6 weird laws unique to the US military - We Are The Mighty
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6 weird laws unique to the US military

U.S. troops obey a set of legal guidelines called the Uniform Code of Military Justice. While the UCMJ mirrors civilian law in many ways, there are some laws on the military books that are unique and somewhat bizarre.


Here’s a sampling of six of them:

1. Dueling

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military

 

Sorry, all you potential Aaron Burrs. Dueling isn’t allowed in the U.S. military. You cannot pull out your sword, pistol, or even your fists and challenge someone who has wronged you to a duel. According to the manual, “Any person subject to this chapter who fights or promotes, or is concerned in or connives at fighting a duel, or who, having knowledge of a challenge sent or about to be sent, fails to report the fact promptly to the proper authority, shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.”

Maximum punishment: Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

2. Drinking liquor with prisoners

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military

If you’re standing post and guarding a prisoner, you aren’t supposed to give him or her booze. We thought this one was pretty weird, but the existence of such a law makes us think that someone, somewhere, must have actually done this one. But, umm, why?

Maximum punishment: Confinement for 3 months and forfeiture of two-thirds pay per month for 3 months.

3. Indecent language

6 weird laws unique to the US military

Profanity and dirty jokes are a crime, at least in the U.S. military. We’ve all heard the phrase “cuss like a sailor,” but that sailor can actually be busted for having a potty mouth. According to the manual, “‘Indecent’ language is that which is grossly offensive to modesty, decency, or propriety, or shocks the moral sense, because of its vulgar, filthy, or disgusting nature, or its tendency to incite lustful thought.”

This one probably isn’t enforced all that often, but it does carry some stiff punishments when it is.

Maximum punishment: Communicated to any child under the age of 16 years: Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 2 years. Other cases: Bad-conduct discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 6 months.

4. Jumping from vessel into the water

6 weird laws unique to the US military

If you accidentally fall off a ship, you won’t get in trouble. But if you take a plunge intentionally, there can be some consequences. If you plan on taking a dip, make sure your commander says it’s ok first.

Maximum punishment: Bad-conduct discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 6 months.

5. Adultery

6 weird laws unique to the US military

 

Cheating on your spouse can get you kicked out of the military altogether, among other possible punishments. While not a unique law to the military — 21 states have anti-adultery laws on the books that are rarely enforced — commanders do sometimes charge service members with this crime.

Still, adultery charges are a bit hard to stick, since they can be difficult to prove, according to About.com.

Maximum punishment: Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

6. Straggling

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military

Troops who fall behind or lose their way on marches or runs can find themselves in legal trouble. While a straggler on a hike is often just told to “hurry up” and motivated to continue by their non-commissioned officers, this offense is punishable under the UCMJ. “‘Straggle’ means to wander away, to stray, to become separated from, or to lag or linger behind,” the manual states.

Maximum punishment: Confinement for 3 months and forfeiture of two-thirds pay per month for 3 months.

Articles

The US military took these incredible photos this week

The military has very talented photographers in its ranks, and they constantly attempt to capture what life as a service member is like during training and at war. This is the best of what they shot this week:


ARMY:

Soldiers, assigned to KFOR Multinational Battle Group-East’s Task Force Hurricane, made up of Soldiers from The National Guard and U.S. Army Reserve, hiked to the peak of Mount Ljuboten in southern Kosovo, Aug. 23, 2015.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by 1st Lt. Krista Yaglowski/US Army

Soldiers, assigned to U.S. Army Africa, work with French Armée de Terre service members to offload a Puma helicopter from a United States Air Force C-17 in support of Operation Barkhane at Camp Kossei in N’Djamena, Chad, Aug. 23, 2015.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Morgan Salingue/US Army

NAVY:

ARABIAN GULF (Sept. 1, 2015) The Military Sealift Command fast combat support ship USNS Arctic (T-AOE 8) participates in a night underway replenishment (UNREP) with Wasp-class amphibious assault ship USS Essex (LHD 2).

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Huey D. Younger Jr./USN

ARABIAN GULF (Sept. 1, 2015) Sailors aboard the Wasp-class amphibious assault ship USS Essex (LHD 2) conduct a night replenishment-at-sea (RAS) with the Military Sealift Command fast combat support ship USNS Arctic (T-AOE 8).

