5 reasons why King Leonidas would make the best platoon sergeant ever - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 reasons why King Leonidas would make the best platoon sergeant ever

In 2006, a film about how 300 Spartan warriors, led by a king known as Leonidas, went to war against a massive Persian army debuted in cinemas across the globe.


The film was an instant success. Suddenly, it was a universally accepted fact that Spartans kicking the crap out of someone is a reliable way of ending a dispute. The story follows King Leonidas, a man bred to be a warrior king from the moment he was born, as he leads his loyal army against Greece’s enemies.

Though extremely outnumbered, Leonidas valorously leads his mean up against the odds and ends up dying alongside them in battle — which is totally unheard of today.

Related: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

1. He leads from the front

Many so-called “leaders” actually lead from the rear, which means they issue an order, watch their men do all the dangerous sh*t, and then take all credit for it.

King Leonidas was in front of all the battle formations and would often step forward, on his own, to kill as many people as possible.

That’s what we call a freakin’ leader.

(Warner Brothers’ 300)

2. He f*cks the enemy up on the spot

King Leonidas wasn’t out to win any hearts or minds. Instead, he intended to rip out your heart and put a blade through your mind.

If you come around his FOB and talk sh*t, he’ll Spartan kick you in front of everybody.

(Warner Brothers’ 300)

3. He is the same person at home as he is with his men

Some troops in high positions shed their aggression when they get home — not King Leonidas. In fact, he started training his son in hand-to-hand combat while he was still wearing diapers. That’s what we call “startin’ em off early.”

4. He knows a sh*tty soldier when he sees one

Leonidas knows talent when he sees it. He plainly dismisses a fellow Greek’s plea to fight the Persian empire because he wasn’t physically capable of fighting like a true Spartan. Real leaders don’t want you on their team if you can’t keep up with the rest of the hard-chargers.

(Warner Brothers’ 300)

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

5. He knew military strategy

Leonidas develops a master plan to use the land to his advantage and take out a vast Persian army with only 300 men. The idea works, too, until that dude who he denied earlier snitches him out like a punk-a**. It happens.

Humor

6 ways military life would be easier if it were like a video game

Young civilians often tend to equate life in the military with what they see in video games. By their very nature, video games are supposed to be fun and engaging. You often find yourself in the boots of an impossibly badass character, doing over the top things.


By contrast, life in the military usually involves sitting around, waiting to hear what the next training exercise will be. It’s definitely not the video-game-like experience some might expect.

We can’t blame you for using your imagination, though. In fact, these are some things about video games that would make real military service so much better.

6. The tutorial would be much shorter

At the beginning of nearly every game, you’re first taught how to play the game. Use the sticks to move around, press ‘X’ to jump, press ‘R2’ to shoot, and so on. In the real world, you spend 9 weeks in basic/boot camp, additional time learning your specific MOS, and then god-knows-how-much time before you actually deploy.

Your Colonel would never get on the radio to teach you how to climb a ladder… (Screenshot from Konami’s Metal Gear Solid)

5. Traveling would just be a load screen

One of the worst waits in the military is the moment you pack your duffle bag for the last time to leave the deployment. You wait to get the order to move to the larger FOBs, you wait to get the order to leave country to a larger airfield, and then you wait for the plane to finally touch down. At least in a video game, the load screens don’t last three weeks.

Every troop while they “hurry up and wait.” (Image via GIPHY)

4. Having a choice in gear would be nice

The most common talking point between someone who plays military video games and someone who actually knows the military is weapon selection. You’ll hear the, “Oh, did you get to use the (insert weapon issued by another country’s SpecOps)?”

Almost always, you’re assigned a weapon by your squad leader. One person is the grenadier, another the machine gunner. Everyone else is a rifleman. Rarely will you even interact with someone who has a sniper rifle, let alone use one.

If you’re wondering who gets the machine gun, it’s always the smallest person — because it’s funny. (Image via GIPHY)

3. Combat would be easy if the enemy was flagged for PvP

In massively multiplayer games, like World of Warcraft, you get to have fun duking it out with others in player-versus-player combat. For the most part, you’re always going to know who, exactly, is your enemy. Iraq and Afghanistan, on the other hand…

Also, looting stuff from the enemy is also generally frowned upon. (Image via GIPHY)

2. No need for medics!

Who needs an entire expertise that takes years of training when you can just step on top of a first aid kit or hide behind a rock until your screen stops glowing red?

You could get shot thirty times and get right back up to chainsaw someone in half a few seconds later.

