9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat - We Are The Mighty
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9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Sure, in theory it would be nice to tell loved ones the truth, but there are plenty of times when it’s probably a bad idea. Or maybe the truth doesn’t live up to loved ones’ expectations. Either way, here are 9 lies that usually do the trick:


1. “No, we never go outside the wire.” (or “We go on tons of missions.”)

 

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Everyone knows the grunts go out constantly, but for support soldiers it’s a crapshoot. Some will go out constantly; some rarely. Oddly, both groups lie about it. Support soldiers who are with infantry their whole deployment will tell their parents they’re staying safely inside the wire. Guys who never leave the wire will tell outlandish stories about combat.

2. “It’s boring here.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army Sgt. Michael J. MacLeod

This is the combat arms soldier’s version of, “We never go outside the wire.” They can’t convince the family that they’re never going on mission, so instead they tell them that nothing is happening.

3. “They feed us pretty well.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army Vaughn R. Larson

If the soldier is deployed to a large base like an airfield, this may be true. But if they are further away from large logistics hubs, the food choices become repetitive and aren’t always healthy. The worst is for the guys in the field or living in tiny outposts. They’ll get most of their calories from MREs and the occasional delivery of Girl Scout cookies and maybe fruit. Care packages are valuable on deployment, so send good stuff.

4. “I eat healthy snacks.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Nope. The foods soldiers pick for themselves are worse than the ones in the MREs. Half the time, it’s just tobacco and caffeine. Again, send care packages. Maybe drop some vitamins next to the chips and dip they’re asking for.

5. “I’m learning a lot.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Everyone has their plan for a deployment, especially cherries on their first trip. Some plan to practice guitar, learn another language, or work on a degree. For most soldiers though, those ideas go out the window when they realize they’ll be working 13 hours or more per day. Still, when they call home, they’ll bring a German phrasebook with them, just to keep up appearances.

6. “I couldn’t call because of all the work.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Scott Taylor

Though there is a lot of work, it’s not really enough to make phone calls impossible. Sometimes, troops just don’t feel like walking all the way to the morale, welfare, and recreation tent. Other times it’s because the lines for the phones were long and, for once, the lines for video games were short. The phones could have been cut off because of bandwidth issues or a communications blackout. Don’t worry, they’ll hit you up on Facebook when they’re able.

7. “Our rooms aren’t too bad.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Like the food, this depends on the base. Some people on big airfields have real rooms they share or a really nice tent. On forward operating bases, the tents get pretty crappy fast. Beyond the FOBs it’s even worse. Soldiers in the most forward positions dig holes in the sand and spread camouflage nets over them.

8. “That’s not machine-gun fire; it’s a jackhammer.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army Pfc. Adrian Muehe

There are variations of this. “That helicopter pilots are just doing some training,” or, “The engineers are just detonating some old munitions.” Anytime a compromising noise makes it through the phone, the soldier will try to explain it away. The soldier knows they aren’t in immediate danger, but they still don’t want their wife to know the base takes a rocket attack every 72 hours. So, they lie about what the noise was and get off the phone before any base alarms go off.

9. “I’m going to pay off my cards and put some money away for retirement.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

In their defense, most soldiers are lying to themselves here. They think they’re going to be responsible, but they come home with tens of thousands of dollars saved and realize they could buy a really nice car. The barracks parking lots fill with Challengers and BMWs in the months after a unit comes home.

Lists

7 military nicknames that are definitely not compliments

A common misconception civilians have about the military is that we all have cool call signs, like Hawk-Eye, Maverick, or whatever. The truth is, if you’ve got a nickname, you’re either high enough rank to have earned one, you’re a pilot, you’re called by your unit’s name, or you did something so bad that it’s used to mock you.

If anyone calls you one of these in the military, look up the definition of sarcasm. You don’t want to earn any of these:

7. High Speed

This is the one dude who’s just trying way too hard. Maybe they got antsy when the Battalion Commander gave a speech on the range or they watched old Army recruitment commercials and decided to be “all that they can be.”

The military is based on “one team, one fight.” If you’re going WAAAAAAY above and beyond for extra brownie points, you’re ass-kissing.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat


6. Hero

This term is reserved for the kid who probably only got their name right on the ASVAB. It’s usually given out when someone does something monumentally stupid, like dry their boots in the communal dryer or actually bring an exhaust sample to the mechanics.

The nickname is more of a play on the phrase, “there’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity.” Put down the crayons and read a book.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

5. Ghost

Slacking off is part of the military, but this person takes things to the next level. They just vanish like they’re freaking Casper.

Most times, there’s no issue if you’re swinging by the gas station for a drink or whatever. The moment you swing by your barracks room to play a few rounds of Call of Duty, well, you might be earning the next nickname, too…

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

4. Blue Falcon

Whenever anyone is willing to screw over their comrades for the sake of personal interests, they’re a Blue Falcon.

Spend five minutes in the military and you’ll know that this name isn’t a reference to the Hanna-Barbera superhero. It’s a more formal way of saying that this person is a Buddy F*cker.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

3. Tacticool

Just because they sell something cool at the BX/PX/NEx/MCX/cheapo surplus store, doesn’t mean you need to buy it — but chances are this guy bought that crap.

Also called “geardo,” they stick out like a sore thumb because they’re rocking so much unauthorized gear because “it looked cool.” They look more like they’re on a civilian airsoft team than in the world’s most elite fighting force.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

2. (whatever) Ranger

In the Army, Rangers are some of the biggest badasses. However, if they have a qualifier, such as “Sick Call” Ranger, then you know they ride the hell out of the ability to go to sick call. PX Ranger is the guy who buys everything they can from the PX (especially if it’s unauthorized). PowerPoint Ranger is that high-speed butter bar who spent hours on a slideshow that put everyone to sleep. The list goes on.

No one thinks they’re a fraction of the badassery of actual Rangers.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

1. Desert Queen

This one, is uh — to put it politely — the woman who enjoys getting the most attention while deployed. Don’t. Just don’t.