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Liam Kennedy/USN

CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. (Aug. 31, 2015) U.S. Marines assigned to 3rd Assault Amphibian Battalion observe the approach of amphibious assault vehicles (AAV) during well deck operations aboard amphibious transport dock ship USS Somerset (LPD 25).

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Vladimir Ramos/USN

AIR FORCE:

An F-15C Eagle flies over East Anglia, England, Aug. 27, 2015, during a flyover event at Royal Air Force Lakenheath. The F-15C, assigned to the 48th Fighter Wing, circulated until it flew in unison with the U.K. Avro Vulcan XH558 to mark the first and last time these aircraft will fly together.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Senior Airman Trevor T. McBride/USAF

Staff Sgt. Saber Barrera, with 386th Expeditionary Logistics Readiness Squadron firetruck and refueling maintenance, works with a co-worker to replace an engine starter in Southwest Asia, Aug. 27, 2015.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Racheal E. Watson/USAF

Chief Master Sgt. Wayne Stott, the 90th Medical Group superintendent, splashes through muddy water Aug. 29, 2015, during the second annual mud run at F.E. Warren Air Force Base, Wyo. The run attracted more than 100 Airmen and their families.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Airman 1st Class Brandon Valle/USAF

MARINE CORPS:

An M1A1 Abrams main battle tank, from 2nd Tank Battalion, hides in the brush during a defensive maneuver on Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, Aug. 26, 2015.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Cpl. Ryan Young/USMC

Marines with the 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit, practice loading and unloading rounds during sustainment training on Aug. 21, 2015. The CAAT, composed of heavy machine gunners and anti-tank missilemen, is used to combat hardened targets as well as provide security.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Sgt. Paris Capers/USMC

A Marine assigned to Company K, 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, climbs a rope as part of the Dark Horse Ajax Challenge aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif., Aug. 20, 2015. The eight-mile course tested the Marines’ and Sailors’ endurance and leadership skills with trials spread across the San Mateo area.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by Cpl. Will Perkins/USMC

COAST GUARD:

Leading the way in maritime drug interdiction, the USCG Cutter Adelie interdicted an estimated 2,900 pounds of marijuana Saturday. This is the second interdiction of illegal drugs by Washington-based patrol boats within the last week.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by USCG

The 47ft motor lifeboats were conducting approaches to one another for training.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo by USCG

NOW: More awesome military photos

OR: The 13 funniest military memes of the week

Articles

The 11 most dangerous jobs in the US military

All jobs in the military carry real risks, but some jobs are much riskier than others. Here are 10 of the most dangerous:


1. Pararescue

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Navy Petty Officer 2nd Class Scott Taylor

Pararescue jumpers are basically the world’s best ambulance service. They fly, climb, and march to battlefields, catastrophic weather areas and disaster zones to save wounded and isolated people during firefights or other emergencies.

2. Special operations

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Adam Henderson

While this is lumping a few separate jobs together, troops such as Navy SEALs, Army green berets, Air Force combat controllers and others conduct particularly risky missions. They train allied forces, hunt enemy leaders, and go on direct action missions against the worst of America’s adversaries. They get additional training and better equipment than other units, but the challenging nature of their mission results in a lot of casualties.

3. Explosive ordnance disposal

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Navy Photographers Mate 1st Class Ted Banks

The bomb squad for the military, explosive ordnance disposal technicians used to spend the bulk of their time clearing minefields or dealing with dud munitions that didn’t go off. Those missions were dangerous enough, but the rise of improvised explosive devices changed all that and increased the risk for these service members.

4. Infantry

6 weird laws unique to the US military

Not exactly shocking that infantry is one of the most dangerous jobs on the battlefield. These troops search out and destroy the enemy and respond to calls for help when other units stumble into danger. They are the primary force called on to take and hold territory from enemy forces.

5. Cavalry

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army Sgt. William Tanner

The cavalry conducts reconnaissance and security missions and, if there is a shortage of infantry soldiers, is often called to take and hold territory against enemy formations. Their recon mission sometimes results in them fighting while vastly outnumbered.

