Widgets Magazine
MIGHTY CULTURE

5 reasons why U.S. Marines could easily destroy an alien invasion

Marines are a tribe of warriors, plain and simple. When it comes to warfare, there are very few enemies (if any) that Marines couldn't match up against. No matter the situation, no matter the circumstance, we give the enemy an absolute run for their money and make them remember why we have the reputation we do. Extra-terrestrial invaders are not exempt from this rule.

Marines don't care where their enemies come from — whether it's another continent or another galaxy, these hands are rated "E" for everyone. In fact, some might say we're pioneers of equality when it comes to kicking asses.

Here's why Marines would destroy an extra-terrestrial invasion:


1. We make do with less

The Marine Corps budget must be the smallest of all the armed forces. At least, that's how it seems when you consider how broken everything we use is. Still, we care not. If you pick a fight with us, we'll use sticks and stones if we must — and don't even ask what happens when we mount bayonets...

Spoiler alert: It doesn't end well.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Mark W. Stroud)

If you think things like plasma weapons and shields will stop Marines from reaping alien souls — you don't know Marines.

2. We're experts at unconventional warfare

Do you think Marines like setting ambushes and using explosives to cripple an enemy just before we dump an entire ammunition store into them? If you answered with an enthusiastic "yes," you're correct (We would have also accepted "f*ck yeah!"). We love ambushing and we're great at it.

We'll make those alien scumbags regret ever coming into orbit.

Aliens would go home sharing war stories about the bushes speaking different languages.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Brendan Custer)

3. We exhibit savagery on the battlefield

Marines have made a history of striking fear into the hearts of enemies on the battlefield. It doesn't matter if we're outnumbered or surrounded — we'll just shoot our way out of it. Cloud of mustard gas? Pfft, slap that gas mask on and mount your bayonet 'cause we're storming the trenches.

Even if the aliens defeat humanity overall — they'll be talking about how scary it was to face off against a battalion of Marines for millennia to come.

There's a reason we're called "Devil Dogs."

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Bryan G. Carfrey)

4. We're expert marksmen

Every Marine is trained to be an expert marksman. Even our worst shooters are still substantially better than the average soldier Joe with a gun. Our skill with rifles would sure pay off in a war against alien invaders as their tech might force us to avoid close-quarters engagement.

But our skill with weaponry doesn't end at the stock of a rifle. If they force us into CQC, we'll give them a run for their money there, too.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Nathaniel Q. Hamilton)

5. We are resilient

No matter what, Marines will not stop fighting. If we're given a task or a mission, we'll see it through to the very end. Even if we're beaten at first, we won't give up on the mission — or each other. Conquest-driven aliens may have forced other species to their knees, but they won't find any quit in Marines.

We won't stop fighting.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Zachary Orr)