If you’re a woman who gets called this, knock a motherf*cker’s teeth out.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Lists

‘Fire in the Hole!’ — 5 Massive Explosions

5. Here the Norwegians sink one of their own decommissioned ships as a part of a live-fire exercise. SERIOUS firepower. Norwegians! Who knew?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_ApDzpAHlI

 

4. In this clip a controlled detonation goes south fast. (Luckily, no one was injured in this one.) Close call!

 

3. JDAM op-away!

 

2. One word: Boom.

 

1. Here’s what 100 tons of ammo looks like when it lights off. (Check out that shockwave.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0NG5LOJawU

 

 

Articles

DFAC or chow hall? Different names for the same things across the services

Civilians talk about feeling lost when vets start using military lingo, but even vets can get lost when talking to members from other services. Here are 8 things that are common between the branches but with wildly different names:


1. DFAC, chow hall, or galley?

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Jeffry A. Willadsen

Basically, it’s the cafeteria. While the Army and Air Force both officially use the term DFAC, or dining facility, most soldiers and Marines refer to it as the “chow hall.” In the Navy, it’s the galley. All services employ “cooks” in the kitchen. In the Army, the soldiers tasked to help the cooks are KP, kitchen patrol. In the Navy, cooks are assisted by “cranks.”

2. Article 15, ninja punch, captain’s mast

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Eric Dietrich

There are a lot of ways to get in trouble in the military, and the services have plenty of ways to describe it. While soldiers and airmen typically refer to Article 15s and nonjudicial punishment, Marines may call NJP a “ninja punch.” When Sailors get in big trouble, they can face captain’s mast, an Article 15 from the commander of the ship. Admiral’s mast is one step worse. Serious infractions can result in a “big chicken dinner,” slang for a bad conduct discharge.

3. Shammers, skaters and broke d*cks

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army Spc. Olanrewaju Akinwunmi

When a sailor or Marine wants to get out of duty, they “skate” out of it. The Army equivalent is “shamming.” For all the services, shamming or skating by claiming medical issues can get you labeled as a “broke d*ck.”

4. Flak vest or body armor

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army

When someone is wearing all their armor and equipment, they’re in “full battle rattle.” For the Army, this means they’re wearing their body armor. While Marines are likely to be wearing the same armor, they’ll grab their “flak.” The flak vest, as seen in most Vietnam war movies, was the predecessor of modern body armor.

5. Deck vs. ground

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army Staff Sgt. Joseph Rivera Rebolledo

While the Army and the Air Force continue to use the normal words for ground and floor, the Navy and Marine Corps train their people to use the word “deck.” For pilots, the ground is the “hard deck,” something Top Gun apparently made a mistake translating.

6. Barracks mill, private news network, or the scuttlebutt

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Army

Rumors. The Army has a bunch of privates living in the barracks where they swap rumors like a knitting circle. Hence, “barracks mill” and “private news network.” For the Navy, their sailors congregate around water fountains referred to as the scuttlebutt. Eventually, “scuttlebutt” became the word for the rumors themselves.

7. Head and latrine

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Sailors and Marines visit the head, and soldiers hit the latrine.

8. Hooah vs. Oorah vs. Hooyah

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Marine Corps Cpl. Christopher Q. Stone

The services can’t even agree on how to grunt. The Army says “Hooah,” when they want to motivate each other, or really to say anything besides, “no.” The Marines prefer “Oorah” while the Navy says “Hooyah.” (The Air Force has no equivalent.)

Lists

14 things only people working at the Pentagon understand

The Pentagon. That big, awkwardly shaped building that is the epicenter of all military goings-on in our country. Contrary to Hollywood’s portrayal, the Pentagon is not some cool, dimly-lit operations center filled with military folks perpetually in the middle of a life or death operation. Well, I’m sure they have those rooms; I’m just not allowed in them.


No, for the average Pentagon person it’s a really big office building with lots of cipher locks and meeting rooms where policy is laid out and then dissected in excruciating detail, a place where the art of the blind copy on email has no equal. It’s a must tour/assignment for many hoping to advance in their field and, though technically a military installation, it’s miles away from the experience you’ll have when assigned to Ft. Bragg or any other military base.

26,000 people, 17.5 miles of corridors and a rich (and sometimes tragic) history are all a part of what it means to work in “The Building.”

1. When you come off the metro escalator but are not yet in the building.

 

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Regie

 

Some are covered, some are not—it’s a saluting no man’s land where anything goes…until a gung-ho Lieutenant Colonel decides to call you out right before the guard podium because you didn’t salute. Busted.

2. Those hallways, those polished floors.

The burning desire when in the Pentagon early on a Saturday or Sunday morning to run through the halls à la Judd Nelson in “The Breakfast Club” singing “I wanna be an Airborne Ranger!” at the top of your lungs.

3. The mirage of the uniform shop on the fifth deck.

 

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Youtube

Sometimes you can find it, sometimes you can’t…usually when you are in desperate need of a frog or a new ribbon rack.

4. The old food service versus the new food service. 

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Wikipedia/Moe

Remember when one Burger King had to feed like 5000 people? 

5. The Escher-like hallways.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Walk the same way every day and at some point you will find your corridor blocked with a temporary wall because of construction.

6. Flight suits in the Pentagon.

I will never get used to this sight; unless they start parking jets and helos in the parking lot.

7. The sweet, sweet freedom of the “no cover, no salute” center courtyard.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Department of Defense Erin A. Kirk-Cuomo

It’s like we’re all equal!

8. Floor-Ring-Corridor-Room. 

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Essential first-day-in-the-Pentagon guidance.

9. The eeriness of accidentally running into an official tour guide practicing in civilian clothes.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Navy Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Cynthia Z. DeLeon

Because it’s just weird to see a guy walking backwards talking to himself about military history.

10. The planes.

For anyone who was there on September 11th, the inability to ever get over how low the planes fly when taking off from Reagan.

11. Sigh.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Staff Sgt. Sean K. Harp

The look of defeated resignation on the faces of all those folks who would rather be out to sea/in the field/operational.

12. Your first day, when you saw a four star!

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Department of Defense Erin A. Kirk-Cuomo

And your last day when you barely register that the SECDEF just chatted you up in the line at Starbucks.

