9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels - We Are The Mighty
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9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

It’s well known that the fearsome Soviet spy agency, the KGB, used brutal tactics to eliminate and intimidate rivals.


Legend has it that when Soviet diplomats were kidnapped by terrorists in Lebanon in the mid-1980s, KGB officers kidnapped and killed a relative of one of the perpetrators, mailing body parts to the terrorists to demonstrate why Russia’s enemies shouldn’t poke the bear.

Now-declassified CIA documents reveal the KGB had a special team created exclusively for assassinations. The KGB’s 13th Department was called the “Directorate of Special Tasks” and used “executive actions” or “liquid affairs” (read: targeted assassinations) to eliminate threats to the Soviet state.

The directorate had two special labs that most officers didn’t know about – one for creating unique weapons and explosives, the other for developing new poisons and drugs. Poisons were a favorite for these extra-judicial killings because they attracted less attention and were often confused for natural deaths.

Here are nine KGB assassination attempts that will make you want to run background checks on your friends.

1. Leon Trotsky

Trotsky was a key player in the Bolshevik takeover of Russia in 1918. When Lenin died, many believed he would take over. But it was Stalin who won the succession struggle.

Trotsky criticized the new Soviet state for suppressing democracy and was expelled from the government for his trouble. Eventually, Stalin exiled Trotsky out of the USSR.

 

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
In Soviet Russia, dictator overthrows YOU. (Russian public domain photo)

The Mexico City suburbs became his new home, but the distance couldn’t keep him safe from the death sentence Stalin ordered. In 1940, Trotsky was done in by a Spanish Communist agent with an ice pick.

2. Franz Josip Tito

The World War II leader of Yugoslavia would not give up his country’s hard-fought independence for anything. Tito’s refusal to align himself with the Soviet Bloc frustrated Stalin to no end. So the Soviet dictator decided to get rid of Tito — as he had done with many previous political roadblocks.

The Russians tried to kill Tito using a pneumatic spray of bubonic plague, a box that sprayed poison gas when opened, and 20 other ways to end the Yugoslav leader’s life. Tito thwarted so many of Stalin’s assassin attempts , he had to send a letter to Moscow that read:

‘Stop sending people to kill me… If you don’t stop sending killers, I’ll send one to Moscow, and I won’t have to send a second.’

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
He only needed the one. (Library of Congress photo)

3. John Wayne

Film historian and author Michael Munn tells the story of John Wayne’s brush with a Soviet assassination order in his book, “John Wayne: The Man Behind the Myth.” Wayne’s anti-Communist statements didn’t sit well with Stalin, who allegedly ordered The Duke’s murder. Two Russian filmmakers, Sergei Gerasimov and Alexei Kapler, warned film legend Orson Welles about the order. Wells told Wayne, but Wayne was also warned by the FBI and stuntman Yakima Canutt, whom Wayne once credited with saving his life.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
(publicity photo)

Wayne and a screenwriter friend planned to abduct the assassins, drive them to a beach, and stage a mock execution to pump them for information. The two hitmen turned and worked for the FBI while Wayne moved to a house behind a large wall.

4. Lev Rebet

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Rebet in Auschwitz (Library of Congress photo)

Rebet was a Ukrainian nationalist writer, Nazi death camp survivor, and staunch anti-Communist. He was also the leader of the Ukrainian government for a time. In 1957, Rebet died suddenly of “natural causes” while on a trip to Munich. In 1961, a KGB agent named Bohdan Stashynsky defected to the West and revealed Rebet’s death was an assassination. The weapon he used was a gun that sprayed a cloud of cyanide gas. Stashynsky also killed Rebet’s party boss, Stepan Bandera, with the gas weapon.

5. Georgi Markov

A gray-haired man waiting for a London bus in 1978 would have attracted little attention from passers-by. In this case, that man was Georgi Markov, a Communist defector from Bulgaria who made England his new home. The man next to him dropped his umbrella, hitting Markov in the leg. It hurt, but Markov barely noticed. The man apologized and they both went on their way. Markov died four days later.

His autopsy revealed a pellet in his leg which contained .2 milligrams of ricin, a deadly poison used in chemical warfare and made famous by the show “Breaking Bad.” Vladimir Kostov, another Bulgarian defector, survived a similar fate with the pellet being stuck in his back. He told the world about the attack on Radio Free Europe four days after his brush with death.

6. Georgiy Okolovich

In 1954, Nikolai Khoklov appeared at the door of Georgiy Okolovich, the leader of a Russian anti-Communist group in exile. Okolovich lived in Frankfurt, West Germany, at the time. It must have been quite a shock when Khoklov said:

“Georgiy Sergeyevich, I have come to you from Moscow. The Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union has ordered your assassination.”

But Khoklov didn’t kill him. Instead, the KGB agent defected to the U.S. and revealed (via press conference) the weapon he was supposed to use: a cigarette pack that was actually an electrically-operated, silenced gun that fired cyanide rounds.

7. Nikolai Khoklov

In retaliation for his defection and failed assassination of Okolovich, Khoklov’s wife was sentenced to forced resettlement in the Soviet Union and Department 13 ordered Khoklov’s own assassination. The weapon would be thallium poisoning, the first use of radiological weapons by the KGB.

