MIGHTY CULTURE

This video is the Army toy battle you wanted to fight as a kid

The historic clash between the Green and Tan armies has been brought to life by YouTube user Mike Akkerman whose 20-minute documentary is now the most authoritative piece on the subject.

Remember those little green Army men your brother kept in a large bucket that you could only play with while he was at basketball practice? YouTube user Michael Akkerman remembers, and he created an epic battle with the little toys that tells the tale of a Green Army offensive against the Tan Army.


The battle, embedded above, is mostly shot using stop motion, but makes extensive use of what appears to be CGI when weapons fire and larger rounds explode. This becomes gnarly when troops are hit by enemy fire and melted plastic splatters across the ground like thick blood.

The combat includes armored units, artillery, and combat engineers, but it focuses on the infantrymen making up the bulk of the advance against the Tan Army's prepared defenses, which includes barbed wire, trenches, and bunkers. Oddly, these prepared defenses include a lot of snipers who, for some reason, fire almost exclusively from guard towers.

As a Green infantryman says at 9:15, "gosh, that is a bad sniper."

While the military details aren't perfect (the artillery is always brought up into direct fire positions and never once fires an indirect shot), it's still a lot of fun to see the combined arms invading force try to deal with the thick defensive lines of the Tan forces.

The director keeps the bulk of his shots close to the infantrymen on the march, making it feel like you're in the thick grass with the men. Occasional wide shots give an idea of the scope of the battle as dozens of men on both sides clash over whatever ideological difference the hordes of plastic soldiers may have.

Be prepared for some gut-wrenching moments. Green forces are no boy scouts, and they aren't above committing a few atrocities to secure a Tan-free future.