13. Ouch.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Pentagon Athletic Center

Getting a knee injury from having to lean in on the constant curve when running around the teeny-tiny-itty-bitty track at the Pentagon Athletic Center. How many laps around for the PT test? 45 you say? Okay awesome.

14. Forgetting your ID when going to the Pentagon Athletic Center.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Jay M. Chu

(Cue ominous music). Now walk the 20 miles back to your office space to get it out of your computer; unless those ninja-like CAC police have found it first…

More from Military.com

This article originally appeared at Military.com Copyright 2015. Follow Military.com on Twitter.

Articles

The 7 scariest weapons Russia is developing right now

While Russia’s military is struggling in many ways, the Kremlin is working hard to fix it. With a new ballistic missiles, new submarines launching from shipyards, and the world’s newest tank, Russia looks to be modernizing as fast as it can. If the modernization program survives Russia’s economic woes, here are seven new weapon systems that will likely be completed.


1. New nuclear submarines

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
A current-generation Russian diesel submarine. Photo: Wikimedia Commons/ Russian International News Agency (RIA Novosti)

In addition to building more of their brand new, fourth-generation submarines, Russia is already planning a fifth-generation sub. Details on the fifth-generation are slowly being fleshed out, but Russia wants the subs to network with each other and underwater drones, use onboard robotics for certain tasks, and feature a new nuclear reactor.

2. Hypersonic missiles

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
A model of the BrahMos II, Russian-Indian hypersonic missile under joint development. Photo: Youtube.com

Russia’s hypersonic missile program has been plagued by failed tests, but it still has potential. The Yu-71 would be able to fly unpredictable patterns to its targets at speeds of 7,000 miles per hour, piercing air defenses. While the U.S. also has a hypersonic program, the U.S. missiles are designed for conventional warheads while Russia’s call for nuclear capabilities.

Russia is also jointly-developing the BrahMos II hypersonic cruise missile with India.

3. A stealthy, heavy-lift strategic bomber

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Russia’s new bomber will borrow technology from its new fighter, the Sukhoi T-50. Photo: Wikipedia/Alex Beltyukov

The PAK-DA is expected to be subsonic with a range of 7,500 miles and capable of carrying a payload of about 30 tons. It’s a huge step down from Russia’s original plans for a hypersonic bomber, but it may be stealthy enough to get cruise missiles into range against carriers and other targets.

4. An “off switch” for enemy communications and weapons guidance

An electronic warfare system in development supposedly allows Russia to shut off any approaching threats, everything from NATO ships to missiles to future hypersonic weapons. If successfully launched on planes and ships, it could also be used to shut down enemy defenses during a Russian attack.

5. New air defense missiles

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Aleksey Toritsyn

While the S-300 is in the news right now, the S-500 would be two generations beyond it. The S-500 is expected to be capable of engaging five to ten ballistic missiles at once and even hitting low-orbit satellites. It will be able to move between engagements, avoiding counter attacks.

6. Lasers

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
The USS Ponce’s laser weapon. Photo: YouTube

Russia claims its laser program is on the same level as the U.S., but the system is fully classified. If accurate, it would mean that Russia’s lasers are capable or nearly capable of taking out enemy vehicles, drones, and boats, all weapons systems America relies on.

7. Aircraft carriers

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
The current Russian carrier, the Admiral Kuznetsov. Photo: Mil.ru

Russia’s carrier prospects are dicey, but if the ship makes it to the sea it will be much better than their current carrier. Roughly the same size as a U.S. Nimitz carrier, it would have 4 launching positions and an air wing of 80-90 aircraft.

NOW: A Russian company is selling shipping containers packed with cruise missiles

Lists

Hitler’s secret Nazi war machines of World War II

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: German National Archives


Earlier this week, the world reflected on the 76th anniversary of the start of World War II — when Hitler’s Nazi army invaded Poland.

Hitler’s engineers secretly developed some of the most ambitious projects and rapidly produced sophisticated technology decades before its time.

In the 2015 fall issue of Weapons of WWII magazine, author KM Lee detailed some of Hitler’s advanced weaponry.

Here’s a look at are some of the secret, lethal weapons the Nazis created during World War II:

Hitler’s stealth ‘flying wing’ bomber

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Model of the Hoerten Ho 229 bomber at the San Diego Air and Space Museum. Photo: Wikipedia/Toeknee25

Referred to as “Hitler’s secret weapon,” the Horten Ho 229 bomber was designed to carry 2,000 pounds of armaments while flying at 49,000 feet at speeds north of 600 mph.

Equipped with twin turbojet engines, two cannons, and R4M rockets, the Horten Ho 229 was the world’s first stealth aircraft and took its first flight in 1944.

Source: Weapons of WWII magazine

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US War Department

According to the Smithsonian, Nazi Luftwaffe chief Hermann Göring allocated half a million Reich Marks to brothers Reimar and Walter Horten to manufacture the aircraft.

Plagued with problems, the Horten didn’t last long in combat. Instead, the bomber’s engineering did inspire today’s modern stealth aircraft — like the Northrop Gruman B-2 bomber.

Source: Weapons of WWII magazine

The Fritz X radio-guided bomb

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: US Air Force

Considered the “grandfather of smart bombs,” the Fritz X was a 3,450-pound explosive equipped with a radio receiver and sophisticated tail controls that helped guide the bomb to its target.

According to the US Air Force, the Fritz X could penetrate 28 inches of armor and could be deployed from 20,000 feet, an altitude out of reach for antiaircraft equipment at the time.

Less than a month after it was developed, the Nazis sank Italian battleship Roma off Sardinia in September 1943. However, the Fritz X’s combat use was limited since only a few Luftwaffe aircraft were designed to carry the bomb.

Source: Weapons of WWII magazine

A remote-controlled tracked mine

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Wikipedia

The Nazis’ Goliath tracked mine was anything but Goliath-like in stature. Known as the “Doodlebug” by US troops, the mini-tank was controlled with a joystick and powered by two electric motors, later replaced by gas burners.

