Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best - We Are The Mighty
MIGHTY MOVIES

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

After 11 years, 21 movies, and billions of dollars, the Marvel Cinematic Universe shows no signs of slowing down.

“Captain Marvel” hit theaters March 2019 and is breathing new life into what has been a lackluster box office so far in 2019. “Avengers: Endgame” is also projected to break records at the box office when it’s released next month, and “Spider-Man: Far From Home” comes to theaters in July 2019.

But a lot will change for the MCU after this year.


Disney, which owns Marvel, will own the film rights to the X-Men and the Fantastic Four after merging with Fox. The producer Kevin Feige has said he expects that to happen within the first six months of 2019, at which point he’ll get the green light to develop projects with those characters.

It comes at a good time, as “Endgame” marks the end of this era for the MCU, and veteran actors like Chris Evans (who plays Captain America) are expected to retire from their roles.

But before the MCU faces a big shakeup, we ranked all 21 movies — including “Captain Marvel” — from worst to best.

Here’s every Marvel Cinematic Universe movie, ranked:

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

21. “Iron Man 2” (2010)

Directed by Jon Favreau

After the highs of “Iron Man,” it didn’t take long for the MCU to plummet to its lowest.

If the “2” in “Iron Man 2” meant that everything had to be doubled — the villains, the characters, the number of MCU movies Gwyneth Paltrow is in that she didn’t watch— then “Iron Man 2” succeeds. But it’s just too overstuffed for its own good in an attempt to get audiences ready for “The Avengers” two years later.

The MCU has since become a well-oiled machine that knows how to balance it all. But in 2010, it was still working on that.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

20. “Thor” (2011)

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

There’s nothing particularly horrible about “Thor,” but there’s nothing memorable either. It’s impressive that the movie works at all, considering that Thor, an alien god with daddy issues, was such a little-known character at the time, and Chris Hemsworth was not the superstar he is now. But James Gunn managed to turn even lesser-known and weirder characters into MCU standouts in “Guardians of the Galaxy.” It would take a while for Thor to really come into his own.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel)

19. “The Incredible Hulk” (2008)

Directed by Louis Leterrier

We now know Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner/Hulk, but in the second MCU movie, Edward Norton was in the role.

Out of all the MCU movies, “The Incredible Hulk” feels the least connected to the universe. Liv Tyler’s Betty Ross, Banner’s love interest, has never appeared again, and neither has Tim Blake Nelson, who was teased as the Hulk’s archnemesis, the Leader.

But even with that tease, a sequel never happened, and the only character besides the Hulk to have any meaningful connection to the MCU has been General “Thunderbolt” Ross, played by William Hurt, who popped up again in 2016’s “Captain America: Civil War.”

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Disney / Marvel)

18. “Thor: The Dark World” (2013)

Directed by Alan Taylor

It’s almost pointless to compare the first two “Thor” movies, as they’re both toward the bottom of the MCU barrel. But “The Dark World” is a tad more fun than “Thor,” and it’s integral in introducing one of the Infinity Stones (the Reality Stone) that Thanos ends up using to destroy half of humanity.

But Marvel still hadn’t realized that Hemsworth’s best attribute in the role is his humor, and the character — and the first two movies — suffer because of it.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

17. “Doctor Strange” (2016)

Directed by Scott Derrickson

“Doctor Strange” is the most overrated movie in the MCU. By 2016, movies like the Russos’ “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” and “Civil War” had progressed the MCU into new territory, but “Doctor Strange” felt like a step back. Sure, the magic was cool, but it also relied on a formulaic plot with a forgettable love interest. (How do you not give Rachel McAdams more to do?!)

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel)

16. “Avengers: Age of Ultron” (2015)

Directed by Joss Whedon

This “Avengers” sequel made the same mistake as “Iron Man 2”: cramming too much into its plot to serve the future of the franchise.

The movie features some cool action sequences, notably the Iron Man-Hulk battle. But it fails to distinguish Ultron, the Avengers’ biggest enemy in the comics, from other two-dimensional MCU villains, and it spends too much time setting up future movies. (What exactly is Thor doing?)

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel)

15. “Ant-Man” (2015)

Directed by Peyton Reed

“Ant-Man” is a fun little Marvel movie, but not much else. Paul Rudd is charming in the lead role, and Evangeline Lilly is more than just a love interest as Hope van Dyne (the future Wasp). But the movie still falls into familiar territory, including a lackluster villain in Corey Stoll’s Yellowjacket.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Disney / Marvel)

14. “Captain America: The First Avenger” (2011)

Directed by Joe Johnston

“The First Avenger” is arguably the first movie that “mattered” in the MCU. While “Iron Man” is better, “The First Avenger” sets up “The Avengers” better than “Iron Man,” which basically acts as a prequel to the big team-up movie.

“The First Avenger” would prove essential to the movies that came after — even “Infinity War” with the unexpected return of a character thought to be dead.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

13. “Iron Man 3” (2013)

Directed by Shane Black

“Iron Man 3” is the most divisive movie in the MCU, and for good reason. It takes some wacky turns, with a major twist that ruined the movie for plenty of people. But I admire that Black just went for it with this movie and delivered something that fans still argue over.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

12. “Ant-Man and the Wasp” (2018)

Directed by Peyton Reed

While it’s not necessarily an “essential” MCU movie, it improves on the first “Ant-Man” in nearly every way, with plenty of heart and humor.

Reed came back to direct after replacing Edgar Wright at the last minute on the first movie, and “Ant-Man and the Wasp” feels as if he was more adjusted to the job, with some well-polished action sequences and a great handle on the characters.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel)

11. “Captain Marvel” (2019)

Directed by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck

Maybe in time “Captain Marvel” will inch higher on this list. But for now, it’s a solid entry into the MCU, but not a fantastic one.

