7 Urban Dictionary phrases that hilariously describe deployment - We Are The Mighty
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7 Urban Dictionary phrases that hilariously describe deployment

What started out as a joke between friends sent me down one of the most hilarious rabbit holes I have traveled through to date.

It was late one evening, while on a video call with two of my closest friends, when we began discussing the difficulties of deployment. During this conversation, we started looking up terms on The Urban Dictionary that accurately described deployment or long times of separation.

I laughed so hard that my eyes watered profusely and, at one point, I believe I stopped breathing. My nasals were flaring and no sound could escape from my mouth, followed sharply by belly laughs that sounded terribly similar to squawking. We had entered into the type of hallowed cackling that would alarm most people who were of sound mind. Not people like us, who were steeped in sleepless nights and unending laundry piles.

Being that I am in the throes of a year long separation from my husband, who was tasked with a 365-short tour (mere months after returning from another deployment), I have found that humor often lightens the load of stress and anguish. This particular conversation was so undeniably funny that it deserves to be shared.

Here’s to you, you solid few, who are in desperate need of a chuckle as you navigate the landmines of daily living apart from a spouse.

What is it like to go through a deployment? Here is an answer in terms defined by The Urban Dictionary.

The first few weeks could be described as being filled with “Tweaker Peekin’.” If this doesn’t describe the keen sense of paranoia during the first few weeks of sleeping alone, I don’t know what does.

According to Urban Dictionary, Tweaker Peekin’ is “the act of peeking out of blinds or curtains in a rapid and deliberately inconspicuous fashion, consistent with the effects of methamphetamine, under duress of extreme paranoia that one is being surveilled. In extreme cases this phenomenon can last days on end, and typically worsens with increasing sleep deprivation.”

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After overcoming the intense need to surveil one’s front and back yard subsides, phase two of the deployment timeline commences with several “snaccidents.” I currently keep an entire stash of Twix Ice Cream candy bars inside a frozen broccoli bag for such an encounter.

A “snaccident” is “when food (a snack) is consumed in an accidental, often regrettable way. This can refer to accidentally eating food of questionable quality and/or quantity.”

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Once all of the ice cream in my house has been consumed, its time for the tail end of phase two to take place – insomnia. For whatever reason, sleep deprivation takes over in the first few months and stays around until my subconscious can accept that I’m in it for the long haul and can no longer tolerate long-term sleeplessness. In the meantime, my state of mind could accurately be described as completely “sleep thirsty.”

Sleep thirsty means to be “lacking sleep” and is “the cooler way to say sleep deprivation.”

Phase three of the deployment experience is full of being “fakeawake.” By the third month of deployment, I am so physically tired that it brings me into a state of being “fakeawake,” when “you’re soooooo tired, having lack of sleep and you have to act awake, motivated, or energized.” I, personally, have spent months in the “fakeawake” stage, feigning coherency and capacity.

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It isn’t until the middle to the end of the deployment cycle where I feel like I am able to get my proverbial poop in a group. My schedule levels out, my sleeping patterns improve, and I get my kids back on track. It is the “high octane” phase. According to Urban Dictionary, being high octane means to be forceful, powerful, or energetic.

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After running hard, and reaching the finish line, I am totally “jacked.” Homecoming presents immense feelings of excitement and giddiness. Even now, I am extremely excited about the upcoming return of my spouse.

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Last, but not least… the most accurate Urban Dictionary term for reintegration is “stressure,” or the immense amount of stress produced from high pressure. That’s right. Reintegration is a perfect mixture of high pressure to mold two lives back into one and stress from blowing a completely perfected routine into smithereens.

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By the time one makes it all the way through the cycle, it is time for a brief rest and to do it all again. So, suit up folks and keep on keeping on. Make sure to laugh and stay on the bright side as you cycle through! We’re all in this together.

This article originally appeared on Military Spouse. Follow @MilSpouseMag on Twitter.

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Top 20 military videos on TikTok

Military life is tough. Insanely long hours, inconvenient shifts and tons of training, all to be deployed and wait for your time to come. Nevertheless, service members form some of the greatest bonds imaginable, along with legendary memories- and some are immortalized on video! Here are 20 of the best military videos on TikTok. 

1. Wakeup call 

He doesn’t know the meaning of subtlety, but it’s funnier that way.

2. Barracks shenanigans 

Ah…making memories…

3. Fun with the boys

It feels good to be top dog.

4. Uniforms just hit different 

I wouldn’t mind a peacoat like that…

5. Put some locks on those windows 

At least you can say he’s a risk taker

6. Taser tests always get em’

Pain tolerance he has not.

