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This is how you train for brotherhood


 

Photo via John Oxley.

Brothers.

If you grew up with one, you're probably familiar with the equation pictured above. You were relegated by fate to one side or other of the fraternal equals sign. You were either Punch-a-saurus Rex, King of the Jungle Gym, or you were Dope-lodocus, playground punching bag.

This was not necessarily determined by who was older.

A lot of important learning about leadership and pecking order and magnanimity toward one's inferior gets worked out for men in the childhood scrum of fraternal warfare. We learn to take heaps of sh*t and like it. We learn to administer a beat down without leaving incriminating bruises. We learn to distrust a man who can't engage in a round or two of emasculatory sting-pong without losing his cool.

Brothers, of course, are fantastic preparation for military service.

Max never had a brother. As a baby he left the cradle for a pre-dawn ruck, lost track of HQ and ended up being raised to manhood by mastodons. Way down range. So, as you can imagine, it can be hard for him to relate to the rest of us, we the sibling-enabled.

Max played Super Mario™ with Cave Bears.

All fun and games until you make them play Luigi.                                                 Photo via Flickr, John Solaro, CC BY-ND 2.0

He played Marco Polo with Casteroides. (That's a Giant Beaver!)

All fun and games until you get an accidental woody.                                               Photo via Flickr, James St. John, CC BY 2.0

He even fought the real Punch-a-saurus Rex and won by KO in Round 5.

All fun and games until the bout photographer bets on Max.

But he never had a brother. So he joined the Army instead.

And then Max suddenly had hundreds of brothers. And a bunch of sisters, too. (Go90 Max Your Body screenshot)

Max already knew about taking sh*t from grumpy beasts and holding his own in the Wild Rumpus. He already had plenty of muscle for beating brothers back. What he learned in the Army is that sometimes, it's the other way. Sometimes, you gotta help your brother out.

In this episode, Max demos some drills for building your brother-helping muscles, the ones that make you good at the fireman's carry. Make some time for these. And call your brother while you're at it. Because it can't all be sting-pong and prehistoric beaver. There's gotta be some love in there too. And that's the gospel, according to Max "The Body" Phili-delphia.

Watch as Max gives your laziness a chocolate swirly, in the video embedded at the top.

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