Boden and Fleck are at their best in the character-driven aspects of the movie. Unfortunately, it’s the action the movie is lacking, which hurts it by the end.

Brie Larson is perfect in the title role, though, and her chemistry with Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury makes the movie. There are also some surprising twists that elicited plenty of reactions from theater audiences. If anything, this is a worthy appetizer for “Avengers: Endgame.”

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

10. “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (2017)

Directed by Jon Watts

I didn’t have a strong positive reaction to “Homecoming” when I first saw it, but it’s grown on me. Peter Parker’s motivations throughout the movie to be a hero — impressing Tony Stark — rubbed me the wrong way at first. But it’s hard not to like Tom Holland’s spot-on portrayal of the character, and the movie knows exactly what it wants to be: high-school ’80s classic meets modern superhero flick. And Michael Keaton is truly menacing as Adrian Toomes/Vulture in what began a hot streak for villains in the MCU.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel)

9. “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” (2017)

Directed by James Gunn

Though “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” is a step back from the first movie, it’s still the most underrated MCU movie. The “Guardians” movies are unique entries in the franchise, and it’s a shame Gunn was given the boot from the third movie, which is in limbo.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

8. “Iron Man” (2008)

Directed by Jon Favreau

The first movie — and still among the best — “Iron Man” kicked off what has become the most lucrative movie franchise of all time. But in 2008, it was just a fun superhero origin movie that defied the odds.

Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark, and it’s hard to think of anyone else who could have embodied the role with so much of the necessary charisma to sell a character who casual audiences hadn’t cared about.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

7. “The Avengers” (2012)

Directed by Joss Whedon

Four years after “Iron Man,” “The Avengers” proved that Marvel had what it takes to pull off a connected universe of movies. It’s even more impressive considering that the early MCU movies, like “Thor,” “Iron Man 2,” and “The Incredible Hulk,” are some of the worst in the franchise. But “The Avengers” course-corrected, delivering a bona fide blockbuster that hadn’t been achieved before.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Disney / Marvel)

6. “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” (2014)

Directed by Joe and Anthony Russo

2014 marks the point when the MCU really got it together. There have been minimal low points since, and it’s because Kevin Feige and crew finally had the machine running smoothly with low-profile directors who could deliver surprising superhero movies.

Among those filmmakers were the Russos, who have become somewhat of the architects of the universe. After “The Winter Soldier,” an expertly crafted espionage thriller posing as a superhero movie, they went on to direct “Civil War,” “Infinity War,” and “Endgame.”

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Disney / Marvel Studios)

6. “Thor: Ragnarok” (2017)

Directed by Taika Waititi

“Thor: Ragnarok” is the most absurd movie in the MCU, but that’s only part of what makes it so good. This is when Marvel finally realized that Chris Hemsworth is an extremely funny guy with loads of charm and built a movie around that.

It’s also probably the closest thing we’ll get to another Hulk movie in the MCU.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Marvel Studios)

4. “Captain America: Civil War” (2016)

Directed by Joe and Anthony Russo

“Civil War” is loosely based on a 2007 comic-book event of the same name that pits Marvel’s superheroes against one another over the ethics of a registration act making it illegal for any superpowered person to not register their identities with the government.

The MCU version is obviously more contained, but that’s what makes it so good. It takes a huge storyline and successfully tells it through Captain America’s perspective, making it even more personal.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

3. “Black Panther” (2018)

Directed by Ryan Coogler

“Black Panther” is a lot of firsts: the first superhero movie to be nominated for best picture, the first movie to win Oscars for Marvel Studios, the first superhero movie with a predominantly black cast.

It was more than just an MCU movie — it was a cultural event. And its box office reflects that. It was the highest-grossing movie in the US in 2018, breaking barriers and riding its success all the way to Oscar gold.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Disney)

2. “Avengers: Infinity War” (2018)

Directed by Joe and Anthony Russo

“Infinity War” is an order of magnitude bigger than “Avengers” or “Civil War.” With a cast of over 20 characters, “Infinity War” is the culmination of 10 years of universe-building.

The Russos pulled it off, and they’re not done yet. After the most shocking ending in an MCU movie, the story will continue in “Endgame.”

But on its own, “Infinity War” is an impressive balancing act, and Josh Brolin’s Thanos lives up to the hype.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

(Disney)

1. “Guardians of the Galaxy” (2014)

Directed by James Gunn

“Guardians of the Galaxy” was the first MCU movie that really felt disconnected from the rest of the universe, but not in a negative way like “The Incredible Hulk.” It’s an important entry in the franchise from a story standpoint — but it’s also just a hilarious, fun, self-contained movie that turned an unknown group of characters into fan favorites.

It’s the most rewatchable movie in the MCU, with a brilliant soundtrack, but it’s the characters that really make it, from the dynamic between Rocket and Groot to the oblivious Drax. They don’t like each other at first, but the audience loves them as soon as they’re introduced.

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

MIGHTY MOVIES

Disney uses stormtroopers to enforce social distancing, but it’s actually fine

Star Wars stormtroopers aren’t real. But if they were, this would be a great use for them.

The white-suited Imperial soldiers were spotted patrolling a balcony at Disney Springs, the shopping, dining, and entertainment complex that was the first Disney World property to reopen last week. Following a monthslong COVID-19 closure, the complex implemented lots of new precautionary measures, and the stormtroopers were there to remind guests of what they needed to do to stay safe.


The “conversation” between the two costumed Disney cast members. a sort of screwball comedy bit reminiscent of the funniest moments from The Mandalorian, was piped through nearby speakers. Attractions Magazine captured some of the best bits and posted them to YouTube.