7. My momma and my chicken nuggets

@maisyborden

What can I say 🤷🏻‍♀️ commission in 1.5 months thank goodness #2LT #army #chickennuggets

♬ original sound – Maisy B

Trust me, it’s very different from chicken tenders

8. Their reasons unite them. Sort of.

The salary is pretty good, though…

9. Maybe give that military GPS a compass of its own

It seriously can’t find its way around some light patches of forest?

10. Sometimes you have to take the edge off

@brett_j17

Don’t even know the chick who joined in #fry #seeyouatthemovies #foryourpage #xyzbca #military @armand4l

♬ Chinese New Year – SALES

Dancing takes the nerves away

11. Stay focused

@zaaylv

Eww I know I’m looking BUSTED don’t come for me 😂😂 #comedy #army #fyp

♬ Lemonade Internet Money – joy:)

Keep your back to the wall, just saying…

12. It’s either a sniper or hallucinations, I swear

@thtoneboot

…They’re in the sand..but they’re one of the bois. Got the idea from @giovannimakhoul #fyp #foru #military #deployed #theyreinthetrees #humor

♬ Mood Swings – Pop Smoke

That echo sounded familiar…

13. Getting the gang back together

Brothers from another mother…

14. He shouldn’t have taken that bazooka into his cabin.

Now how are they going to repair it?….oh right, they won’t

15. Let’s be real. There are tons of Kyle’s.  

It could be worse. It could be a Chad. (No offense if your name is really Chad. We’re sure you’re one of the good ones!)

16. It sounds like ten people at once, 24/7

If you expect clear communication, hahahahaha…Sorry, I was laughing to hard to finish that sentence.

17. Patriotic as can be

Now this is what I call making the most of your job

18. Multi-thousand dollar aircraft…and no visor 

Everyone knows sticky notes are the best military grade sunglasses 

19. You can’t always get what you want

But maybe Texas is what you need?

20. A trick as old as time

Don’t you feel a little bit bad for him? Just a little?

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Here’s the way-funnier version of what the Marine PFT is really like

For a test you know all the answers to that never changes, the Physical Fitness Test is always a mixed bag of results. Let’s admit it, the only people who worry about the PFT are those that only work out so they can pass the PFT.


The boys at Terminal Boots made this hilarious video about the typical Marine PFT and nailed the experience for all the troops in all service branches. Sure, requirements vary from service branch to service branch but the human element is practically the same.

Case in point comes from Deacon who’s puking his guts out at the beginning of the video. Like Deacon, there’s always that person who’s hungover or drunk from the night before because they had extra time off — probably because leadership let them off early so they can be rested prior to the PFT.

Watch (Humorous PFT profanity warning):

NOW: Here’s a hilarious look at what life is like for Marines on a Navy ship

OR: Here’s 5 of the funniest boot camp stories we’ve ever heard

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Why men can’t beat the viral “Center of Gravity” TikTok challenge

The chances of you falling on your face are very good. But why?

More and more TikTok trends seem like they’re designed to embarrass men. The so-called chair challenge is a prime example of men failing hilariously where women succeed (Go ahead, try it.). In the latest TikTok trend, dubbed the “center of gravity challenge,” women dominate the battle of the sexes. Men, on the other hand, end up face-planting.

The results are the stuff made for TikTok: Women crush the challenge without breaking a sweat. When men try the same, they can’t hold their bodies up. Their torsos collapse and they faceplant into the ground. Everyone has a laugh and a challenge goes viral.

Editor’s Note: We know you’re going to try this challenge, especially the men in the audience. If you’re trying, you should probably make your attempt over a nice, cushy pillow. If you feel the need to do it over concrete on video without practicing — well, that’s the internet fame that you choose. 

But why exactly is this another challenge where women reign and men fall (hard). The reason women don’t have trouble with the challenge is, according to the most prominent theory, that they have a lower center of gravity. On average, a woman’s center of gravity is 8- to 15-percent lower than a man’s, according to an article in the academic journal Theoretical Biology and Medical Modelling. It’s speculated that women’s lower center of gravity evolved not for the purpose of making fools out of men on the Internet, but to help them stay stable while walking during pregnancy.

It’s logical reasoning, but also reason that some sexes defy the odds. Not everyone is built the same. Some men may have a lower center of gravity than others. Some women won’t be able to win the center of gravity challenge, and some men will victoriously hover without faceplanting. 

Not many though. There’s only one way to find out. 

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7 best memes from Super Bowl LIII

Super Bowl LIII was the stuff of… well, not legends, exactly — even though the Patriots did become only the second team in NFL history to win six Super Bowls. Whether you were rooting for Brady to cement his GOAT status or hoping the Rams could headbutt him into history, fans from both sides were a little disappointed by the early action in the game.

Here are some of the best memes to come out of the wait, the 4th-quarter fireworks, and the Super Bowl ads:


NFL Memes

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They’re not exactly wrong:

For anyone who missed the game and hasn’t seen yet: The defenses played amazingly and the coaches did well, but there weren’t many Hail Mary passes or stunning breakouts by running backs.

