MIGHTY CULTURE

6 ways veterans can be just as boot as their first enlistment

Just because someone has their very own DD-214 in their hands doesn't mean that they are now exempt from all of the same boot mistakes they once made when they were young privates. Chances are they're not going to be walking around the local mall with their dog tags hanging out of their shirt anymore, but they'll do nearly all of the same crap that got them mocked by their peers a few years prior.

The only differences between then and now is that they no longer have a squad leader around to say, "dude... what the sh*t are you doing?" and their college classmates must now thank them for their service for every little thing they do.

Some vets look on and cringe as others have their boot behaviors reinforced and dive head-first into checking every box on this list. We're not saying every vet exhibits these behaviors — far from it — but we all know that guy...


1. Mentioning to everyone that you're a veteran

How can people thank you for your service if you don't let them know that you served every ten seconds? It doesn't matter what the situation is, your service needs to be brought into the conversation.

This kind of behavior is totally acceptable in, say, a foreign politics class at a university when the professor brings up somewhere the vet has been. That vet's service can bring another perspective to the table. But it's not really needed when the conversation is about the latest episode of some TV show...

Your college classmates, including the other veterans who aren't as self-proclaimed "dysfunctional" as you, will thank you for not bringing it up every other sentence.

2. Dressing way too moto

Some veterans hang up their service uniform and jump right into another one that, for some odd reason, still includes the boots they wore while serving.

If you spot anyone trying to look operator AF while wearing a backwards cap with a Velcro American flag on it, Oakley shades that were never authorized for wear in uniform, an unapologetically veteran t-shirt, khaki cargo pants, the aforementioned combat boots, and dip in their mouth, then you've got full rights to mock them for being a boot vet.

The overly-moto tattoo you got when you were fresh out of training is enough.

3. Wearing uniforms when it's not really appropriate

The moment most troops get off duty, they'll get out of their uniform faster than Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty. Being caught off-duty and in-uniform is basically letting every NCO know that you're willing to pull CQ. Yet, for some odd reason, boot vets pull their uniform out of the toughbox in the garage just so they can wear it to the store.

There's a good argument that could be made for veterans who'd like to walk their daughter down the aisle in their old service uniform, so moments like those get a pass, but you really shouldn't wear it to anything politically related.

It just opens up the possibility for you to seem like you've stolen valor (when you haven't), which is a topic for another article, entitled "why in the ever loving sh*t do people keep wanting to steal valor?"

4. Making a scene if somewhere doesn't offer a discount

There's nothing wrong with grabbing a military or veteran discount when it's offered. Hey, a dollar saved is a dollar earned, right? The polite response is usually to thank the person who gave you a deal and, especially at a restaurant, tip them what you would have otherwise paid. Returning kindness with kindness leaves a positive impression of the military community and maybe inspire places to take a financial loss to help vets.

If they don't offer the discount, just joke "well, it was worth a shot" and move on. Don't be that asshole who yells at some teenager for a policy they didn't make because you had to pay $5 for a burger instead of $4.50.

This is how you sound when your check for "up to and including your life" doesn't save you 50 cents.

5. Branch decals on everything

Everyone should have a bit of pride for the men and women that they served with. Putting an Eagle, Globe, and Anchor on the back of your truck is modest way to show everyone that you served in the Marines and flying a U.S. Army flag under Ol' Glory is a great way to let your neighbors know you were a soldier.

Not everything you owns needs to be covered in military decals. There's a certain point at which it stops being "just a little tacky" and hits full-blown obnoxious levels of bootness.

I have the vaguest feeling that this Marine is probably the dude who merges into the freeway at the last possible second, cuts off everyone in traffic, and then thinks everyone is honking at him because they "hate 'Murica."

6. Talking up your skills at every possible moment

The military teaches troops how to do a lot of things well. From properly making the bed in the morning to playing beer pong in the barracks, vets picked up a few things here and there. If you've got the talent to back up you claims, by all means, boast away. But just because you PMCSed a Humvee a few times doesn't make you the greatest mechanic in the world.

But if you overly elaborate your skills at a job interview and mention me as a reference. I, personally, will vouch for every bullsh*t lie if it means you get the job.