Military working dogs hold a special place in the hearts of the troops who work with them. In a practical sense, they’re treated with the same honor and respect as any other troop.
They have a ceremony when they receive awards and are buried with military honors. They hold a rank, and as tradition dictates, one higher than their handler. It’s a tongue-in-cheek custom to ensure the handler treats them properly while giving the working dog some leeway to be a dog if they ever disobey an order.
They have very specific skills tailored to each mission. The role of a MWD can range from a mercy dog, assisting in locating wounded on the front lines, military police K-9s sniffing out narcotics, and EOD dogs, sniffing out explosives. Even fighting dogs join troops on raids, scouting missions, and as sentries in guard posts.
These dogs are comrades, allies, battle-buddies, and – of course –friends.
13. Cpl. Chesty XIV is the current mascot of the U.S. Marine Corps. He is also far more disciplined than nearly every Lance Cpl. in your unit
12. Sgt. Maj. Fosco was the first MWD to complete an airborne jump while being held by his handler, 1st Sgt. Chris Lalonde.
11. Selection and training of MWDs starts the moment they’re born. The more energetic the puppy, the more willing they are to learn.
10. The training process is a rough 93-day program but positive reinforcement is the key.
9. As with human troops, nothing can prepare you for a deployment.
8. Many statues and memorials have been dedicated to the commitment and loyalty of the Military Working Dogs.
7. Aeromedical personnel need to learn the basics of veterinary care in case they get the call to evacuate a wounded MWD.
6. MWDs never complain about spending time with their handlers, even if that means they have to train.
5. Did you know that tennis balls are a key item in the detection of explosives?
4. MWDs are the only troops who are 110% willing to train constantly and at all times of the day.
3. When they call us “Dogfaced Soldiers,” this isn’t what they had in mind.
2. As a handler, it is your solemn duty to love and care for your dog. If they want to play, well, technically, they outrank you.
1. MWDs are given the same respect of an American human troop. Complete with their own canine-version of the battle cross.
Yes, there are jokes aplenty that tear down reservists for anything ranging from a lack of physical fitness to a disregard of regulations to even workspace cleanliness. If you were to judge solely from the bad rap they get from active duty, it’d be hard to fathom that the Reserves play any real role in the military.
The Reserves, for every military branch, require two days of duty a month (drill weekends) and two weeks of mandatory training per year. However, most of the time, reservists are called upon to come in and train more than just two days each month.
Stereotypically, reservists are thought of as “weekend warriors” or part-time military members, but this couldn’t be further from the truth, especially when talking about specific career fields (MOS/AFSCs). In fact, the majority of our fighting forces are made up of reservists that get activated or volunteer to deploy during conflict.
Although there is a multitude of career fields in every branch of the Reserves, it just so happens that the Air Force Reserves has been allotted one of the most sacred duties of them all: Transporting our wounded warriors back home to their families. Today’s aeromedical evacuation (AE) process is a far cry from what we have seen in the past American Wars.
The Air Force Reserves is mobile, efficient, and skilled in triage and, of course, organizing paperwork — yes, paperwork is important! When it comes to patient movement, especially when flying from base to base, flight nurses and medical technicians need to have correct patient diagnoses, medications, proper training, and medical equipment.
How else would they be able to ensure a 98% survival rate that is currently the highest survival rate among all American wars? Not too shabby for a bunch of reservists, right?
There are a total of eighteen AE squadrons under Air Force Reserve Command, nine under the Air National Guard, and four under active duty — two in the U.S. and two overseas.
Training, training, and more training is a big reason the survival rate statistic has climbed recently. The Air Force Reserves trains to deploy and are always ready to go at a moment’s notice.
There are also aircraft attached explicitly to AE missions, such as the C-130, C-17, and KC-135, which are godsends to all of our injured troops. Training on each of these aircraft is mandatory for anyone attached to an AE medical crew.
