission, or lose your military bearing.
1. Yell that you can't hear anything on channel "Z"
Zeroize is a neat tool. It is designed to wipe out all of the information on the radio in case the worst happens. It's also coincidentally very easy to access. Watch as their eyes grow big and run to your vehicle to set your radio back up.
"You did what? Godd*mn it" (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Andrew Neumann)
2. Say "is this chip thingy supposed to come out of the SKL?"
For some reason, you get your hands on the most protected piece of equipment of a radio guy.
A quick explanation of what that key does is that it allows you to load Comsec. Ripping it out would essentially zeroize it. Don't actually rip it out. But saying that you did will make commo guy sh*t himself.
"See this thing? Don't touch this thing" (Image via Army.mil)
3. During radio checks, say "Lickin' Chicken" instead of "X this is Y, Read you Loud and Clear, over."
Radio checks are boring. And it's usually the last thing before rolling out on the 0900 convoy that we all arrived at 0430 to prep for.
When one person starts saying "Lickin' Chicken," it spreads like wildfire. Before you know it, everyone will say it during radio checks. On the commo guy's end, it's like hearing the same joke 100 times over and over again.
"uh... roger, over..." via GIPHY
4. Say that the antenna is still lopsided
Most commo dudes are perfectionists (emphasis on most). If the SKL was their baby, the OE-254 (cheap ass FM antennae) is the bane of their existence.
Theoretically, just attaching it will make it work. But that won't stop radio operators from trying to get it juuuust right.
"Godd*mn it... Let's try this again..." (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Sarah N. Petrock)
5. "Hotkey" your mic
Everything is set up. Everything is green. Things are finally working. Then someone leaves their hand mic under something that pushes the button down.
"No problem!" thinks the radio operator. Just double tap on their own mic to mute that person until they release the mic.
But if you intentionally hold down the push-to-talk button after they mute you to keep messing with them...?
"For F*ck's sake..." (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Timothy Shoemaker)
6. During a convoy, ask why we don't have any music playing
Different type of radio system. And there's totally no way to solder an aux cable onto a cut up W-4 cable to connect your iPhone up to the net, blasting music out to everyone in the convoy.
Nope, never done it...
"Finally! Let's blast some Drowning Pool!" (Image via Army.mil)
7. Ask us to fix your computer
Not all Signal Corps soldiers are the same. Radio operator/maintainers are the less POG-y specialization. They only pretend to be POGs to get out of Motor Pool Mondays or bullsh*t details.
Ask the other S-6 guys for that. If they do know how, it's not their main task. It's the computer guy's.
"Sure, F*ck it. Whatever. Case of beer and I'll look at your personal computer" (Photo credit Claire Schwerin, PEO C3T)
8. "Run out" of batteries
Batteries weight around 3 lbs each. A rucksack full of them surprisingly runs out faster than you'd think. So it's fairly often that comms troops have to run back and forth to get more batteries.
Tell your radio maintainer that you're running low and then just stockpile them for later, making them run around the convoy with a full ruck.
"But I just... roger... moving..." (Photo by Spc. Crystal Davis)
9. Tell them that a drop test does nothing
This one is how you really dig into the saltier, more experienced radio guys.
A comms guy's bread and butter is a fully-functioning radio. In most cases, the problem is simply putting the correct time in the radio. Others is making the radio work with their "commo magic." That magic is almost always just kicking the damn thing or picking it up a few inches off the ground and dropping it. Ask any radio operator and they'll tell you it works.
There's no explanation — it just works. Saying that "It's a bunch of circuits, why would that work?" will just have them bullsh*tting you on why they went all caveman for no reason and miraculously having things work.
"Explaining why this works will anger the commo gods and we'll lose our power" (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Todd F. Michalek)
Is there anything that we missed? If you have any ideas on how to mess with other job specialties? Let us know in the comments section. We might include them and give you a shout out.