Humor

6 things you'll never hear an infantryman say

If you know anyone who has served in the infantry, then you've probably noticed that they have a... unique sense of humor. They have this amazing ability to make everything they say sound super sarcastic. It's a gift that gets passed down through many generations of infantrymen. It's what gives them the incredible ability to be seemingly unaffected by the endless stream of bullsh*t that life in the infantry provides.

Other service members (read: POGs) have a hard time understanding just how tough it is to serve in the grunts. Considering the nature of their job — killing the bad guys — life in the infantry breeds some pretty crass humor. The hard-chargers use every curse word in the book and, when "the book" is exhausted, they'll make up new ones. Although few topics are taboo among grunts, there are a few things you'll never hear them say.


1. "Heading out to the field is my favorite way to start a Monday morning."

This infantryman needs theirs head checked if this ever spills out of their mouth.

2. "I think I'll stay in all weekend to do all my online training."

The sad thing is that many of the senior enlisted, who were once juniors, try and influence their men to stay in and study. It's a strange world we live in...

3. "No beer's allowed in the barracks? I'm okay with that."

Underage drinking is illegal — but is extremely common in the barracks. Getting caught with beer, really, isn't a big deal. Despite that, we always find ways to hide it before field day inspection on Fridays: we drink it ahead of time.

4. "Barracks duty on a four-day weekend? That's what I'm talking about!"

The military requires that there always be a set of open eyeballs lurking around the barracks. Getting 'voluntold' to stand duty while everyone else is off having fun is a real b*tch.

5. "I joined the military thinking my senior enlisted would truly respect my opinion and that's exactly what happened."

Nope! I don't think I've ever seen anyone care what an E-1 has to say.

6. "Man, I hope we go on a long hike in the pouring rain."

Nobody wishes it, but it happens all the time. Even when there's not a blemish in the sky, as soon as a grunt unit steps off for their ruck march, dark clouds rush in and piss on everything.