Thallium is a soft metal element that was often used as a rat or ant poison but fell into disuse for its potential side effects. When Khoklov’s skin began to crack, he began to lose his hair, and bleed without clotting, he knew what was happening. German doctors irrigated him with antidotes and he survived.

8. Pope John Paul II

When Polish Cardinal Karol Józef Wojtyła was elected Pope in 1979, the Soviet Union was less than thrilled. They believed he was the single greatest threat to their power, especially in Poland. So when the Pontiff was shot and wounded on May 13, 1981, the world looked to more than his attacker, a Turkish man named Mehmet Ali Agca, for answers.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

The Solidarity movement was a direct outgrowth of the Pope’s visit to Poland in 1979 and became a constant irritation in the side of the Soviet leaders. A book detailing the Mitrokhin Archive, a massive trove of Top Secret KGB documents carried over by Vasili Mitrokhin after his defection to the West, shows the KGB carried out this assassination attempt in retaliation for the Pope’s attempt to undermine Soviet regime.

9. Alexander Litvinenko

Litvinenko served with the KGB from 1986 until the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991. He continued serving in Russia’s internal security service long after, working to infiltrate organized crime groups. In 1998,  he accused his superiors of ordering the assassination of a Russian media mogul in a public press conference. He was arrested twice for this and personally fired by Vladimir Putin, whom the agent accused of bombing Russian apartments and murdering a Russian journalist to get elected president.

He fled to London with his family and began to write books and advise the Britain’s intelligence community on Russian activities. Allegedly a target of the KGB’s susccessor, the FSB, in 2006 he suddenly became gravely ill, growing weak and unable to walk. When he was hospitalized, specialists conducted a test for radioactive materials and discovered the element Polonium-210, a radioactive element that emits alpha radiation – only damaging to human tissue when ingested.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

The UK’s Health Protection Agency discovered the Polonium poison in Litvinenko’s teacup, 200 times greater than a normally lethal dose.

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6 reasons Charleston might be America’s most gung-ho military city

We’re not just talking about the USS Yorktown at Patriot’s Point (although 11 battles stars and a Presidential Unit Citation is nothing to shake a stick at). The entire history of Charleston, South Carolina, has been full-blown ‘Merica from Day One: independence, freedom, and local pride.


9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Where real food is served on newspaper.

One of the first things the founders of Charleston did was to construct a wooden stockade to defend the colony from the surrounding tribes and Spanish outlaws. Since then, one of the friendliest cities in America has constantly contributed some of its best to the unfriendliest of situations.

1. Charleston saw the first defeat of the British Navy in America.

In June 1776 – yes, before July 4th – a squadron of Royal Navy ships sailed into Charleston Harbor and attempted to land on Sullivan’s Island. Fighting from a patchwork of Palmetto logs filled with sand, William Moultrie led 435 South Carolina militiamen and dozens of cannon against nine ships and more than 2,000 Redcoats.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

They fought off the British squadron after a full day of fighting and the British wouldn’t return to Charleston until 1780.

2. Andrew Jackson’s anger was born in Charleston.

After the Battle of Stono Ferry, Andrew Jackson was held as a POW by the British. The young Jackson was ordered to polish the boots of a British officer. Jackson, a crotchety old man even in his youth, refused. So the officer cut Jackson’s face and hands with his sword.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Disciplining children was a lot different back then.

Jackson never forgot the event and carried his hatred of the British throughout his career. It came in handy at the Battle of New Orleans in the War of 1812, when Jackson and his outnumbered ragtag group of slaves, soldiers, and pirates fought the British in a lopsided victory for 12 straight days.

3. The opening shots of the Civil War were fired there.

With all the controversy surrounding the memories of the Confederacy, it’s a tribute to the people of Charleston that even when their state was in full rebellion against the United States, the opening siege of Fort Sumter managed not to kill anyone.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

The Union troops were allowed to leave the city, with only one death. When they fired a 100-gun salute as the Union troops lowered the American flag, a Union artilleryman was killed when his cannon accidentally misfired.

4. Charlestonians developed the first submarine used in combat.

Fortunately, the mystery surrounding the CSS Hunley’s disappearance was solved after the ship was raised in 2000. The Hunley was the first submarine to sink an enemy ship, but as it rammed a spar tipped with explosives at the USS Housatonic, the blast wave caused the disappearance of the Hunley for more than a century.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

The answer was that the blast wave killed the crew immediately. Though far enough from the explosion that sank the enemy ship, the blast wave – traveling slower through the water – cause three times the damage to their soft tissue. The crew of the Hunley knew the boat sank twice during testing and knew the dangers of the underwater blast, but went on the mission anyway.

5. Charleston has been training military leaders forever.

Ok, not forever, but The Citadel, The Military College of South Carolina, has been in operation since 1846 and in that time has created so many notable officers, heroes, football stars, and other alumni (including one Miss USA and an Oscar nominee), listing them all would be time consuming.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
We Are The Mighty writers don’t get paid by the word.

Its more notable alums include General William Westmoreland, who commanded all U.S. forces in Vietnam as well as and Charleston’s own former Mayor Joe Riley, who led the city for more than 40 years.

6. Charleston is where legends are born and honored.

All five living former American Presidents – Jimmy Carter, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama – agreed to serve as honorary directors for the National Medal of Honor Museum going up in the Mount Pleasant area of greater Charleston.

