The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here's 11 times the military has screwed up on social media - We Are The Mighty
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The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media

Sam Fellman and Ryan Pickrell 24 hours ago

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
An armor crewmen performs maintenance on a M1 Abrams tank during a platoon combined arms live fire exercise 
  • The military has codified the rules for managing these official accounts. But sometimes these social-media pros flub it.
  • The screw-ups range from the Pentagon’s threat to bomb millenials converging near Area 51 to a “KnowYourMil” post about military systems that got it wrong.
  • Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.

Every day, scores of US military commands reach millions with posts aimed to inform and inspire: videos of valor, motivational photos, and, yes, puppy pics.

The military has codified the rules for managing these official accounts. But sometimes these social-media pros — even those at the four-star command responsible for the US’s nuclear weapons — fail miserably.

Here’s a rundown of some of the military’s most embarrassing, troubling, and dumb social-media mistakes in recent years.

“;l;;gmlxzssaw”

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Test of an unarmed Minuteman III ICBM at Vandenberg Air Force Base in California 

US Strategic Command, which oversees the US nuclear arsenal, sent out an unintelligible tweet on March 28, 2021 that went viral before it was deleted.

The post simply said: “;l;;gmlxzssaw.”

In a follow-on tweet, STRATCOM wrote: “”Apologizes for any confusion. Please disregard this post.”

The blunder received lots of humorous responses on social media, including a retired US Army lieutenant general.

‘A string of explicit tweets’

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
A sign of Fort Bragg is seen in Fayetteville, North Carolina 

An “administrator” used Fort Bragg’s official Twitter account to send explicit sexual messages to an OnlyFans creator.

The Army installation initially claimed the account was hacked before deleting not just the tweets but its entire Twitter account. The base later acknowledged that the tweets were sent by one of their own.

Read More: US Army base says it’s sorry for claiming its Twitter account was hacked after an ‘administrator’ sent sexual messages at an OnlyFans creator

“Know what else has CV that isn’t #COVID19?”

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
An F-15E Strike Eagle fighter jet, 48th Fighter Squadron, conducts a show of force while a team of U.S. Air Force Special Tactics operators, 352nd Special Operations Wing, board a CV-22 Osprey tilt-rotator aircraft, 7th Special Operations Squadron, for exfiltration during exercise Valiant Liberty at Muckleburgh, Norfolk, U.K., March 12, 2020 

Air Force Special Operations Command (AFSOC) deleted a March 25, 2020 tweet making light of the coronavirus.

The tweet, which featured a picture of a CV-22 Osprey tilt-rotor aircraft, read: “Know what else has CV that isn’t #COVID19? #CV22uesday!”

The tweet was deemed to be in poor taste given the devastation the virus had caused. An AFSOC spokesman told Military Times that “we recognize it was in poor taste and have taken it down and apologize to anyone offended.” He added that the command will “review how this happened and act accordingly.”

Questions about COVID-19?

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Screenshot of an Army social media post on its COVID-19 response 

The Army put out a post on March 21, 2020 as part of an Army COVID-19 question and answer series that was considered racist and offensive. “Why did the man eat a bat?” the post asked. The answer, which was accompanied by a picture of a man shrugging, was “it wasn’t because he was thirsty.”

The Instagram post appears to have been referencing early reports that the coronavirus outbreak originated from the consumption of bats in China, which have fueled insensitive comments and jokes.

“This is simply unacceptable. We do not know how #COVID19 first infected humans but racism has no place in our Armed Forces,” Illinois Sen. Tammy Duckworth wrote on Twitter in response.

The social media manager responsible for the post, which, in addition to offensive content, also included inaccurate coronavirus information, was fired.

#KnowYourMil

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
M109A6 Paladins of the Utah Army National Guard are staged for movement from the port in Agadir, Morocco, to training areas where they will be used as part of African Lion 20, the largest exercise in Africa 

On March 6, 2020 the Defense Department flubbed a #KnowYourMil moment, when it tweeted out an image of Utah National Guard M109 Paladins but wrote: “Ready to roll out the big guns! The tanks of the @UTNationalGuard are lined up and ready to participated in #AfricaLion.”

Paladins are tracked and have large cannons, but they are not tanks. The Utah National Guard responded to the tweet, writing, “Guys … the M109 Paladin is a 155mm turreted self-propelled howitzer.”

Remembering the Battle of the Bulge with a picture of a Nazi that massacred US troops

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
US infantrymen of the 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, First U.S. Army, crouch in a snow-filled ditch, taking shelter from a German artillery barrage during the Battle of Heartbreak Crossroads in the Krinkelter woods on 14 December 1944. 

In a move that drew significant criticism, the official Facebook pages of the Army 10th Mountain Division, the 18th Airborne Corps, and the Department of Defense all shared the picture of a Nazi responsible for the murder of more than 84 American prisoners of war in Dec. 16, 2019 posts commemorating the 75th anniversary of the Battle of the Bulge, a fierce WWII battle.

The posts were later deleted. The Army said that it “regrets” that the image was included in the post that was shared on social media.