Much simpler than changing your socks and taking a Motrin. (Image via GIPHY)

1. Changes from the developers usually make things easier

There’s no real rank structure in video games. Sure, you might have a guild leader or your e-sports team might have a captain, but the only words that come down the pipe to a gamer, generally, are patch notes. Games get patched to fix bugs, make the game more accessible, and usually have a positive impact on the overall game.

If you get word from the Big Military on something, it’s usually something dumb, like a change in the tattoo policy or a memo stating the uniforms you just bought are now obsolete.

If you think hearing your character got nerfed was bad, try hearing your deployment got extended. (Image via GIPHY)

Humor

15 celebrities we’d love to see in boot camp

Celebrities are celebrities for a variety of reasons but mainly because they draw massive interest from the general population in one way or another. We watch them in the movies and enjoy their TV shows because they do some pretty incredible and entertaining things, and we wonder what it’d be like in their world.


But we also wonder if they could hack it in ours.

There are a few stars who also served, but we took it a step further and imagined what it would be like if different celebs joined the military, including what branch they belong in based on their personality (or our amusement).

Related: 15 awful hand salutes that don’t even come close

Check out the celebrities we’d love to see go through boot camp:

15. Andy Samberg (Coast Guard)

Well, he’s already on a boat.

Take a good hard look at the M***** F****** boat. (Images via Giphy)

14. Gordon Ramsey (Marines)

He’d be perfect as a future drill instructor.

He was born for it. (Images via Giphy)

13. Zac Efron (Navy)

There’s something about him sailing away that just works for us.

Have fun in boot camp Seaman Recruit Efron. (Images via Giphy)

12. Miley Cyrus (Army)

She knows how to party it up in the USA.

You swing those hips girl. (Images via Giphy)

11. 50 Cent (Air Force)

Let’s face it, they rarely get shot at and he could use a break.

Off to the recruiter’s office he goes. (Images via Giphy)

10. Katy Perry (Marines)

Because she already has the uniform and the haircut.

Sing that sh*t girl. (Images via Giphy)

9. John Cena (Marines)

He played one in the movie — he could probably pull it off in real life, right?

See, he’s using his MCMAP skills. (Images via Giphy)

8. Dwayne Johnson (Marines)

He just looks like he’d be a good sergeant major one day.

Introducing Sgt. Maj. Rock.(Images via Giphy)

7. Harry Styles (Army)

Because his time in the British Army didn’t work out too well #Dunkirk.

#RIPOneDirection (Images via Giphy)

6. Jessica Simpson (Army)

She needs redemption for her movie Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous.

Although, she looks great in that uniform. (Image via Giphy)

5. Zach Galifianakis (Navy)

He’d be a funny Top Gun candidate.

Fly Zach! (Image via Giphy)

4. Kevin Hart (Army)

Who wouldn’t want this guy telling jokes after a drill instructor just went ballistic on a recruit’s unlocked foot locker?

So true. (Image via Giphy)

3. Taylor Swift (Army)

We figured she’d get immediately married then divorced right after.

She knows. That’s why she’s laughing. (Image via Giphy)

2. Kim Kardashian (Air Force)

No one would fail a uniform inspection with her in the squadron. (Might fail everything else, though…)

You gotta hand it to her — the girl knows fashion. (Image via Giphy)

1. Justin Bieber (Coast Guard)

He can swim in ankle deep water.

Or doggy paddle if you have to. (Image via Giphy)Which celebs could you see in the military? Comment below.

Humor

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Hey, Marines!


It’s that time of year again to take your dress blues to the dry cleaners and get them ready for the Marine Corps ball. Considered the biggest night of the year, the ball is a rare opportunity to get dressed up and get completely sh*t faced with your chain of command.

It’s your time to celebrate because not many people get two legit b-days in one year.

Related: 39 awesome photos of life in the US Marine Corps infantry

But before you mount your medals, ask your date, or book your hotel room, check out our list of ways you can make this birthday the best one ever.

1. Get the hottest date you can muster

Marines are notorious for asking a celebrity to attend the Marine Corps Ball with them. Since it’s considered the biggest event in the Corps, don’t hesitate to jump on social media and ask your celebrity crush to go with you.

Here’s TMR to tell you a few steps how:


2. Challenge a superior to a dance-off

It’s not very often when a lower enlisted Marine can duke-it-out with a superior and get away with it. Think about working on your dance moves now — it’s an epic opportunity for bragging rights.

But if you sergeant major moves like this Marine, you’re probably f*cked!

Get some, Sergeant Major! (Image via Giphy)

3. Split an expensive hotel bill

Many devil dogs celebrate the Marine Corps birthday more than their own birthday. It can get pretty crazy. Since many units celebrate far away from the base, consider getting a few of your buddies to split the cost of a large hotel suite for an epic after party and dance well into the night.