Goliath was designed to carry between 133 and 220 pounds of high explosives and was used to navigate minefields and deliver its explosive payload to defensive positions.

The Nazis built more than 7,000 Goliaths during the war and paved the way for radio-controlled weapons.

Source: Weapons of WWII magazine

Here’s a video of Goliath taking out a tank:

via GIPHY

A rocket-powered plane that was nearly 300 mph quicker than the fastest aircraft around

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Screengrab

By the late 1930s, the Germans were developing the Messerschmitt Me 163 Komet, a rocket-powered jet with speeds of up to 700 mph.

“During this time the vaunted American P-51 Mustang fighter, in comparison, topped out at less than 440 mph,” according to Weapons of WWII magazine.

More than 300 Komets were built and equipped with twin 30 mm cannons. The Komet’s speed was both a gift and a curse. The plane was fast enough to avoid Allied gunners but it was too fast to hit Allied aircraft.

Watch the Komet take down an Allied B-17

via GIPHY

More from Business Insider:

This article originally appeared at Business Insider Defense. Copyright 2015. Follow BI Defense on Twitter.

Intel

These Are The Weapons That Russia Is Pouring Into Eastern Ukraine

As Russian military supplies continue to enter Ukraine, it becomes harder by the day for Putin to deny that Moscow is providing arms to the separatists.


In fact Lt. Gen. Ben Hodges, the US Army’s top commander in Europe, says that Russian support for separatists has “doubled” since Ukraine and Russia reached a tentative ceasefire.

“When you look at the amount of Russian equipment that the proxies were using prior to the Minsk agreements, that amount has doubled beginning in December into the hundreds,” Hodges told reporters on his first visit to Ukraine.

Russian support for the separatists include artillery, surveillance drones, and armored vehicles that would otherwise be next to impossible for a rebel group to obtain.

“Those are not the types of things you would find in a militia. They clearly are coming from a modern military force coming from Russia,” Hodges said.

In November, the Armament Research Services has released their third report on the arms and munitions being used by both the Ukrainian government and the rebels in the ongoing conflict. Complete with photographic evidence, it is clear that Moscow has been covertly supplying an assortment of older Soviet weaponry along with recently introduced Russian equipment to the separatists.

Self-Loading Rifles

ak-47 russian separatists weapons AK-47 (Photo: Wikimedia)

Self-loading rifles are a popular weapon of the separatist forces.

Aside from a number of AK rifle varieties, the separatists also sport a host of recreation hunting and sport firearms. In one case, a separatist was documented using VSS rifles. These are Russian-made marksman rifles that are analogous to those used by Russian forces during the annexation of Crimea.

The self-loading rifles used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet AK-74
  • Soviet AKS-74U
  • Soviet AR-10 and AR-15 hunting rifles
  • Russian VSS designated marksman rifle

Light Machine Guns

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
RPK-74 (Photo: Wikimedia)

Light machine guns make up some of the most common weaponry of the separatists.

The light machine guns utilized by the separatists include weaponry used by the Ukrainian military, as well as Russian-produced guns that are not in service with Ukrainian forces. The PKP ‘Pecheneg’ light machine gun, for example, is not used by the Ukrainian forces and has been exported outside of Russia in only minimal quantities.

The light machine guns used by the separatists include:

  • Russian RPK-74
  • Russian PK and PK GPMGs
  • Russian PKP ‘Pecheneg’ 

Shotguns and Bolt-Action Rifles

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Saiga 12 Shotgun (Photo: Wikimedia)

The use of shotguns and bolt-action rifles have been documented as being used by separatists who are incapable of accessing better quality small arms.

Some older bolt-action sporting rifles have also been documented being used by the separatists. These rifles are in some cases antiques, dating to use with the Russian infantry from World War II or earlier.

The shotguns and bolt-action rifles used by the separatists include:

  • Russian semi-automatic Saiga 12 shotguns
  • Turkish semi-automatic Akkar Altay shotguns
  • Philippino Armscor Model 30 pump-action shotgun
  • Russian infantry Mosin M91 rifle

Handguns

handguns russian separatists weapons Makarov PM Handgun (Photo: Wikimedia)

Russian crafted handguns dominate as the principal choice for the separatists.

Igor “Strelkov” Girkin, the former leader of the Donbass People’s Militia and governor of Luhansk, has had photos carefully taken of him handling a Russian Stechkin APS. The APS was originally designed for Russian vehicle, artillery, and RPG crews.

The handguns used by the separatists include:

  • Russian Makarov PM
  • Russian Stechkin APS

Anti-Material Rifles

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
PTRS-41 Rifle (Photo: Wikimedia)

Anti-material rifles are light weapons that have been designed for use against military equipment rather than use against people.

The anti-material rifles being used by the separatists include outdated and obsolete Soviet World War II era anti-tank rifles (the PTRS-41) and the equally old PTRD. In at least one case, separatists were found to be using the Russian ASVK anti-material rifle. The ASVK has only been introduced into the Russian military within the past two years and none have been known to have been exported.

The anti-material rifles used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet PTRS-41
  • Soviet PTRD
  • Russian ASVK

Heavy Machine Guns

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
DShKM Machine Gun (Photo: Wikimedia)

The origins of the heavy machine guns used by the separatists in Ukraine is murky. Both the Ukrainian government and the separatists use similar weaponry, and it is possible that the rebels salvaged the weaponry from Ukrainian military vehicles.

In general, the heavy machine guns used by the separatists are fairly old. Most date

back to the Soviet Union, while the Maxim PM1910 may date back as early as the Russian Empire. The PM1910 was likely looted from a museum or a historical re-enactment community.

The heavy machine guns used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet DShKM
  • Soviet NSV and NSVT
  • Soviet Maxim PM1910

Underbarrel and Automatic Grenade Launchers

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
GP-25 Grenade Launcher (Photo: Wikimedia)

Like the heavy machine guns, both the Ukrainian government and the separatists have used the same variety of underbarrel and automatic grenade launchers.

In the case of eastern Ukraine, it is impossible to determine whether the grenade launchers were captured from Ukrainian soldiers or were provided to the separatists from Russia.