Patriot’s Point is going to be the home that preserves the stories of America’s bravest (or craziest) fighting men and women.
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The 13 funniest military memes of the week

Good news! It’s Friday and your week is almost over! Even better? More memes.


1. “I don’t always play Army …”

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

2. The combat diapers have gotten much bigger. (via Sh-t My LPO Says)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Of course, this guy is big enough to fill it up.

SEE ALSO: 15 GIFs that sum up your military experience

3. Carriers have some pretty confined spaces. (via Sh-t My LPO Says)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Too tall for the showers, and the hatch frame, and the halls, and the …

 4. “Alright guys, you can leave the PT belts in the tent this time.”

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

5. Accelerate your life. (via Sh-t My LPO Says)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
But watch out for obstructions.

6. You wanted him to be alert for the drive. (via Military Memes)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
This guy’s first step in a rollover drill is probably to protect the energy drinks.

7. How to end the service rivalries.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Most people would hug it out if they were paid what Mayweather was.

8. Marine Corps Recruit Training.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Where they make you a man by treating you like a child.

9. When your boss asks you about the memo one too many times.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
For some people IEDs are preferable to spreadsheets.

10. Navy Strong. (via Sh-t My LPO Says)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Even Mickey Mouse thinks that’s an embarrassing way to work out.

11. There are some top-tier painters in Australia. (via Military Memes)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

 12. “Guys, I can’t go any further.” vs. “Guys, Starbucks is right around the corner!” (via Military Memes)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

13. Bad Luck Brian just can’t catch a break.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

NOW: 9 recipes to make your MREs actually taste delicious.

OR: Watch ‘Universal Soldier’ in under 3 minutes

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5 times ‘outdated’ weapons saved the day

Soldiers and commanders are usually stuck with whatever equipment the procurement officers and civilian leaders are willing to buy for them, sometimes forcing troops to go into combat with outdated and inferior equipment.


But sometimes, those “outdated” weapons are actually just perfect for the fight. Here are five times that a supposedly obsolete weapon system saved the lives of its users:

1. Bayonets in Afghanistan and Iraq

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
A British soldier with fixed bayonet. (Photo: U.K. Ministry of Defence)

Bayonets, most often associated with fighting in the Civil and Revolutionary Wars, actually played a key role in battles during the modern Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts.

The most famous probably came in 2004 when 20 British troops were trying to push insurgents from a series of trenches. The fire from the U.K. vehicles was doing little and ammunition was running low, so the commander ordered his men to dismount and fix bayonets.

The British killed approximately 20 of the enemy with their bayonets at a cost of three men injured. Overall, the enemy lost 28 men in the fight.

2. Mortars in World War I

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Mortars are still a thing, as are hand grenades. (Photo: U.S. Army Spc. Timothy Jackson).

It may sound insane today since mortars are still common weapons, but naysayers in the first years of World War I thought that the mortar was relatively unimportant and was no longer necessary. It was already hundreds of years old and had seen reduced deployments in western militaries in the late 1800s and early 1900s.

But Germany had seen mortars and grenades used in the Russo-Japanese War and stockpiled them before the war as a way to break French defenses. The Allies had to play catch up, developing their own mortars as the war continued. A British design, the Stokes trench mortar, was highly portable and lethal and gave rise to the modern mortar system.

3. OV-10 Bronco

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
An OV-10G+ operated by SEAL Team 6. (Photo: U.S. Navy)

The OV-10 Bronco is an observation and ground attack plane that first flew in 1965 and served in the U.S. military from Vietnam through Desert Storm before accepting a quiet retirement in 1995. Boeing, the plane’s manufacturer, touts its historical performance in counter-insurgency, forward air control, and armed reconnaissance missions.

Well, the OV-10 Bronco flew out of history and into the fight against ISIS when CENTCOM deployed two of them in anti-insurgency reconnaissance and ground attack missions. The planes performed 132 sorties in 2015 with a whopping 99 percent completion rate, including 120 combat missions.

4. Pretty much anywhere the A-10 has ever fought

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
The A-10 shows off its non-BRRRRRT related talents. (Photo: U.S. Air Force Tech Sgt. Bob Sommer)

The A-10 Warthog (or the Thunderbolt, if you’re into that) has been “outdated” since 1973 when the Yom Kippur War saw low and slow close air support platforms like the A-4 Skyhawk slaughtered while fast and high-flying planes like the F-4 Phantom largely survived.

But the A-10, a low and slow platform, made its operational debut in 1976, three years after the Yom Kippur War supposedly closed the books on them. Despite that, the A-10 has fought and survived in a number of contested environments, most notably Iraq where it has twice been a key part of American forces breaking the back of armored and anti-aircraft ground forces.

In Afghanistan alone, A-10 pilots saved a Special Forces team from five ground assaults against them; conducted forward air control and numerous attack missions to ensure the success of an 8-hour, no notice mission to capture a senior enemy officer; and prevented an accidental fratricide event before annihilating Taliban forces at Jugroom Fort.

5. The Night Witches and their plywood biplanes

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
The Po-2 bomber was woefully outdated in World War II, but the women of the 588th made it work. (Photo: Creative Commons BY-SA 3.0 Douzeff)

The women of Soviet Russia’s 588th Night Bomber Regiment, the Night Witches, flew in plywood and canvas biplanes through the best defenses that Nazi Germany had to offer, conducting multiple bombing missions per night to break up attacks against Soviet ground forces.