6. Combat Engineers

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Marine Corps Cpl. Bryan Nygaard

Combat engineers do dangerous construction work with the added hazard of combat operations going on all around them. When the infantry is bogged down in enemy obstacles, it’s highly-trained engineers known as Sappers who go forward and clear the way. The engineers also conduct a lot of the route clearance missions to find and destroy enemy IEDs and mines.

7. Artillery

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army

Artillery soldiers send massive rounds against enemy forces. Because artillery destroys enemy formations and demoralizes the survivors, it’s a target for enemy airstrikes and artillery barrages. Also, the artillery may be called on to assume infantry and cavalry missions that they’ve received little training on.

8. Medical

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army Sgt. Michael J. MacLeod

Medics go forward with friendly forces to render aid under fire. While medics are protected under the Geneva Convention, this only helps when the enemy honors the conventions. Even then, artillery barrages and bombing runs can’t tell which troops are noncombatants.

9. Vehicle transportation

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army

Truck driving is another job that became markedly more dangerous in the most recent wars. While driving vehicles in large supply convoys or moving forward with advancing troops was always risky, the rise of the IED threat multiplied the danger for these soldiers. This was complicated by how long it took the military to get up-armored vehicles to all units in Iraq and Afghanistan.

10. Aviation

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army Chief Warrant Officer 4 Daniel McClinton

Aircraft provide a lot of capabilites on the battlefield, but that makes them, their crews, and their pilots targets of enemy fire.

11. Artillery observers

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Air Force Staff Sgt. DeNoris A. Mickle

Like medics, these soldiers go forward with maneuver forces. They find enemy positions and call down artillery strikes to destroy them. The enemy knows to take them out as quickly as possible since they are usually carrying radios.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Aug. 25th

Admit it. Which one of you knuckle-dragging, crayon-eating, ASVAB waivers looked at the sun on Monday? Good luck trying to get the VA to cover that…


Hopefully these memes are a reward for everyone else with common f*cking sense.

#13: “But, Sarge. I look at the moon all the time and never go blind!”

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

#12: This explains why they’re either Salty but wise, Salty but command respect, or just plain Salty.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

#11: It’s the same story every time and the punchline is almost always that you got smoked.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

#10: When your car has no airbags but you’ve got a POV inspection

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via US Army WTF Moments)

#9: Who let the LT survey the TOC build area?

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via US Army WTF Moments)

#8: You want 5.56? She doesn’t want 5.56… 7.62 AND 5.56? No..

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Terminal Lance)

#7: I’d still take this over an “egg and cheese omelette” any day.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

#6: No one will take care of you like your buddies!

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

#5: “Yeah, sure dude. I got you” only goes so far when you’ve given them six already.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Army as F*ck)

#4: Retention would probably sky rocket if they told people their alcohol tolerance will drop significantly when they ETS.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Army as F*ck)

#3: No need to rush for a promotion. Enjoy your time in the E-4 Mafia.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

#2: “But Sarge, I need to be ready. The eclipse could come out at any moment!”

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

#1: “Existence is pain to a lower enlisted!”

6 weird laws unique to the US military
(Made by yours truly)

Lists

5 worst details for a deployed enlisted to get stuck on

What the folks back home think troops do while deployed is just a fraction of what actually happens downrange. In many ways, the average Joe is doing the same busy work that they’d be doing back stateside — this time, with the added “benefit” of doing it in full battle rattle with a weapon slung across their back.


Sometimes, Private Snuffy deserves to be put on the detail, but most times, he probably doesn’t. The fact of the matter is that things just need to get done. Having to sweep the motor pool back in the States may suck, but sweeping the motor pool while you’re deployed in the middle of the desert is futile. Details suck, but these tasks particularly suck when you’re deployed.

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Your tax dollars at work! (U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Matt Hecht)

 

1. Sandbag Building

Even with the concertina wire, Hecso barriers, and giant-ass concrete walls, the military still seems to think that the only thing separating troops from certain death is having the Joes fill sandbags and use them to haphazardly barricade everything.

This isn’t to discredit the 30lbs of sand stuffed into an acrylic or burlap bag — they probably work. The problem is that they’re a pain in the friggin’ ass to fill, carry, and painstakingly stack.