Thanks to drastic improvements in technology and the specialized skills of AE medical crews, the wounded are no longer misdiagnosed due to incorrect paperwork, and they are not left in the field for months at a time, waiting for a plane to take them back to their families.
Next time someone cracks a joke about a reservist, even though some of the stereotypes ring a little true, remember the crucial role they play in the big operational puzzle that is our armed forces, especially in regards to bringing home our wounded warriors.
It’s time for taxes! Whether you are a single service member living in the barracks, a retired four star spending your days fishing in Hawaii, or a veteran with a family working your way through college, taxes have to be done.
I used to have this elementary school teacher, Mrs. West.
I remember Mrs. West standing in front of our class and telling us with extreme seriousness that only two things in America were guaranteed: eventual death and taxes.
I remember that half of my class got super interested in science in hopes of figuring out how to one day live forever, and the rest of us just kind of groaned and decided that our parents were going to do our taxes forever if the other kids figured out that whole science thing.
And so far those damn science kids still haven’t come through for us, and we still have to pay taxes.
Adulting is hard AF, amiright?
Don’t have a heart attack yet, because there is hope — not for science, they still haven’t come through — but for taxes.
There are a lot of ways and places to get your taxes done for free or almost free, and this is really great because math and I got a divorce in my freshmen year of college and we haven’t spoken since.
1. Volunteer Income Tax Assistance
VITA, is sponsored by the IRS. Most larger military installations have a VITA office on base during tax season. VITA isn’t military specific, but they generally help tax payers who make less than $54,000. Check out VITA, what you need to take with you on a visit, and where their offices are.
This outfit prepares and files taxes for free for active duty service members, National Guard and Reserve, and their spouses; retirees who were honorably discharged and are within 180 days past their discharge date, eligible survivors of active duty, National Guard and Reserve deceased service members, and family members who are in charge of the affairs of eligible service members are also eligible.
Get this, the IRS lets you do your own taxes. For free. Sweet deal? Or worst nightmare. You decide. Either way, the IRS will allow you to download software to do your taxes for free if you make below $64,000, and they’ll give you a free form if you make above $64,000. I guess the folks sitting right on $64,000 are just SOL.
Uber popular TurboTax has a sweet deal right now. You can download their 1040EZ or 1040A for free, and the rest of their products are fairly well discounted. E1 – E5 can get the Deluxe Edition from TurboTax for free (normally $54.99), and E6 and above get a discount on all products. The best thing about TurboTax is if for any reason the IRS comes back and says “You done effed up,” TurboTax will pay you for the IRS penalties.
This service has a great military discount. Currently, its website advertises 50 percent off classic or premium editions. They have free email and phone support, and boast about being 100 percent accurate. They do not, however, guarantee no penalties from the IRS if there is a mistake.
6. H&R Block
These guys have a cool thing for filing online for anywhere from free to $38.49. The program is called H&R Block More Zero (because “Taxes are Lame” and “You Think These Taxes are About You” was apparently taken). H&R Block does offer peace of mind. For a fee. And it really is called “Peace of Mind.”
Here’s how it works: You get your taxes done. You pay an additional fee, and they promise that if you’re audited, they’ll send one of their lawyers to court with you and pay up to $6,000 in fees if they lose. If you don’t pay the extra… no peace of mind for you.
Also, they don’t offer any kind of discount for military.
Let’s face it, the military has a lot of rules and regulations that they expect everyone to follow to the letter. For the most part, service members abide by the guidelines their commands set for them, though there are some that push the boundaries any chance they get.
Even the most squared away troop has violated a military statute at one time or another because many of them are bull sh*t less important to the mission than others.
Check out our list of regulations that service members violate every day.
1. Hands in pockets
As crazy as it sounds, having your hands stuffed inside your warm pockets on a cold day isn’t allowed; it’s the military way — but we still do it.