The grenade launchers used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet GP-25
  • Soviet AGS-17 AGLs

Portable Anti-Tank Systems

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
RPG-7 (Photo: Wikimedia)

The separatists have a wide variety of portable anti-tank systems. For the most part, the rebels seem to prefer the use of rocket propelled grenades of the legacy RPG-7 launcher. However, the rebels have also used more modern RPG-18 and RPG-22 systems.

Notably, separatists have also been documented using MRO-A disposable incendiary rocket launcher systems. These systems are not known to have ever been exported outside of Russia.

The portable anti-tank systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet RPG-7
  • Soviet RPG-22
  • Soviet RPG-26
  • Russian RPG-18
  • Russian RPO-A 
  • Russian MRO-A

Crew-Served Recoilless Guns and Mortars

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
SPG-9 Recoilless Gun (Photo: Wikimedia)

Used alongside the portable anti-tank systems are a mixture of Soviet-era recoilless guns and mortars. These weapons are generally dated. There is no direct evidence that these weapons have been provided by the Russians to the separatists, as both the Ukrainian government and the separatists make use of similar systems.

The crew-served recoilless guns and mortars used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet SPG-9 recoilless gun
  • Soviet 82 and 120 mm mortar tubes
  • Soviet 120 mm 2B16 Nona-K

Anti-Tank Guided Weapons

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
9K111 Firing (Photo: Wikimedia)

Anti-tank guided weapons (ATGWs) have been documented in large numbers in the hands of the separatists. The majority of these ATGWs are used by both the Ukrainian military and the separatists.

However, the separatists have also been documented using the 9K135 Kornet ATGW system. The Kornet is not in service with the Ukrainian military, although it is used by the Russians. Based on discarded components found on the battlefield, the missiles used for the Kornet were produced in Russia in 2007.

Russia has exported the Kornet to several other states around the world, and militants in Gaza, Iraq, Libya, and Syria have all been documented using the weapon system.

The ATGWs used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 9K111
  • Soviet 9K114
  • Soviet 9K115
  • Russian 9K135

Man-Portable Air Defense Systems

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Strela Launcher (Photo: Wikimedia)

Separatist forces have a large array of man-portable air defense systems (MANPADs) and anti-aircraft guns. By and large, the MANPADs that the separatists have been using are of the same make as what is within the Ukrainian arsenal. There have been reports of separatists seizing supplies of MANPADs from the Ukrainian military early in the conflict.

However, in one notable exception, Polish PPZR Grom MANPADs were captured from the separatists. One of the only countries that Poland ever exported the PPZR to was Georgia. In 2008, during Russia’s invasion of the country, Russia was known to have captured some of the Polish-supplied PPZRs. It is likely that those captured weapons are now being funneled to the separatists.

The MANPADs used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 9K38
  • Soviet 9K32
  • Polish PPZR Grom

Anti-Aircraft Guns

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
ZU-23-2 Anti-Aircraft Gun (Photo: Wikimedia)

Aside from MANPADs, the separatists also have a varied arsenal of anti-aircraft guns. At times, these weapons have also been turned against Ukrainian military personnel and light vehicles.

The anti-aircraft guns that the separatists, and to a smaller extent the Ukrainian government, have been utilizing are heavy machine guns mounted in one, two, and four barrel configurations. The separatists likely captured the anti-aircraft weapons from the Ukrainian military.

The anti-aircraft systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 14.5 x 114 mm ZPU 
  • Soviet ZU-23-2

Artillery

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
D-30 Howitzer (Photo: Wikimedia)

Artillery has become one of the primary methods of engagement between the Ukrainian government and separatist fighters. Indiscriminate shelling by both sides has led to widespread destruction throughout portions of eastern Ukraine, along with significant civilian casualties.

Both the Ukrainian government and the separatists use the same varieties of Soviet and Russian artillery in their engagements. As such, it is difficult to determine whether the rebels had received these arms directly from Russia or had looted them from the Ukrainian military.

The artillery systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 122 mm D-30 howitzer
  • Soviet 100 mm BS-3 anti-tank gun
  • Soviet 100 mm MT-12 anti-tank gun
  • Soviet 152 mm 2A65 Msta-B
  • Soviet 76 mm ZiS-3 field gun

Main Battle Tanks

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
T-64 Tank (Photo: Wikimedia)

Both Ukrainian governmental forces and the separatists have placed high value on the use of main battle tanks. In many cases, the separatists are utilizing captured Ukrainian tanks, or tanks of the same model provided by the Russians.

However, the separatists have also used Russian tanks that are not known to have ever been exported outside of the country such as the T-72B and T-72BA. Notably, the separatists have also deployed the T-72B3, the latest T-72 model in the Russian service. The tank is not known to have been exported and it was just introduced into service in 2013 indicating Russian involvement in the crisis.

The main battle tanks used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet T-64A, B, BM, and BV models
  • Russian T-72 B
  • Russian T-72BA
  • Russian T-72B3

Infantry Fighting Vehicles and Armored Personnel Carriers

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
BMP-2 (Photo: Wikimedia)

Infantry fighting vehicles (IFVs) and armored personnel carriers (APCs) are the most documented type of armored fighting vehicle in use in Ukraine. Both IFVs and APCs are designed to function as armored troop carriers, with IFVs being differentiated as having an armament of 20 mm in calibre or larger for offensive capabilities.

Although the separatists and the Ukrainians use many of the same IFVs and APCs, separatists have been documented using Russian-variants of APCs in the Ukrainian arsenal that were designed in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

Strikingly, separatists have also been documented driving the BTR-82AM IFV. This model was inducted into Russian service in 2013 and is not known to have ever been exported.

The IFV and APC systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet BMP-2
  • Soviet MT-LB
  • Russian BTR-82Am
  • Russian MT-LB 6MA, MT-LBVM, and MT-LBVMK

Self-Propelled Artillery

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
2S1 Gvozdika (Photo: Wikimedia)

Both the Ukrainians and the separatists have utilized the same variants of self-propelled artillery. Given the models and the Ukrainian numerical advantage in fielding these weapon types, the separatists likely looted or captured their self-propelled artillery.