Read More: The Army and the Pentagon commemorated the Battle of the Bulge with a large photo of a Nazi who murdered US prisoners in that fight

#KnowYourMil

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
A Stryker armored fighting vehicle participates in a Nov. 8 training at Fort Irwin, Calif. 

On November 20, 2019, the Department of Defense’s official Twitter account shared this stunning image of an armored vehicle firing at a training exercise with the tag, #KnowYourMil.

The only problem — they named the wrong armored vehicle.

That’s a Stryker armored vehicle firing its 105mm gun, not a Paladin self-propelled howitzer, as the DoD tweet identified it. One easy way to tell them apart is that the Paladin is a tracked vehicle like a tank. Strykers have wheels.

‘The last thing #Millennials will see if they attempt the #area51 raid today’

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
A U.S. Air Force 509th Bomb Wing B-2 Spirit approaches a 351st Aerial Refueling Squadron KC-135 Stratotanker during the Bomber Task Force training exercise over England, Aug. 29, 2019. 

On Sept. 20, 2019, the Pentagon’s Defense Visual Information Distribution Service (DVIDS) tweeted out a warning to millennials planning to attend the “Storm Area 51” event that day, suggesting it was going to bomb them.

“The last thing #Millennials will see if they attempt the #area51 raid today,” the tweet read. The accompanying image was a B-2 Spirit bomber, a highly-capable stealth aircraft built to slip past enemy defenses and devastate targets with nuclear and conventional munitions.

The tweet prompted some backlash online, and the next day, DVIDS deleted the offending tweet and sent out a new one explaining that “last night, a DVIDSHUB employee posted a tweet that in NO WAY supports the stance of the Department of Defense.”

Read more: The Department of Defense had to apologize after a tweet suggested the US military was going to bomb millennials into oblivion if they tried to raid Area 51

‘#Ready to drop something much, much bigger’

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
A still image from a video posted by US Strategic Command. 

US Strategic Command, which oversees the US’s nuclear arsenal, rang in 2019 with a reminder that they’re ready, at any time, to start a nuclear war.

Playing off the image of the ball dropping in New York City’s Times Square, STRATCOM’s official account posted a tweet that included a clip of a B-2 dropping bombs. The command apologized for the message.

Read moreUS Strategic Command apologizes for tweeting a ‘pump up’ video about dropping nuclear bombs

#BRRRT

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
The A-10 Thunderbolt is armed with a 30mm cannon that fires so rapidly that the crack of each bullet blends into a thundering sound. 

In May 2018, the internet was debating whether the word heard on a short audio recording was “Yanny” or “Laurel.” Then the US Air Force joined the debate, referring to a recent strike on Taliban.

“The Taliban Forces in Farah city #Afghanistan would much rather have heard #Yanny or #Laurel than the deafening #BRRRT they got courtesy of our #A10,” the official US Air Force Twitter account said.

The A-10 gunship carries a fearsome 30mm cannon used to destroy buildings, shred ground vehicles, and kill insurgents. It can fire so rapidly — nearly 3,900 rounds a minute — that the sound of each bullet is indistinguishable from the previous one, blending into a thundering “BRRRT.” 

The US Air Force apologized for the tweet and deleted it, acknowledging it was in “poor taste.”

‘I’m like really smart now’

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Mindy Kaling’s joke briefly got some props from the US Army. 

In January 2018, President Donald Trump fired off a flurry a tweets defending himself in response to the headline-grabbing details in Michael Wolff’s book, “Fire and Fury.”

Trump said he was “like, really smart” and “a very stable genius.” 

That prompted a tweet from comedian Mindy Kaling from her character in the office, with the caption: “You guys, I’m like really smart now, you don’t even know.”

The US Army’s official Twitter account liked Kaling’s tweet, to which she replied: “#armystrong”

By the following day, the US Army had unliked the tweet.

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

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4 subtle details about Nazi Germany you missed in Jojo Rabbit

Movies are an art medium where every frame can answer a question before it’s even asked. The clever use of symbols, juxtaposition or a turn of phrase can lead the audience down a rabbit hole of their own interpretation. In some movies, the symbols are more obvious, such as the little girl wearing a red coat in Schindler’s List who symbolizes innocence.

These hidden clues are easier to spot in dramas because we’re subconsciously expecting them. We’ve accepted they should be there. In a comedy, however, they’re easy to miss because we aren’t ready for depth. Jo Jo Rabbit is a comedy about a little boy who joins the Hitler youth in Berlin with his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler. At face value, the movie pokes fun of Nazi Germany, but there are a few subtle details that offer a deeper look into life on the other side.

(Warning: spoilers ahead)

Mother’s cross

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Screen capture- TSG Entertainment

When Fraulein Rahm (Rebel Wilson) says, “It’s a great year to be a girl,” after saying she’s had 18 kids and would rate an award called The Mother’s Cross. At face value, it’s a tongue-in-cheek joke that there is a lot of cardiovascular value to a woman’s place aiding the Reich. Hitler really did approve and encourage the procreation of more soldiers for the party. Although she isn’t wearing it in the scene, she would have rated the highest tier of the award after her seventh child.

