Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America's watch - We Are The Mighty
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Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

Let’s face it. The world likes — and America loves — zombie movies.


The idea of having to fight across the countryside and through clustered cities, cutting down hordes of the undead with a shotgun is enticing.

That’s why zombie movies and video games do so well. The “Resident Evil” franchise released its sixth film 20 years after its first video game hit the market. That’s a two-decade run for, “Zombies, but like, monsters, too.”

But, sorry, Milla Jovovich fans. There is no way that a zombie outbreak is taking over the U.S. or any allied country while the American military is around. Here’s how the U.S. would respond to a zombie outbreak, shutting it down quickly.

First, let’s assume that an entire country was ravaged before America geared up, just for funsies. (But, really, military human intelligence collectors and signal intelligence should have given us the heads up before a single town was wiped out). And let’s assume it’s a country that emphatically said the U.S. military wasn’t welcome, and that’s why the outbreak went on as long as it did.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Seriously, we’re always looking for somewhere cool to send these. We’d be happy to come hang out. (Photo: U.S. Army)

So, Russia is gone. (It’s the country that hates the U.S. the most, according to this recently Googled list). While the rest of the world is sad that they’ll never again see such awesome paratrooper music videos as Russia makes, it’s time for someone to put a stop to the epidemic.

Enter the U.S. military. If the Russian military managed to wipe out only 10 percent of their zombie population while trying to contain the outbreaks — a pretty low estimate for any modern military facing off against shambling, diseased civilians — that would leave approximately 130 million zombies for the U.S. to kill before they can cross any of the 12,421 miles of border.

In other words, varsity numbers.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Troops would probably pay for the chance to mow down zombies, even if it had to be done in the snow. (Photo: U.S. Air Force Airman 1st Class Javier Alvarez)

But America has a varsity military. On active duty, the U.S. has over 450,000 soldiers; 182,000 Marines; 323,000 sailors who man and support 274 battle force ships; and 325,000 airmen supporting and flying 5,032 aircraft.

And, Russia has good topography for containing zombies. Because of the mountain ranges (in black, below) and the Arctic Circle (in red), there are only a few places where zombies could conceivably break out of Russia to threaten the rest of the world in large numbers.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Zombies can only get out of Russia through some limited breakout zones, and that one to the east is pretty useless because it runs straight into the Sea of Okhotsk. (Map: Public domain. Graphics: crudely drawn by Logan Nye)

So, small contingents of the Navy can patrol the Arctic and a few dozen companies of POGs can guard the mountain ranges, picking off the few zombies lucky enough to make it through the mountain passes.

But the western and southern breakout zones could be huge problems for American allies and the world as a whole.

The southern breakout zones would give the zombies access to Kazahkstan and maybe Mongolia. The western gives a large front that hits Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia, and Finland. It also hits Belarus, but they hate America nearly as much as Russia does, so screw ’em.

And Russia’s population is centered near that breakout zone, meaning that most zombies will be in good shape when they try to pour into NATO.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
There’s nothing in so good a shape that it can resist an Apache, though. (Photo: Ministry of Defence)

So what could 632,000 ground combatants supported by the largest navy and the most advanced air force in the world possibly do against 130 million zombies?

Lol. They would kill an average of 205.7 zombies each, and it would be awesome.

The Navy would park multiple carriers in the Baltics and Barents seas. From there, they could fly strike aircraft and sensor platforms to find and target large clusters of zombies.

The Air Force would bring its own strike and ground attack planes as far east in Europe as they could hold the line. From there, A-10s and AC-130s would rain hot lead in support of ground pounders while B and F-series planes blanket the countryside with bombs.

Finally. Guilt-free carpet bombing is back.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
We’re going to need more zombies. (Photo: U.S. Air Force)

And sure, none of these are the headshots needed to permanently put down a zombie. But a few hundred pounds of explosives will mess up a zombie’s legs pretty badly, as will 30 mike-mike through the chest. Pretty sure that will make the infantry and other ground maneuver forces’ jobs a little easier.

Speaking of which, the Marine Corps and Army are going to love the most entertaining range they’ve ever held. Think about it. What sucks most about range days? First, being put on target detail. And, second, having to shut down the range every time a turtle wanders by.

Guess what? No one is going to order a range halt because of a turtle when a bio menace is marching towards Paris. And there’s no need for a target detail when the targets can be lured with the sound of gunfire.

