As a milspouse, saying goodbye is something you know all too well. The packing up, the bittersweet farewells, and the inevitable hugs that last a little longer than usual. When you’ve found a friend who really gets you, having to part ways can feel like losing a piece of yourself. But a PCS doesn’t mean you have to lose those friendships. Instead, it means finding creative ways to keep those bonds alive, to make ‘goodbye’ feel more like ‘see you soon.’ With a little intention, you can keep your friendships strong across all the moves and miles.
Make reunions happen: Planning trips you’ll actually take
One of the most powerful ways to keep a friendship alive across the distance is to give yourself something to look forward to. That’s where planned reunions come in. Whether it’s a weekend getaway, a road trip, or a cozy stay at each other’s new homes, having a reunion on the calendar keeps that friendship thriving. It’s like a promise that no matter where the military sends you, you’ll make time for each other.
When we moved from Turkey back to Washington, D.C., I knew couldn’t let my friendship with Alexa fade. We’d been through so much together, from late-night vent sessions over coffee to navigating the quirks of expat life. So before I left, we made a plan. We’d both contribute to a shared folder on Instagram of all the places we wanted to go once she was back in the States. Knowing that we had that reunion to look forward to made all the difference. We both saved a little each month and added it to our shared folder and by the time she got back, we had endless options for fun things to do. Reunions don’t have to be fancy or expensive—they just have to happen. And when they do, it’s like no time has passed at all.
Create digital traditions that bring you closer
Instead of relying on the occasional text or like on Instagram, try creating digital traditions that keep you close, no matter how far apart you are. One of my favorite digital traditions is a monthly “Netflix night.” We pick a show or movie, hit play at the same time, and message each other throughout. It’s silly, but it makes me feel like we’re sitting on the couch together, sharing snacks and cracking jokes just like we used to.
Another idea is to start a shared photo album where you both add snapshots of your day-to-day life. It’s a simple way to stay a part of each other’s worlds, to see the new places you’re exploring, the small joys, and even the struggles.
If you’re into music, try creating a shared playlist. Add songs that remind you of each other or tracks you’re loving lately. Music has a way of connecting people across time and space, and having that shared soundtrack keeps you both in sync, even when you’re apart. Those little traditions make the distance feel just a bit smaller.
Celebrate everyday wins, no matter the distance
One of the hardest parts of being away from a close friend is missing out on the everyday victories, the spontaneous hangouts, the moments that make up the fabric of your friendship. But just because you’re not physically there doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate those moments together. It’s all about finding creative ways to stay present in each other’s lives.
When my friend Maria got a new job, I wanted to celebrate her success, even though I was all the way in Germany. So I sent her a little care package. Just a few of her favorite snacks and a handwritten note telling her how proud I was. It wasn’t anything big, but it made her day, and it made me feel like I was part of that milestone. Celebrating the small stuff like birthdays, promotions, and the every day wins is what keeps you connected, even when you’re far apart.
Consistency is key: staying connected through every move
The truth is, keeping friendships alive across moves takes effort. It’s easy to lose touch, especially when life gets busy, but being intentional about staying connected can make all the difference. Schedule regular check-ins, whether it’s a weekly video call, a quick text, or a voice message. Showing up consistently, even in small ways, reminds your friends that they matter to you and that you’re still there for them, even if it’s from afar.
Intentionality also means recognizing when your friends need you most. Maybe they’re struggling with a move, feeling homesick, or just having a rough week. Reach out, even if it’s just to say, “I’m thinking of you” or “I’m here if you need me.”
Turning goodbyes into lifelong connections
Being a milspouse means facing goodbyes more often than most, but those goodbyes don’t have to be forever. With a little creativity, effort, and intentionality, you can turn ‘goodbye’ into ‘see you soon’ and keep those friendships alive across any distance. Plan those reunions, start those digital traditions, celebrate each other’s moments, and create something meaningful together. Show up for each other, even when it’s tough, and be intentional about staying connected.