Hitler doesn’t smoke

The real-life Hitler loathed smoking and wouldn’t allow it in his presence. Yet, in the movie, he offers Jojo cigarettes. During the 1940s, if you were old enough to work, you were old enough to smoke. Since Jojo never met Hitler in real life, he would never have known this. The offer highlights how little the main character knows about the real dictator.

Captain K may have been a spy

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Screen capture- TSG Entertainment

At the start of the movie, Captain Klenzendorf says he lost an easily winnable battle due to the incompetence of the Nazi High Command. In reality, the micromanagement by general officers and Hitler himself did play a decisive role in losing the war. Yet, when you hear Captain K state how much he loathed their meddling, and now he has to train the next generation of soldiers, he says he’s using actual grenades.

It is suspicious that when one does blow up it fails to kill Jojo at point blank range. Are they practice grenades and he’s just saying they’re real? Was Jojo just lucky? Could Captain K have sabotaged his own mission? Is he attempting to sabotage training? It’s a stretch if that were the only piece of evidence.

The isolated incident could’ve just been a coincidence, but when the Gestapo raid Jojo’s home, the Captain was on his way to warn him. That scene confirms he is part of the resistance. How long was he part of the resistance? It’s plausible that he was a member from the start.

Real-life espionage has inspired other Hollywood films like Valkyrie and Inglorious Bastards where there is an active resistance against the Reich. So, although many people followed Hitler, there was also a handful who went against the grain.

The Rosa-Winkel

Also known as the inverted pink triangle, the Rosa-Winkel found on gay concentration camp uniforms. When throwing “undesirables” into the camps, the Nazis also had a system of identifying which undesirable group they belonged to. When Captain K makes his last stand and reveals his true colors (literally), he and his partner both have them on their uniforms. The film hints at their sexual orientation and then confirms it without distracting the audience during his last stand. He no longer has to hide that important part of his life. To put it simply: pride.

Feature image: screen capture- TSG Entertainment

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4 of the funniest boot camp stories we’ve ever heard

Far from just marching around and being yelled at by sadistic drill sergeants, basic training can be the source of hilarious stories.


Case in point comes from an awesome AskReddit thread. The thread, which originated with Reddit user mctugmutton, asked the military community for “the funniest thing they witnessed while in boot camp.” The answers run from LOL to LMFAO and glimpse at basic training differences between service branches.

Reddit user sneego: The time half my squad decided to clean their training gear naked.

Our last week of basic training, we basically spent days cleaning all of our TA-50 (pretty much all your issued gear- rucksacks, ponchos, etc).

The drill sergeants decided it would be more efficient for us to pile up some of the major items as a platoon and organize cleaning teams. Well, the cleaning team in charge of doing ponchos decided to use the showers to make things go faster and to free up the faucets in the laundry room for others to use. So they begin cleaning and then decide to go one step further: Why be careful about getting wet when you can just get naked and get things done even quicker?

Next thing you know, half of first squad is butt naked chatting like nothing unusual is going on when our drill sergeant walks in. The DS just looks in, makes a David Silvermanesque WTF look, says in his thick Puerto Rican accent, “Jesus LORD privates, what the F–K!” and walks out.

Reddit user allhailzorp: The time my friend got an imaginary bathroom siren.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Photo: Sgt Reece Lodder/USMC

Not me, but my best friend who recently went through USMC boot camp.

It’s about Week 2. All the recruits are still scared s–tless. Literally, some of their a–holes are clenched so tight they haven’t gone number two since they got there. And by this point, with Marine chow being what it is, there’s quite a backlog building up. My buddy desperately needs to go. He wanted to wait until his individual time that night, but it was too late, he was touching cloth.

So, braving his fear of the DIs, he speaks out. “Sir, this recruit requests a head call, SIR”. Then, he blurts out, “Sir, it’s an emergency, Sir!”

The DI, with his infinite sense of humor:

“Oh really? An emergency huh? Well, you better put on your SIREN.”

My buddy has to wave his hands above his head, and scream “Bee-Boo Bee-Boo” as he ran to the restroom. This continued for the entirety of boot camp, every time he needed the bathroom.

One Reddit user witnessed E.T. phone home during Air Force basic training.

We had a really pasty kid with huge coke bottle glasses with a really high pitched almost robotic voice in our flight that seemed to be a lightning rod for TI abuse.

One morning our TI told the kid that he was on to him and he wasn’t going to allow him to complete his mission. Suffice to say the kid was extremely confused and asked the TI what he was talking about to which he replied “You’re an alien and I know you’re here to gather intelligence about our military.”

At this point, I couldn’t hold in my laughter any longer and went to the other side of the barracks as quick as possible before I got dragged into it. Well, I just got to the other side when the kid comes barreling around the corner and stops right in front of his locker and starts screaming into it that the TI was on to him and that the mission was unsuccessful.

I guess the TI told him that he had to report to the mothership through the communicator in his locker that the mission was unsuccessful and he’d been found out.

From Dan Caddy, author of Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said: The time the DS found a Chinese boy in a wall locker. (Not in the book)

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Screen capture from Amazon.com

My Basic Training Battery had twin brothers in it, Chang L , and Chang K . Chang L was in fourth platoon and his brother was in third. One evening, there were combatives happening in the fourth platoon barracks. Chang K had sneaked into our bay to be a part of this unsanctioned event, specifically so that he could wrestle his brother. Everyone was wearing PT uniforms, except for some reason our Chang, who was wearing nothing but his issued brown briefs, and had removed his glasses for the fight. Suddenly, a wild Drill Sergeant appeared! Chang L, in his underwear, was grabbed by someone and stuffed into their wall locker.