So, the Marines and soldiers basically get to call shots to each other as they gun down crippled zombies over a couple of thousand miles of the Russian border. If the engineers can wait to shoot zombies long enough to dig a couple of trenches and raise concertina obstacles, it’ll delay the already wounded zombies even further.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
The best is going to be when people start stealing AAVs, tanks, and Strykers and driving them over zombies. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Xzavior T. McNeal)

And don’t think the artillery and mortarmen are going to let a chance to practice against undead targets pass them by.

The biggest challenge is going to be making sure that all those cavalry, infantry, etc. have enough ammo. But remember, American logistics troops train to maintain operations in a contested environment. This time, they would have completely safe roads, railways, and rivers to use without fear of significant enemy resistance.

Hell, the operation could probably be catered.

So soldiers and Marines could simply mow down the oncoming hordes, talking the machine guns and interchanging barrels to prevent a meltdown. No Milla Jovovich needed (though she would probably be welcome on a USO tour or something).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Yeah. Probably welcome. (Photo: YouTube/Sony Pictures Entertainment)

Of course, the Navy SEALs can be used to clean out river deltas where zombies were washed downstream attempting a crossing, and the Green Berets can jump into zombie-held territory to try and train up survivors for resistance operations if they like.

But zombie operations are basically just the world’s easiest siege. None of the enemies can tunnel, or use weapons, or conduct coordinated military operations. Easy, peasy.

Articles

Motorcycle soldiers used to rush parts to tanks under fire

They were quite possibly the ballsiest men to serve in World War I — a group of motorcyclists who would wait for tanks to get bogged down or disabled and ride on their two-wheeler’s to the rescue.


Motorcyclists provided a number of services to the tank corps including signaling, dispatch riding, and delivering replacement parts or crewmembers to tanks under attack — even when the area was being targeted by enemy artillery or machine gun fire.

Motorcycle soldiers were envisioned by then-Army Capt. George S. Patton, Jr. when he was first standing up the American tank units. Patton wanted at least two motorcycles and riders for each tank company as well as an additional two riders and bikes for the battalion headquarters.

Motorcycles were necessary for traversing the shell-pocked landscape between World War I trenches — areas with mud so deep and inclines so steep that tanks would often get stuck or break.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
U.S. Marine Corps motorcycle riders in Tientsin, China, in 1927. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Archives)

But the motorcyclists may not have had the worst job supporting the fledgling tank corps in World War I. That award probably goes to the salvage corps whose members had to yank tanks from the battlefield.

In the worst cases, members of the salvage corps would map out where all disabled tanks were in No Man’s Land, then crawl out to them through the mud and under artillery fire at night. If they could get the tank running again, they’d drive it off the battlefield. If not, they would strip it for parts as German snipers and machine gunners hunted for them in the dark.

Luckily, a young tanker whose name was lost to history eventually suggested a better idea — outfit one tank as a recovery vehicle to bring necessary parts and mechanics to their comrades under fire.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
American Army Renault FT light tanks in the Argonne Forest in 1918. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

The recovery tanks could also deliver new crewmembers to the battlefield and could tow away damaged tanks, preventing the necessity of motorcycle riders to roar in under artillery fire.

Articles

4 military fails so awful they’re actually hilarious

1. That one time the Australian Army fought a bunch of emus … and lost

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Pretty intimidating, no? Photo: Flickr


Australia’s known for being a pretty badass country — a worthy reputation when your nation is populated by a bunch of outlaws on one of the world’s harshest continents. What Australia doesn’t want you to know, however, is that in between all that crocodile-wrangling and kangaroo-eating, it got its butt kicked once by a bunch of flightless birds.

The year was 1932. Australian farmers were struggling to save their wheat crops from a fierce, egg-laying pack of scavengers that had migrated into the area. And we’re not talking a pesky flock of chickens, either. This was a battalion of 20,000 emus.

Being Australian, the farmers figured they could probably take out these birds themselves. That plan quickly failed, since there were simply too many birds to handle, though one does wonder how they attempted to solve the problem in the first place (maybe some vegemite traps?).

Regardless, the crops were failing and it was decided reinforcements were necessary. Enter the Royal Australian Artillery. Major G.P.W. Meredith led two regiments of machine-gun wielding Australian soldiers against the bird infestation, figuring the issue would be taken care of in a few days.

He was wrong.

