Every troop should be proud of their service. From the gung-ho infantryman to the admin clerk, everyone should take pride in being a tiny cog in the giant gears that keep this country safe. While you’ll be hard-pressed to find troops in service wearing branch-specific clothing while off-duty (the uniform is good enough), most troops sport some kind of decal on their car.
There’re many practical reasons for this — the most obvious being that police officers tend to be more lenient about minor traffic infractions (this works better the further away from post you are), but it can also be an effective conversation starter with other troops and veterans.
But the type of moto car decal you sport (or don’t) says more about you than you might think. So, what’s on your car?
There’s also the chance that it’s a new car and they just haven’t found the right moto sticker yet.
(Photo by Dan Ox)
At the very beginning of the list is the troop that just isn’t into all the hype. This troop will probably serve for one or two contracts, PCS to Fort Couch, and pick some sort of functional college degree path.
If your ride is devoid of decals, you’re probably not really into getting drunk with the guys in the barracks and would much rather stay at home and play video games or spend time with the family. Every four-day weekend, you’re nowhere to be seen because you’re off pretending you’re not in the military. And, honestly? No one else in the unit noticed.
There’s a 35% chance that all of this troop’s best stories about being in the military involve just tagging along with some grunts who are doing cool stuff.
Or you can cut out the middle man and get a veteran license plate. These are actually pretty cool when you get the paperwork filled out for one.
(New York State Department of Motor Vehicles)
Small, yet classy branch decal near the license plate
You did your part and you are a low-key badass. You don’t need to overdo things, but you’re proud of what you’ve done. Maybe you were the quiet infantryman who handled business. Maybe you were the platoon sergeant who took great pride in looking after your Joes.
You don’t need to brag. Your stories are probably told and exaggerated by other people — and you don’t correct them, you just smile and enjoy.
There’s a 73% chance that your stories are actually more interesting than anyone else’s at the bar.
It’s only a matter of time before we start seeing these stickers rolling through the stargate.
(Meme via Private News Network)
Military spouse stickers
Let’s be clear up front: This list item isn’t about the military spouses themselves — they’re safe from ridicule. This one’s for the dead-eyed troop who drives the family minivan to work.
You were once this mighty badass that struck fear into the hearts of your enemies. Now your life consists of making quick runs to the grocery store just so you can have a smoke without your wife yelling at you and maybe finally get the damn theme song of Paw Patrol out of your f*cking head.
There’s a 0.3% chance that you’ll let your troops go home by 1700 because you’d rather not face the family just yet.
Chances are also high that if you’ve blocked out your rear-view window, you’re probably layering on more than one sticker.
(Image via RallyPoint)
One single, large-as-f*ck decal that blocks out the rear-view mirror
By this stage, all sense of normalcy has been abandoned. Once you go full hooah, there’s no turning back — embrace it.
Your eyes are always ahead of you because there’s no way in hell you can look back. There are many different types of decals that range partially transparent, so you can actually drive properly, to the fully opaque Eagle, Globe, and Anchor that prevents you from seeing the red and blue lights of the cop that’s going to pull you over.
There’s a 50% chance that the other side of your rear-view decal has a gun rack — even if it’s on a Honda Accord.
I get the ribbon rack and the rank you reached when you retired, but it’s assumed that, at one point, you were a butter bar and a private. We get it.
(Meme via Popular Military)
Your complete military record
You’ve put everything you’ve ever done in the military on full display for the world to enjoy. Just showcasing your rank, unit insignia, and maybe a prestigious medal or two isn’t enough for you. You’re willing to spend hours searching online for that NATO Kosovo medal decal just to let everyone know that you went there one time.
The only thing more impressive than your military career is the amount of dedication you have to telling everyone about it.
There’s a 99.9% chance that you’ll start a conversation with, “as a veteran, I…”
To be fair, you can become internet famous, just like the “Moto as F*ck Marine Truck” guy.
(Meme via r/USMC)
Every single sticker your branch has ever sponsored to the point where you can’t see any of the original paint
You served and, goddammit, you’re going to let everyone know! There won’t be a shadow of a doubt in anyone’s mind when you roll up (blasting Free Bird, of course) that you wrote a check for everything up to and including your life — even if you’re just pulling into the company area on post.
Everyone should bask in all of your veteran glory. It is, frankly, an insult that you can’t get a 10% discount on all seventy-nine military bumper stickers you ordered on Amazon (because you’ve already bought out the stock at your local AutoZone).
There’s a 84.9% chance that you consider wall-to-wall counseling a legitimate method of training troops.