This trainer will make you a card-carrying member of the log-carrying elite


(Image from Wikimedia Commons, Adelson Raimundo Reis Amaral, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Having trouble logging in?

Max wants to help you.

It’s easy. Just follow Max’s step-by-step guide. (Go90 Max Your Body screenshot)

Step 1: Type the word “log” into Google Images. Tell Max the image that you see.

Step 2: Recognize that you are not looking at an image depicting an action that involves sitting casually while making twiddly fingers on your keyboard.

Step 3: Acknowledge to Max that the first image Google showed you when you entered the word “log” resembles this one:

(This is the search result internet usage rules allow us to show.)

Step 4: Assume an upright position.

Step 5: Clean and jerk your computer/desk/cubicle over one shoulder and march your candy ass eight laps around your office parking lot.

Step 6: Repeat.

Step 7: And like it.

Oh sorry, what? You don’t like it?

Max would like to help you with that, too.

Because this is Max. Max does not log you in. Max lugs you out. Of harm’s way. With a large log over his other shoulder. In that scenario, you’re lumber. Max logs long hours lugging lumber. Max lugs logs longer than limber lumberjacks. If Max was a rockstar instead of a ruckstar? He be goddamned Kenny Luggins.

In this episode, Max attacks your shoulders and back, the muscle groups essential for mastering the classic log carry. Don’t be dead weight for other people to lug. Don’t be lumber. Do these exercises regularly and with great vigor. Do these exercises and you may one day be, like Max:

Goddamned lug-xurious. (Go90 Max Your Body screenshot)

Watch, and be dumbbell impressed, in the video embedded at the top.

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