The emus proved wilier than expected. They dodged bullets with shocking finesse, weaving in and out of troops and scattering into the brush before they could be herded together. Many of the birds that were hit still got away — whether because of their dense feathers or sheer force of will, they would not not bend to the Aussie military.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
These guys don’t mess around. Photo: unrealfacts.com

Meredith decided to up the ante, organizing a surprise ambush near a dam where 1,000 emus were gathered unawares. This failed as well. Ego bruised, Meredith decided that the only way to destroy an army of demon emus is to do it yourself. In what no doubt would have made a soul-stirring slow-motion montage, Meredith climbed in the back of a truck and manned its machine gun, firing at the birds as he sped beside them.

The emus outran the truck, leading it through terrain so uneven and wild that the vehicle ended up crashing through a fence in its pursuit. As the emus disappeared into the sunset, the AA had no choice but to accept defeat.

According to Scientific American, Dr. Murray Johnson’s entries in Journal of Australian Studies reflect Australia’s humorous response to the skirmish:

“On 8 November, it was reported that Major Meredith’s party had used 2,500 rounds of ammunition – twenty-five per cent of the allotted total – to destroy 200 emus,” says Johnson. “When one New South Wales state Labor politician inquired whether ‘a medal was to be struck for those taking part in this war’, his federal counterpart in Western Australia, responded that they should rightly go to the emus who ‘have won every round so far’.”

In the end, less than 1,000 of the 20,000 emus were killed, and the farmers were left to weep over their wheat and gather an army of wallabies to fight back. Totally kidding — the government decided to cut out the middleman and give the farmers the ammunition they needed to finally fry the birds, taking the lives of 57,034 emus and restoring peace once and for all.

2. The time Japan deployed a new battleship and flooded Nagasaki

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
There’s no flooding, just go about your business… Photo: Getty Images

The saying “bigger is better” is traditionally an American mantra, but the Japanese Navy tried it on for size in 1940, and the results were pretty hilarious.

Not yet at war with the United States, Japan still wanted to assert military dominance. The plan? Build the biggest battleship it had ever commissioned, and call it the Musashi.

Now, Japan understood that an incredibly large battleship would not be impressive unless it was also outfitted with incredibly large weapons. To remedy this, the Japanese Navy decked out the Musashi with the best of the best. Amongst the weapons on board were cannons that could fire 18-inch shells over 26 miles and 9×450 mm guns — stats that were impressive for any military at the time.

What Japan did not take into account, apparently, was how much this thing would weigh. When the Japanese Navy joyously deployed the ship into the sea, the mammoth watercraft displaced so much water (63,000 tons) it caused a four foot high tidal wave, flooding the riverbank homes of Nagasaki and totally killing the mood.

The Musashi‘s wake capsized nearly all of the ships in the surrounding harbor, and did some serious damage to the shops and houses closest to the water’s edge. Frightened citizens rushed into the streets as water poured through their doors, completely bewildered by the source of the flooding.

They were quickly urged back inside their water-sogged homes by the Imperial Navy, which was too embarrassed to tell the people of Nagasaki what had actually gone down. It makes you wonder what they did blame it on…

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Photo: Flickr

3. A pilot ejects from his plane and watches it fly itself

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

Sometimes in life, things go incredibly wrong. And other times, they just go incredibly weird. 1st Lt. Gary Foust was preparing for the first scenario during a test flight in 1970, when his fighter jet began an uncontrollable flat spin. After struggling to regain control of the F-106 interceptor jet for a few moments, he did the smart thing and pressed the eject button 8,000 feet above the ground.

Or … he thought it was the smart thing. Once his chute deployed and buoyed him up in the air, Foust looked down towards the ground, expecting his plane to light up like the Fourth of July upon impact. What he saw instead was his plane cruising along, as if the spin had never happened and it was being piloted by a very casual, aircraft-savvy ghost.

One of Foust’s wingmen, Maj. Jim Lowe reportedly shouted over the radio “Gary, you better get back in it!” But Gary could not get back in. All he could do was watch with wonder as his plane flew itself in a straight line before landing gently in a snow-covered wheat field.

When police arrived on the scene, the F-106’s engine was still running. Wary of whatever had possessed this thing, the Air Force suggest the cops wait until the plane ran out of fuel, rather than attempt shutting it off. It took a while.

