--- title: "A milspouse’s guide to the first deployment" description: "Deployment is tough on a family. It's hard on the one who leaves and hard on the ones left behind. Here's how to tackle your first one." date: "2024-09-04" modified: "2024-09-04" authors: - name: "Bethaney Phillips" job_title: "Contributor, Veteran Spouse" link: "https://www.wearethemighty.com/authors/bethaneyphillips/" url: "https://www.wearethemighty.com/mighty-milspouse/a-milspouses-guide-to-the-first-deployment/" categories: - "Deployment" - "Mighty MilSpouse" --- # A milspouse’s guide to the first deployment ![First Lt. Korey R. Flinton, native of Leesburg, Va., and executive officer, Bravo Company, 50th Signal Battalion (Expeditionary), 35th Signal Brigade (Theater Tactical), is hugged goodbye by his wife Courtney J. Flinton before boarding a bus at the 50th ESB headquarters, Fort Bragg, N.C., Nov. 10, and beginning his journey to Monrovia, Liberia, where he will add his signal expertise to the battle to contain the Ebola virus outbreak. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Ashley M. Armstrong, 35th Signal Brigade (Theater Tactical) Public Affairs/Released)]() *First Lt. Korey R. Flinton, native of Leesburg, Va., and executive officer, Bravo Company, 50th Signal Battalion (Expeditionary), 35th Signal Brigade (Theater Tactical), is hugged goodbye by his wife Courtney J. Flinton before boarding a bus at the 50th ESB headquarters, Fort Bragg, N.C., Nov. 10, and beginning his journey to Monrovia, Liberia, where he will add his signal expertise to the battle to contain the Ebola virus outbreak. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Ashley M. Armstrong, 35th Signal Brigade (Theater Tactical) Public Affairs/Released)* The first time your soldier leaves, like leaves-leaves, can feel like an empty hole in your home. Their side of the bed is empty, there are fewer dishes, their voice is absent from regular conversations you once had. And all of their things are in the same place they left them, since, quite obviously, they aren’t there to move them. In theory, all this sounds like a no-brainer. Of course it’s quiet, of course their side of the bed goes untouched. Duh. But as it plays out, life is just … quieter. Emptier. Lonelier. No amount of planning can prep you for the absence of your everyday norm. For them, it’s different. They are busy and out visiting new places. Not ones where they are used to seeing their loved ones, while you’re feeling left behind and alone. The seasoned, salty spouse will guffaw at this. They’ve done it many times over. But as a first-timer, it can be a hard concept to grasp. ## Tips for the first days after deployment The hardest part is finding a new routine. You will get there, you will settle in and find a groove. And from there, on, you’re just living your new normal. Until then, you might feel like you’re flailing in a weird stage of in-between. (You kind of are.) In the meantime, stay busy. Meet up with friends, run errands, visit family for the weekend. Even if you’re at home cooking and cleaning, find something to do to keep your body moving. Exercise can also be a great way to burn off energy while releasing endorphins. Though it can be tempting, keep in mind of potential triggers that could send you spiraling, like alcohol or walloping in self-despair. These are two triggers that can make the bad times worse, and if you aren’t careful, they could suck you down into a deep, dark hole. Next, set up some goals. It could be goals for the month or the entire deployment, but staying focused and productive is a great way to feel like you aren’t getting ripped off. Instead of missing out on time with your loved one, you’re using the time to accomplish key goals. It’s all about how you look at it. Find what interests you and make the goals happen. There are milspos who remodel a new room in their house each time their spouse is gone. There are those who sew a wardrobe of homemade clothes. There are those who cook a freezer full of meals that can be cooked later. There are no rules on how to spend your time, only that you should keep yourself distracted on positive events. In short, your goals, and your keeping yourself busy will allow for a new routine. One that will feel like a new normal, even if it’s temporary. It’s a spot that can make the deployment much easier, too. Sure, you’ll talk to your spouse as they are available. You can tell them about your projects and how you’re staying busy. But you can’t live for these times, instead just cherish them as often as you’re able to get them. Allow yourself this head start in the beginning days for a stint that can benefit your family, rather than cause stress or strain. Then, once your spouse returns, you can pick up where you left off, now with a stronger bond between you. ## Author Bethaney Phillips has contributed to We Are the Mighty and MilSpouseFest since 2015, covering history and military family topics. She also served as the Interim Content and Digital Manager at MilSpouseFest in 2021. Now a veteran spouse, she spent six years in an active duty family and served as an SFRG leader. With a bachelor’s degree in English and Creative Writing, she has more than 15 years of experience in digital and print writing, focusing on researched pieces and human interest stories. She is also a regular contributor to Business Insider, covering family and parenting topics. Her work has been included on Business Insider, Yahoo, Military.com, and Manhattan Magazine. While continuing to freelance, she works as the founding editor of the Clay County Regional, a print and digital newspaper delivered to more than 5,500 recipients. She also serves as the Digital Director/News Director for Taylor Communications out of north-central Kansas. Bethaney spends her free time chasing her two elementary-aged boys, raising chickens, and reading fiction. ### Author social links [Twitter]() [WWW]()