“Yeah, I’m gonna need you to move…one bantha’s length away please,” the headstrong female stormtrooper says to the clueless male stormtrooper, a reminder to him and the crowds below of the importance of social distancing.

In another bit, he tries to get the attention of someone in the crowd by saying “Hey! You! With the face covering!”

“They all have face coverings,” she replies.

“Well, I made them all look,” he points out, eliciting a groan from his exasperated companion.

Face masks are, of course, a CDC-recommended measure to slow the spread of the coronavirus. They’re also required for all employees and guests at Disney Springs, and thus made great fodder for the stormtroopers’ routine.

“Some nice face coverings down there,” the female stormtrooper said of the tourists’ masks below. “Probably nicer than these helmets.”

“I doubt it,” he replied matter-of-factly. “These helmets have atmospheric processing units with multi-stage filtration, heat dispersion, and vacuum-tolerant oxygen delivery.”

“Do you stand at night reading spec manuals?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes, actually.”

“That checks out,” she said, the “you nerd” heavily implied.

The stormtroopers’ repartee was nice because it managed to have some fun with the serious situation without making light of it. Wearing face masks and social distancing is serious, but this performance shows that messages aimed at the public can have some levity and be effective.

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.

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That time an entire battle stopped to watch two soldiers in a fistfight

There’s just something about two people in a fistfight that’s irresistible to watch. We can’t look away. There’s something about the sound of a sliding barstool, the rising tide of voices shouting, and the sudden rush of action in one spot that is just pure entertainment.


But there shouldn’t be any reason to stop and watch two soldiers fistfight in the middle of war.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
Though it’s an interesting idea.

 

That’s why it’s surprising that it actually happened. And all the onlookers were Americans – it was during the Civil War.

In May 1864, Union and Confederate armies clashed in a dense wooded area known as “The Wilderness” over the course of three days. More than 120,000 Yankees fought some 65,000 Rebels to an ultimately inconclusive result. Both sides took tens of thousands of killed and wounded, and the Union Army of the Potomac pushed further into Virginia.

Before anyone knew the outcome of the battle, however, one small skirmish captured everyone’s attention, Union and Confederate.

In the middle of the Wilderness, between the two armies’ centers, was a clearing called Saunders Field. Being the only real clearing in the area between two opposing armies meant that it was full of artillery shells and the holes made by those shells, along with bullets. Just tons of and tons of bullets.

 

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
Why are Civil War bullets so large?? WHY

As the two sides clashed near a gully in the field, a Union soldier hid there to avoid being captured by the enemy. Then a Confederate soldier threw himself into the gully to avoid the hail of Union bullets coming toward him. They were the only two in the gully and didn’t even see one another.

Until they did see one another. And then they started “bantering” to one another.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
Something like this, except basketball players never actually throw punches.

Eventually the two had enough of one another and decided to take it outside…of the gully. They stepped into the road for a good ol’ fashioned “fist and skull fight.” Whoever won would take the other as prisoner.

They were halfway between both sides of the battle, in full view of everyone in each opposing army. And the men in each of those armies stopped fighting the Civil War to watch a fistfight. All the other soldiers even ran up to get a better view of the fight.

Did I mention the Civil War stopped to watch this fight?

 

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
Let’s see Floyd Mayweather do that.

The account, written by a cavalryman of the Virginia Infantry, doesn’t mention how long the fight lasted, only that “Johnny [Reb] soon had the Yank down.” The Union soldier, true to his word, surrendered. They both returned to the gully, fighting resumed, and the man was taken back to Confederate lines.

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The 6 most shocking military impostors ever

There’s stolen valor and then there’s you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me-stolen-and-savaged valor. Military impostors are the WORST. Check out the faux military cred antics of these guys:


1. The impostor Green Beret who botched a civilian rescue mission

 

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best


People first noticed something fishy about the obese “Green Beret” when he tried  to buy some ATV’s on discount for his fellow soldiers. An active-duty sergeant quickly noticed that despite the captain’s ranking on his uniform, William James Clark was wearing a black beret. Seriously?

Then things went from slimy to sinister: On May 26, 2002, a tugboat crashed into a bridge on the Arkansas River in Oklahoma, killing 14 people and sending more into the water. People rushed to the river, desperately trying to save the victims. Then you-know-who showed up.

Not only did Clark tell the emergency responders that he was in charge — disrupting the professionals who included members of the Army Corps of Engineers, National Transportation Safety Board and the FBI — he also went through the victims’ personal items and commandeered a truck from a nearby dealership on “The National Guard’s orders”. Class act.

But wait, there’s more: A real Army officer died in the accident, so Clark took it upon himself to break the news to the man’s widow, keeping up the charade even in the face of a dead man’s grieving wife.

“Captain” Clark was finally called out by the town mayor, at which point he fled to Canada where he hid for a few days before getting locked up in federal prison.

2. The “veteran” professor who fooled his whole school — and an entire academic field

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

 

Dedicating yourself to a life of teaching others is a valiant occupation — unless you’re William Hillar, and the “knowledge” you’re passing on is actually complete BS. This “former army colonel” faked a PhD and was teaching college students about counter-terrorism, drug smuggling, and human trafficking .

He also claimed that the movie “Taken” was inspired by his own life — he said his daughter actually died in real life after being sold into sex slavery and getting hacked to death with machetes. Schools and conferences around the country scrambled to get Hillar to speak at their events. And it wasn’t just civilians he fooled; many of his students were active-duty service members.

After 10 years of this charade, Hillar finally ignited the suspicions of the special forces community, and the impostor — who had never served in the military or even graduated college — was outed as a fraud once and for all.