When the plane finally breathed its last it was collected and repaired by the Air Force, and eventually returned to active service. Freaky.

Check out the video below to hear Foust recount the events of that day:

4. Helicopter pilots nosedive into Lake Tahoe for a Facebook pic

Back in 2010, two presumably experienced and level-headed pilots from Helicopter Maritime Strike Squadron 41 (HSM-41) were flying MH-6OR helicopters over Lake Tahoe. Everything appeared to be normal, when suddenly one of the aircrafts took a dip in the water, like a pelican trying to nab a fish.

Civilian witnesses caught the whole thing on video, and everyone wondered what the heck was going on. Had the engine failed? Were they trying to practice a mock search and rescue mission? The women in the video below seem to think its some sort of elaborate training exercise:

The answer is no. The pilots had the $33 million chopper surface-hover incredibly low over the water to try and get a cool profile picture for their squad’s Facebook page. And no, we’re not kidding.

The pilots allegedly took their hands off the controls to snap photos of one another flying the choppers. Then one helicopter began to plummet through the air, quickly losing altitude and skimming the water. The pilot was able to regain control and bring the chopper back up out of the water, but the stunt cost a cool half-a-million dollars worth in damages to the electronic flying antenna and other expensive equipment.

When they returned to base, the unnamed pair immediately lost flight status — shocker. Let it be a lesson to us all to not do it for the Vine, or the Facebook profile picture.

NOW: 4 amazing military stories that should totally be movies

OR: The 6 scariest military vehicles of WWI and WWII

Articles

The attack on Pearl Harbor by the numbers

The words “Pearl Harbor” evoke images and emotions only rivaled in American history by “The Alamo,” and “9-11.” As President Franklin Delano Roosevelt put it in the wake of the surprise attack, December 7, 1941 is “a day that will live in infamy.” Here’s WATM’s brief look at how it went down.


The Japanese task force was comprised of six carriers — Akagi, Kaga, Sōryū, Hiryū, Shōkaku, and Zuikaku — carrying a total of 408 airplanes (360 bombers, 48 fighters).

 

The attack on Pearl Harbor came in two waves. The first wave of 183 planes (six failed to launch because of maintenance issues) crossed into American airspace on December 7, 1941 at 7:48 local time. Ironically and tragically, as the first wave approached Oahu, it was detected by the U.S. Army SCR-270 radar at Opana Point near Oahu’s northern tip. The operators reported a target, but their superior, a newly assigned officer at the thinly manned Intercept Center, presumed it was the scheduled arrival of six B-17 bombers from California.

 

The Japanese fighters shot down several American airplanes on the way in.

 

The first wave bombers were supposed to take out ‘capital ships’ — aircraft carriers (famously not in port) and battleships, while the Zeros strafed Ford Field in an effort to keep American fighters from launching.

 

The famous message, “Air raid Pearl Harbor. This is not drill,” was sent from the headquarters of Patrol Wing Two, the first senior Hawaiian command to respond.

Despite this low alert status, many American military personnel responded effectively during the attack. Ensign Joe Taussig Jr., aboard the USS Nevada, commanded the ship’s antiaircraft guns and was severely wounded, but continued to be on post. Lt. Commander F. J. Thomas commanded Nevada in the captain’s absence and got her under way until the ship was grounded at 9:10 a.m. One of the destroyers, USS Aylwin, got underway with only four officers aboard, all ensigns, none with more than a year’s sea duty; she operated at sea for 36 hours before her commanding officer managed to get back aboard. Captain Mervyn Bennion, commanding the USS West Virginia, led his men until he was cut down by fragments from a bomb which hit USS Tennessee, moored alongside.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Photograph of Battleship Row taken from a Japanese plane at the beginning of the attack. The explosion in the center is a torpedo strike on the USS West Virginia. (Photo: Japanese military archives)

 

The second wave of 171 planes (four others didn’t get airborne) came shortly after the first had egressed and focused on the airfields at Hickham, Kanehoe, and Ford (right in the middle of Pearl Harbor), taking out hangars and strafing airplanes on flight lines. The second wave also went after the battleships that had survived the first wave.

 

In total, 2,403 Americans died and 1,178 were wounded. Eighteen ships were sunk or run aground, including five battleships. All of the Americans killed or wounded during the attack were non-combatants, given the fact there was no state of war when the attack occurred. (The attack was later ruled a war crime because occurred without a declaration of war from Japan.)