A consensual adult relationship between officers and enlisted members totally violates the Uniform Code of Military Justice, but it’s a lot of fun to brag about after you get out.
Sleeping with someone who isn’t your spouse is just a d*ck move. But just because it’s not cool doesn’t mean it never happens.
4. Wearing white socks
Although they’re more comfortable than wearing black socks with combat boots, don’t let the higher-ups see you sporting the out-of-reg look.
Most service members prefer the term “hardcore training” — but for those enduring the tough discipline, it’s seen it as a negative thing.
Your first duty station is always full of surprises. You’ll quickly learn that your career is nothing like how you envisioned it in the recruiter’s office. The troops you serve with are nothing like the ones portrayed in films.
Every troop comes from a different walk of life and each has their own story. That being said, when you finally get to know the troops you’re serving with, there are always going to be a few of the same archetypes.
These are the guys you’re going to meet when you visit the commo shop.
It’s no secret that the commo world is extended some nicer enlistment bonuses. The Pentagon sees it as a necessary bribe to fill a high-demand MOS within the service. The bonus chaser signed up for these benefits and they’ll happily let you know it.
This troop is completely average. They’re nothing special, they keep their nose clean, and they begrudgingly say “roger” to every task that comes their way. They’re boring and, chances are, they’ve never said a word to anyone outside of the S-6 — they probably won’t say anything to those guys either.
2. The “trooper”
Commo guys work closely with the higher-ups. The radio guy never leaves the officer’s side and the computer guy is always fixing their email. The “trooper” enjoys the attention.
They belt out, “you’ve got it, sir! Right away, sir!” like it was their calling card. They do this because they enjoy the fact that they’re needed more than the average Joe and take pride in their work.
3. The talkative nerd
There’s no denying it: the computer side of the commo world attracts a lot of nerds. At some point you’ll probably hear the sergeant major scream, “my internet went out! Someone get me those S-6 nerds!” And, for the most part, they’re right.
These aren’t your typical high-school nerds who sit quietly in the cafeteria. No, these nerds have learned how to talk to others and the military encourages troops to interact — which gives the computer guys an opportunity to explain all of their Game of Thrones fan theories… even if you’ve never watched the show.
4. The extreme jock
This commo hates everyone they work with — almost entirely because of the talkative nerd. They’ve heard all about Bitcoin investing, they’ve heard every reason why the Star Wars prequels were just misunderstood for their time, and they’ll probably snap the next time they hear the phrase, “anime waifu.”
They’ll do anything to get away and have at least one conversation involving a sport. They’ll overcompensate to prove to everyone that they’re not the talkative nerd.
5. The former grunt
This commo guy reclassed for better benefits after a few deployments, during which they did some real sh*t.
It’s sad watching the former grunt work. It eats them up inside every time they need to fill out a work order to get sent to civilian contractors to finally get the admin password so they can reinstall the operating system. This just isn’t their world. Watching these guys work with technology is like seeing a former college football star work at the Apple Store.
If you listen closely, what sounds like a head banging against their desk is actually “kill me” in Morse code repeated over and over again.
On the scale of grunt to POG, you can typically put most combat arms troops on the grunt side. Even a support MOS is part grunt by proximity. But then there’re these guys.
Their pay grade says E-6, but their actions make you question how they even passed Basic Training. Hell, they won’t even make excuses when you call them a POG. They’ll probably just retort with some sh*t like, “Yeah? Well, I can take away your computer access with the stroke of a keyboard!”
The military is filled with sports fans, and few days are as important to sports followers as the Super Bowl. So the U.S. military goes to great lengths to ensure that troops around the world are granted the opportunity to watch the big game (as long as they aren’t currently wrapped up in a mission…probably).
Here are 14 photos that show how troops around the world watch the ultimate football game each year:
1. Sports fans around the world watch the game on the Armed Forces Network, a U.S. military satellite channel. Some of these watching parties even allow minor uniform alterations, such as the wear of sports jerseys.