His twin brother, Chang K, ran up to the front of the bay to take his brothers place for mail call. It was a disaster waiting to happen. After mail was handed out, the Drill Sergeant decided to hang around for a bit and have a serious heart to heart talk with us about something that had happened recently (an attempted suicide). The Drill Sergeant had gathered us close and was quietly talking about loyalty and brotherhood when all of the sudden, he was interrupted by the metallic squeal of a wall locker opening.

There was a hushed silence as the skinny little Chinese man, blind without his glasses, peeked out around the door and stepped out, in plain view of the Drill Sergeant. Apparently, we had been so quiet, that he thought we had all left.

DS: “WHY IN THE F–K IS THERE A NAKED CHINESE BOY IN YOUR WALL LOCKER?!”
Pvt 1:”Drill Sergeant, I put him there, Drill Sergeant!”
DS: What the f–k?
Pvt 2: “We were wrasslin’, Drill Sergeant.” It was silent for a few seconds as the DS’s face contorted as though he were about to have an epileptic seizure. His eyes were cartoonishly huge.

The DS pointed at the practically nude Chang L and screamed at him to get his f–king ass over to the third platoon barracks. Chang L started to interject, presumably to inform the DS that he had confused him for his brother, but was unable to finish because at this point the DS was knocking things over and screaming his lungs out. Chang ran away, blind and naked, stumbling into furniture as he fled, leaving his terrified twin brother in his place. I don’t believe that we actually got our Chang back until PT the next morning, when they were able to switch back.

Get Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said via Amazon or Barnes and Noble locations nationwide.

MIGHTY HUMOR

‘Key and Peele’ hilariously show why terrorists hate the TSA

The 9/11 terrorist attacks launched the war on terrorism and ruined air travel as we knew it. So the TSA was born.


You used to be able to get through security in less than 15 minutes, but with the creation of the Transportation Security Administration the process takes a lot longer. However, despite this first-world-problem, TSA has foiled over 39 terror plots, according to The Heritage Foundation.

Some may see the TSA as an inconvenience, but to the al-Qaeda fighters in this video, “they are an elite force of anti-terrorist commandos.”

 

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7 painful things that are better than getting OC sprayed

OC qualifying is one of the most dreaded requirements in the military. Occasionally, you’ll run into some people who will try to act tough by saying that OC qualifying isn’t so bad but they’re lying. It is that bad.

Certain ranks in the military require that the troop first experience the pain of oleoresin capsicum (OC) spray. For the same reasons one might opt to experience the pain of a taser, the aim here is for the person carrying such a tool to understand how it feels so they think twice before using it.


The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
At least the pain won’t last very long… (GIPHY)

Getting kicked in the family jewels

This is extremely painful for any man to experience — but it’s still not as bad as getting pepper sprayed and then subsequently having to fight people and do workouts afterward.

Getting a toenail removed without lidocaine

Granted, any type of procedure is going to be painful without a sedative, but no matter how painful that procedure is, it’s still not as bad as taking pepper spray to the face.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Once you get some fresh air, you’ll be just fine. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Corporal Ashley Lawson)

 

CS gas qualification

This is probably the worst part of boot camp — getting put into a bunker filled with tear gas then being forced to pull the mask off your face. If you’ve got lungs of steel, no problem, just hold your breath. But, if you take the smallest breath, your entire respiratory system is going to be on fire. Even still, pepper spray is much worse.

MARSOC screener

This one will likely stir some debate, but let’s be real: At the end of a MARSOC screener, even if you don’t get picked, there’s the gratification of having completed some of the most grueling preliminary testing the military has to offer. At the end of OC qualification, you’re just in pain.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Some may prefer OC spray over getting tasered but they’re probably crazy. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Corporal Christian Robertson)

 

Taser qualification

People who have done both taser and OC qualification will debate this all day. You’ll hear some may say they’d rather get tasered ten times than be sprayed once and vice versa. The truth, however, is that with tasers, the pain ends when the trigger is released. With OC, the pain lingers long after you complete training.

Helo dunker

Training for a helicopter crash in water is fun for some, but a lot of people hate it. For those who don’t know, what happens is you get strapped into a simulated helicopter, which then gets dropped in a pool, submerged, and flipped upside down.

Your goal is to escape the grips of death and resurface. Once you get out of the helicopter, you’re done — that’s it.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
This one might not be worth it in the end, though… (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Staff Sgt. Dengrier M. Baez)

 

Reenlisting

The most commonly despised word across the military is “reenlistment.” While the option to reenlist is not exciting, some might even choose it over getting pepper-sprayed again.

Feature image: U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Mariette M. Adams

MIGHTY TRENDING

These photos shows why being an ISIS recruit can really be a kick in the nuts

The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria has long had a track record of hitting new lows when it comes to atrocities. Well, they also do stuff to their recruits that even Gunny Hartman from Full Metal Jacket wouldn’t do.