Just remember to invite some girls. (Image via Giphy)

4. Study the “chest candy”

Before you pull on your dress blues, take a few extra minutes to study the Marine Corps’ ribbons and medals. It’s an interesting way of getting some background info on your superiors without asking them.

You can also feel smug if you have more combat decorations than they do…

Also Read: This is how ‘Ripley at the Bridge’ became a Marine Corps legend

5. Take photos/videos — drinking is temporary but random party pics are forever

You are most likely going to get wasted drunk either at the ball or in the hotel (not recommended — aim for that perfect buzz). Take tons of photos and video because chances are you’re not going to remember much the next day.

Having those epic memories of taking a celeb as your date, beating the sergeant major in a dance contest, and making fun of a POG staff sergeant behind their back will be well documented.

I don’t remember doing that. (Image via Giphy)WATM wishes every Marine a happy and safe birthday. SEMPER FI, MARINES!

Humor

6 ways to make the most of your urinalysis

One of the most uncomfortable things for everyone involved is a urinalysis. Unfortunately, it’s an integral part of how the military tracks the health and welfare of its troops and ensures that no illicit substances damage unit integrity.

Take it from us, the only way to make peeing in a cup while your NCO watches less uncomfortable for you is to actively make them more uncomfortable. Now, this shouldn’t be too hard because nobody wants to be there in the first place, but we’ve got some pro-tips for you.


Some advice, though: If you’re a guy, don’t make size jokes. You’re just setting yourself for a slam like the one in Jarhead.

This one only works if you have time to prepare.

(Courtesy Photo)

Eat nothing but beets and asparagus

Fun fact: Eating a bunch of beets turns your pee a bright red color. You’ll probably fool someone into thinking you’ve got medical issues with this trick. Also, asparagus makes your piss smell nasty and unpleasant if you’re looking to make things that much worse.

If you know a urinalysis test in in your future, like after block leave, try it.

Ask for some soothing music

Seriously, the observer doesn’t have any desire to be there either, so they’ll do whatever is necessary to speed up the process. Usually, they’ll turn on a faucet to help get you going. Soothing music wouldn’t seem like an unreasonable request.

That’s when you say, “now I’m in the mood! Let’s do this!”

If they aren’t paying attention, mess with them.

The observer’s job is to ensure that the urine leaves the body. If they’re giving you privacy, they’re doing it wrong.

Keep them on their toes and say, “You wanted a stool sample, right?” Or the classic, “I can’t do this without any magazines…”

Don’t break eye contact

A steady stream of eye contact is sure to make everyone involved very uncomfortable.

Get butt-naked to pee

Technically, the observer is supposed to make sure you’re not using a prosthetic. Yep, that’s right, because that’s a thing that dumb-f*cks have tried to get away with.

So, be extra helpful and make sure there’s no possibility that you’re using a fake by stripping all the way down.

“Stumble” while holding the filled cup in your hand

Just because you’ve finished the act doesn’t mean you have to stop messing with others.

If you pretend like you’re about to trip, everyone’s eyes will jolt open out of fear. You should be clumsier than infomercial people.

Humor

11 things your platoon medic would never say

Corpsmen and medics have to be the Jacks-of-all-trades when they’re out on patrol. They’re considered riflemen until one of their boys gets wounded or sick, then they have to jump into doctor mode.


As much as they love their brothers-in-arms — and will do anything for them in battle — living with your unit stateside requires a much different mentality.

Navy Corpsman Daniel Jacobs and Adam Petree chat during an early morning meeting at the 52 Area Branch Medical Clinic (SOI) in Camp Pendleton, Calif. (DoD photo by Fred W. Baker III)

For the young “Docs” who live in the barracks, their job doesn’t stop once the medical clinic — or B.A.S. — closes for the day. They are embedded with their grunts every day of the year.

Even though they’re considered “one of the guys,” there is a limit to what they’ll offer up when not deployed.

So, check out some calls you’ll probably never hear your platoon medics ever say.

1. “Everybody stop by my barracks room bright and early waking me up before morning PT if you need an I.V. to help cure your nasty weekend hangover.”

A quick fix to cure a nasty hangover. (Image via Giphy)

2. “Hey lance corporal, do you mind if I carry your M240? My M-4 is too light, and this is ‘arm’ day.”

Maybe you should carry that .240. (Image via Giphy)

3. “It’s 1700 on a Friday, but sure, come on into sick call, and we’ll take care of you even though it can wait until Monday.”

What would happen if a Doc actually said those terrible words. (Image via Giphy)

4. “I’ve got the thermometer prepped and ready. Who wants the silver bullet?”