2. The watch parties are held wherever a TV and suitable seating can be set up, including chow halls…
Sailors watch Super Bowl 50 (fun fact: this was the year the Super Bowl decided to take a break from using roman numerals because the stand-alone “L” raised some confusion) between the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos in USS John C. Stennis’ (CVN 74) mess decks. (Photo: U.S. Navy Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Kenneth Rodriguez Santiago)
3. …theaters or briefing rooms…
Deployed troops watch the “big game” during a Super Bowl 50 viewing party at Bagram Air Field, Afghanistan, Feb. 8, 2016. The Airmen, soldiers, and civilians enjoyed the game and got to meet Miami Dolphins cheerleaders and former players during the event. (U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Nicholas Rau)
4. …and even ranges.
5. The luckiest viewers get to watch in sports bars on base.
6. The game-watching parties are usually supplemented with other activities.
7. For obvious reasons, football games are a common choice.
8. But other games are commonly set up.
Pfc. Oscar Ramero plays pool at a Single Marine Program Recreation Center at Camp Pendleton, Feb. 7, 2016. The center hosted a Super Bowl party which included free food and games for noncommissioned officer ranks and below. Ramero, from New York, is a student with Assault Amphibian School Battalion, School of Infantry – West. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Caitlin Bevel)
9. Some bases will even get special visits from USO tours, like this NFL All-Star Cheerleaders line-up.
10. Concerts are fairly common as well.
11. Prize giveaways are big at watch parties, especially overseas.
12. Electronics, plane tickets, and other prizes are given out.
Prizes for the patrons of the Super Bowl 50 Madness party rest on a table Feb. 7, 2016, in the Ramstein Enlisted Club, at Ramstein Air Base, Germany. Prizes included National Football League lawn chairs and money. Club members could also receive furniture, additional cash, LED televisions, and gaming consoles. (U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt. Timothy Moore)
13. Of course, no Super Bowl party is complete without snacks.
14. But it is the military, so not everyone gets a party or even a chance to watch the game. Some guys have to pull duty, like these paratroopers getting ready for an airborne operation on Super Bowl Sunday.
As kids growing up, we played games to pass the time, entertain ourselves, and meet other youngsters our age. It was an innocent time.
In the military, it’s sort of the same — except the games are much darker.
Spending the majority of your day either stuck on a ship, humping a pack in the field, or just bored as hell in the barracks, tends to give service members ampul time to come up with simple, low-cost games to play.
Warning: these do not necessarily reflect the most noble moments of our military heritage — but they sure are entertaining!
1. Don’t Fall Asleep
You could consider this a prank or a game.
The military grants you at least 8 hours of rest per night, supposedly. Don’t be so sure that when you manage to sneak a cat nap here or there that someone isn’t out to get you, even if they’re on your side.
These service members found out the hard way.
2. F*ck, Marry, Kill
This one is probably self-explanatory, but Dale Doback from 2008’s Step Brothers (played by John C. Reilly) is going to explain.
3. No Balls
This game is almost like truth or dare, minus the truth option.
It’s no secret that men and women sometimes talk themselves up in front of their comrades to boost their image to gain respect. We’ve all experienced it at some point or another and maybe even done it ourselves.
The best time to call out “no balls” is after a tough talker makes a strong arm claim and no one else expects it. Seeing everyone’s shocked reaction of “will they do it?” could be priceless.
4. Nut Tap/ The Gator/ Nut Check
The various names of this game are endless.
Out of all the games, this is probably the most dangerous and most painful one. It can leave your fellow gamers fuming at you for extended periods of time, but who cares. It’s hilarious!
This game is typically controlled under false pretenses as getting you mark into proper position can be challenging.
5. Playing Picasso
You’re the last man in the office, as you secure the spaces you notice John Doe has left his CAC inserted (so to speak) into a government computer and he’s gone for the day. Game on!