According to a report by the London Daily Mail, ISIS recruits at a training camp in Yemen once lined up to be kicked in the groin as part of their training to join the terrorist group. The image was part of a propaganda video put out by the radical Islamic terrorist group, which has been suffering substantial reverses in its original stomping grounds of Iraq and Syria.

 

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
An ISIS recruit is trained on the PKM belt-fed machine gun. (ISIS photo)

 

These reverses have included a convoy of fighters being turned into a battlefield “roach motel” and hundreds of ISIS fighters surrendering to Kurdish forces in Northern Iraq. It is believed that the mass surrender from terrorists who had vowed to fight to the death, is a sign of collapsing morale.

As a result, ISIS is setting up its training camps in a safer venue. Yemen, which has been suffering through a civil war between Iranian-backed Houthi rebels and the Saudi-backed government since 2014, has fit the bill as that relatively safe area for the terrorist group, despite an air campaign carried out by a Saudi-led coalition.

The terrorist group al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, an affiliate of al-Qaeda, has operated in Yemen as well.

 

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Two ISIS recruits operate their weapons, a RPG (right) and a PKM (left). (ISIS photo)

The photograph of the junk-kicks was part of a montage that also showed recruits going through assault courses, doing pull-ups, and taking target practice.

As for why the junk-kicks were included, the Daily Mail claimed that ISIS may have been trying to show how tough their recruits were. But because it was merely a photograph, there was no way to tell if the exercise put any of the prospective terrorists out of commission.

Ah, well, one can hope.

MIGHTY HUMOR

Watch: This episode of ‘Cheers’ hilariously nails the pandemic cleaning panic

One of the benefits of quarantine is catching up on every single television show ever made. There’s nothing better than revisiting some of the classics and clearly, Cheers has to make that list. What’s extra entertaining is when these 40-year-old shows accurately predict the future (like these M*A*S*H episodes).

In episode five of season one, Cheers absolutely nails it.


In this episode, titled “Coach’s Daughter,” customer Chuck (played by Tim Cunningham) sits at the bar and tells bartender Sam (Ted Danson) and the Cheers’ regulars that he has a new job at a biology lab. He shares his anxiety about working with mutant viruses and the reaction from the Cheers’ crew couldn’t be any more fitting to what we are experiencing with COVID-19.

Cheers Coronavirus

youtu.be

Cheers Coronavirus

Cheers ran from 1982 through 1993 with 275 half-hour episodes. Although it was almost cancelled early on, it made it an impressive 11 seasons. Set in a bar in Boston, visiting the friendly location on the airwaves became a weekly household staple, with everyone wanting to visit the place, “Where everybody knows your name.” Cheers earned 26 Emmy Awards, six Golden Globe Awards and many other accolades. It remains one of the best shows in history.

Cheers had several episodes with military-connected plots, although none better than “One for the Book,” which aired December 9, 1982. In this iconic episode, two customers enter the friendly neighborhood establishment, and of course their paths should meet. One is Buzz Crowder played by Ian Wolfe.

Buzz and his buddies from WWI agree to meet every 10 years for a reunion, but just as we see with our WWII veterans present day, Buzz’s peers are dwindling. In this episode, Buzz is the last one left. Luckily for him, you may walk into Cheers alone, but you’ll never leave without making friends. In “One for the Book,” that friend happens to be a young man getting ready to head to the monastery and looking for a night of fun before he becomes a monk.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media

Photo: Cheers, NBC Universal

While Cheers ran on NBC, all 275 episodes are now available for streaming on CBS All Access. Start today and we’re confident you can finish the series before the end of quarantine. Or, let’s be honest, by the end of the week.

Cheers!

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Forget what you’ve seen in war movies, this is what hazing is like in Delta Force

George Hand is a retired Master Sergeant from the 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta, and the Seventh Special Forces Groups (Airborne). The views and opinions expressed in this article are his own.

Military units are strong on tradition, well, formal tradition anyway. Then… then there are those un-recorded traditions, born and raised and assimilated into every unit’s corporate culture. In my own squadron of Delta, there was the both cherished and despised tradition of birthday hazing.


Everyone suffered from it because, well… everyone has a birthday, and if you tried to keep your date secret, a new birthdate was promptly assigned to you, and you were to be hazed with additional spirit for your insolence. Above all, you were expected to fight, to fight hard against the birthday-boy onslaught.

I fancied myself as one who despised the ritual. Over the years, I looked on in abject horror as men were blindfolded, bound, hung upside down, and dunked repeatedly into the swimming pool hanging by a rope tied to their legs. As you can imagine, I suffered minor nightmares as my birthday approached.

And that day came.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Pictured: definitely not me. The rest of my unit? Oh yes.

I entered my team room to the Cheshire grins of my brothers. Someone was singing “Happy Birthday” with a chuckle. I readied myself and, embracing the strategy I had devised, I spoke:

“I’ve decided, gentlemen, that I would not be participating in this ‘birthday bash’ tomfoolery. I’m protesting this with passive resistance; I won’t fight you.”

