April Fools' Day has come and gone, but for some reason Duffel Blog's article about needing a 200,000 man detail on the southern border is looking more true now than ever.
But I'm not going to lie, the U.S. Marine Corps social media team got me — because they were the last people I'd expect to be genuinely funny.
1. You can use your blue cord to choke people out or hang it from your rear view mirror. Whichever feels more comfortable.
Don't worry. Bobby Boucher's GT score was definitely high enough to get any other MOS. He just "chose" infantry.
(via Disgruntled Vets)
2. If they throw in a free tank of gas, it has to be a steal... Right?
"But Sarge, they said they approved E-1 and above! It was meant to be!"
(via Decelerate Your Life)
3. You can't expect your troops to take Kamchatka without their PT belts.
Your troops stationed in Greenland will need enhanced visibility in those dark, Polar Nights.
(via PT Belt Nation)
4. When the base is on lockdown after Little Rocketman wanted to play some games but drinking is life.
Promote ahead of peers.
(via Air Force Nation)
5. In the famous words of Sun Tzu, how can a military train if their connexes are in disarray? Or something like that, at least. I never read the book. I'm not a pretentious officer.
Who are we kidding? There wouldn't have been any productive military training anyways.
(via Army as F*ck)
6. You can only tell yourself that the finish line is just beyond that next curve so many times before you start slipping on the blood coming out of your heels.
If I could explain my military career in a single meme, this would be it.
(via The Salty Soldier)
7. And they don't even let you keep your woobie...
Learning to sleep anywhere is definitely going to take you far.
8. Try using this as an excuse when you're standing in the commander's office.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
(via Sh*t My LPO Says)
9. The most terrifying trees this side of the galaxy.
They still have a higher chance of appearing on an Avengers: Infinity War poster than Hawkeye.
(via Ranger Up)
10. "Well, you see, what happened was..."
Boot mistake. Everyone knows you hide silently in your barracks until close-out formation.
(via Why I'm Not Reenlisting)
11. But every Marine is a rifleman, right, waterdogs?
Just throwing my two cents in: If you're a POG who uses someone else's gruntness to make you seem more badass, then you have no room to complain about an officer getting an award for someone else's work.
(via Pop Smoke)
12. Basically WWII's eastern front summed up in a single meme.
Even the characters match perfectly.
13. Veterans will argue over anything. Jalapeno or peanut butter? Glock 22 or M1911? Blue crayon or red?
"Back in my day, we only had iron sights and we didn't need your fancy 700-900 RPM cyclic rate of fire.