3. The serial impostor who BS’d his way to the White House


As shockingly easy as it was for our previous contenders to commit stolen valor in recent years, it was basically a cake walk in 1915.  This was a time before CAC cards and internet databases, so if you woke up and decided you wanted to impersonate a Navy sailor, most people would have taken it at face value.

Which is exactly what Stanley Clifford Weyman decided to do — for over ten years. For Weymen’s first trick he disguised himself as a Romanian sailor, referring to himself as Lieutenant Commander Ethan Allen Weinberg and boarding the USS Wyoming unannounced. Surprisingly, the U.S. Navy was cool with this, accepting that he was just a friendly foreign officer. Apparently all you needed was a weird-looking uniform and a smile to dupe people back then — simpler times.

After an inspection, “Commander Weinberg” invited the officers to dine with him at the Astor Hotel, one of New York City’s finest establishments of the day. The captain was thrilled, and the dinner went swimmingly — until the police rolled in and cuffed Weyman, who reportedly asked if he could at least finish dessert first. (Probably not the way he envisioned the evening going.)

This wasn’t Weyman’s first duplicitous dinner, either; in 1910 he faked being the American consul to Morocco as a ticket into all of New York’s fanciest restaurants, sending the bill to the U.S. government after each meal before finally getting caught.

You would think that after this many busted dinners, Weyman would lose his appetite for crime. You would be wrong. In 1921, this serial impostor decided to take his one-man show to the big leagues, and ended up shaking hands with the president of the United States. Yes, you read that right.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
Weyman, far left, is all smiles with Princess Fatima’s stateside entourage Photo: Meridian.org


To pull of his greatest stunt, Weyman donned a U.S. Navy uniform and reached out to an Afghan princess named Fatima, who was visiting the states at the time. Weyman convinced her that he was from the State Department and could arrange a meeting between her and President Warren G. Harding for the low, low price of $10,000 ($130,000 today). Fatima conceded, excited to meet the president.

But Weyman didn’t stop once he got his cash. Instead of ditching Fatima, he was true to his word, and got her the meeting with the president.

He also lost the $10,000 because he needed to rent a private boxcar suite for the princess to travel in from New York to Washington and set her up in a fancy hotel once she arrived, but this guy was in it for the thrill, not the money.

And thrill he got. The meeting happened, he met Harding, and no one was the wiser until some members of the press realized that this random naval officer looked a hell of a lot like the crazy guy who kept getting arrested for masquerading as random naval officers.

Weyman was arrested after the meeting, again. He would later get out after his two-year sentence and continue impersonating military personnel and getting arrested until the end of his days, living out his weird criminal dreams.

 4. The dude who assembled his own fake Special Forces unit

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
David Deng during his trial Photo: Army Times

 

You know the saying “shoot for the moon and you’ll land among the stars”? This guy took it a little too seriously.

David Deng decided that it was time to move on from civilian life, and what better way to do that than by cutting out the middle man and creating your own special forces unit?

Deng knew that in order to get this “operation” off the ground he would need something very important — recruits. Deng preyed on Chinese immigrants who had recently moved to the Los Angeles area, guaranteeing them eventual citizenship and better luck with the ladies. Sadly, over 100 gullible hopefuls “enlisted” into Deng’s secret program, paying hundreds of dollars for the chance at a better life.

Deng led the young men in drills he’d learned from old training manuals, and issued everyone uniforms and IDs he purchased from an apparently very sweet, trusting military surplus store.

Deng’s Special Forces had a good run, as far as fake military units go. The group got to take a private military tour at the USS Midway Museum, and marched in Los Angeles’ Chinese New Year parades. They became very popular among the local Chinese-American community, and few people questioned their legitimacy.

The guy even created his own fake training school by converting an old store front he bought into something that vaguely resembled a military building — all you need is some flags, right?

Everything was roses until Deng’s recruits, so convinced that they were real soldiers, showed up at real military bases to renew their military memberships. After some confusion, and undoubtedly laughter, the base called the FBI and Deng was arrested.

5. The political impostor who faked a military record — and paralysis — to make it to Congress

 

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
Douglas Strngfellow poses with his family just a few weeks before his secret was discovered Photo: local.sltrib.com


Politics can be dirty. If we’ve learned anything from “House of Cards“, it’s that everyone has a secret, and it’s only a matter of time before your enemies drag yours out and strangle you with it. Utah Representative Douglas Stringfellow was no exception in this regard. His road to success was nearly as murky and duplicitous as Frank Underwood’s (except for the murdering Zoe part).

Stringfellow knew that a surefire way to earn the love of the American people was to have a military record. Luckily, he had one — a WWII hero and a Silver Star winner, exactly what 1950s America wanted from a leader as the Cold War loomed closer. Or at least, that’s what he told people.

Stringfellow claimed that he was a member of the elite OSS (Office of Strategic Services), a WII-born intelligence agency that would later evolve into the CIA. As such, he undertook a mission to save nuclear scientist Otto Hahn from the Nazis, only to be captured and tortured by the Germans until he was left paralyzed from the waist down.

Too good to be true? Well . . . yes, actually. Stringfellow was really just a private in the Air Force, not a scientist-saving hot shot that got tortured by Nazi cronies. The OSS thing and the Silver Star were BS too. But the most shocking lie of them all? He wasn’t paralyzed.

Utah bought the wheelchair routine, however, and voted him into office. But after two years in the position, his secret got out, and his image was completely destroyed. Even The Church of Latter-Day Saints, Stringfellow’s place of worship, shamed him — forcing him to make a public confession of his misdeeds.