A Common Access Card (or CAC — please don’t call it a CAC card) is just as important for civilians and active duty members to have in their possession while on base as a driver’s license while operating a motor vehicle. Once you’ve retrieved the CAC, its time to teach the forgetful service member a small, but useful lesson.
Time to create your masterpiece!
These games are meant to be conducted out of good wholesome fun. So don’t be that guy who goes overboard.
What military games did you play? Asking for a friend…
After five long contracted years of service, you learned a thing or two about yourself. Here are a few things that may have made your list.
1. Mental strength
Most people rarely tap into their full potential and allow their minds to convince their bodies that they can’t succeed. The truth is when sh*t hits the fan and bullets are flying, you’ll quickly learn if you have what it takes to break free from your mental limitations.
Mind over matter. (Images via Giphy)
2. Gut check
Many sailors who graduate Corps school are highly motivated to put their newly learned knowledge to use and pursue a medical career after the military. Fast forward to the middle of a combat deployment, and many wonder if practicing medicine was the right choice for them. Many young minds grow fatigued and change career paths after taking care of several of their dying brothers.
It’s not for everyone.
You get the point. (Image via Giphy)
3. You matured quickly
The vast majority of the lower enlisted are barely old enough to drink when they shipped out to the front lines. Witnessing the dramatic action that takes place on deployment can make the most immature 20-year-old feel weathered, and it changes the way they see the world.
Heading off to war will make you grow up real fast. (Images via Giphy)
We’d all like to think we’re the bravest and strongest of the bunch, but being tough isn’t about how much you can bench. Instead, being tough is simply about not ever giving up or tossing in the towel.
If Mary-Kate and Ashley can be tough, then so can you. (Images via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Almost everyone gets email forwards from their family. In the days before social media, people emailed the jokes, memes, and urban legends that populate Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest today. These days, it’s mostly older people that stick to forwarding emails instead of sharing via social media.
Loved ones forward things to veterans wanting to know if something about the military or life in the military is true.
This one has been circulating around the internet for a while. Its origins are hard to trace, but the authors — whomever they may be — pinpointed some of the more bizarre aspects of military life by trying to find a civilian equivalent. It’s funny to look back at things military personnel and veterans accept as a part of life, no matter how strange it may seem from the outside looking in.
65 ways civilians can simulate military life:
1. Dig a big hole in your back yard and live in it for 30 days straight.
2. Go inside only to clean the house. On weekends, you can eat in the house, but you can’t talk.
3. Pour 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your hole, then shovel it out, stack sandbags around it and cover it with a sheet of old plywood.
4. Fill a backpack with 50 pounds of kitty litter. Never take it off outdoors. Jog everywhere you go.
5. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you’re hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.
6. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
7. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn the water pressure in your shower down to a trickle, then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn it up so hard it peels skin. On Saturdays and Sundays, declare to your entire family that they can’t use the shower in order to keep it clean for inspection.
8. Go inside and make your bed every morning. Have your wife tear the blankets off at random during the day. Re-make the bed each time until it is time to go back outside and sleep in your hole.
9. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout “Get up! Get up! You are moving too slow! Get down and do push-ups!”
10. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.
11. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours. Hang a sign on the bathroom door that says, “Unserviceable.”
12. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it’s ok for you to leave your house before 5pm.
13. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over. Have them all dig holes in your yard to live in. After 30 days, fill in the holes and wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home as you set out for a 25 mile walk and After-Action-Review.
14. Shower with above-mentioned friends.
15. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).
16. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes. Write down on a piece of paper everything you want the shop to fix the next time you bring the car in. Give your wife the list to throw away.
17. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours with the windows down before going anywhere. Tune the radio to static and monitor it while letting the car run. If it is cold outside, don’t run the heat. Sleep on the hood or roof of your car.
18. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.
19. Repaint your entire house once a month. Paint white rings around all the trees in your neighborhood. Paint all curbs yellow. Paint all rocks red.
20. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.
21. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.
22. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.
23. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel when you are inside to eat. Tune the tint on the TV to green.
24. Avoid watching your green tinted TV with the exception of movies which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.
25. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
26. Sew big pockets to the legs of your pants. Don’t use them.
27. Spend 2 weeks sleeping in holes in your neighbor’s lawns and call it a deployment.
28. Spend a year sleeping in holes in your local area and call it world travel.
29. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald’s and NOT get promoted.
30. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers.
31. Blast heavy metal music on your stereo and conduct Ranger PT, grass drills, and sprints on your front lawn after your neighbors have gone to bed.
32. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their fighting positions. Don’t let them eat or sleep again for two days.
33. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.
34. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don’t pay attention to the menu anymore so they just ask for hot dogs.
35. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.
36. In the middle of January, place a gate at the end of your street. Have your family stand watches at the gate, rotating at 4-hour intervals.
37. Make your family live with you in your hole for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you’re going to take them to Disneyland for “block leave.” When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Individual Skill Certification, and that it will be another week before they can go back into the house.
38. In your hole (refer to #1), with 200 of your not-so-closest friends (see para. 13), get the flu.
39. Sleep in a thicket of blackberries or rose bushes. Tie a string to your foot that runs to the house. Have your wife yank on the string about 3 hours after you go to sleep. Crawl out of the bushes and go to the house to see what she wants. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, “Just making sure you’re okay.”
40. Do not sleep from 1:00 a.m. Monday mornings until 3 p.m. Wednesday afternoons. Tie a branch around your neck and chew on sand to stay awake.
41. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, dig a trench into your hole so that it fills up with water. During the worst part of the storm, get out of your hole and go for a 12 mile walk.
42. Don’t change your socks for a week. After they disintegrate off with pieces of your feet, put on an unbroken pair of new boots and go for a 12-mile walk.
43. For mechanized infantry or armor types: leave the lawn mower running next to your hole 24 hours a day. When you get an opportunity to sleep in your house, put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
44. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
45. Set up a port-a-potty in the corner of your yard. Once a week, have the service truck back into your yard and pump it out. Make sure the wind carries the smell into your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.
46. Every other month pull every single possession you own out of your house and line everything up on your lawn from smallest to largest, front to back. Count everything and write it down to file with your insurance company. Give your wife the list to throw away.
47. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.
48. Buy a trash can, but don’t use it. Store the garbage in your hole.
49. Get up every night around midnight and stroll around your yard to “check the perimeter.”
50. Run the garden hose to your hole and turn it on. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. Jump up and get dressed as fast as you can. Run out into the backyard and get in your hole.
51. Once a month, take apart every major appliance in your home and put them back together again.
52. Build a scale model of your yard. Make your children draw sketches of it including little arrows indicating what they are going to do when they go out to play. Post these sketches on a bulletin board for reference.
53. Remove the insulation and widen the frames of your front and back doors so that no matter how tight you shut the door, the weather will still get inside.
54. Every so often, throw the cat in front of your hole and shout “Enemy in the wire! Fire Claymores!” Then run into the house cut off the circuit breaker. Yell at the wife and kids for violating security and not maintaining good noise and light discipline.
55. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go sit in your car. Say to no one in particular “Lost-One, this is Lost-Three, are you lost too, over?” Sit there for three or four hours with the engine running. Say again to no one in particular “Negative contact, Lost-Three out.” Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.
