Military Life

6 reasons why beach assaults actually suck

The very essence of being a Marine Infantryman is being amphibious — it's the reason we exist as a Marine Corps. However, the last two wars have been fought on land, so it's understandable that beach assaults have taken a back seat in terms of training goals.


But, with the Marine Corps moving into a peacetime and with sights being set on near-peer rivals, amphibious assault training has resurfaced as pivotal.

Plenty of Marines are excited by this — as they should be — but beach assaults are just one more thing to add to the long list of reasons why the infantry is affectionately called, "the suck."

Related: Marines want to swarm enemy defenses with hundreds of small boats

1. Sitting in an amphibious assault vehicle for hours.

Have you ever wanted to just lock yourself in a dark, metal box that floats on the ocean for hours? If you answered, "yes," then you'll love beach assaults. You get locked inside an AAV while you're taken from ship to shore. Not only is it really dark and hot, it's also terribly boring.

These vehicles are extremely cramped. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Pfc. Nathaniel Castillo, 1st Marine Division Combat Camera)

2. Diesel fumes.

Remember that thing about being locked in the metal box? Well, that metal box burns diesel and the fumes make their way into where you and your buddies are waiting. Essentially, you just sit there and inhale the fumes until you reach the shore.

3. Your gear gets soaked.

This isn't true for absolutely everyone as some AAVs are pretty good about staying air-tight, but these are old vehicles and they're prone to mechanical shortcomings. As many Marines will tell you, be sure to waterproof your gear because, between ship and shore, you'll often end up in ankle-deep water.

Good luck turning that gear back in after this. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Kyle Carlstrom)

4. The blinding sunlight.

If your assault happens during the day, the moment the ramp drops and you run outside, your eyes are going to have to adjust from the dark, dank interior of the AAV to unrelenting sunlight. For a few seconds, as you run to your position in the attack, you'll be nearly blind.

5. Your rifle gets extremely dirty.

Between the salt water, sand, and any oil leaks, your rifle is going to get crapped on. Hopefully, you either lubed it up prior to leaving the ship or you did so while sweating your ass off in a cloud of diesel smoke. There's no way you'll keep it clean, but this will at least ensure you can shoot your rifle.

Once the attack is over, prepare your anus as the armory rejects your rifle like never before.  (U.S. Marine Corps photo by MCIPAC Combat Camera Lance Cpl. Sergio RamirezRomero)

Also read: 5 things service members hate on that are actually useful

6. Sand. Sand everywhere.

It's rough, it's coarse, and it gets everywhere. Sand will not only get in every small space on your rifle, it's going to get into everything you have. Every crack in your gear, uniform, and body. You're going to have sand in places that didn't even touch the beach. Once you get back to ship, you'll have to deep clean everything — including yourself.