Their planes, the Polikarpov U-2 biplane, were underpowered and outgunned compared to the Luftwaffe’s modern air force. But the Night Witches used the biplanes to fly over German defenses nearly silently and drop bombs — they could only carry two at a time per plane — on Nazi positions.

They conducted 30,000 missions during World War II and dropped 23,000 tons of bombs.

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Someone wrote a list of 65 ways civilians can simulate military life and it’s hilarious

Almost everyone gets email forwards from their family. In the days before social media, people emailed the jokes, memes, and urban legends that populate Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest today. These days, it’s mostly older people that stick to forwarding emails instead of sharing via social media.


Loved ones forward things to veterans wanting to know if something about the military or life in the military is true.

This one has been circulating around the internet for a while. Its origins are hard to trace, but the authors — whomever they may be — pinpointed some of the more bizarre aspects of military life by trying to find a civilian equivalent. It’s funny to look back at things military personnel and veterans accept as a part of life, no matter how strange it may seem from the outside looking in.

65 ways civilians can simulate military life:

1. Dig a big hole in your back yard and live in it for 30 days straight.

2. Go inside only to clean the house. On weekends, you can eat in the house, but you can’t talk.

3. Pour 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your hole, then shovel it out, stack sandbags around it and cover it with a sheet of old plywood.

4. Fill a backpack with 50 pounds of kitty litter. Never take it off outdoors. Jog everywhere you go.

5. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you’re hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

6. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

7. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn the water pressure in your shower down to a trickle, then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn it up so hard it peels skin. On Saturdays and Sundays, declare to your entire family that they can’t use the shower in order to keep it clean for inspection.

8. Go inside and make your bed every morning. Have your wife tear the blankets off at random during the day. Re-make the bed each time until it is time to go back outside and sleep in your hole.

9. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout “Get up! Get up! You are moving too slow! Get down and do push-ups!”

10. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.

11. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours. Hang a sign on the bathroom door that says, “Unserviceable.”

12. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it’s ok for you to leave your house before 5pm.

13. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over. Have them all dig holes in your yard to live in. After 30 days, fill in the holes and wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home as you set out for a 25 mile walk and After-Action-Review.

 

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

14. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

15. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).

16. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes. Write down on a piece of paper everything you want the shop to fix the next time you bring the car in. Give your wife the list to throw away.

17. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours with the windows down before going anywhere. Tune the radio to static and monitor it while letting the car run. If it is cold outside, don’t run the heat. Sleep on the hood or roof of your car.

18. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.

19. Repaint your entire house once a month. Paint white rings around all the trees in your neighborhood. Paint all curbs yellow. Paint all rocks red.

20. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.

21. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
That government coffee.

22. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

23. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel when you are inside to eat. Tune the tint on the TV to green.

24. Avoid watching your green tinted TV with the exception of movies which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

25. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
The barracks barber or the Exchange barber? Roll the dice.

26. Sew big pockets to the legs of your pants. Don’t use them.

27. Spend 2 weeks sleeping in holes in your neighbor’s lawns and call it a deployment.

28. Spend a year sleeping in holes in your local area and call it world travel.

29. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald’s and NOT get promoted.

30. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers.

31. Blast heavy metal music on your stereo and conduct Ranger PT, grass drills, and sprints on your front lawn after your neighbors have gone to bed.

32. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their fighting positions. Don’t let them eat or sleep again for two days.

33. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.

34. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don’t pay attention to the menu anymore so they just ask for hot dogs.

35. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

36. In the middle of January, place a gate at the end of your street. Have your family stand watches at the gate, rotating at 4-hour intervals.

37. Make your family live with you in your hole for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you’re going to take them to Disneyland for “block leave.” When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Individual Skill Certification, and that it will be another week before they can go back into the house.

38. In your hole (refer to #1), with 200 of your not-so-closest friends (see para. 13), get the flu.

39. Sleep in a thicket of blackberries or rose bushes. Tie a string to your foot that runs to the house. Have your wife yank on the string about 3 hours after you go to sleep. Crawl out of the bushes and go to the house to see what she wants. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, “Just making sure you’re okay.”

40. Do not sleep from 1:00 a.m. Monday mornings until 3 p.m. Wednesday afternoons. Tie a branch around your neck and chew on sand to stay awake.

41. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, dig a trench into your hole so that it fills up with water. During the worst part of the storm, get out of your hole and go for a 12 mile walk.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
How you feel after that hike.

42. Don’t change your socks for a week. After they disintegrate off with pieces of your feet, put on an unbroken pair of new boots and go for a 12-mile walk.

43. For mechanized infantry or armor types: leave the lawn mower running next to your hole 24 hours a day. When you get an opportunity to sleep in your house, put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

44. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

45. Set up a port-a-potty in the corner of your yard. Once a week, have the service truck back into your yard and pump it out. Make sure the wind carries the smell into your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.

46. Every other month pull every single possession you own out of your house and line everything up on your lawn from smallest to largest, front to back. Count everything and write it down to file with your insurance company. Give your wife the list to throw away.

47. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

48. Buy a trash can, but don’t use it. Store the garbage in your hole.

49. Get up every night around midnight and stroll around your yard to “check the perimeter.”

50. Run the garden hose to your hole and turn it on. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. Jump up and get dressed as fast as you can. Run out into the backyard and get in your hole.