The Reverend Chill-D got his name when he suddenly, unexpectedly and inexplicably, found Jesus once… for about a week. The Reverend was the pinnacle instigator and executer of the most heinous of hazing events. He loved it; it was in his life’s blood; he could taste it; he was born again into a world where hazing held the only key.

“You’re gonna do what… you’re not gonna do what, Geo??” he questioned with our noses damned-near touching tips.

“I… I… I’m not going to fight you guys, Chill-D.” I stammered.

“Well, well, well…” the Reverend continued, “Boys, looks like we got ourselves a coward! And we all know what we do with cowards!”

Suddenly, a great pounce erupted in the room. There was much suffering and gnashing of teeth; sinew and tendon stretched dangerously close to its tinsel edge. Bone creaked and popped and nearly broke… but held fast.

When I came to, I couldn’t move. I was bound, somehow, on every inch of my body and lying supine on the floor. I was gagged with what I recognized by taste as duct tape, a thing all military folk know as “hundred-mile-an-hour tape, roll, green in color, one each.” I divined that my body, too, was bound in such fashion. From behind, I was lifted vertically at my head by an unseen force. I could understand now that I was duct-taped to a moving dolly.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
I don’t think this scene was ever meant to be relatable…

 

“Time to go to the pool, Great Houdini… we’re throwing you in the pool taped to this dolly. Better start thinking how you’re gonna free yourself!” and I truly did start to ponder that conundrum, as I knew my men not to be simple braggarts. How long could I hold my breath? What tools might I be carrying in my flight suit?

A man shot into the room with a canteen cup and sheet of paper. With the shriek of more stripping of tape, the canteen cup was taped fast to my right hand, and the paper was slapped to my chest.

“We’re taking him right now to the finance window and standing him next to it!” reported the villain.

I was rolled to the finance window and stood. There, in line at the window, was a group of eight women from the Unit waiting to collect travel funds. As the boys left me, there was much staring and blinking between me and the women. I rolled my eyes vigorously to the extent that I became nauseous.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media

“Please help…” one of the women began to read the sign on my chest, “…I must raise .56 to buy each of my friends a soda. If I fail to raise this money by 1300hrs, they will kill me.”

And the kind ladies each chipped in their change from their travel funds until I had some $40.00 and even a roll of Starburst candies. Yet I stood. I stood until some valiant men from our Signal Squadron came and sliced me loose.

As I stepped back to my squad bay pushing the dolly, I realized there would be more scunion to bear from the boys. I paused… and as the pool door was just to my side, I stepped in and plunged myself into the watery goodness.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Not the kind of cannonballs the military normally advertises.

I then sloshed my way through the squadron lounge where my brothers languished before the TV, being it still the lunch hour.

“What the hell happened to you?” queried the Reverend.

“Some pipe-hitters from C-Squadron cut me loose… but then they throttled me and threw me in the pool!” I sulked as I headed for my team room. En route, I passed a bubba from our A-Assault team standing in the open doorway smiling at me.

“How that that new passive resistance policy of yours working out for ya, Geo?”

“Go f*ck yourself; that’s how,” said I.

MIGHTY HUMOR

12 of our favorite Army jokes online

Who doesn’t love a good laugh at their employer’s expense? It’s all the stuff that you have to deal with, day in and day out. Only this time, it’s poking fun at the bear. It’s not you on the chopping block, it’s someone else. That means it’s time to let loose and relax — all while getting in a solid chuckle.  There’s no exception for Army jokes. In fact, we laugh that much harder, knowing there are so many solid jokes at the expense of Uncle Sam. Take a read and join us in chuckling over the expense of the institution that is the U.S. Army. 

  1. Acronyms at their best:

ARMY — a recruiter misled you

2. This low-blow at boots on the ground:

What do you call kids in the military?

Infantry.

army soldiers training
U.S. Army Soldiers attending the Special Forces Qualification Course conduct tactical combat skills training at Fort Bragg, N.C. The U.S. Army John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center and School conduct the SFQC year-round. (Released) They clearly could use some Army jokes to lighten the mood.

3. Getting cheesy:

What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

4. When backtalk is still funny:

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him. The soldier smiled and said, “Sure were a lot of ’em, huh, sir?”

5. Past careers come to light:

Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?

He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.

6. Training done right:

A drill sergeant grumbles at his fresh young trainee, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning, Private.”

“Thank you very much, Sir,” replies the soldier.

7. The laws of nature: 

If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with baggy green skin.

Army soldiers with green paint on. Army jokes suggest soldiers should have green skin
U.S. Army soldiers of the 3rd Bn., 87th Inf., 4th. Div., armed with M-16A1 rifles, guard the perimeter of the Red Devil drop zone during an engine running offload (ERO) exercise with members of the U.S. Air Force reserve. A C-130 Hercules aircraft is taxiing on an unimproved runway in the background.

8. Pulling rank:

During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.

“Your car stuck, sir?” asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside. “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. “Yours is.”

9. A macabre play on words:

Overheard at the VFW, “When I was in the Army, I got both my arms shot off.”

“I shouldered on, anyway.”

10. A trip down memory lane:

Son: Dad, what was your favorite day as a soldier?

Dad: The first time I sent some private to find batteries for the chem lights.