 

In the wake of the attack, 15 Medals of Honor, 51 Navy Crosses, 53 Silver Stars, four Navy and Marine Corps Medals, one Distinguished Flying Cross, four Distinguished Service Crosses, one Distinguished Service Medal, and three Bronze Star Medals were awarded to the American servicemen who distinguished themselves in combat at Pearl Harbor.

The following day President Roosevelt asked Congress to declare war on Japan, and Congress obliged an hour later.

 

On December 11, Germany and Italy — honoring their treaty with Japan — declared war on the U.S., so Congress issued a declaration of war on them in return.

The United States was now fully involved in World War II.

Articles

US to move mobile land artillery weapons to South China Sea

Senior Army and Pentagon strategists and planners are considering ways to fire existing weapons platforms in new ways around the globe – including the possible placement of mobile artillery units in areas of the South China Sea to, if necessary, function as air-defense weapons to knock incoming rockets and cruise missiles out of the sky, senior Pentagon and Army officials told Scout Warrior.


Adm. Harry Harris, the commander of U.S. Pacific Command, has said he thinks the U.S. should think about new ways of using land-based rockets and howitzer systems as offensive and defensive weapons in areas of the South China Sea.

Such a move would better ensure access and maneuverability for U.S. and allied ships, assets and weapons in contested or tense areas, he explained.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Photo: US Marine Corps Cpl. Ali Azimi

Howitzers or Paladins could be used as a mobile, direct countermeasures to incoming rockets, he said.  A key advantage to using a Paladin is that it is a mobile platform which could adjust to moving or fast-changing approaching enemy fire.

“We could use existing Howitzers and that type of munition (155m shells) to knock out incoming threats when people try to hit us from the air at long ranges using rockets and cruise missiles,” a senior Army official told Scout Warrior in an interview.

This consideration comes not long after Pentagon officials confirmed that satellite pictures show the Chinese have placed weapons such as Surface to Air Missiles in areas of the South China Sea.

Having land-based rockets or artillery could give US and allied forces both strategic and tactical assistance.

“A Howitzer can go where it has to go. It is a way of changing an offensive weapon and using it in dual capacity,” the official explained. “This opens the door to opportunities and options we have not had before with mobile defensive platforms and offensive capabilities.”

Mobile air defenses such as an Army M777 or Paladin Howitzer weapon could use precision rounds and advancing fire-control technology to destroy threatening air assets such as enemy aircraft, drones or incoming artillery fire.

Alongside the South China Sea, more mobile artillery weapons used for air defense could also prove useful in areas such as the Middle East and Eastern Europe, officials said. Having mobile counter-air weapons such as the M109 Paladin, able to fire 155m precision rounds on-the-move, could prove to be an effective air-defense deterrent against Russian missiles, aircraft and rockets in Eastern Europe, the senior Army official told Scout Warrior.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Carlos R. Davis, 210th Fires Brigade public affairs NC

Regarding the South China Sea, the U.S. has a nuanced or complicated relationship with China involving both rivalry and cooperation; the recent Chinese move to put surface-to-air missiles and fighter jets on claimed territory in the South China Sea has escalated tensions and led Pentagon planners to consider various options.

Officials are clear to emphasize that no decisions have been made along these lines, yet it is one of the things being considered. Pentagon officials have opposed further militarization of the area and emphasized that the territorial disputes in the South China Sea need to be resolved peacefully and diplomatically.

At the same time, Pentagon officials have publically stated the U.S. will continue “freedom of navigation” exercises wherein Navy ships sail within 12 miles of territory claimed by the Chinese – and tensions are clearly on the rise.  In addition to these activities, it is entirely possible the U.S. could also find ways to deploy more offensive and defensive weapons to the region.

Naturally, a move of this kind would need to involve close coordination with U.S. allies in the region, as the U.S. claims no territory in the South China Sea. However, this would involve the deployment of a weapons system which has historically been used for offensive attacks on land. The effort could use an M777 Howitzer or Paladin, weapons able to fire 155m rounds.

MIGHTY MOVIES

‘Mandalorian’ season 2 episode 6 recap — ‘The Tragedy’

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

One of the most important rules of screenwriting is: never make your characters more dumb than your audience. It’s frustrating to watch characters make mistakes with very obvious and inevitable consequences. 

Between that and the ominous title of this episode (The Tragedy), know that you’ve been warned: spoilers ahead.