56. Cook a gourmet meal then eat it in the middle of a McDonald’s play place.
57. Receive 500 gallons of purified water. Only eat snow.
58. Find out your house was built on an erosion point. Burn your house down. Build new one 3 feet away.
59. Buy 10 pairs of sunglasses for your neighbors to steal.
60. When you catch above mentioned neighbors, only blame the neighbors that just moved in.
61. Dig a new hole in your front yard for a bathroom next to your original hole. Only piss in Powerade bottles.
62. When above-mentioned hole is washed away, dig a new bathroom hole 6 inches from your fresh water supply.
63. Every 2 or 3 days take your closest not-so-close friends camping across the street.
64. Shower semi-annually.
65. Have your parents take away your allowance on weekends that were a part of your vacation.
Sometimes, the greatest source of frustration is your fellow recruits. They tend to do stupid sh*t and the great lengths they go to keep their own hands clean may result in everyone else’s getting dirty.
Boot camp is absolute hell when you first arrive and, by the time you leave, you’ll think the whole thing was a joke. After graduation, you’ll be so overwhelmed with joy due to the fact that you’re leaving your drill instructors behind that you may forget about the bullsh*t you had to endure because of fellow recruits.
Consider this a reminder.
No one wants to get smoked
When you get to boot camp and you finally meet your drill instructors, they make it abundantly clear who is in charge, what the rules are, and what happens when someone breaks those rules. Their favorite method of disciplining recruits is to take them to a sandpit and make them do push-ups, mountain climbers, crunches, etc., until they (the drill instructors) get tired. The fear of such retribution can turn even the most stalwart into a snitch.
Everyone is out for themselves
The fear of getting into any sort of trouble often causes recruits to be selfish. They don’t want to be associated with the turd in the platoon and can get smoked just for being friends with them.
Everyone is a liar
Recruits want to avoid the quarterdeck or an extra watch during the night, so they learn to lie their asses off. The sad part is that drill instructors will know you’re lying and you’ll be seeing the quarterdeck anyway.
Chances are, you’ll get caught.
They want to get away with stuff
Even though the rules are very clearly laid out for every recruit, they still want to find ways around them. For this reason, they’ll sell someone out in order to achieve their goal — going as far as hiding their candy wrappers underneath your pillow.
They want less work
The desire to skate starts in boot camp when a person realizes just how difficult it is to be in the military. In the search for less work, a recruit might take on certain jobs, such as scribe duties, to assign others watch at night and “accidentally” forget to put their name on the roster.
They just want to go home
Let’s face it — everyone hates every second they spend at boot camp, away from their families and private toilets. So, some recruits will lose the motivation to finish training and start acting like idiots. Guess who’s ultimately punished for being their rack-mate?
At the end of the day, you’re all after the same goal of earning your place, but that doesn’t mean everyone wants to take the honorable route to get there.
Hopefully, if the jokers do make it, they’ll learn how to do things the right way by the time they hit the Fleet Marine Force.
Let’s get this straight right away: Doing things that are clearly against the rules makes you a sh*tbag Soldier. However, just because you don’t want to be a sh*tbag doesn’t mean you have to strive to be the best. For many, the goal of Basic Training quickly becomes simply making it to the end.
Just take a few pointers from the E-4 Mafia and you’ll find your Basic Training experience to be much more bearable. Keep in mind that while these may not be against any rules, they certainly won’t win you brownie points with anyone.
5. Hide behind the fat kid
Right out the gate, trainees experience a “Shark Attack.” Every stereotype you’ve ever heard about a Drill Sergeant is unleashed upon new recruits in one fell swoop. As newbies get off the bus for the first time, DIs swarm, “attacking” each as they emerge. The Drill Sergeants will try to space themselves out to make sure every trainee gets a chance to “enjoy” the attack. Sometimes, however, they can’t help themselves when a big boy gets off the bus — every Drill Sergeant wants a chance to yell in his face.
That’s where you come in. Quietly avoid eye contact and let the big guy ahead of you take the brunt.
4. Be just good enough
You’re just trying to make it to the finish line. There’s no first place trophy. Well, technically, there’s a Certificate of Achievement, but those are remarkably easy to get after you arrive at your first duty station and rarely is an Army Achievement Medal is given to out-f*cking-standing trainees.
