5 things you should never say to a milspouse
1. When does he leave?
Please, please, please. Don't ask this question. We are trying very hard to live in la la land. Right now that date is spoiling everything and haunting our every thought. Do you go to buy milk at the grocery store and cry when you happen to see THAT date on it? No? We do. We know you mean well, but instead of reminding us of impending doom….distract us. Oh, and don't ask when he's coming home either.
2. How do you do it?
Uh….we don't have a choice. We are the lucky ones that fell head over heels in love with a man that happened to be in the military. It's not something we chose, but someONE. If you really love someone, you'll make whatever sacrifice necessary. And by the way…it's not ALL bad! I truly love this life. Have you ever had a homecoming? You'll never experience what I feel is the most amazing event EVER. I do it because I love him; I do it because I love military life.
3. Don't you miss him?
Yes. That's why we buy wine.
4. Let me know if you need anything!
Just stop. Have you met a military spouse? We don't ask for help. You don't survive this life by being weak – we do it all ourselves. We fall into bed at the end of a very long day wondering how we're going to do it again tomorrow and the next day for the next…how many days do we have left? In order to help us out, please be pushy. Try mowing the lawn without asking. I will never forget when I was cleaning the house one day only to look out the window and see my neighbor mowing the front lawn. He GOT it. And of course I cried. Someone noticed and didn't make me ask for it. Yeah, maybe you don't want to just show up with dinner because you don't know our plans for that night…so instead pop a gift card to Panera in the mail. Or bring a dinner you prepared and froze to be used when we're having that day. Tell her you feel the need to hang with the kids for a few hours at the park – we'll know you are lying. But we'll pretend you're not. The point is, just do it. TELL us what you are doing. If you give us the opportunity to say no, we will.
5. How do you do it all?
Through God's unending grace. Grace has become something I've been clinging to over the last several months. I always thought of grace as in forgiveness. To me they were simple synonyms. But man, God's grace is so much more than that. It's not just forgiveness for my screw-ups, it's allowing me to screw up in the first place. See, I'm no longer afraid to fail. I WILL fail. It is something I have only now learned – I am not superwoman though non-military members will tell you so. I think that gets in your head after a while. We constantly worry that to everyone else we at least look like we have it altogether and I'm sure most of us take pride in that. But we forget that it's okay to be a broken mess sometimes. We simply can't be perfect. Once we begin to accept that, so much stress just seems to dissipate. Our life is stressful enough, don't carry the baggage of being superwoman on top of it.
This article originally appeared on Military Spouse. Follow @MilSpouseMag on Twitter.