The self-propelled artillery systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 2S1 Gvozdika
  • Soviet 2S3 Akatsia
  • Soviet 2S5 Giatsint-S
  • Soviet 2S9 Nona-S

Self-Propelled Rocket Artillery

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
9k51 Grad Launcher (Photo: Wikimedia)

Much like self-propelled artillery, the Ukrainian government has used self-propelled rocket artillery significantly more than the separatists have. In almost every occasion that the separatists have used rocket artillery, the weapons systems used were identical to what is in the arsenal of the Ukrainian government.

Although the separatists have generally used the 9K51 Grad rocket system, which may or may not have been looted from Ukrainian forces, the rebels also have used a 9K51M Tornado-G. This is a modernized Grad system that was likely supplied by the Russians. However, documented proof of the separatist’s using this system is limited.

The self-propelled rocket artillery systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 9K51 Grad
  • Russian 9K51 Tornado-G 

Self-Propelled Air Defense Systems

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
9K33 Osa (Photo: Wikimedia

In addition to MANPADs, the separatists have made frequent use of self-propelled air defense systems. These systems seek to negate the Ukrainian government’s complete aerial dominance. The systems have proved effective at downing Ukrainian aircraft and were also involved in the tragic downing of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17.

The rebels in general have used air defense systems that are present in the Ukrainian military. However, the separatists have also utilized Russian Pantsir-S1 and Buk missile systems that were not in the Ukrainian arsenal.

The self-propelled air defense systems used by the separatists include:

  • Soviet 9K33, 9K35, and 9K37 
  • Russian Pantsir-S1
  • Russian Buk missile system 

More from Business Insider:

This article originally appeared at Business Insider Defense Copyright 2015. Follow BI Defense on Twitter.

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4 things that made the F-16 years ahead of its time

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Three U.S. Air Force F-16 Fighting Falcon Block 30 aircraft from the 80th Fighter Squadron fly in formation over South Korea during a training mission on Jan. 9, 2008. (DoD photo by Tech. Sgt. Quinton T. Burris, U.S. Air Force)


The F-16 Fighting Falcon was originally designed to be a daytime air superiority fighter, but over the decades of its service life it has evolved into a all-weather multi-role attack platform.  The first F-16 rolled off the manufacturing line in 1976, and ultimately over 4,500 aircraft followed it.

The Fighting Falcon (a.k.a. the “Viper” in aggressor squadron circles) remains technologically advanced and lethal throughout its full range of mission areas, which is remarkable considering the legendary Col. John Boyd and his “fighter mafia” first conceived of the airplane in the late ’60s.

Here are four design features that were years ahead of their time when they first hit the fleet and remain so today:

1. Fly-by-wire flight controls and side-stick controller

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Unlike every airplane built before it, the F-16 was designed to be aerodynamically unstable until it reaches supersonic airspeeds. As a result there is no mechanical linkage between the stick and the moving parts of the airplane. A computer interface is required to interpret pilot inputs and move the flight controls accordingly, technology known as “fly-by-wire.” Because the F-16 is designed for high-G loading, the stick is mounted on the side of the cockpit instead of in the center to make it easier on the pilot’s right arm.  It barely moves; full throw is only one-eighth of an inch.

2. Bubble canopy

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

The pilot sits up very high relative to the canopy rail in the F-16, giving him superior visibility in all quadrants, including at six o’clock. The bubble canopy is designed to enhance this feature, and new pilots talk about feeling like they’re going to fall out of the airplane at first. Unlike other fighters there is no canopy bow forward of the pilot, so the forward view is completely unobstructed. The net result is a fighter that gives pilots an advantage in the dogfighting arena where “lost sight means lost fight.”

3. Reclined ejection seat

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Because the F-16 is designed to pull 9 Gs or more (compared to 6.5 for most other American fighters) the ejection seat is tilted 30 degrees back (compared to around 12 degrees other ejection seat aircraft) for superior G tolerance by the pilot. Pilots sit almost like their riding a reclining bicycle, with knees up high, which makes for a very comfortable ride while killing MiGs and other bad guys.

4. Multi-function displays

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

The F-16 was one of the first military aircraft with a “glass” cockpit instead of the legacy “steam gauges,” which allows a pilot to tailor his displays for a particular mission as well as personal preference. MFDs also allow software upgrades with very little trouble, which has helped to keep the Fighting Falcon relevant and in the fight for decades.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
The F-16 isn’t just used by the Air Force. The Navy uses F-16Ns as aggressor aircraft at Top Gun.

Now: 6 superheroes who were also Air Force officers

Lists

4 of the biggest lies Russia has told lately

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/www.kremlin.ru


new Russian film on the 1968 events in Czechoslovakia has revived accusations that the Kremlin is twisting historical facts to forge a new ideology and justify some of its most controversial actions and policies.

Here is a look at some remarkable recent Russian treatments of history:

1968 Soviet-led invasion of Czechoslovakia

A Russian film glorifying the Soviet-led invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1968 has sparked fury among Czechs and Slovaks.

Warsaw Pact: The Declassified Pages, which aired on state-run Russian television on May 23, justifies the armed crackdown on the democratic “Prague Spring” movement and claims Warsaw Pact troops were sent into Czechoslovakia to protect its citizens from a purported NATO threat.

Czech Foreign Minister Lubomir Zaoralek accused Russia of “grossly distorting” history and summoned the Russian ambassador in protest. Czech President Milos Zeman, who is seen as relatively Kremlin-friendly, dismissed the film as “Russian propaganda lies,” according to his spokesman.

The Slovak Foreign Ministry accused Russia of “trying to rewrite history and falsify historical truths about this dark chapter of our history.”

Defense of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact

Putin caused dismay across Europe last year by arguing there was nothing wrong with the infamous 1939 nonaggression pact between the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany, which led to the carve-up of Eastern Europe.

“What’s bad about that if the Soviet Union didn’t want to fight?” he asked a meeting with historians in Moscow. “Serious research must show that those were the foreign-policy methods then.”