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military
I mean, unless you’re this Airman… (Image via Reddit)

 

2. Guard Duty

At first, it sounds like fun. This is what you signed up for and you’re going to do your part to save freedom, one field of fire at a time. Then, the heart-crushing reality sets in. You’re stuck in the same guard tower for 12 hours with someone who smells like they haven’t showered in 12 days. There you are, just watching sand. Occasionally, you get lucky and there’s a farmer out in the distance or a camel herder to break the monotony.

On the bright side, the cultural barrier between you and the ANA (Afghan National Army) guy you’re stuck with can lead to some hilarious conversations.

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military

3. TOC/COC Duty

In a near tie with guard duty, being in the command center for 12 hours blows just a little bit worse. In the guard tower, you have some sort of autonomy. In the TOC, you’re stuck with higher-ups breathing down your neck.

To add insult to injury if you’re a grunt, you’re listening to all of your buddies do the real sh*t while you’re stuck on the bench. You’re just listening to them do all the things you enlisted for while you’re biting your lip. If you’re a POG, I guess watching the same AFN commercial 96 times over sucks, too.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Yep. Just holding the hand mic for 12 hours, pretending you’re awake. (U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Chris Willis)

 

4. Connex Cleaning

Replacing containers, prepping for redeployment back stateside, grabbing that one thing that your Lieutenant swore was in there — whatever the reason, anything to do with the pain-in-the-ass that is heavy lifting inside a Connex that’s been baking in 110 degree heat is just unbearable.

No matter what the lieutenant was looking for, it’s not there. It’s never going to stay clean. Everything inside is going to get shuffled around, regardless of how much effort you put into it.

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Nope. Nope. All of my f*cking nope. (Photo by U.S. Army Sgt. Michael K. Selvage, 10th Sustainment Brigade Public Affairs NCO)

 

5. Burn Pit

Whether you’re opting for the quick and easy solution to getting rid of classified intel, destroying old gear left behind, or burning human waste, nothing about burn pit duty is enjoyable.

Big military said that they’ve done away with burn pits and that everything is peachy keen now — too bad that’s not even close to true. Whether being exposed to the pits by KBR facilities or command directed, anything dealing with burn pits is a serious concern for your health. No matter how hard it gets denied in court, veterans are still dying from the “quick and easy way.”

If you believe you might have been affected by burn pits, register with the VA here. It’s a very serious health concern and the more veterans that stand up, the more seriously the issue will be taken.

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military
The CDC says five cigarettes is a health concern, but 12 months of breathing in literal burning sh*t is just fine. This needs to end. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Teddy Wade)

Articles

Here’s how the military takes civilian tech and makes it more awesome

The military has given the civilian world some great technology like satellites, GPS, and the internet. But, in other cases the services have adopted civilian tech and taken it to the next level of awesomeness in the process. Here are 7 examples:


1. Tow trucks

Military tow trucks need to do things like picking up M1 Abrams tanks that weigh 62 metric tons. Plus, they have to be able to defend themselves in hostile environments. Enter the M88A2. It can tow up to 70 tons, has a .50-cal. machine gun, and can survive direct hits from 30mm shells.

2. Backhoes

Like the M88 above, the WISENT 2 operates in combat zones while doing the hard job of digging and bulldozing. The WISENT is based on a Leopard 2 battle tank. It has different attachments including a bulldozer blade, a mine plough, and an excavator arm that can dig feet 14 ft. deep with a 42 cubic ft. bucket.

3. Four-wheelers

The first four-wheeler was the Royal Enfield quadricycle in 1898. Unsurprisingly, when World War I broke out, Royal Enfield sold dozens to the British government for war use. Today, paratroopers and special operators are using the Light Tactical All-Terrain Vehicle, basically a Polaris Razor with better tires and shocks as well as weapons, antennas, and litter mounts strapped to it.

4. Bridges

Battlefield commanders need bridges that can go up quickly, survive direct attacks, and be moved rapidly. The military has multiple solutions to this problem, including the Armored, Vehicle-Launched Bridge. The launcher is mounted on an M60 tank platform, and engineers can launch the bridge without ever getting out of the vehicle.