Din Djarin and Grogu the Yoda Baby arrive on Tython, an ancient Jedi location, where Djarin’s little ward is placed upon the seeing stone to make a phone call. A Force-barrier then arises around him as he enters a deep state of adorable meditation. 

Up in the skies, however, an old menace appears: the Slave I — Boba Fett’s Firespray-31 ship. We’ve known since Season 1 Episode 5 that Temuera Morrison would be playing the iconic bounty hunter; he also played the role of Jango Fett in the prequels, and as Boba was Jango’s clone/son, Morrison is a perfect casting choice. Fett returns with Ming-Na Wen’s Fennec Shand with a reasonable request: they want Fett’s beskar armor that Djarin recovered from The Marshal

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

The Mandalorian, Disney+

Djarin was like, “No way, bro — that armor is for Mandalorians only,” and Fett was like, “Lemme explain, just take off your jet pack,” and Djarin was like, “Okay I’ll just put it down here and then I won’t f***ing pick it up again EVEN THOUGH I AM OBVIOUSLY GOING TO NEED IT SINCE I LEFT MY BABY ON THAT HILL UP THERE.”

To no one’s surprise, Moff Gideon and his Stormtroopers show up, which gives us a nice the-enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-friend situation. Djarin, Fett, and Shand team up to take on the Stormtrooper assault — which does have some fun fighting sequences for Shand and some rather violent melee for Fett — but then we experience the first of our losses.

Gideon targets Djarin’s Razor Crest from altitude and destroys it. Not falling into Mon Calamari waters destroyed. Not crashing onto a frozen ice spider planet destroyed. Destroyed destroyed.

But not before Fett was able to sneak in and don his armor. The trio make quick work of the Stormtroopers and Fett RPGs the ships as they flee. 

This is where we experience our second loss. 

This is also where I continue to shout, “GET YOUR F***ING JET PACK, DUDE!” Who would run up a mountain when they could fly??

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

At least now I know Bo-Katan will be back. (The Mandalorian, Disney+)

Moff Gideon unleashes his Dark Troopers, Force-sensitive combatants, who fly down to the seeing stone and snatch up Grogu. For a second I thought a Jedi would answer the little guy’s call and show up to defend him, but no, the tiny little guy is taken hostage by Gideon who shows off his (for now) Darksaber and calls that creepy scientist Dr. Pershing to recommence his experiments.

The episode ends with Djarin going back to Cara Dune for help. Oh yeah, and Jango Fett was a Mandalorian Foundling who fought in the Mandalorian Civil Wars.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

Guys. Guys. Sound on. Turn your sound on. Heh. Hehehehehe. So silly.

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This Spitfire shot down near Dunkirk just flew again

During the famed and perilous evacuation of Dunkirk in World War II, brave pilots, sailors, and citizens fought tooth and nail to rescue soldiers trapped on the French beach from the German Luftwaffe as it attempted to wipe them out.


One of the pilots, Squadron Leader Geoffrey Stephenson, was shot down in a Spitfire MK1 N3200 on May 26, 1940, the opening hours of Operation Dynamo. Stephenson spent most of the war as a prisoner of the Germans, eventually staying at the famous Colditz Castle after numerous escape attempts from other prisons.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
A Spitfire Mk. 1A flies in 1937. (Photo: Royal Air Force)

But his aircraft, hit through the radiator and with other damage to the body, was left on the beach near Calais, France. The Spitfire plane became a popular photo destination for German soldiers who would often take small parts of the aircraft with them as souvenirs.

By the time the Allies liberated Calais in 1944, no one was too worried about digging what scrap remained out of the beach. And so the plane continued to sit, slowly becoming more and more buried by the mud and sand on the beach.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
The restored Spitfire Mk. 1A taxis to the runway at an air show in England. (Photo: YouTube/Imperial War Museums)

It wasn’t until 1986, over 40 years after the war ended, that the plane was recovered — and it wasn’t until the new millennium that someone decided to actually restore the old bird.

Thomas Kaplan, an American investor and philanthropist, backed the 14-year restoration project and gifted the plane, now back in flying condition, to the Imperial War Museum.

Now the plane is housed at the same hangar on the same base that it flew from that fateful day in 1940, but it has a much different mission. It serves as a flying history exhibit for the museum, soaring over air shows and allowing visitors to hear what the original Spitfires sounded like in combat.