Last month, Putin again defended the pact during a news conference with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, saying the deal was signed “when the Soviet Union realized it was being left one-on-one with Hitler’s Germany” despite what he described as “repeated efforts” by Soviet dictator Josef Stalin to form an anti-Hitler coalition with Western countries.

Merkel responded by pointing out that the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact encompassed a secret protocol under which Stalin and Nazi leader Adolf Hitler agreed to divide Eastern Europe into respective spheres of influence.

The agreement paved the way for Hitler’s invasion of Poland in 1939, as well as the Soviet Union’s invasion of eastern Poland in the following weeks and its occupation of the Baltic states in 1940.

Hitler was ‘good’ until 1939

Amid Russia’s persistent claims that Ukraine is teeming with neo-Nazis, a pro-Kremlin Russian newspaper caused stupor last year with an article asserting that Hitler was actually “good” before turning against the Soviet Union.

“We should distinguish between Hitler before 1939 and Hitler after 1939, and separate the wheat from the chaff,” read the piece in Izvestia, which rejected comparisons between Hitler’s annexation of Czechoslovakia’s Sudetenland to Putin’s annexation of Crimea.

The author, Andranik Migranyan — who heads the New York office of the Institute for Democracy and Cooperation, an NGO set up under President Vladimir Putin in 2007 — credited Hitler with uniting Germany, Austria, the Sudetenland, and Memel “without a single drop of blood.”

“If Hitler stopped at that, he would be remembered in his country’s history as a politician of the highest order,” Migranyan stated.

Critics reminded Migranyan about some of Hitler’s most horrific policies prior to 1939, including the establishment of concentration camps, the purges of “non-Aryans,” the creation of the Gestapo, and the bloody Kristallnacht pogroms in 1938.

Crimea as sacred cradle of Russian civilization

President Vladimir Putin has gone to great lengths to defend Russia’s annexation of Crimea from Ukraine by portraying the peninsula as a holy cradle of Russian civilization.

Speaking in a state-of-the-nation address in December, he said Crimea had an “enormous civilizational and sacral meaning for Russia, just as the Temple Mount of Jerusalem does for those who profess Islam and Judaism.”

Grand Prince Vladimir is believed to have converted Kievan Rus to Orthodox Christianity in the 10th century after being baptized in Crimea.

The logic behind the annexation, however, is disputed as the conversion of Kievan Rus established the foundations for both the Russian and Ukrainian states.

The Black Sea peninsula was also home to various populations before Russia first annexed it from the Ottoman Empire in 1783, including Greek colonies some 2,500 years ago and Crimean Tatars, who today are considered the region’s indigenous population — and have been under increasing pressure since the Russian takeover in March 2014.

Also from Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty:

This article originally appeared at Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty Copyright 2015.

Copyright (c) 2015. RFE/RL, Inc. Reprinted with the permission of Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, 1201 Connecticut Ave NW, Ste 400, Washington DC 20036.

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9 photos that show how the Coast Guard fights fires at sea

Fire trucks can’t reach too far past the coast, and plenty of fires break out on ships and oil platforms off American shores. When the fires happen in America’s territorial waters, it often falls to America’s Coast Guard to rescue the survivors and fight the flames.


Here are nine photos of the Coast Guard protecting lives and property by acting as firefighters at sea:

1. The Coast Guard fights fires in their areas of operations. Everything from small boats like this one …

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Fishing vessel Bigger Dirls on fire in Hopkins Point Marina in Jonesport, Maine on Thursday, Sept. 9, 2016. No one was aboard at the time. (U.S. Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Stephanie Horvat)

2. …to huge fires like the one that destroyed the Deepwater Horizon.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Fire boat response crews battle the blazing remnants of the offshore oil rig Deepwater Horizon. A Coast Guard MH-65C dolphin rescue helicopter and crew documented the fire while searching for survivors. Multiple Coast Guard helicopters, planes, and cutters responded to rescue the Deepwater Horizon’s 126-person crew. (Photo: U.S. Coast Guard)

3. For smaller fires, it’s often enough to pump water onto them, and the Coast Guard is lucky that plenty of salt water is usually available.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Coast Guard Petty Officer 3rd Class Cory Langston fights the boat fire from the Coast Guard 29-foot response boat in Hopkins Point Marina in Jonesport, Maine on Thursday, Sept. 8, 2016. The was no one aboard at the time of the fire. (U.S. Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Stephanie Horvat)

4. What’s unlucky is that it will often take Coast Guardsmen time to reach the crisis, and it’s their job to rescue survivors. For instance, they pulled four fishermen and a dog from this ship after it exploded.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
U.S. Coast Guard crews rescued four fisherman Thursday after their vessel caught fire and exploded near St. Simons Island Sound. A Coast Guard 45-foot Response Boat—Medium crew from Station Brunswick located and rescued the crew and their dog from the 58-foot fishing vessel Predator. (Photo: U.S. Coast Guard Station Brunswick video)

5. Rescue operations are relatively simple for small vessels, but it takes a lot of planning to be able to rescue people from large ferries, cruise vessels, or industrial ships.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
A Coast Guard Station San Juan crewmember monitors passengers using the marine escape system from the 561-foot Caribbean Fantasy ferry vessel a mile from San Juan Harbor, San Juan, Puerto Rico, Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2016. The Coast Guard received initial notification around 7:40 a.m. that the ferry was on fire. (U.S. Coast Guard photo courtesy of Station San Juan, Puerto Rico.)

6. Sometimes, the Coast Guard asks for help from nearby, civilian vessels that are commonly known as “good Samaritans.” These vessels assist with rescue, firefighting, and recovery operations.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
A local San Juan, Puerto Rico-based tug crew use a fire hose to cool the hull of the 561-foot Caribbean Fantasy ferry vessel that caught fire earlier a mile from San Juan Harbor, San Juan, Puerto Rico, Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2016. The Caribbean Fantasy’s engine room caught fire, which began to spread to other compartments forcing passengers and crew to abandon the ferry vessel. (U.S. Coast Guard photo courtesy of Station San Juan, Puerto Rico.)