5. Stethoscopes

The noise immune stethoscope is designed to help medics hear a patient’s heartbeat around machine gun fire or in a helicopter. It works by sending a signal into the patient’s body, reading the return signal, and playing the information into a headset.

6. Prosthetics

Until the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan prosthetics had essentially remained the same since the first known artificial limb. The number of wounded warriors and the nature of their injuries has caused agencies like DARPA to change all of that, bringing prosthetics into the 21st Century in the process. The new devices allow for greater dexterity, greater range of motion, and even a sense of touch.

Articles

The 13 Funniest Military Memes This Week

It’s Saturday, but most of you enlisted fellows blew your paycheck last weekend and are now looking forward to sitting around the barracks this week. To alleviate your boredom, here are 13 military memes that made us laugh.


See, we know about you, privates.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
You just have to learn to budget. When you get your paycheck, put away 25% of it for beer for NEXT weekend.

Yay, submarines! A phallic object filled with phallic objects!

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Topless submariners have the added bonus of paler skin.

Also See: 27 Incredible Photos of Life On A US Navy Submarine

Look at all that gear. He must be one of Jabba’s elite guards.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
No way this guy does nothing all day. Chub like that takes hours and hours of eating every day.

 Security Forces are essentially the Air Force’s infantry …

6 weird laws unique to the US military
… an airman once told me with a shockingly straight face.

Conservation of resources is important to Marines.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Mattis doesn’t run out of ammo. He runs out of enemies.

Poor helicopter must have overheated.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Maybe loosen its boots and drag it into the shade for a minute.

Complain all you want; you know the reason.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Because Gunny said so.

 What!? People are stealing valor?

6 weird laws unique to the US military

It would be funnier if the photos weren’t pretty close to accurate.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
And the Air Force would complain about the pool while the Army would discuss how sweet that new screen door is.

Maybe Army Strong wasn’t a brag but an excuse.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Listen, Wonka, with your shenanigans you wouldn’t have survived in either service. You’d have been a seamen.

Don’t! It’s a trick!

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Seriously, the guard and reserve components are like the light at the end of the angler fish in that movie.

It doesn’t stop Air Force, it just delays it.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
And the next strike delays it for a few more minutes, then a few more, then a few more. But it’s not stopped; it’s never stopped.

Even foreign allies know what a POG isn’t (Infantry, it isn’t infantry)

6 weird laws unique to the US military
POGs do what the infantry does; they just only do it in training and always do it badly.

NOW: More Military Memes

OR: 32 Terms Only Airmen Will Understand 

Lists

Items the military refuses to call by their proper names

A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet. That’s a lesson the military has taken to heart, changing the names for plenty of items that civilians all know by another name.


1. “100 mph tape” and “Tape, adhesive cloth, 2 in.” are both Duct tape/Duck tape

Oddly enough, duct tape was originally a military item that the troops called “duck tape” for its ability to repel water. But, since “Duck tape” is now a brand name and duct tape was trademarked, the military calls its tape 100 mph tape. The rumor was that it could stick to things moving 100 mph.

Interestingly, airplane maintainers and race car crews eventually did need tape that could stick at well over 100 mph, and so they created speed tape. Speed tape is similar to duck tape in use, but it’s much stronger both in terms of stickiness and tensile strength.

2. “Hook and loop fasteners” and “hook pile tape” are Velcro.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army

3. “Slide fastener (and tab thong)” is a zipper

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Rabensteiner

4. “Elastic retention strap” is just a rubber band.

5. Chem lights are glow sticks.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army Timothy L. Hale

6. Most candy in an MRE is called by a made-up name.

6 weird laws unique to the US military

MMs are called pan coated discs, Skittles are fruit discs, and Combos are called filled pretzels or filled crackers.

7. Don’t dare call uniform items by civilian names

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Photo: US Army Maj. Meritt Phillips

 

Hats are covers or patrol caps. Rain jackets and waterproof pants are called wet weather gear or foul weather gear. The outer shirt on most combat uniforms is called the jacket or blouse.

