Finding your purpose as a military spouse

Jessica Evans Avatar
Krystle Kendall smiles at a clever pun made by Mollie Gross during the Live, Laugh and Learn event at the Del Mar Beach Resort here April 19. Gross is a Marine Corps wife, author, comedienne and motivational speaker. The Live, Laugh and Learn tour features motivational presentations, book signings and author meet and greet events for military wives.
Krystle Kendall smiles at a clever pun made by Mollie Gross during the Live, Laugh and Learn event at the Del Mar Beach Resort here April 19. Gross is a Marine Corps wife, author, comedienne and motivational speaker. The Live, Laugh and Learn tour features motivational presentations, book signings and author meet and greet events for military wives.

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I remember realizing I didn’t have to do it all or be it all. I’d moved to our new base and found myself staring at another list of events and expectations. And it hit me: just because I was a milspouse didn’t mean my community involvement had to look like everyone else’s.

Here’s how to contribute to your community on your own terms and discover your path. 

The military is full of roles we’re expected to fill, and as spouses, we’re not exempt from this. When I first became a milspouse, I thought that stepping into FRG (Family Readiness Group) leadership was simply something I was expected to do. No one came outright and said it, but it was inferred. Like an unexpected rule, almost. But after a few years and a few PCS moves, I realized while FRG leadership is valuable and I liked working with other spouses in that way, it wasn’t something I was passionate about.

Then everything shifted. I was at our new town’s local library checking out too many books and learned about a community outreach literacy program. Suddenly, I found myself energized by the idea of helping others through books, reading, and education. It wasn’t within my spouse’s unit or on my installation, but I finally felt I could make an impact.

Volunteering Beyond Expectations

Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), the roles we feel obligated to take don’t truly resonate with us. It’s easy to assume that contributing to your community has to look a certain way, like serving on the FRG or organizing installation events. 

Setting boundaries isn’t about rejecting the military community but defining your role within it. You don’t have to say ‘yes’ to everything, and that’s okay. It’s about finding your own path.

Maybe you love fashion and begin working with nonprofit organizations that help get clothes into the closets of those who need them most. Or maybe you’re super skilled at social media and offer your talents to a charity that champions a cause that’s important to you. The key here is to find what lights up your heart, and if that’s through an organization off-installation, that’s okay. 

Aligning Your Passions with Your Community

Once you figure out what lights you up, it’s easier to find ways to give back because you’ll be more excited about volunteering. Literacy programs at the library aligned with my love for books and education. For you, it might be something entirely different. The key is to find a cause that resonates with you personally. When you connect your values with your community efforts, it stops feeling like a task. It starts feeling like a natural extension of who you are.

Remember, your value to your community doesn’t have to be tied to a specific role or expectation. It’s about being yourself and sharing your gifts in ways that matter most to you. Your legacy isn’t defined by tradition. It’s defined by your passion and purpose.

Flexibility and Fulfillment

You already know life as a military spouse is unpredictable. PCS moves, deployments and the ever-changing demands of military life make it hard to commit to long-term projects. That’s why finding volunteer opportunities that offer flexibility is essential. I found my way into the library’s literacy programs after we PCS’d, and I’ve continued to be involved in ways that fit into my schedule. From one-off events to ongoing but flexible commitments, the idea is to contribute on your own terms. Virtual volunteering or short-term projects are great options for balancing a busy home life.

Building Lasting Connections

What I didn’t expect when I joined the literacy program was the sense of connection it would bring. Being part of a group that shared my passion for education and helping others was rewarding in ways I hadn’t anticipated. Equally important, it helped me connect with my wider community off the installation. Yes, most of the folks I interacted with were connected to the military somehow, but it wasn’t a volunteer experience I felt I had to do. I wasn’t being “voluntold” to educate the community. It was truly something I was excited to do. It also helped me rediscover my identity outside of being a military spouse. Because let’s face it, sometimes that’s hard to do. So, if you find yourself in a new community after a PCS, or even if you’ve been at a base for a while, these connections can make a huge difference in how at home you feel.

Make It Your Own

The most important lesson I’ve learned is that community involvement should feel personal. It’s not about checking off boxes or fulfilling expectations. It’s about finding something that aligns with your passions and values. That meant walking away from the traditional FRG roles and diving into literacy. For you, it might be something different. The point is to find what resonates with you and run with it. Your contributions to your community matter, and by choosing roles that inspire you, you’ll find purpose beyond the uniform—on your own terms.