7 Urban Dictionary phrases that hilariously describe deployment

(NFL Memes)

So, yeah, if you were into offensive plays:

Defense wins championships — not hearts.

7 Urban Dictionary phrases that hilariously describe deployment

(NFL Memes)

The unforced errors were also disappointing, to say the least.

If everyone could just play like conference champions, that would be great.

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But then the 4th quarter happened.

But then, finally, the Patriots got into the Red Zone. And then they scored. And Rams fans … Well, their world was crushed.

7 Urban Dictionary phrases that hilariously describe deployment

(NFL Memes)

And the victory memes debuted basically immediately.

Good work, Patriots. Congrats on number six.

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There were some good ads, though.

On the ad side, Bud Light had a few great ones, Stella Artois had an awesome one with Jeff Bridges as The Dude, Harrison Ford and his dog taught everyone about failed Alexa prototypes, and Microsoft showed off their adaptive controllers.

7 Urban Dictionary phrases that hilariously describe deployment

Kia’s ad debuted their swimming SUV, for some reason.

To be clear, no, Kia isn’t releasing a swimming SUV. But their ad about the Kia Telluride showed the small town in Georgia that makes the car and then showed someone driving the car into a river like they didn’t want it anymore (and, yes, it more likely be the Coast Guard than Navy).

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A British Marine made a hilarious video that pokes fun at officers

The divide between the military’s enlisted and officer ranks has long been a source of humor for American service members, especially when it comes to the “luxuries” that officers get.


A Royal Marine recently took the banter a step further by creating a hilarious video that shows just how easy he thinks his officers have it when it comes to their meals, which  — according to him — involves a candlelit dinner complete with silverware, baguette and newspaper. Very British indeed.

Check out the video below to see this Marine’s hilariously British take on officer eats:

 

This video was released by the Royal Marines Reserve Meyerside, a reserve military organization based in Liverpool, England.

h/t Washington Post 

NOW: The 6 most shocking military impostors ever

WATCH: Vet On The Street

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How to fool your command into thinking you’re dumb

There is a time and place in your career where being recognized as smart is advantageous. Yet there are troops out there who straight up refuse to do any administrative work. Whether it is because you’re comfortable with your current job or you’re getting out soon and do not want additional responsibility, we do not judge. If you’re a brand-new troop do not fly too high, Icarus, the brass are always on the prowl for talent.

1. Avoid filling out paperwork too quickly

soldier filling out paperwork pretending to be dumb

To be organized is a military trait that is instilled in us since basic training. However, organized room inspections are different than keeping the platoon organized. Do it too well and you’ll be drafted to desk. If you hate paperwork, then take your time doing it. Still, get it done when it counts but when the colonel needs a new gatekeeper, show that you’re I R Grunt. It’s that or else you’ll have to get used to talking to people way above your pay grade on a daily basis.

2. Never volunteer to intellectually challenging tasks

Whenever there is a technical problem let one of the boots (new troops) handle it. Once you fix a few too many computer problems, you become the go-to person every time the most mundane problem happens.

3. Never be seen teaching a class

Training the next generation is continuous. If you want to avoid being the guide to present the annual training courses to thousands of people, do not get caught teaching. Of course, train your troops but don’t let people see you do it. You want to appear to be a sh*t bag, not actually be one.

4. You’ve never heard of powerpoint

Soldier giving powerpoint presentation, Pretend to be dumb to avoid these
If you don’t want to give a Powerpoint, repeat after me: What’s a Powerpoint?

Do not believe for a second that a colonel or above makes his or her own powerpoint presentations. If you let people know that you know a thing or two about Microsoft Office, you’re going to have a bad time. It’s not enough that you have to make the weekly command and staff meetings as an enlisted NCO, but they will also hover over you the whole time. ‘Why don’t you do it?’ is unfortunately not a desirable option to say.

5. Don’t ask too many questions

The easiest way to get picked to answer a question nobody asked is if you asked it before. If you’re constantly asking questions and getting answers then you’re going to know more than most. If it is something important then, ask away. Throw in some dumba** questions in there too — for flavor.

Do not be surprised when you always get picked to explain something in layman’s terms. Suddenly you’re the training NCO at S-3 operations because you know everything about training.

6. When all else fails, eat some crayons

If you seriously are that opposed to working in an office setting or gaining more responsibility; then you can always resort to saying ‘I don’t know’. I can’t tell you how many times the situation presented itself when someone simply stated ‘I’m dumb as sh*t, staff sergeant,’ and it worked! It works best for techy kind of working parties. We knew, he knew, and the NCOIC (Non commissioned officer in charge) damn well knew it too but he moved on and picked someone else. Hearing the words is enough to convince people you actually chew crayons.

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