NOW: The 13 funniest military memes

AND: 32 terms only airmen will understand

Articles

These 17 hilarious reviews of MREs from troops in the field will bring back memories

If there’s one thing the DoD can count on soldiers to be bluntly honest about, it’s the food. In 2005, 400 soldiers from Fort Greely, Alaska, were asked to taste test a new menu of Meals, Ready to Eat for anything that might stand out to them.


There were a lot of standouts.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Fort Greely is one of the coldest places in the U.S. military. This is how they warm up. Probably. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Daniel Love)

Fort Greely’s finest filled out the evaluation forms, which were then compiled and sent to the DoD office that manages the procurement of field rations. Grunts don’t pull punches. That’s kinda the whole point of their job.

The main result was that U.S. troops got new MREs. Luckily for us, the Smoking Gun got their hands on the actual reviews and some of the comments are gold.

1. Shakespeare:

“Cheese spread with bread is never a liked mix. Anger is usually the result.”

2. The prophet:

“I noticed this meal # was 666…I will probably die of a massive heart attack thank you for feeding me possessed food.”

3. The skeptic:

“This donut is just a brownie in a circle with crappy “frosting” what are you trying to pull?”

4. The poet:

“I believe it was the dinner meal that caused this (Chicken and Dumplings), but it sounded like a flatulence symphony in my tent all night.”

5. The biographer:

“I have disliked cabbage since childhood.”

6 weird laws unique to the US military

6. The drama queen:

“Oh my god what were you thinking… don’t give cabbage to a soldier ever again even POWs deserve better.”

7. The fortune teller:

“The entree will only be eaten if you haven’t eaten all day.”

8. The PR Rep:

“Maybe change the name ‘Chicken Loaf,’ [it] scares me.”

9. PFC Gung Ho:

“Put Ranch Dressing on everything! Airborne!”

6 weird laws unique to the US military

10. The guy who’s wrong about everything:

“F*ck hot sauce [put] gummy bears inside.”

11. Sgt. WTF:

“Tabasco is good in your coffee.”

12. The Obvious Sapper:

“Change the Ranger bar name to ‘Sapper Bar'”

13. The Stream of Consciousness:

“5 Veg ravioli ‘friggin’ sucks. Spiced apple ‘friggin’ rock. Apple cinn. Pound cake taste like cheap perfume. (Friggin). Is chocoletto a foreign Name crap? Pizza anything friggin rocks! Gum is good.”

14. Staff Sgt. TMI:

“This new menu has me using the latrine 3x a day.”

6 weird laws unique to the US military
The Post-MRE Experience we all know.

15. Sgt. Maj. No Chance:

“Please bring back cigarettes.”

16. Pvt. Ungrateful:

“Jerky is very, very good. How many years did it take to figure that out?”

17. Sgt. Missing the Point:

“The name should be fiesta breakfast party. That would be funny.”

“The vanilla pudding is so good I ripped it open, Licked the inside and rolled around on top of it like a dog. I prefer not to eat anything called loaf but in this case I made an exception… thank god I DID.”

Articles

7 photos of Mattis’s first day as SecDef

“Secretary of Defense James Mattis” is going to be hard to type after he spent so many years as “Marine Corps Gen. and Angel of Death James ‘Chaos’ Mattis,” but we’re going to have to type it because he is now, officially, in place as the Secretary of Defense.


His public affairs staff recently saw fit to share images from Mattis’s first day with the rest of a grateful nation. Here are seven of the best:

1. Mattis emerges from his vehicle for his first full day and is met by his old peer, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Joseph Dunford.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Secretary of Defense James Mattis greets U.S. Marine Corps Gen. Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, after arriving at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., Jan. 21, 2017. (DOD photo by Air Force Tech. Sgt. Brigitte N. Brantley)

2. Mattis and Dunford enter the Pentagon. Reports of them growling “urrr” to let everyone know that the Devil Dogs had arrived have not been confirmed.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Secretary of Defense James Mattis greets U.S. Marine Corps Gen. Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, after arriving at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., Jan. 21, 2017. (DOD photo by Air Force Tech. Sgt. Brigitte N. Brantley)

3. Mattis was met by senior leaders of the military branches on his way to his office. At least two are rumored to have sworn fealty.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Secretary of Defense James Mattis greets U.S. Army Command Sgt. Maj. John Troxell, Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, after arriving at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., Jan. 21, 2017. (DOD photo by Air Force Tech. Sgt. Brigitte N. Brantley)

4. A bunch of senior staff lined the halls and were all, “Dude, it’s real. Mattis is back, and he’s in charge this time.”

