Here are a few ways the 'storming of Area 51' could end

If you've been on the internet at all for the last few weeks, you've probably seen news regarding the Facebook event "Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us." It started out mostly as a joke - if you couldn't tell by the name of the group that's hosting it being called "Sh*tposting cause im in shambles" and the only actual plan set forward is to "Naruto run faster than their bullets." Even the date of September 20th is a reference to the anniversary of Leeroy Jenkins storming Upper Blackrock Spire by himself in World of Warcraft.

That was until, at the time of writing this article, 1.6 million people clicked "Going," another 1.2 million are "Interested," and a four-star general at the Pentagon had to be debriefed by some poor lower-enlisted soldier about the intricacies of a 1997 Japanese manga series about a teenage ninja with a fox demon inside him.

Which begs the question: "But what if it wasn't a joke?" Well. It's really circumstantial.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of July 19th

The Top Gun 2 trailer dropped, and I have to say that I am so f*cking pumped. The first was a bit of a guilty pleasure, and this seems to be the right way to make a long-awaited sequel. There's a lot of suspension of disbelief when it comes to military films, but Maverick honestly seems like the kinda guy to stay in the Navy for 30 years and only make Captain.

I guess he really was flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog sh*t out of Hong Kong for all these years...

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of July 12th

Footage of a Coast Guard drug interdiction where one Coast Guardsman jumps onto a narco-submarine and forces the hatch open has gone viral. And for good reason. It was possibly the most insane thing I've seen all week, but it's actually not a shock to me. The Coast Guard does insane stuff like this all the time, but it's never really talked about as much.

I get it, we all mock the Coasties. It's the price you pay for being the little brother. But when you consider this, their elite snipers, and their track record for going toe-to-toe with narco-terrorists while the rest of us are stuck at NTC or 29 Palms... I think it's time to admit that some Coasties may be more grunt than a good portion of the Armed Forces.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of July 5th

Nothing beats the lazy Fridays of a four-day weekend - like today! Everyone probably did something patriotic for Independence Day. Whether it was seeing the fireworks with the family or getting roaring drunk in the barracks with the guys, we all did something extravagant yesterday.

And now today's a day where nothing really happens after a big holiday. Now it's time to just recoup and recover from the hangover by sitting on our collective asses with video games, movies, or whatever on a regular weekday... Only to do it all over again the moment your buddy calls you up or knocks on your barracks' room door.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of June 28th

Next week is the Fourth of July and there's countless celebrations planned all around the country. Of course, there's the fireworks and the air shows, but we can't forget about all the military parades. Speaking from personal experience, military parades for the general public are the worst.

You get there five hours in advance and your NCO is hounding you not to even make the slightest wrong move. Then when you're actually marching in formation through the designated route, there's always going to be those people in the crowds that try to jump to the "join" the formation.

I get it, if it's a kid - I'll smile down at them, tell them they're getting it (regardless if they are or not) and keep moving. My problem is when the douche bag bros hop in the back and say some sh*t like "I'm just like you guys!" If this was just a one time thing, I would chalk it up as a bad encounter. But this happened three different times to me outside two different Army posts.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of June 21st

It's official. U.S. troops in South Korea will have their curfew lifted. The United States Forces Korea put out the memo on June 16th, and it's now in effect on a temporary basis to try this whole "treating troops like grown-ass adults" thing out. It'll be up until around September 17th, when they will evaluate if the troops can handle not f*cking up the one good thing they've gotten in years.

Every U.S. troop in Korea has been briefed on this. One single f*ck up and it's over for everyone. They'll be on their best Sunday Morning behavior the entire time. This may have something to do with it not being a payday weekend and everyone's NCO will be hounding them all weekend to not even consider doing dumb sh*t.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of June 14th

The higher-ups at the U.S. Army Garrison Fort Carson instituted a new ban on the sale of alcohol past 2200. It's going to be put in place on Monday, June 17, so this will be the last weekend troops there can buy liquor through AAFES until 0800.

On one hand, I totally understand the frustration. Which soldier hasn't run out of beer at midnight and needed to stumble to the Class Six to pick up another six-pack? That's part of the whole "Lower Enlisted" experience. On the other hand, I get why. It's a reactionary step that the chain of command took in response to the rise in alcohol-related incidents while not outright banning alcohol in the first place.

There's an easy workaround, and it's probably one the chain of command might already know and actually prefer. Just stockpile all the booze in the barracks room. Think about it. If all the booze is in one place, there's no safer place for a young soldier to get sh*tfaced drunk. A few steps away from their bed, there's an NCO within shouting distance at the CQ desk, usually the unit medic is nearby, and any alcohol-related issues can be handled within house.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of June 7th

Seventy-five years ago yesterday, troops crossed the English Channel and disembarked onto the shores of Normandy to send the Nazis scum back to where they came from. Countless American, British, and Canadian lives were lost within moments of landing and many more died to secure the beach. It was a feat few higher-up believed would work, but they did the impossible.

This week, many troops gathered on this hallowed ground to pay respects to those lost and ceremonies were held in their honor. They were beautiful and heart-warming, seeing the younger troops helping the older WWII vets.

Now, logically speaking, all of the troops and veterans should still be in the area before going back to their respective bases or homes. I'm just saying, the ceremonies were fantastic. But veterans never change, and the WWII vets could still probably out-drink most of us. If you're a young soldier in the area, buy the older gents a beer. They deserve it!

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of May 31st

Former Secretary of Defense, retired general, and Patron Saint of Chaos James Mattis has announced that he will be publishing an autobiography called Call Sign Chaos: Learning to Lead. It's said to cover him coming to terms with leadership learned throughout his military career starting from his days as a young Marine lieutenant to four-star general in charge of CENTCOM.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm freaking pumped. Yes, I'd love to know the nitty-gritty of commanding a quarter million troops, but I want to know about his lesser-known butter bar years leading a weapons platoon. Because let's be honest, that's where the seeds of his leadership style really grew.

He probably made mistakes and got chewed out for it. He slipped up and got mocked by the lower enlisted. He would have had to ask for advice and eventually grow into one of the smartest minds Uncle Sam has seen in a long time. Even the Warrior Monk himself may have been that nosy LT who needed to be whipped into shape by the platoon sergeant, and that's kind of motivating in its own way. Yeah, you may f*ck up once in a while, but not even Chaos Actual was a born leader. He had to learn it.

Just think. There's an old salty devil dog out there somewhere who's responsible for knife-handing the boot-tenant out of Mattis. And he's the real hero of this story.

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