51. Once a month, take apart every major appliance in your home and put them back together again.

52. Build a scale model of your yard. Make your children draw sketches of it including little arrows indicating what they are going to do when they go out to play. Post these sketches on a bulletin board for reference.

53. Remove the insulation and widen the frames of your front and back doors so that no matter how tight you shut the door, the weather will still get inside.

54. Every so often, throw the cat in front of your hole and shout “Enemy in the wire! Fire Claymores!” Then run into the house cut off the circuit breaker. Yell at the wife and kids for violating security and not maintaining good noise and light discipline.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
You’ll never be squad leader with that attitude, Billy.

55. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go sit in your car. Say to no one in particular “Lost-One, this is Lost-Three, are you lost too, over?” Sit there for three or four hours with the engine running. Say again to no one in particular “Negative contact, Lost-Three out.” Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.

56. Cook a gourmet meal then eat it in the middle of a McDonald’s play place.

57. Receive 500 gallons of purified water. Only eat snow.

58. Find out your house was built on an erosion point. Burn your house down. Build new one 3 feet away.

59. Buy 10 pairs of sunglasses for your neighbors to steal.

60. When you catch above mentioned neighbors, only blame the neighbors that just moved in.

61. Dig a new hole in your front yard for a bathroom next to your original hole. Only piss in Powerade bottles.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Home is where you dig it. (U.S. Marine Corps photo)

62. When above-mentioned hole is washed away, dig a new bathroom hole 6 inches from your fresh water supply.

63. Every 2 or 3 days take your closest not-so-close friends camping across the street.

64. Shower semi-annually.

65. Have your parents take away your allowance on weekends that were a part of your vacation.

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This one South Carolina county raised 4 Medal of Honor recipients

Pickens County, South Carolina lies in the northwest corner of the state on the border of North Carolina. The rural county has only a few hundred people per square mile and a total population of 120,000. Surprisingly, this small county has produced four Medal of Honor recipients, which makes it the county with the most Medals of Honor per capita in the nation, according to a report in Patch.


Here are the four recipients:

1. Pfc. Charles Barker slowed an enemy advance with hand-to-hand fighting.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Photo: US Army

Army Pfc. Charles Barker was part of a platoon in Korea that came upon enemy soldiers digging emplacements on a slope June 4, 1953. The patrol engaged the diggers but found itself facing heavy enemy resistance. As mortars began to fall on the platoon, the platoon leader ordered a withdrawal. Barker volunteered to cover the platoon move and was last seen engaged in hand-to-hand combat.

2. Pfc. William McWhorter absorbed an explosive blast to save his assistant gunner.

Army Pfc. William McWhorter was manning a heavy machine gunner in combat on Leyte Island in the Philippines on Dec. 5, 1944 when an enemy demolitions squad rushed his position. McWhorter and his assistant gunner successfully killed some of the attackers, but one managed to throw a fused demolition charge into the trench. McWhorter grabbed it and pulled it into his body just before it exploded. His actions saved the life of the assistant gunner who was able to continue fighting.

3. Lance Cpl. James “Donnie” Howe jumped on a grenade to save another Marine.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Photo: US Marine Corp

Marine Lance Cpl. James “Donnie” Howe was in a defensive position on a beach bordering bamboo thickets in Vietnam on May 6, 1970. A group of enemy sappers crept unnoticed to the position in the dark of early morning and launched a grenade attack. Howe and two others moved to a better position and began suppressing the enemy. When another grenade landed in the middle of the group, Howe jumped on it and saved the others.

4. Pvt. Furman Smith single-handedly held off an enemy counterattack.

During the Allied advance in Italy in World War II, Army Pvt. Furman Smith was part of an infantry company attack on a strong point. Smith was in the lead element when an attack by 80 Germans succeeded in wounding two men. While the rest of the lead element pulled back to the company’s position, Smith rushed forward. He recovered the wounded and placed them in shell craters that provided some cover. He then took a position nearby and held off the Germans with rifle fire until he was ultimately overrun.

NOW:  9 post-9/11 heroes who should have received the Medal of Honor — but didn’t

Lists

A few good New Year’s Resolutions for the Marines

The Marine Corps has always been an elite force — and you’d hardly think they’d need to make resolutions for the New Year. The Army, Navy, and Air Force have things they need to work on, of course, but even elite forces have their fair share of problems. Last year, the Marines had a big problem with their Hornets and needed a boneyard bailout. So, what do the Marines need to work on in 2018?


5. Increase the dwell time for troops

According to a Heritage Foundation assessment of American military power, the Marines are shooting for a 1:3 deployment-to-dwell ratio. That is, one seven-month deployment, followed by 21 months to “dwell.” The problem is that budget caps could push the “D2D” ratio down to 1:1. This wears down gear and the Marines. This is something the Marines need to fix immediately.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
A Marine greets his family after returning from a seven month deployment, Nov. 21, aboard Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort. Marine All-Weather Fighter Attack Squadron 224 left for the deployment to support combat operations in the Central Command area of operations, May 8. The Marine is with VMFA(AW)-224. (USMC photo)

4. Get new planes

Some of the mainstays of Marine Corps aviation, like the F/A-18 Hornet, CH-53E Super Stallion, and AV-8B Harrier, are getting older and older. The longer-than-expected development of the F-35 has forced these older planes to soldier on. Marines often operate as Air-Ground Task Forces, meaning they need to get new airframes, whether it’s from accelerating production of the new designs, or re-opening production lines.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Marines conduct a helicopter support team exercise at Marine Corps Air Station Futenma, Okinawa, Japan, April 22, 2016. USMC photo by Lance Cpl. Nelson Duenas.