6 weird laws unique to the US military
The 26th Secretary of Defense, James Mattis, arrives at the Pentagon on his first full day in the position in Arlington, VA, Jan. 21, 2017. DoD photo by D. Myles Cullen (released)

5. They followed him towards his office, possibly worried that he would disappear in a poof of smoke if they looked away.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Secretary of Defense James Mattis arrives at the Pentagon on his first full day of office in Washington, D.C., Jan. 21, 2017. (DOD photo by Air Force Tech. Sgt. Brigitte N. Brantley)

6. Mattis spoke with his undersecretary and the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Paul Selva, neither of whom were bitten during the encounter.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Secretary of Defense James Mattis speaks with Deputy Secretary of Defense Bob Work and U.S. Air Force Gen. Paul Selva, Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, after arriving at the Pentagon on his first full day of office in Washington, D.C., Jan. 21, 2017. (DOD photo by Air Force Tech. Sgt. Brigitte N. Brantley)

7. The Pentagon’s “Top 4” then met to discuss how totally sweet it will be to have Mattis in charge.

6 weird laws unique to the US military

Articles

The top 7 videos of ISIS getting blown away

ISIS sucks. That’s a fact. Here are 7 great videos of them turning to ash.


1. ISIS releases footage of its own artillery being blown away

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ppd09ATLaA

It seems odd that these videos end up on the internet. If a videographer is filming propaganda for their cause and accidentally captures their own equipment turning into shrapnel, why would they upload it?

2. ISIS suicide bomber becomes a space cadet, fails re-entry exam

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9YtppJcH7w

3. Apache drops hellfire and fires multiple bursts of 30mm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXvsp8bdDeg

Apache pilots are renowned for a lot of things. Restraint isn’t one of them.

4. AC-130 finds the proverbial barrel of fish, acts accordingly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSOG9GHVV0c

AC-130s are great in any environment, but they really distinguish themselves when the area is target rich.

5. U.S. hits explosive-laden vehicle so hard, the computer can’t decide where it ended up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSa0UcwI5ZA

It’s always great to see the larger explosion indicating that a target was filled with explosives, but it’s really fun to see the computer try to relay where the vehicle probably is. “Well, it was here when it blew up–but something just flew by over there. Also, there’s a smoldering chunk of metal over here, so maybe it’s the vehicle?”

6. Only the dog escapes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3gECsHEe0Q

Apache pilot: “Engage.”

All targets on the ground, clearly never getting up again.

AP: “Engage again.”

That’s what’s so great about Apache pilots. They always engage again.

7. Jordan’s spectacular retaliation for the execution of its pilot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJZHgFHMKNM

ISIS executed the Jordanian pilot, Moaz al-Kasasbeh. Jordan responded with 56 air strikes and two executions in three days. Jordan was then kind enough to make a video for ISIS to remember them by.

NOW: The 16 best military movies of all time

OR: The 7 best ways to prove your ‘sham shield’

Lists

7 surprising things you didn’t know about Marine cooks

They’re few, they’re proud, they are Marines food service personnel (aka Marine cooks) tasked with providing satisfying sustenance to warfighters in every clime and place, but not many people know about them or their capabilities.


 

Related: 5 things boot Marines buy with their first paycheck

1. The Marine Corps has cooks.

That’s it… Most people are unaware of this. Marine occupational specialty MOS 3381 food service specialist — it’s a thing.

 

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Come n’ get some.

2. Marine cooks rarely work in chow halls.

Marine Corps chow halls are contracted to Sodexo, the same company that provides prisons with their food service. The similarities may not surprise you. While Marines will sometimes augment chow halls, deployment schedule and support to infantry units is the primary job of most 3381s.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Sgt. Eller stirring up some sh*t! (Photo by Marine Cpl. Timothy Childers)

3. They are the people you want to know.

Everyone eats, which means Marine cooks network with everyone. If you want to know a guy who knows a guy that can make whatever happen, the cook is the only friend you need.

