The 2019 Blue Star Families lifestyle survey just dropped, and according to the results, most of us shouldn't be shocked. With numbers well into 40 or 50 percent feeling the effects of displacement and isolation across several categories, you're not the only one thinking there's no one to ask a favor of. Why are we staying silent with our struggles? What is stopping us from living this life to the fullest?


Examining the "why" behind the results is what we're after here. Lighting the path forward, one foot in front of the other is how change takes place. Whether you have something to give, or in the season of receiving, this is a fight you can help win.

Of over 11,000 survey participants, 40 percent feel they don't belong within the local community, and 47 percent feel the local community lacks in understanding, support, respect or appreciation. Let's take these connected issues one layer at a time.

Where do military families "belong?" Examining the physical geography of our "where" is one indicator as to why a separation of town and base is palpable. Life within guarded gates has a purpose, but it's vital that we all absorb the mindset of becoming the area's "newest locals" seriously. When the community participates exclusively in life inside the gates, our cultures, our talents, and our connections fail to dissipate into the local community. We become invisible citizens.

Everything from work to happy childhoods to wringing every drop of opportunity a nomadic life has to offer hinges on our ability to acclimate and do it well. When we become less determined to replicate the same life repeatedly, and more open to new experiences or chapters, it becomes much easier to find a place to be.

"I jump right into a routine, it's awkward at first, but is a must for my sanity, this is the brave part of living this life," says Laurie Boarts, Army spouse laying roots even with a short 14-month assignment.

39 percent of participants feel as if they have no one to talk to.

The military world is incredibly connected-virtually. Face to face connection is dying a slow death in all generations following the "boomers" making this issue something civilians and military have in common.

Making new friends (as an adult), trying new things, and putting yourself out there are all high-ranking fears for anyone. Yet, they are all critical components of a successful military life.

"I don't expect the local community to understand the nuances of military life, I just focus on being myself and communicating openly," says Boarts, who utilizes her busy schedule as a mom to find common ground in the crowd.

Is your calendar full of new local groups to try out? Have you walked into your kid's first hockey practice openly admitting you have no idea where all those pads go and laughingly asked for help? The results of this survey gave us something to rely on- the person next to you is likely looking for a friend…so say hello. If collectively, every military community member decided they were fed up with not knowing their "neighbor," we'd all be better for it.

63 percent within this community are experiencing stress due to finances.

Life is expensive, and with over 77 percent of spouses stating they are underemployed in salary, hours or employment in general, it's no wonder why we feel the squeeze. There is, however, one perk that a free work calendar does allow for- participating in the community.

Did we just go full circle? Yes, we did. Tired of cooking meals but don't have the budget for a restaurant? Invite your neighbors, or those lonely eyed acquaintances from library storytime over for a potluck barbeque on Saturday. Not only is a fruit platter less than a steak dinner, but it's also real-life humans to talk to, to check in with and bond over the results of this survey with.