 6. The guy who faked PTSD — on television 

Sometimes impostors are cunning. Sometimes they’re crazy. And sometimes, as in this case, they’re both. 45-year-old Brian Camacho — aka Brian Kahn – managed to convince Military Minds, a community network that helps veterans find treatment for PTSD, that he needed help after several deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. Military Minds sent him to Canada to receive medical assistance, and no one questioned his legitimacy. And why would they? The guy was decked out in a full military uniform, complete with eagle, globe and anchor tattoo.

It wasn’t long after this arrangement, however, that Kahn’s brother Ian came forward, confessing his brother’s real name — and the fact that he had never served in the military. In an interview with the Military Times, Ian Kahn lamented that “It’s all a game to him. He really believes he went to Iraq and Afghanistan.”

Kahn also appeared in one of Military Minds’s promotional videos, once again referring to himself as Marine 1st Sgt. Brian Camacho. The whole situation is sad and weird, but the fact that this guy claimed that he suffered from PTSD, a very real and debilitating challenge for many servicemen and women who return home, is just sick. Stolen valor is one thing, but this is just mind boggling.

You can see Kahn in the short video below, bulls**ing his way through a QA as if he has actually served.

NOW: The 6 greatest military heroes you’ve never heard of

MIGHTY CULTURE

Life hacks your mom taught you that made you more lethal

Our mothers nurtured us from crying babies into (less-often-crying) adults. They took care of us. They raised us. Little did they know the tiny little life hacks they were teaching us along the way made us (feel) immortal. Here are some of the tricks of the trade that contribute to our inflated sense of lethality.


Chicken noodle soup and ginger ale

Ah, chicken noodle soup and ginger ale. An elixir from heaven. This at-home remedy has been used by mothers since, well, chicken noodle soup and ginger ale have existed. It’s used to treat: the cold, the flu, a fever, a headache, an upset stomach, a hangover, a broken arm, a break-up (Eliza come back, I beg you). It’s also the officially required lunch of “I-faked-being-sick-to-get-out-of-school-so-now-I-really-have-to-milk-it-and-pretend-like-this-is-the-only-thing-I-can-eat-even-though-I-am-starving-and-could-run-a-freaking-train-on-those-Bagel-Bite-pizzas-in-the-freezer.” There is something about the crisp tangy pop of ginger bubbles and the salty hot broth of chicken noodle that calms down the soul and makes us impervious to any and all small bodily ailments.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

The all-important “junk” drawer

You may be in your kitchen, but if your mom had a junk drawer, then you’re never out of reach of a potential weapon. The junk drawer is a magical, mystical, place of knick-knacks and lost treasures. A junk drawer could contain any or all of the following: scissors, dead (and half-alive) batteries, expired grocery coupons, snapped mouse traps, loose change, a calculator, nails, bolts, matches, two tickets to paradise, those little twisty things on bags of bread, and the TV remote you’ve been looking for. It is a virtual MacGyver preparedness kit. As Clemenza said in The Godfather, “Leave the emergency kit—take the junk drawer.”

(*DISCLAIMER: Not to be confused with the father-inspired “Pantry Below The Sink Full of Plastic Bags”)

Super glue on cuts 

Okay, this one is a dice roll of a pick. Maybe it was just my prison guard careerist mother—but I was always taught to put super glue on cuts. I have saved hundreds of dollars in urgent care visits by cleaning a deep cut and then gluing it back together. I do not know if it is sanitary or safe. If I was a betting man, I would put all the money I saved on urgent care visits on it not being safe or sanitary. But hey, mom knows best, and I challenge any flesh wound (3cm long or less, preferably on a finger) to try and stop me.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

The tennis ball garage trick

There is a hot, hot debate, about whether this was a mother idea or a father idea. To that debate I say: would a father ever really use an instrument of measure to assure safety? I once watched my father grab a tarantula with his bare hands. Dads are not interested in their own well-being. Luckily, people like us, have moms who taught them to tie a tennis ball to the garage ceiling, at just the right length to tap your windshield and let you know not to go any further forward—lest you bump into a cardboard box mountain of Christmas decorations. Safe ride=lethal driver.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

Make lunches the night before

Preparedness is something that mothers have in spades. While all your coworkers are sprinting to their cars to speed to Subway so they can wolf an footlong in 4 minutes and be back before 30 minutes—you are enjoying a wonderful little at-home lunch you made last night. And why? Because your mother taught you. You save money, and you have a full meal catered to your liking. So you can always remain focused, vigilant, and lethal. And you can spend the last 10 minutes of break watching Netflix on your phone.

Buy coats during summer 

Winter has rolled around and everywhere you look people are dropping 0 on a good winter coat. You don’t have the money. You can’t buy it. You go outside in a T-shirt and jeans. You freeze. You die. This is a highly likely scenario. However, because your mom taught you how cheap coats are during the summer, you bought yours all the way back in July for off the sales rack. So go out and brave the arctic tundra in a reasonably priced coat, warrior, you’re a discount badass thanks to mom.

Keep a roll of toilet paper in the car

“No spill formed against mom shall prosper.” There is always a roll of toilet paper crammed somewhere in my car, thanks to my mom. Its functionality spreads far and wide: spills, quick sneezes, eliminating icky bugs, preventing my neanderthal brain from spitting gum directly into the plastic door compartment, cleaning spilled ketchup on a shirt, and throwing on a car that’s parked like a jackass. Mom ain’t raise no punk.

MIGHTY TACTICAL

Paratroopers get new platform for rapidly deploying equipment

Members of the 900th Contracting Battalion played a key role in revolutionizing the future of airborne operations at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, with the Aug. 10, 2018 contract award for the Caster Assisted A-Series Delivery System.

In recent years, the 900th CBN embedded soldiers from its 639th Contracting Team into the 82nd Airborne Division Headquarters to better support their customer.