Learn more about the history of the plane and see it in flight in the video below:

Articles

Veep shows ‘Late Show’ audience he’s struggling over vet son’s death

Vice-President Joe Biden is still struggling with the death of his son, Beau. Beau Biden served in the Delaware Army National Guard, Judge Advocate General (JAG) Corps, 261st Signal Brigade. He deployed to Iraq’s Camp Victory near Baghdad for nearly a year of active duty, from the Autumn of 2008 to Autumn 2009. The younger Biden succumbed to brain cancer earlier this year. He was 46.


In a recent interview with Stephen Colbert, the Veep recounted how he felt during a visit to Denver, when someone who served with Maj. Biden called out to him.

“Maj. Beau Biden. Bronze Star, sir. Served with him in Iraq,” the man said, Biden recalled. “I was doing great,” Biden said. “But then I lost it. You can’t do that.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwmMPytjrK4feature=youtu.bet=5m3s

The Vice-President’s first wife and 1-year-old daughter were killed in a car accident weeks after he was first elected to the Senate in 1972. He said that his faith helped sustain him, and he said he felt he would be letting his family down, including Beau, if he let his grief overtake him – that he needed to “just get up.”

Beau Biden joined the Delaware National Guard in 2003. He deployed while serving as Delaware’s Attorney General. In his absence, he appointed a Republican to take his spot while he was in Iraq. During his service, he requested to be able to wear a different last name on his uniform, in an effort not to receive special treatment from his subordinates and superiors alike. While in Iraq, he was awarded a Bronze Star and the Legion of Merit.

Now: The veteran’s guide to getting a job on Capitol Hill 

 

Articles

Russia claims its newest fighter will fight in space

While much of the world’s attention is focused on Russia’s push for a fifth-generation fighter, the PAK-FA or Sukhoi Su-57, much less attention is being paid to another design bureau – Mikoyan-Gurevich, better known as MiG (as in the plane whose parts get distributed forcefully by the Air Force or Navy). What have they been up to, besides developing the MiG-29K?


Well, according to The National Interest, to meet Russia’s PAK-DA requirement, MiG is trying to develop a for-real version of the X-wing fighter from Star Wars or the Colonial Viper from either iteration of Battlestar Galactica. The plane is called the MiG-41, and it is a successor to the MiG-31 Foxhound, which succeeded the MiG-25 Foxbat.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Photo: Wikimedia

The MiG-25 and MiG-31 were both known for their speed. According to MilitaryFactory.com, the MiG-25 was capable of hitting Mach 3.2, almost as fast as the SR-71 Blackbird. Its primary armament was the AA-6 Acrid, which came in radar-guided and heat-seeking versions. The Foxbat was exported to a number of counties, including Libya, Iraq, and Syria. Some claim that it scored an air-to-air kill against a Navy F/A-18 Hornet in Desert Storm.

The MiG-31 was an upgraded version. According to MilitaryFactory.com, it was about 300 miles per hour slower than the MiG-25, but it featured a much more powerful radar and the AA-9 Amos missile. The Foxhound is still in service, and Russia relies on it to counter the threat of America’s bombers.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
The Foxbat is a scream machine, speed-wise, and has been clocked hauling at over Mach 3.

The MiG-41, though, will be a huge leap upwards and forwards. Russian media claims that this new interceptor will be “hypersonic” (with a top speed of 4,500 kilometers per hour), and will carry hypersonic missiles.

You can see a video discussing this new plane below. Do you think this plane will live up to the hype, or will it prove to be very beatable, as past Soviet/Russian systems have?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JCswDTmMhg
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Explosion at Army ammunition factory with volatile history

An explosion inside an Army ammunition factory in Missouri on April 11 left one person dead and four others injured.


The Army Joint Munitions Command, which is tasked with managing military weapons and equipment, confirmed that the explosion occurred in a mixing building at the Lake City Army Ammunition Plant in the city of Independence, local outlet KY3 News reports.

The man killed in the explosion reportedly worked at the plant for 36 years.

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Lake City Army Ammunition Plant. (U.S. Army photo)

Manufacturing ammunition is “dangerous work, and our employees risk their lives to protect our men and women in uniform,” said Lt. Col. Eric Dennis, commander of the plant, according to KSHB Kansas City. “This is a sacrifice they make to support our country, and I am humbled by the ultimate sacrifice this employee made today.”

