In a move that almost seems suspiciously logical, Secretary of the Army, Mark Esper, has declared safety briefs no longer mandatory. That means no more long, drawn-out discussions led by the first sergeant about oddly specific incidents. No more sh*tbag "leaders" talking down to warfighters about crimes that they themselves committed. No more checking the box by reminding troops to not drink and drive, beat your spouse, or beat your kids in a monotone, apathetic voice that diminishes the gravity of those serious crimes.

Soldiers are about to get told that this weekend to "be safe" and then to fall out. Some units may try out this thing called, "assuming adults are responsible for their own actions" while others will be stuck in their old ways, discussing a few safety issues out of sheer habit.

For the love of all that is awesome in the Army - do not f*ck this up, troops. If even a single private gets a speeding ticket this weekend, the chain of command will put that incident on a pedestal in order to keep safety briefs. If a single douchebag gets arrested for a DUI and jokes that they weren't told not to this week, that one asshat will Blue Falcon the entire United States Army.

So, enjoy some memes if it means you're not out trying to appear on the blotter.


1. And just like that, retention had no issue meeting its quota. 

(Meme via US Army WTF Moments)

2. The round is also professionally given a, "to whom it may concern."

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

3. I've got, uhh... dental? 

(Meme via Shammers United)

4. $5 says that your NCO will say, "well, back when I was a private, we were out in the field for Hurricane Andrew and none of us complained!"

(Meme via Smokepit Fairytales)

5. Two in the heart, one in the mind... right?

(Meme by Valhalla Wear)

6. If you thought that granny from the running cadence was entirely made up, think again!

(Meme via ASMDSS)

7. There's always one in every formation...

(Meme via Military Memes)

8. They can't make you to CQ if you've been drinking, right? Is that still a thing or am I just an alcoholic?

(Meme via Army as F*ck)

9. Don't tell me how to live my life. 

(Meme via The Salty Soldier)

10. "Don't worry, sergeant. We're all accounted for in a safe location."

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

11. Every opportunity should become a reason to celebrate life. It just so happens that I celebrate with copious amounts of alcohol. 

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

12. I mean, the guy has a recruiter patch on, so he could always say he's looking for potential recruits.

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

13. They may be terrible for our health, but damn are they good for morale. 

(Meme via Disgruntled Vets)