“The 639th CT is embedded with 82nd Airborne Division and remains empowered to prudently apply their contracting support expertise to help meet mission readiness,” said Lt. Col. Jason Miles, deputy director of the Mission and Installation Contracting Command-Fort Bragg contracting office and 900th CBN commander.


The Caster Assisted A-Series Delivery System, or CAADS, is a new door bundle dolly system that has been in development and testing since early 2018. Modeled after a similar door bundle system used by French airborne forces, CAADS is specifically designed to increase the number of door bundles that can be rapidly deployed from a DOD transit aircraft while reducing deployment time. The 82nd AD spearheaded the successful testing, and on June 5 interim airdrop rigging procedures and training manuals were published for the innovative system.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

Capt. Colton Crawford and Capt. Lesley Thomas conduct a technical inspection of the Caster Assisted A-Series Delivery System at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, as representatives from Carolina Material Handling Inc. look on.

(Photo by Staff Sgt. Gregory Gunn)

“The acquisition of the Caster Assisted A-series Delivery Systems for the 82nd Airborne Division will help reduce jumper fatigue as well as triple the amount of supplies and equipment on a drop zone simultaneously with paratroopers exiting an aircraft” said Capt. Colton Crawford, 82nd AD parachute officer.

Equally impressive as the testing was the procurement process. The 639th CT was able to award a contract for the delivery of more than 948 units in less than 14 days after receipt of a funded purchase request. Fully involved in the acquisition planning since late 2017, the contracting team was able to conduct extensive market research and find a number of responsible vendors able meet the requirements the division.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

Capt. Colton Crawford, third from right, discusses specifications with Cape Terrell during a technical inspection of the Caster Assisted A-Series Delivery System at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

(Photo by Staff Sgt. Gregory Gunn)

“The 639th Contracting Team and the Acquisition Corps seem to have a unique skill to increase readiness on demand. They are paramount to meeting the Army’s ability to ‘fight tonight and win,'” Crawford added.

As the first samples are delivered and inspected for quality assurance by division parachute riggers, the 82nd AD moves onto the next operation armed with increased delivery capabilities.

“It is always impactful when a requirement you’ve been working on for months satisfies the customers’ needs and directly impacts the mission,” said Capt. Lesley Thomas, a contract management officer for the 639th CT.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

Contracting Soldiers from the 639th Contracting Team were joined by members of the 82nd Airborne Division and 82nd AD Sustainment Brigade as well as vendor representatives from Carolina Material Handling Inc. to conduct a technical inspection of the Caster Assisted A-Series Delivery System at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

(Photo by Staff Sgt. Gregory Gunn)


About the MICC:
Headquartered at JBSA-Fort Sam Houston, Texas, the Mission and Installation Contracting Command consists of about 1,500 military and civilian members who are responsible for contracting goods and services in support of soldiers as well as readying trained contracting units for the operating force and contingency environment when called upon. The command is made up of two contracting support brigades, two field directorates, 30 contracting offices and nine battalions. MICC contracts are vital in feeding more than 200,000 soldiers every day, providing many daily base operations support services at installations, facilitate training in the preparation of more than 100,000 conventional force members annually, training more than 500,000 students each year, and maintaining more than 14.4 million acres of land and 170,000 structures.

This article originally appeared on the United States Army. Follow @USArmy on Twitter.

MIGHTY CULTURE

After 45 years, Green Beret faces his past in Vietnam — part five

As we made our way from Saigon to Buon Ma Thuot (or as I knew it, Ban Me Thuot) the low lying farm lands turned into gently rolling foothills covered with coffee fields being tended by local farmers living along the edges, just as the rubber plantations had been during my time before.

Night began to fall and we ran into a series of storms at the edge of the Central Highlands – my mind flipped and I remembered how darkness and rain actually became a good thing as they masked movement and noise and helped us deceive the enemy as to where we were and what we were doing.


Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

The rain slackened as we approached Ban Me Thuot and the city streets were covered in arches of lights – there must have been a festival or something, but everyone joked it was a gala reception for my return. The wide avenue we entered on led us to the central roundabout with a centerpiece that had a majestic arch with a T-55 Soviet Tank celebrating the “liberation” of the city by North Vietnamese forces.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

After a bit of confusion finding a hotel we settled on one directly on the roundabout and then wandered over to the monument. Some local teenagers were taking pictures of each other and then asked if we would take a group photo for them. People are the same the world over – enjoying life and making the most of it.

I marveled at how much BMT had grown and flourished over the years and how it has become a very metropolitan area now as opposed to the small sleepy city I remembered.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

The next morning we drove out to East Field where our camp had been. The camp was long gone, the buildings torn down and the jungle had reclaimed the site. The small dirt and oil airfield that was adjacent to the camp has become a regional airport, much like those in any small city in the US. The hill southeast of the camp that we used for a radio relay sight was clearly visible and brought back memories that are recounted in the video. Some of them funny and some of them a bit scary. The red clay dirt is still there – I think I’ve still got a pair of jungle fatigues with that clay imbedded in them at home in Fayetteville.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

As I stood near where our camp had been, with butterflies in the background, memories came back of past times – as a friend said the other day, some good and some bad. That’s what life is made of, good and bad memories and it’s how we deal with them that counts.

Follow Richard Rice’s 10-part journey:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

This article originally appeared on GORUCK. Follow @GORUCK on Twitter.

MIGHTY HISTORY

This was the average day for an ancient Roman soldier

Today, the modern soldier wakes up, eats chow, goes through a day of training with his or her squad before resting up. They follow this schedule every day from Monday to Friday. If the troop is on a deployment, they could work anywhere from 12 to 18 hours (if not more) per day, seven days a week, for nearly a year.

It’s a tough lifestyle.