11. A difference in opinions:

The company commander and the sergeant were in the field. As they go to bed for the night, the first sergeant said: “Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”

The commander said: “I see millions of stars.”

Sgt: “And what does that tell you, sir?”

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?”

Sgt: “Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent.”

12. Getting punny:

What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army officer?

A flat major.

These jokes poke fun at the largest military branch to date, we can all slap our knees at its expense. Whether you’ve served or just enjoy a quick chuckle, these jokes are bound to brighten your day.

Have some great Army jokes to share? Tell us below. 

Articles

8 girly songs only a real squad leader sings

The infantry squad leader is a billet that demands leadership and integrity. There is an unofficial rite of passage that every squad must endure. I’m not talking about the first order issued or the trials of combat. No–it’s when your squad leader sings his favorite, stereotypically “girly” songs. Maybe it’s boredom or his brain has turned to soup because of all the stupid he has to put up with.

In Afghanistan, our squad leader lost a bet to our Staff NCO and had to do a patrol debrief wearing spandex short shorts. What we saw was not meant for mortal eyes. The constant stretching and Ke$ha songs, however, were not mandatory. If he had to pay the price, so did all of us. If your squad leader doesn’t sing ridiculous songs at some point, is he even a real leader?

 Ke$ha – Tik Tok

Vietnam Veterans had Jimi Hendrix and Creedence Clearwater Revival – meanwhile, we have this. Out of all the things that can give someone PTSD, I can’t listen to this song without remembering the horrors of that day. Was it worth it Staff Sergeant?

Pinkfong – Baby Shark

If you have had kids this song has given you PTSD. Naturally, drill instructors sunk their teeth into it immediately at the height of it’s popularity.

Katy Perry – Firework

For a long time, Katy Perry was the darling of the Marine Corps. She has done numerous shows for the troops on USO tours and even made a tribute music video. She has partnered with UNICEF and Generosity Water to help children around the world. Her humanitarian resume stretches decades into the past making it less inhibiting to be a fan in uniform. If your squad leader didn’t at least hum this during a tactical halt, sweating and losing his marbles – yet happy, then it wasn’t a real deployment.

Britney Spears – Baby one more time

A classic. A must have on the list. Generally the older SNCOs sing this because of their aversion to pop culture, although ironically, this is pop culture – but old.

Christina Aguilera – Genie in a Bottle

Same as above.

Lady Gaga – Bad Romance

When I was a devil pup embarking on my first deployment, this song hit the air waves. Unfortunately for us, since we were without internet, it was one of the only songs people would sing. Mother Monster is beautiful and a great singer. However, when her lyrics come out of the mouth of the leadership, you start reevaluating your life choices.

The Navy’s theme song

As is tradition.

Aqua – Barbie Girl

We’ve all sung this one. Laugh it up because then we’re going in a fun run when its over. Even the Russians are doing it!


Feature image: Screen capture from YouTube.

MIGHTY HUMOR

Airman gets tasered, grabs another airman’s junk

This hilarious 2013 video footage shows the moment a female airman gets tasered and instinctively grabs for anything — which for one unsuspecting male airmen — was the worst possibility.


The airman had no control over the junk-grab, since being tased impedes your nervous system. A U.S. Air Force training article describes the experience:

Two small, dart-like electrodes strike a person’s body with 50,000 volts of electricity causing them to experience stimulation of their sensory and motor nerves resulting in strong, involuntary muscle contractions.

Those strong, involuntary muscle contractions clearly affected the airman on the right.

Watch: 

 

NOW: Marines hold hilarious ‘memorial service’ for their porn stash

OR: Here’s the messy way military planes are tested to withstand bird strikes

Articles

5 advantages of being vertically challenged on active duty

The U.S. military is a diverse fighting force. The various backgrounds give warfighters an edge when understanding the enemy in order to destroy them. One difference that does not involve race or religion only affects the individual warfighter – being short. As a 5’2″ infantry Marine veteran, I can attest that short stature is annoying when using pull up bars or the obstacle course. Yet, there are some advantages to having a pocket-sized Rambo around.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media

Cover and concealment

In the infantry, one of the first tactics a young troop is taught is how to utilize micro-terrain. Normal cover is something that can provide protection from enemy fire that is about the size of an average person. Micro-terrain is using cover that can only partially protect you and you combine it with the angle of enemy fire and the slope of elevation for a hasty defense. Small stature allows you to exploit your hereditary disadvantage by providing more options for cover.

In training, sometimes SIM rounds are used to add an extra layer of realism to combat training. It is a 9mm round filled with a chalk like, dyed powder out of a weapon system. It uses a special upper receiver that is switched out from a troops issued weapon. Which, in my opinion, is better than training with blanks because seeking cover and returning fire should be your first reaction. It forces troops to consider cover and how well that cover will actually cover them.

Additionally, SIM training removes the eventual ‘no, you didn’t shoot me’ argument that appears with blank only training. Being naturally small makes you difficult to hit. I’ve seen this advantage play out when I’m the closer target, but I won’t be targeted just because I’m a hard target. If it means not getting shot in training or in life – I’ll buy that for a dollar.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
“Who’s laughin’ now, you lanky bastard?!” (U.S. Army photo)

Armor covers more surface area

The tallest Marine in my platoon was 6’3 and his large flak jacket looked like a crop top. My body armor came down to my waist. I was an armored turtle with an M4 and an anger problem. The entire point of that equipment is to protect your vital organs.

