Thanks to the infantrymen of Dog Company, we have an ad for Ranger panties that's funny, informative, and really makes me want a pair.
For the first time ever, I find myself seriously considering buying Ranger panties. And not just buying them; wearing them to all sorts of events. These are about to be the centerpiece (and possibly only piece) of my Valentine's Day outfit. And it's all thanks to this ad from Dog Company of some battalion or another:
Look at it. Really look at it. It's got puns, it's got rhymes, it's got suggestive language, it's got a joke at the expense of cavalry scouts (thanks for securing our routes, sorry about all the jokes).
It even suggests that Ranger panties are perfect for signing into the unit when you get to Dog Company, which, come on, if you're not checking to see if they have openings for your MOS already, you're doing it wrong. My old MOS, unfortunately, does not appear in any infantry MTOEs, so I have to long after these shorts from afar.
But not Dog Company. No, these guys apparently get to throw on their Ranger panties, smack their significant other on the Ranger panty-clad butt, and then charge into battle against communists with guns firing and thighs open to the air, absorbing the sun's rays and warmth while the commies are absorbing the bullets.
When they're done with that, they get to have a short meeting with first sergeant, still in the Ranger panties and ostensibly still covered in the gore of their enemies, before going to a wedding or two and a few children's parties.
The clown isn't going to be the scariest thing at that party. Thank Valhalla for that.
We're still not sure which infantryman found a keyboard and typed up this beautiful masterpiece. The fact that they found a keyboard indicates maybe an XO, but the fact that the final advertisement is quality indicates a specialist or corporal.
Maybe it was a team-up? Regardless, grab a pair if you happen to be in Dog Company (all proceeds benefit the FRG!). If you're not, just get your panties from Ranger Joe's or your own FRG or whatever. We can't help you.
- 11 Things new soldiers complain about during basic training - We ... ›
- 7 more uniform parts hipsters would love — now that PT belts are cool ›