Once a troop fulfills their service commitment, they can be honorably discharged or reenlist — the choice is theirs.

Now, let’s rewind time to around 15 C.E. The Roman Empire is thriving and you’re an infantryman serving in the Imperial Roman army under Emperor Tiberius. In many ways, life was quite different for the average sword-wielding soldier when compared to today’s modern troop. In other ways, however, things were very much the same.


Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
A Roman soldier proudly stands in front of his men.

Many young Romans joined the army at the age of 18. Of them, most were poor men with little-to-no life prospects due to being born into a family of low standing. Once they became soldiers, Roman troops had to overcome 36 kilometer (22 miles) marches in full battle rattle.

For these ancient troops, a full loadout consisted of body armor, a gladius (sword), a scutum (shield), and two pilum (spears). This gear weighed upwards of 44 pounds. To add to that weight, troops carried a scarina (backpack), which contained rations and any other tools needed to serve the Roman officers.

At the end of each grueling march, soldiers set up camp to get some rest. Men were assigned to stand watch and look over the others, the gear, and the animals hauling the heavy equipment. Being ambushed in the middle of the night was a constant possibility.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
These Roman troops stand in a defensive position awaitng the enemy to strike.

Like most troops, they feared the unknown. At any given moment, they could encounter a fierce battle, contract sickness from other soldiers or the environment, or be left to endure the elements. It was a consist struggle to survive in a cutthroat world that was all about expanding the Roman Empire.

In their downtime, most men would gamble, play instruments, or talk about future plans. If the soldiers served for their full 25-year commitment, they would receive several acres of land on which to retire — but surviving to the end was considered a longshot.

So, in many ways, the typical Roman infantryman was a lot like the ground pounders of today — only they were stuck in the suck for longer.

MIGHTY TRENDING

US needs to accelerate its hypersonic weapon development

The Defense Department is looking to step up its development of hypersonic weapons — missiles that travel more than five times faster than the speed of sound — DOD leaders said at the National Defense Industrial Association-sponsored “Hypersonics Senior Executive Series” here today.”

In 2018, China has tested more hypersonics weapons than we have in a decade,” said Michael Griffin, undersecretary of defense for research and engineering. “We’ve got to fix that.”

Russia also is involved in hypersonics, Griffin said. “Hypersonics is a game changer,” he added.


If Russia were to invade Estonia or China were to attack Taiwan tomorrow, Griffin said, it would be difficult to defend against their strike assets. “It’s not a space we want to stay in,” he told the audience.

DOD is looking at air-breathing boost-glide hypersonics systems, the latter being used by China, Griffin said. The United States has the boost-glide system competency to get these developed today, he noted.

On the flip side, he said, the U.S. needs to develop systems to counter adversary hypersonics. The place to take them out is in their relatively long cruise phase, in which they don’t change course suddenly. It’s not a particularly hard intercept, he said, but it requires knowing they’re coming. Current radars can’t see far enough. “They need to see thousands of kilometers out, not hundreds,” Griffin said.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

Undersecretary of Defense for Research and Engineering Michael Griffin.

(U.S. Army photo by Bryan Bacon)

The Western Pacific is a particularly difficult area, he noted, because “it’s not littered with a lot of places to park radars, and if you found some, they’d likely become targets.”

Space-based sensors, along with tracking and fire-control solutions, are needed in the effort to counter adversaries’ hypersonics, Griffin said, pointing out that hypersonics targets are 10 to 20 times dimmer than what the U.S. normally tracks by satellites in geostationary orbit. “We can’t separate hypersonics defense from the space layer,” he said.

Getting to production, fielding

Congress has given DOD the funding and authorities to move ahead with hypersonics development, Deputy Defense Secretary Patrick M. Shanahan said, and the department wants competing approaches from industry.

Tough decisions lay ahead, he said in the development and engineering phase, operationalizing the technology and then in acquisition. Those decisions include how much to invest and how many hypersonics to produce. “Should it be tens of thousands or thousands?” he said.

Industry will respond, Shanahan said, but government needs to clear a path and help fuel the investments up front, as with the effort field intercontinental ballistic missiles decades ago.

DOD is not risk-averse, the deputy secretary said. “Break it,” he added. “Learn from the mistake. Move on. Break it again and move on, but don’t make the same mistake.” It’s much more expensive to do the analytics to prevent it from breaking than it is to break it, he said.

This article originally appeared on the United States Department of Defense. Follow @DeptofDefense on Twitter.

popular

This is what happened to the USS Constitution’s original guns

If you visit the USS Constitution in Boston these days, the cannons you’ll see on her gun deck aren’t the originals launched with the ship. The guns aboard the ship are replicas, and only two of them are capable of firing salute charges. Even when the sailors aboard Constitution fire salutes, it’s a far cry from the way cannons were loaded and fired when Old Ironsides was first laid.

In fact, they’re inaccurate replicas, with 18 of them even bearing the Royal Cipher of King George II.


Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
The creator thought the ship’s original guns were confiscated from the British. He was wrong.
(USS Constitution Museum Collection)

 

USS Constitution was first launched in 1797 and saw action against the Royal Navy during the War of 1812. She took down five British warships, victories that stunned not only the Royal Navy, but the rest of the world. Her most famous victory was against the HMS Guerriere, the victory that earned her the nickname “Old Ironsides” when the Guerriere’s 526-pound broadsides bounced off Constitution’s hull as if it were made of iron. But the 30 24-pounder long guns and 20 32-pounder carronades it launched with weren’t captured from the British during the Revolution.