If you’re not already in that 0.1 percent of excellence, your sole focus should be on improving yourself and graduating.
3. Do nothing, say nothing
At some point, you’ll hear the drill sergeants call, “everywhere I go, there’s a drill sergeant there.” You have no idea how true that saying actually is.
You could just be getting ready for lights out and decide it’s safe to f*ck off. Nope, there’s a drill sergeant. You might think no one will notice you skipping out of cleaning the bay. Nope, there’s a drill sergeant. Don’t even bother shamming or slacking off with the other guys in the platoon. Just keep your nose down.
2. “Clean” the latrines while you’re on firewatch
Every night, two trainees pull fire watch. In one hour intervals, the two oscillate between sitting at the desk and cleaning.
Always volunteer to be the cleaner because chances are that whatever you’re about to clean has been cleaned already. As long as you, say, wipe down the sink, you’ve technically cleaned something.
1. Don’t stop the sh*tbag from getting in trouble
Nothing is more true in the military than the phrase, “one team, one fight.” Which brings us to the as*hole trainee that doesn’t get the message.
There will always be that one trainee who is not fit for military service and comes in with a bad attitude. There’s no redemption. When they go down in flames (which they will), you’ll look better by comparison by just not being a sh*tbag. But at the same time, don’t get in their way — you don’t want to get bunched together in their idiocy. Whatever you do, don’t try to cover for them.
When you’re forward deployed to the front lines of Afghanistan, you will experience a new culture, taste some delicious flatbread, and meet a variety of different people. Ever since the U.S. became involved with GWOT, we’ve teamed up with the Afghan National Army, training alongside Afghan soldiers and even teaching them in order to help make Afghanistan a safer place.
Afghan troops are a one-of-a-kind type of people and, like us, they all joined their military for a reason — but not all of them are necessarily patriotic. In fact, it’s pretty rare when they go above and beyond like our troops do.
Depending on where you are stationed, you can work with a squad of them or an entire company; however, within that group of soldiers you’ll notice a few surprising personalities that will easily stick out.
Even though English-speaking Afghan soldiers are rare, you can usually find one or two of them out and about. Many of the troops who speak our language aren’t typically native to the front lines. Most come from a larger city like Kabul, where they went to school.
They probably aren’t fluent, but they can hold their own during a conversation.
The ones who don’t want to listen
Unfortunately, many of the troops didn’t join to fight to help regain control of their country. They did it to earn some cash for their family, which we can respect. Now, because of their lack of patriotism, those guys are less likely to give a sh*t when a firefight breaks out or when one of their Afghan troops gets injured. Their brotherhood isn’t nearly as strong as ours becomes.
Most notably, they don’t listen to allied forces when it comes to making important suggestions because they flat out don’t want to hear what we have to say.
It gets annoying.
The one who legitimately cares
In contrast to number two on this list, this soldier does give a f*ck and wants to do his part. He takes initiative and wants to become a better soldier.
Unfortunately, in our experience, these motivators don’t stay around long. They end up getting promoted and leaving their frontline duties. It’s a bummer.
The trigger happy one
This guy is cool in his own right but he is unpredictable. You aren’t quite sure when he will open fire. But rest assured, he will squeeze that trigger when the time comes.
The one you’re convinced is a bad guy
It’s hard not to stereotype Afghan soldiers, especially when there have been documented times when friendly fire has broken out between them and us. Because of that, it’s hard to build trust. The truth is, it’s not unrealistic to suspect that the Taliban has infiltrated the Afghan National Army.
The Afghan soldiers who are rarely ready-to-go
99.9 percent of the time, U.S. troops are ready for patrol once they step outside the wire. In contrast, many Afghan troops aren’t well-trained and therefore sometimes forget to bring specific gear or familiarize themselves with the mission route.
It’s annoying, but that’s the world we live in these days.
The most important thing when working with any foreign military is to reach across the divide and get to know the men and women who share your mission. Building trust is key.