3. Keep the Expeditionary Fire Support System

With aging aviation being stretched thin, why would the Marines dump one of their newer fire-support systems? Admittedly, the Expeditionary Fire Support System didn’t have the longest reach. What it did have, however, was portability, meaning it could rapidly deploy from a V-22 Osprey. It also frees up the longer-range systems like the M777 and the HIMARS to hit other targets. This is a very useful system — and the Marines ought to keep it.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Sgt. Dave Simpson fires an M327 mortar during a live-fire training event at Camp Lejeune, N.C., Aug. 21, 2017. Live-fire training events prepare Marines to face situations they may encounter while in theater combat environment. Simpson is a section chief with 1st Battalion, 10th Marine Regiment. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Damarko Bones)

2. Get a good replacement for the AAV-7 – the Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle

The AAV-7A1 has been around since 1972, when it entered service as the LVTP-7. Let’s put this into context: When Taylor Swift was born, the AAV-7 was old enough to have a driver’s license in all 50 states. The Marines had a good replacement, the Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle, but it was cancelled in 2011. Undoing that cancellation should be a top priority.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
A prototype of the Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle, planned for deployment to the United States Marine Corps before it was cancelled. (USMC photo)

1. Add a few more good men (and women)

The Heritage Foundation’s 2018 assessment of American military strength noted that the Marines presently have the equivalent of 24 infantry battalions. But to really handle things, the Marines need at least 30, and possibly as many as 36. More Marines can help meet other resolutions, like increasing the dwell time, but it also can be a deterrent of bad behavior from certain countries and non-state actors.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Recruits with Kilo Company, 3rd Recruit Training Battalion, are taught how to properly make their racks during pick up at Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego, Jan. 27. Annually, more than 17,000 males recruited from the Western Recruiting Region are trained at MCRD San Diego. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Angelica Annastas)

What resolutions do you think the Marine Corps should make?

Lists

The best submarine movies of all time

This is a list about the best submarine movies. Who doesn’t love a good submarine film? Be honest. You know that whenever you see a trailer for a new submarine movie or hear about a great submarine movie you’ve never seen before that you get super excited and you feel like your head is about to implode… from the pressure. That’s a submarine joke. Water. …Depth.


From some of the top submarine movies like The Hunt For Red October, and Crimson Tide, to all-time great submarine movies like Das Boot, this list has everything you’ll need to satisfy your insatiable need for input on the most famous submarine movies.

The amount of times the word “submarine” appears in this list description is not an accident. Submarines are awesome (they go underwater, and there are people in them, and they are basically magic, and they shoot rockets and win wars!) and they deserve to be talked about more.

Thankfully, Hollywood agrees. Please enjoy this list of the best submarine movies of all time.

Vote for your favorite submarine films now!

The Best Submarine Movies Of All Time

More from Ranker:

This article originally appeared at Ranker. Copyright 2015. Like Ranker on Facebook.

Articles

13 famous rock stars who served in the military

There are some jobs troops leaving the service are expected to go after, but world-class musician isn’t typically one of them. Still, these 13 veterans prove that it can be done.


1. Elvis Presley

It’s not like Elvis needs an introduction. He was drafted in December 1957 and reported for his induction in March 1958. He turned down offers to perform for the troops in lieu of traditional service. Instead, he became a tanker and served in West Germany.

2. Johnny Cash

Before “The Man in Black” was a famous singer, he was a U.S. Air Force Morse code intercept operator who was the first westerner to learn of Joseph Stalin’s death.

3. George Strait

The “King of Country” served in the U.S. Army from 1971 to 1975. While in the Army, he began playing with an Army-sponsored band, “Rambling Country.”

4. Toy Caldwell

A founding member of the Marshall Tucker Band, Toy Caldwell served in the U.S. Marine Corps in Vietnam. After he was injured by a land mine in 1967, he was shipped home and medically discharged.

He created the Toy Factory band which would later become the Marshall Tucker Band. They released 14 albums. Five went gold, and an additional two went platinum.

5. Craig Morgan

Craig Morgan, now a country music star, spent nearly a decade as a forward observer in the Army’s 101st Airborne Division and 82nd Airborne Division. He would serve another six and a half years in the Army Reserve.

6. Shaggy

Shaggy, the Grammy-winning singer of “It Wasn’t Me,” developed his vocal skills while calling cadence as a field artillery cannon crewman in the U.S. Marine Corps. By his own account, he wasn’t a great Marine, but he did fire during the first Gulf War.

7. Willie Nelson

The legendary Willie Nelson was once a lackluster airman. He was discharged after only nine months due to back problems. He maintains ties to the veteran community though, advocating for veteran issues and providing support to vet groups.

8. Maynard James Keenan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhjG47gtMCo
The frontman for Tool, Keenan spent three years in the Army, starting with a stint in the U.S. Military Academy Prep School. He turned down an appointment to West Point and instead completed an enlistment before going on to become a world-famous musician.