The guns aboard Constitution were never designed to stay solely aboard the ship, as weapons at that time were moved as needed. Shortly before the Civil War, she took an illegal American slaver as a prize off the coast of Angola and was decommissioned. The ship was turned into a training ship for Midshipmen at the U.S. Naval Academy. Eventually, she was turned into housing for sailors until the turn of the 20th Century.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
The Constitution being refitted as training ship for Midshipmen.

 

It was around 1906 that Congress decided to restore Constitution to her former glory. After public outcry against the ship being used for target practice by the Navy halted its planned sinking, $100,000 was appropriated to restore the ship as a museum. This included new casts of cannon for her decks. Some 54 guns were going to be cast for the restoration. But the Naval Constructor in charge of the armaments, believing there was no documentation about the original guns, used a French design instead. So rather than long guns and carronades, the designer saved money by using the same gun on every deck.

In 1925, the Navy rectified this and went all-out in restoring Constitution. The new restoration scrapped all of the 1906 guns for being historically inaccurate. After four years in drydock, the guns the Navy used to replace the 1906 guns were also inaccurate. These were the aforementioned British-style weapons – but at least they represent the kinds of weapons found on the gun decks and spar decks. Two of them even fire salutes.

The two saluting guns aboard Constitution were retrofitted to fire 40mm shells of black powder just in time for the United States Centennial in 1976. On Nov. 11, 1976, the commanding officer of the ship decided to fire the salute guns in the morning and in the evening from the ship’s mooring in Boston Harbor – a tradition it has carried on ever since.

Articles

The Punisher revealed its episodes via Morse Code

On Twitter this morning, the official twitter handle for the upcoming “Punisher” series on Netflix released a series of cryptic tweets.


Quick translation into the regular alphabet gives you: “3am, two dead men, and Kandahar.” Kandahar, Afghanistan, is more than likely where Frank Castle was deployed, since he mentioned to an old Marine veteran back in Daredevil Season 2 that he was in Afghanistan.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best
…and definitely where this scene takes place, given the headgear (Screengrab via Marvel)

The name of all of the episodes are:

  1. “3 AM”
  2. “Two Dead Men”
  3. “Kandahar”
  4. “Resupply”
  5. “Gunner”
  6. “The Judas Goat”
  7. “Crosshairs”
  8. “Cold Steel”
  9. “Front Toward Enemy”
  10. “Virtue of the Vicious”
  11. “Danger Close”
  12. “Home”
  13. “Memento Mori”

Following the standard 13 episode format for all of the series, this seems to make sense. The series of tweets ends with a very cryptic video meant to invoke the feeling of something being classified by the military.

The video ends with an ambiguous date in 2017. However, I have my own personal theory on this.

One of the directors on The Punisher accidentally revealed the show’s premiere month. The director said Netflix was planning to release his episode in November. Knowing the structure of every Netflix’s television show, this basically means that every episode drops with the whole season for maximum binging results. Netflix also releases a lot of their shows on a Friday, once again for maximum binging results.

If Marvel and Netflix were to drop it on any Friday to get the best results, it would be over Veteran’s Day weekend. The day before Veteran’s Day is also the Marine Corps’ Birthday. What better way to celebrate the anniversary of the Corps than by having its favorite fictional son’s television show released on the same day?

I’m open to criticism if I’m wrong, but if I’m right this could be one of the best birthday gifts ever.

MIGHTY HISTORY

How people give Abraham Lincoln the last laugh at his killer

It was not an ending befitting a man of Lincoln’s personal stature. He died in a bed at the House of a local tailor, William Petersen. He didn’t die right away, instead dying the next morning after a night of labored breathing. His assassin, John Wilkes Booth, bolted out the door and made for Maryland, crossing the Navy Yard bridge after the evening curfew. From there, he and his conspirators made their way to Virginia, where they were captured and eventually executed.


The killing was dramatic, public, and caused a popular outcry that has persisted for generations – and continues to this day.

The manhunt for Booth and the co-conspirators, those who also attacked Secretary of State William Seward and failed to murder Vice-President Andrew Johnson, was the largest in American history. It was personally led by Lincoln’s Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton. A reward for a sum equal to more than 0,000 when adjusted for inflation was offered for Booth and searches were conducted by the U.S. goddamn Army.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

You know you maxed-out your wanted level when the U.S. military is after you.

Booth and accomplice David Herold made it to a Virginia farm one night and were asleep in the barn when the 16th New York Cavalry came calling. Herold surrendered when the cavalry ordered the men to come out, but Booth would not be taken alive. As soldiers set fire to the barn, the assassin gathered his weapons and made for the back door. Unfortunately for Booth, Sgt. Thomas “Boston” Corbett was already there, having snuck around to the back earlier. He shot Booth in the back of the head just below where Booth hit President Lincoln. The assassin was paralyzed immediately and died outside the farmhouse, surrounded by Union cavalry two hours later.

Of the eight people arrested for the conspiracy, four were hanged (including Herold), three were given life sentences, and one served six years. Booth’s body was rolled into a horse blanket and eventually buried next to the four who were hanged for their crimes. They were moved briefly before being turned over to his family in 1869. They moved his body to their family plot near Baltimore. There, in that plot, you’ll find a small, unmarked stone – one likely covered in pennies.

Every Marvel movie ranked from worst to best

Visitors believe this to be John Wilkes Booth’s final resting place, and leave pennies on top of the marker as a means to mock the assassin, more than a century after his death. The penny (in case you don’t use cash) usually features the image of President Lincoln. It’s far more economical to get your kicks in with a penny than with a bill.

MIGHTY TRENDING

Watch: President Trump addresses nation on Coronavirus

Today the World Health Organization designated COVID-19, more commonly known as Coronavirus, a global pandemic. President Trump addressed the nation from the White House this evening to talk about what we know, what we’re doing and how we will respond. Watch the full address, here:


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