7. Good Samaritan vehicles can even assist with larger operations, like the extinguishing of this oil platform fire.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
Four offshore supply vessels extinguish a fire on an oil production platform fire near Grand Isle, Louisiana, Jan. 5, 2017. There were four people aboard the platform who evacuated into the water and were recovered by the offshore supply vessel Mary Wyatt Milano. There were no reported injuries. (Coast Guard imagery courtesy of Coast Guard Aviation Training Center Mobile)

8. The Coast Guard still maintains oversight and supervises the efforts.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
More imagery from the fire on an oil production platform fire near Grand Isle, Louisiana, Jan. 5, 2017. (Coast Guard imagery courtesy of Coast Guard Aviation Training Center Mobile)

9. When the fire is near other ships or structures, the Coast Guard takes steps to control the burning vessel, preventing it from drifting and catching other vessels on fire.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat
A Coast Guard Auxiliary crewmember maintains positive control of a flame-engulfed pleasure craft near Great Neck Creek in Copiague, New York, April 30, 2016. The Copiague Fire Department assisted the Coast Guard Auxiliary crew and extinguished the fire onboard the vessel. (U.S. Coast Guard Photo)

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11 reactions to seeing your relief show up after a long watch

Standing watch is important but could feel like a complete time suck for sailors. Here are 11 reactions sailors have when standing duty:


1. When you see your name twice on the watch bill back-to-back.

2. Not all watches are bad. Sometimes they feel like a break.

3. Watch turns into “relief lookout” 30 minutes away from your scheduled end time.

4. When you confirm the approaching sailor is your relief.

5. Calm down gung ho sailor. He didn’t get to his watch early by choice.

6. Standing an easy “balls to eight” watch (midnight to 8:00 AM) on a Friday morning feels like a three-day weekend for sailors that are not deployed.

*Sailors who work before having a watch during this time slot typically have the rest of the day off to recover.

7.  Here’s the typical reaction to the end of a balls to eight watch during the week.

8. When everything goes according to schedule.

9. When your relief doesn’t show up on time.

10. How you feel when your relief finally shows up after being late.

11. When you fly under the radar.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

NOW: 5 differences between the Navy and the Coast Guard

OR: The 11 stages of leaving the Navy

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The 10 most useless GI Joes of all time

GI Joe is a national treasure and the doll that has made red-blooded American males tough for decades. But not all GI Joes are created equal once the shooting starts. Here are the 10 most useless among them:


1. Altitude

Altitude’s special abilities include making quick sketches while skydiving. It may or may not be relevant that he’s a full-blooded Apache. After the failure of syndicated cartoons, he joined the military. His photographic memory helps his sketches be as accurate as possible. According to his official filecard, he’s the first Joe ever to combine two totally different specialties – Reconnaissance and Combat Artistry.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

2. Dee-Jay

Once the “baddest, hottest disc jockey in Boston,” Dee-Jay is a Communications expert who can work “complicated sound equipment… and coax strange sounds out of it with an infectious beat.” The only person more useless would be Cobra’s Falconer, but at least he knew how to dodge tax laws.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

3. Metalhead

Metalhead is from the short-lived GI Joe EXTREME series. His specialty is computer communications and playing loud rock music in battle. He also has an “in-your-face attitude” (aka “being an asshole”).

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Also, a leather vest and peace symbol necklace aren’t intimidating anyone, least of all Cobra Commander.

4. Bullhorn

GI Joe’s hostage negotiator, Bullhorn is an “intervention specialist… an extremely calm individual, possessing an open and compassionate personality.” He “has the looks of a choirboy and is a good listener!”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

5. Colonel Courage

The Colonel whose military specialty is “administrative strategist,” his filecard quotes him as saying “I’ll never surrender when I’m wearing a tie ’cause I can’t be beat when I’m neat!” His skills include organization and an efficient work ethic.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Colonel Courage’s filecard even says he rides a desk. Colonel Courage seems like the kind of Colonel who would deny Gung-Ho a promotion because his mustache was out of regs. Also I can’t take him seriously with a name like that.

6. Ice Cream Soldier

I don’t understand why he’s not just called “Ice Cream.” They don’t call Leatherneck “Leatherneck Marine.” Anyway, this seems like a bet between some Hasbro execs to see if they could just sell anything. Ice Cream Soldier is a Fire Operations Expert and BBQ Chef. His filecard says his name is designed to make Cobra underestimate him, but his filecard quote makes that seem like a dodge: “Eating ice cream without hot fudge is like fighting without ammunition!”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

7. Sci-Fi

His card specifically states Sci-Fi “lives in a slow-motion world. He takes everything real easy and is never in a hurry to get anywhere or do anything.” It sounds like Sci-Fi is the biggest Blue Falcon in the whole Joe organization. Also, his specialty is shooting a laser. Forget that everyone shoots lasers, Sci-Fi’s laser takes much longer to be effective so he shoots it miles away from the battlefield.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

Neon green is obviously the go-to color to wear in any small arms situation.

8. Chuckles

Chuckles, with maybe the least threatening name of any GI Joe (keeping in mind that Ice Cream Soldier still has the word “soldier” in his name), is a former insurance investigator whose greatest skill is “likeability.” He works criminal investigations, in case any Joes violate the UCMJ. No one is really sure who Chuckles works for, but he shows up every day in his Hawaiian shirt, “grinning, cracking jokes, and punching Cobras in the shoulders.”

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

9. Ozone

An environmental health specialist, Ozone cleans up dangerous chemicals while fixing the holes in Earth’s Ozone layer. “Yo Joe! Ozone is here!” said no Joe ever.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

“Hey, Ozone, buddy… we’re gonna need that Napalm back.”

10. Hardball

Hardball is a failed minor league baseball player who still dresses like he’s going to play baseball at any moment, as if he just can’t accept the fact that he couldn’t make it to the big leagues and joined the military instead. His specialties include being able to judge distances quickly and his ability to be a team player.

9 lies soldiers tell their loved ones while in combat

I mean, come on man, let it go. It’s time to move on.

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