4. They control the Rip-Its and coffee in-country.

On deployments, the cooks control the inventory and dispersion of rations – to include not only all the food, but the drinks as well. Imagine quad-cons full of Rip-Its and coffee drinks. Befriend the gatekeeper and you can all live like kings.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Quad Con looks good

5. They know the food isn’t always good.

Field rations are created to endure both high and low temperatures for extended periods of time without going bad. It is meant to provide calories, not so much taste. This is why so many condiments are made available.

If your Marine cook had the time and resources to put out Michelin-star cuisine, he would. But until that miracle of supply and tax dollars happens, blame only yourself for enlisting and suck up what’s available.

Also Read: 7 tips on how to get selected by MARSOC instructors

6. Some of them can cook really well.

There are multiple-day competitions held that involve both Marine and civilian teams competing for pride and prizes. These, along with inter-service competitions, have cultivated some real culinary talent among the ranks.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
Marine chefs Christopher Brandle (left) and Quentin Reed (right).

7. Marine cooks work when you’re off.

You remember those mandatory fun days? You know, the ones where you had to show up to some lame cookout on a Saturday where officers and high enlisted wore polo shirts and above-the-knee khaki shorts with a braided belt and Oakleys? Yes?

Well, that guy cooking, cleaning, and serving the food has been there for hours and can’t leave until everything is cleaned up, the trash is taken out, the trucks are turned back in, and everything is squared away.

Not to mention the Marines stuck working in a chow hall seven days a week.

Bonus! They deploy as far forward as people who need to eat.

This is Sam in Herat province, Afghanistan… Sam is a United States Marine, 3381 food service specialist, living his dream.

6 weird laws unique to the US military
He makes some mean tacos when he’s not doing this. (Image via Sam Hodgeman)

Humor

6 silly things troops bring into combat zones

When service members deploy to a combat zone, they get a checklist of gear they’re required to bring that will help them survive.


But many service members end up hauling ridiculous items along with them that they don’t need.

Anything can happen along the way to combat zones; troops could end up in an area that only has electricity for three hours a day and no running water, in which case, that brand-new Nintendo Wi really won’t do much.

Related: 8 pieces of gear grunts buy themselves before deploying

So check out our list of silly things service members bring with them to war:

1. A sh*t-ton of cash

It’s okay to bring a little pocket change, but just be mindful because we’ve seen troops bring hundreds of dollars with them just to be stationed at a combat outpost where there is virtually nothing to buy.

ISIS failed to open a Super Target location near your new command post.

Yes. We’re all happy when a new Super Target store opens. (Images via Giphy)

2. Sports equipment

Having a football, basketball, or a soccer ball handy for some leisure activity while you’re deployed is a great way to relieve stress. But cramping these items into your already stuffed sea bag maybe a bad idea.

They make great care package items though. Write that down. (Images via Giphy)

3. Beach toys

Do we need to emphasize why you shouldn’t pack a pool noodle or an inflatable pool? Service members have done it before — we’ve seen it.

Don’t let that kid be your JTAC. (Images via Giphy)

4. An expensive laptop

Deployment movie nights are basically defined as everyone gathering around one laptop. But it’s not necessary to bring one that’s top of the line with the capability to hack into a secure website or Deejay at your local FOB.

You just don’t need that much power.

Remember, war can get dirty, and grit will find its way in between the keys — it could ruin it.

No matter what tech you bring, please don’t dance like this…ever. (Images via Giphy)

5. Unauthorized clothing

Halloween costumes, wigs, and designer clothes don’t have a real place in that already stuffed seabag.

By all means, have them sent to you in an excellent care package though. You could make a YouTube video and become internet famous. Priorities.

Mouse ears are a great choice to send to your deployed friend or spouse. ISIS will love it. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

6. Bulky video games

Yes. Service members have been known to pack their X-boxes and PlayStations into their gear and pass them through customs. But many don’t take into account whether they can actually hunt down a TV to play on.

Just something for you to think about before you deploy.

Looks intense. He must be a POG. (Images via Giphy)

What random stuff did you see people pack with them on deployment?

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