Savings on uniform costs

When I was in, a strategy I used to save money on uniforms was that I would buy used uniforms from surplus stores and use those in the field. Using old faded, uniforms works well in the field but in the infantry they tend to go by faster due to all the field ops. I never had a problem finding a small/short (SS) pair of cammies.

However, my taller counterparts did not have the same luck as often as I had when shopping. So, small/short-wearing brethren keep their garrison uniforms in top shape and have the plenty of field cammies to do real grunt sh*t in.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
No one realizes where that extra couple hundred bucks came from until it’s time for new cammies (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Summer Dowding)

Some PT is easier

This one may feel more like cheating yourself and the team than an actual advantage, but it is what it is — log runs. When everyone is taller than you, by a lot, you don’t lift the log; it’s barely within reach. Usually, log runs are accompanied by a stretcher or water jugs. You’re not trying to screw over the team but this is where you can get somewhat creative in the fight. Run the other items longer or switch in more frequently. Regardless, log runs don’t suck as much for the vertically challenged.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Exhibit A: third guy from the left… (U.S. Army)

Size matters

If the platoon is ever in need of a tunnel rat, though, you’re going in. Balance. There have been countless times when we were infiltrating a compound, in training or real-world, where everyone pauses at an opening too small for everyone. In unison, everyone turns to you – let’s do it! Whether it’s searching in tight spaces or time to check someone over a wall or through a window, you’re the guy. If you’re vertically challenged, I hope you’ve been practicing your break falls. You will get chucked into some improvised tactical situations.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media

Feature image: U.S. Air Force

MIGHTY HUMOR

5 reasons why Marines can’t have nice things

All Marines, infantry or other, notice that other branches of the military have better-looking bases. A collective ‘what the hell, man,’ when we realize the grass is literally greener in other branches. Marines are the jocks of the military, it doesn’t take a lot to make a Marine happy. When we try to make a case for ourselves that we deserve shiny things, someone has to ruin it for everyone. ‘Rah.

1. Barracks parties can get out of hand

Exhibit A: The barracks party. A good 90% of the time it is just a group of dudes crushing cans of Bud Light and chain-smoking cigarettes. However, every now and then the planets align to form the perfect storm that is the other 10%. It’s the first day of post deployment leave block, everybody’s significant others are in town, it’s a pay day weekend, and no one has had a drop of alcohol for months. Pray.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Summer ends, Marines party on
Photo by Cpl. Nathan Wicks
Marine Corps Air Station Iwakuni

That next Monday there will be evidence of a fire somewhere, beer cans and cigarettes litter the quad as far as the eye can see, someone went to jail. At least 10 fights happened but now they’re friends, a busted window or two, and some Marines are at the Battalion Aid Station awaiting shots of penicillin. One Christmas leave block we had a Marine get NJP’d for streaking naked in Japan. All of this without hardcore drugs.

2. Marines get in trouble often

The streaking Marine would strike again. Marines are tough, so, eventually the novelty of punishments wears off. This is why corporal punishment doesn’t work; it’s not fair. Why not do the crime if you’re going to do the time? In the civilian world you are innocent until proven guilty, in the military you are guilty until proven innocent. Is it any wonder Marines party harder than any other branch? We know we’re going to get in trouble even if we follow the rules, cheers.  

3. The Marine Corps is underfunded

The Marine Corps has no money. We’re pot, we Po’. Point blank our chow halls are garbage, our living quarters are garbage, our garbage is garbage. It is outside of our control what tools we get. We adapt and overcome, at least everything is clean. Yes, the barracks may be falling apart but it has been bleached and waxed! Regardless, we like that the money is spent on equipment and training instead. I remember the first time I shot an AT-4 rocket launcher as a private, it did not matter how bad the food was, that sh*t was cool.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
Food Service Specialists fueling Marines with, probably, the cheapest food ever.
Photo by Cpl. Joseph Karwick

4. The Air Force took all the nice locations

Why are Marines not allowed to be on Air Force bases? We would mutiny, that’s why. Marines aren’t officially banned but Marine leadership knows that morale will plummet. In the Marine Corps your meals are charged from your pay whether you used it or not. In the Air Force you pay for what you consume. Our bases are in a swamp, a desert, or an island you cannot leave. Dealers choice. Air Force bases need airspace with favorable conditions for routine flight paths. We’re a little jelly; that’s why we make fun of them the most.

The US command overseeing the nukes sent out a confusing and unintelligible tweet — here’s 11 times the military has screwed up on social media
The best bases AND the fanciest gadgets? It’s not fair.
Whiteman Air Force Base
Photo by Airman 1st Class Keenan Berry

5. Rank equals privilege mentality

There is a method to the madness. Tired of roommates? Want more pay? Want to be far away from junior enlisted and officers so you can crack a cold one in peace? Get promoted and gain access to the Staff NCO Club. The number one reason Marines can’t have nice things is by design. Nice things are for closers.

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