9. George Jones

George Jones was once the top name in country music. In 1951, two years before he was discovered, he was a newly enlisted Marine. Jones never served overseas though the country was at war with Korea. He was stationed in California where he played gigs during his off time. His country music career took off in 1953.

10. Kris Kristofferson

Kris Kristofferson came from a military family. His father was in the Army Air Corps and his brother became a Navy jet pilot. Kris graduated Ranger School and became a helicopter pilot before eventually leaving the Army.

He was disowned by his family for leaving the service to pursue music. He went on to write hits like “Me and Bobby McGee.”

11. Jimi Hendrix

Before he was famous worldwide for shredding guitars, Jimi Hendrix was famous in the Army’s 101st Airborne Division for being a bad soldier. He was a poor marksman and undisciplined. Fellow soldiers complained about his constant guitar strumming.

He was allowed out after a year when an ankle injury on a training jump gave the Army an excuse to let him go. Only a few years after his discharge, the Jimi Hendrix experience wowed London and launched Hendrix’s career.

12. James Otto

James Otto was the son of an Army drill sergeant, but he opted for the Navy when he enlisted. He credits his two-year term with giving him discipline and life experience to make it in Nashville. James Otto wrote the hit “In Color,” which won multiple country awards for best song of the year. He continues to write and perform hit songs like “Soldiers and Jesus.”

13. Ray Manzarek

Most famous for playing the keyboard in “The Doors,” Manzarek joined the Army during the buildup to Vietnam. He served in Thailand and Okinawa before being kicked out. Manzarek, who had been a student at UCLA Film School before enlisting, returned to college. Only two months after graduation, Manzarek and Jim Morrison formed “The Doors” and became icons.
Intel

11 Photos Showing Jordan’s King Abdullah Being A Total Badass

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Jordan’s King Abdullah II (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/ Instagram)


Jordanian F-16s launched 20 airstrikes on Islamic State targets in 2015 following King Abdullah II’s declaration to wage a “harsh” war against militants from the group, also known as the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) or ISIS, after the brutal execution of captured Jordanian pilot Moaz al-Kasasbe.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram

Abdullah participating in a military special operations training exercises as Jump-Master.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
The Royal Hashemite Court/YouTube

King Abdullah II, a former commander of Jordan’s special forces, pledged to hit the militants “hard in the very center of their strongholds,” AP reports.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah with military officials during an exercise. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

The Jordanian government has denied the king’s physical involvement in any aerial attacks.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah observing a military exercise in November 2013. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

Dubbed the “warrior king,” Jordan’s 53-year-old leader has clocked in 35 years of military service.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah at a military ceremony in Jordan. (Photo: The Royal Court/Instagram)

According to the king‘s bio, he enrolled in the UK’s Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst in 1980 and went on to become an elite Cobra attack helicopter pilot.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
King Abdullah II pilots his helicopter while visiting different areas in his kingdom. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

In November 1993, then-Prince Abdullah became commander of Jordan’s special forces.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah laughing with troop after a meal in the field. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

Three years later he turned Jordan’s small special forces unit into today’s elite Special Operations Command (SOCOM), arguably the best operatives in the Middle East.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah speaking with soldiers after sharing a meal. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

Frequently training alongside US special forces, Jordan’s units are approximately 14,000 strong and may further contribute to the fight against ISIS beyond Jordan’s airstrikes.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah observing a military exercise. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

As the head of a constitutional monarchy, the career soldier holds substantial power.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Abdullah, the Supreme Commander of the Jordan Armed Forces, at a military exercise. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

Members of Congress have asked for an increase in military assistance to the kingdom, AP reports. The US is providing Jordan with $1 billion annually in military assistance.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
King Abdullah II starts his day participating in a military special operations training exercises as Jump Master. (Photo: The Royal Hashemite Court/Instagram)

The fight against ISIS lost a crucial partner, the United Arab Emirates, in December after the Jordanian pilot was captured, The New York Times reported.

The UAE demands that the Pentagon improve its search-and-rescue efforts in northern Iraq before it rejoins the coalition, The Times said, quoting unidentified US officials.

More from Business Insider:

This article originally appeared at Business Insider Defense Copyright 2015. Follow BI Defense on Twitter.

Lists

The 9 greatest fighter pilots you’ve never heard of

Anyone with a passing interest in military aviation knows names like Immelmann, von Richthofen, Rickenbacker, and Boyington. Here are 9 lesser-known aces whose aerial accomplishments rival those of the legends:


1. Francesco Baracca (Italy)

 

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

The most successful Italian ace of World War I, with 34 confirmed victories.

2. Indra Lal Roy (India)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

India’s most successful fighter pilot, with 12 kills (2 shared). He remains the only Indian fighter ace to this day.

3. Ivan Kozhedub (Russia)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

Credited with 64 victories, Kozhedub is the top scoring Allied ace of World War II. He’s also one of the few pilots to shoot down a Messerschmitt Me 262, one of the Luftwaffe’s early jets.

4. Josef Frantisek (Czechoslovakia)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

Credited as the top scoring RAF ace during the Battle of Britain. He refused to fly in formation but was allowed to fly as a “guest” of RAF 303 (Polish) squadron. In the air he would break off and patrol areas by himself where he knew enemy aircraft would be.