An explosion injured six people at the same factory in 2011 in a construction area where the powder is loaded. All of the nearly 1,800 employees were sent home following the most recent unexpected detonation. Investigators are still trying to decipher how the explosion occurred.

Federal investigators fined the 707,000-square foot facility three times in the last decade (2008, 2011, 2012) for workplace safety violations.

The private contractor operating the plant in 2011 was initially charged $28,000 for safety issues, and paid $5,600 to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, which cited “serious” problems with the handling of potentially dangerous chemicals.

The property holds more than 400 buildings, including nine warehouses. The plant primarily generates and tests small-caliber ammunition.

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The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 10

It’s raining military memes up in here (13 of them, to be exact):


1. That soldier’s face, though:

(via Devil Dog Nation)

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

2. Hey, if the purple heart-wearing, Ranger infantry K9 wants to count her deployments in dog years, we recommend you count along (via Military Memes).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Otherwise, you’ll quickly learn that she doesn’t need four legs when she has all those teeth.

SEE ALSO: Here are 13 signs that you’re probably in the infantry

3. See, even the Joker enjoys mandatory fun day (via The Salty Soldier).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
What could be better than being forced to have fun?

4. That is one disciplined corgi (via Sh-t my LPO says).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

5. “You forgot your ID card? Hmmm, how can we turn one letter of reprimand into two?”

(via Air Force Nation)

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
That security forces airman on the right thinks this is hilarious.

6. She’s apparently grabbing her diploma on her way to the C-17 to deploy (via Pop Smoke).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

7. “We swept the whole place out yesterday chief.”

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

8. Don’t head to the chow hall until you get that beard shaved off (via Military Memes).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Sergeant major doesn’t care if you just saved the base from attack. Uniforms regulations are uniform regulations.

9. “Wait. Do other colleges exist?”

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

10. The only way the grass will spread and grow is if troops stop walking on it.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Or if sergeant major spills your blood all over it.

11. Corpsman porn is exactly what you expect (via Team Non-Rec).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
Why else would they tell you to change socks so often? They just want to watch.

12. “Why yes, I am in the Coast Guard. Why do you ask?”

(via Coast Guard Memes)

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
For anyone complaining about Popeye being on a Coast Guard board, just remember that he was a coastie before he was a sailor.

13. Sometimes, it’s possible to “Airborne!” too hard (via Do You Even Airborne, Bro?).

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch
It’s around the time that you start using bus rides to practice actions inside the aircraft.

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Shia LaBeouf allegedly got hammered and told cops he was in the National Guard

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch


Actor Shia LaBeouf drunkenly told an Austin, Texas police officer that he was in the Army National Guard in an attempt at being let off the hook for public intoxication last Friday, according to police documents. He was not successful.

While allegedly jaywalking with two women on Sixth Street, LaBeouf was stopped after he crossed in front of the officer’s patrol car and raised his hand up as if was trying to stop traffic, according to the police affidavit.

From The Statesman:

The officer approached the star of the “Transformers” movie franchise and could smell a strong odor of alcohol, and noticed that “LaBeouf’s speech was slurred and thick-tongued and his eyes were glassy and dilated,” the affidavit says.

According to the document, LaBeouf told the officer that he “typically walks away because police had killed a friend of his.” But then he “became increasingly confrontational, aggravated, profane and verbally aggressive” with the officer during the encounter and called him a “silly man” three times, the affidavit says.

The officer reported LaBeouf as becoming aggressive and threatening throughout the encounter, until the 29-year-old actor pulled out his ace-in-the-hole: “Labeouf began stating he was a member of the National Guard and that Sgt. Jelesijevic needed to ‘do whatever the f–k you gotta do!” the affidavit reads.

At that point, Sgt. Jelesijevic did whatever the f–k he had to do: Arrested him for public intoxication.

There’s video. Of course there’s video (language warning):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWpmalSntYU

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This playlist sounds like freedom

Maybe you’re fighting ISIS.


Maybe it’s time to crush it at the gym.

Or maybe someone just pissed you off.

Sometimes you just need an explicit playlist:

“The Double Tap Ensemble” is here for you, starting with Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” and ending with AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck,” it’s like metal and rock teamed up to personally get you through a bad day.

Oh, and it’s got Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.” Obviously.

Check out the full playlist on Spotify, and let us know what songs we should add.

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