NEWS

How the 'Pizza MRE' will make every lower-enlisted happy

A good MRE goes a long way for troops deployed or in the field. Sure, it's not a home-cooked meal, but everything on this year's official MRE menu looks amazing.


In every Meal, Ready-to-Eat (MRE), there are a few good items to trade. Generally, the worse the entree is, the better the extras that come with it are. Troops who get tossed the dreaded egg-and-cheese-omelet meal at least eat something decent — it comes with Poptarts. If you get something amazing, like the beef stew, then the sides are kind of garbage — like powdered mashed potatoes. This diversity in quality has given rise to a well-understood bartering system between troops.

This kept troops from ratf*cking a box of MREs to take the good ones and leaving the awful ones for troops who didn't. (Photo by Master Sgt. Jeff Lowry)

Things are looking good for hungry troops. Not only is the long-awaited "Pizza MRE" officially coming, the least-liked items are now gone, too. According to troop reviews, the "Pizza MRE" is outstanding. In fact, there aren't any good ones and bad ones anymore — they all seem great.

There was a hold on the "Pizza MRE" for a few years. The Defense Logistics Agency, the minds doing the science behind each MRE, needed to find a way to keep each one edible after months of shelf storage. In earlier editions, the crust would start going brown — not rotten, but discolored. Apparently, all it took was adding some rosemary extract and now they're completely shelf-safe.

To simulate the three-year lifecycle, they placed the boxes in a lab at 100 degrees for six months. Everything seems fine, troops love it, and now it's ready to get stolen out of every MRE box shipped out. This year's menu also replaces Asian-style beef strips, which were only good for the accompanying peanut butter and jelly, with beef goulash. The Italian Sausage also now comes with some beef jerky.

What a time to be alive! (Photo by Master Sgt. Matt Hecht)