5. Ilmari Juutilainen (Finland)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

94 confirmed aerial combat victories during World War II against the Soviets . . . and from Finland. Thirty-four of his kills came while flying a Brewster Buffalo.

6. James Jabara (United States)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

First American jet-versus-jet ace in history and the second-highest-scoring U.S. ace of the Korean War. He received the Distinguished Service Cross, Silver Star, Distinguished Flying Cross, Air Medal, and the British Distinguished Flying Cross for his accomplishments in combat.

7. M M Alam (Pakistan)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

Alam downed 9 Indian aircraft during the Indo-Pakistani War of 1965. On one sortie he shot down 5 Indian aircraft in less than a minute — the first four within 30 seconds — which remains a world record that is unlikely to be beaten.

8. Shahram Rostami (Iran)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

During the Iran-Iraq War Tomcat pilot Shahram Rostami shot down 6 Iraqi fighters: 1 MiG-21, 3 Mirage F1s and 2 MiG-25s (the first to do so).

9. Giora Epstein (Israel)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

History’s highest scoring jet ace, with 17 confirmed kills during the Six Day War, the War of Attrition, and the Yom Kippur War.

Articles

The 6 best Hollywood sniper shots ever

Snipers are considered one of the most dangerous warfighters in the battlefield — taking out targets from concealed and undisclosed locations while homing in on prey that has no clue that they’re in the crosshairs.


With many legendary snipers in the history books, Hollywood loves to make movies about the single-shot heroes who man the ranks of America’s martial might.

One of our guilty pleasures is seeing the good guys duke it out with the enemy — either in close hand-to-hand combat or from far off positions with surprise direct head shots from precision shooters.

So check out the Hollywood sniper shots that we often rewind, rewatch and relive the awesomeness time and time again.

1. The 2,100-yards-out

With so many badass moments we saw in the movie “American Sniper,” one single sniper shot stands out the most. This Clint Eastwood-directed war tribute features an epic duel — sniper vs. sniper — between Bradley Cooper’s legendary Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle and his insurgent nemesis.

2. One shot, one kill, no exceptions

Hitting a moving target at distance is crazy complicated. But under the guidance of a Marine sniper — some of the best in the business — you’ll be able to get the confirmed kill as shown in 1993’s “Sniper” directed by Luis Liosa.

3. Right through the eye

Steven Spielberg knows how to tell an effective story, and he did just that directing 1998’s critically-acclaimed “Saving Private Ryan.”

After showing the world how American troops stormed the beaches of Normandy, he successfully captured the moment of when Pvt. Jackson (played by Barry Pepper) takes out a German sniper with a perfectly aimed round right through his scope.

4. Female VC Sniper

In most cases, it’s not okay to cheer for the villain, but as Stanley Kubrick showed us in 1987’s “Full Metal Jacket,” female snipers can be just as efficient and deadly as the men.

This death shocked viewers as one of our beloved characters made a simple mistake — and paid the price.

5. Pop shot and catch

Sniping is sometimes a team effort – just ask the real Navy SEALs who filled the roles of 2012’s “Act of Valor” who killed the enemy while barely making a sound.

6. 5 Rounds = 5 targets

A sniper’s greatest tool is his power of concealment. Russian-born sharpshooter Vasili Zaytsev (played by Jude Law) used that knowledge as he whacked five unsuspecting Germans in 2001’s “Enemy at the Gates.”

Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Articles

The 13 funniest military memes of the week

Happy Friday! Got memes you want to see in the rundown? Send ’em over to our Facebook page. Go ahead and “Like” us while you’re there.


1. Tricky Dick knew tons of secret ways of getting the weapons clean faster (via Marine Corps Memes)

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Too bad those secrets were all in that 18.5 minute gap on the tapes.

2. B-2 getting up to attack speed.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Well, unless you’re where the democracy is dropped. Then you’ll see nothing – ever again.

SEE ALSO: 11 reactions to seeing your relief show up after a long watch

3. Know all those classes when you get to a new post?

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
This guy is why.

4.  This is what happens when no one takes charge.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
I always copy the guy wearing a PT belt. That guy is squared away as f*ck.

5. Future puddle pirate, right here.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
It’s not about the size of the boat in the fight – except when it is.

6. “Technician!”

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
She even looks like a new Air Force pilot.

7. A hero modestly explains his significance.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels

8. In his defense, it’s not like you stand at attention for it (via Marine Corps Memes).

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
It’s just going to be awkward when the machine starts correcting his position of parade rest.

9. The Nazi Air Force didn’t focus enough on PT.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
I’m just sitting here trying to figure out how you crash a plane without breaking the prop. Shouldn’t that have been rotating? Might be why you fell.

10. The driver is trying to find the button for JP-8 …

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
… and the PLT sergeant is inside buying dip.

11. How the Air Force turns new recruits into the toughest badasses on the planet (via Marine Corps Memes).

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Welcome to the jungle.

 12. Some branches kill terrorists …

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
… some branches pull drunks out of the ocean.

13. Well, doing PT takes, like, an hour a day.

9 infamous KGB assassination attempts straight out of spy novels
Buying larger PT gear only takes 15 minutes.

NOW: This teenage genius created the best prosthetic ever

AND: 11 American spies who did the worst damage to the US military

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