5. “Please, let me go on this long and pointless hike instead of watching everybody from the safety vehicle.”

Hikes never seem to end. (Image via Giphy)

6. “If you don’t volunteer to spend the next few nights out in the field, I will.”

7. “It’s okay, you deserved to get promoted over me.”


8. “Doesn’t the rank of ‘seaman recruit’ have such an awesome ring to it?”

9. “Who needs a social life when you can stand duty at the BAS.”

Preach. But somebody always has to stand duty. (Image via Giphy)

10. “Can I please take his bleeding hemorrhoid patient over the Marine with a simple sore throat?”

11. “I’ll come in and work at the clinic, but only if it’s on a Saturday.”

Articles

7 unrealistic Navy SEAL characters in the movies

Since the halcyon days of World War II frogmen, Navy SEALs have completed some of the most dangerous missions ever largely in the shadows — until the book comes out, that is.


When done correctly, Hollywood has produced a few films that give those brave men credit where it’s due. However, some films try to capitalize on the respected SEAL image by creating characters that are so far-fetched, many veterans call bullsh*t on it right way.

Related: This is why some sailors wear gold stripes, and some wear red

So check out our list of unrealistic Navy SEAL characters we’d love to forget.

7. Lt. Dale Hawkins

Played by Charlie Sheen, the action film “Navy SEALs” showcased Hawkins as being the “wild child” within the SEAL team. The movie decided to show his recklessness by having the character leap out of a moving car and into a river — it worked.

Seriously? (Images via Giphy)

6. Chief Casey Ryback

Steven Seagal plays Chief Casey Ryback, a decorated Navy SEAL who specializes in explosives, weapons, and counter-terrorism turned culinary specialist, spending his remaining years in the Navy as a cook.

An epic hand salute. (Source: WB/Screenshot)

5. John “Bullfrog” Burke

OJ “The Juice” Simpson, played a Navy SEAL in 1994’s TV movie “Frogmen,” but unfortunately it never saw action. The show focused on Simpson’s character “Bullfrog” who conducted secret operations out of a dive shop in Malibu.

Unfortunately, 1994 was a big year for Simpson but not in a good way.

We wouldn’t follow him into battle (Source: WB)

4. Lawrence Hammer

Rob Lowe plays a young rebel navigating through life as an elite member of the Navy SEALs as he’s sent off to fight in Desert Storm in 1992’s “The Finest Hour.”

Check out the trailer below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOjk0qHKTJU
(GloopTrekker, YouTube)

Also Read: 5 heroic movie acts a military officer would never do

3. Darius Stone

Talented musician Ice Cube plays Stone in “XXX: State of the Union,” where the character’s backstory just happens to include being a Navy SEAL — imagine that. Stone is released from jail and given the mission to stop a coup attempt against the President and save the day.

It looks like they mean business. (Source: Sony)

2. The whole cast of “Seal Team Eight: Behind Enemy Lines”

Starring Tom Sizemore, the mission is to locate a secret mining operation in the Congo and stop international terrorists from selling uranium.

Check out the trailer below.

(YouTube Movies, YouTube)

1. Jordan O’Neill

Demi Moore plays the motivated Navy SEAL candidate in 1997’s “G.I. Jane” directed by Ridley Scott. Although the film doesn’t show her earning her trident, the implication that she will soon enough is there.

We’re not saying women aren’t tough enough to be a Navy SEAL, it just hasn’t happened yet.

Can you think of any others? Comment below

Humor

8 times ‘Jarhead 2’ made you grit your teeth

Hollywood loves to make sequels even from semi-successful films. Maybe that’s the reason why “Jarhead 2” was made or just because the world needs more movies about Jarheads — but who knows.


Released in 2014, the film follows a squad of supply Marines who get attacked by enemy forces and must fight their way to safety. Some other stuff happens along the way and spoiler alert — most of them eventually make it back safely.

There, we just saved you two hours.

This film is one of many that makes Marines grit their teeth and have to look away — that’s difficult to pull off.

So check out our list of moments that made us grit our teeth.

1. Priority during a firefight

In the opening scene of the film, the Marines at Patrol Base Cobra are under heavy attack from enemy forces. But this Marine is ordered to finish unloading supplies from a truck rather than firing his weapon to defend the area.

We guess hydrating is more important than laying down a base of fire. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

2. The biggest bullseye ever

Corpsmen and medics haven’t carried medical bags with the Red Cross stamped on it in decades — just saying. That’s a huge a** red cross to add insult to injury.

We wouldn’t want to stand next to this fictional Corpsman anywhere in country carrying that. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

3. Camp Leatherwhat?

They could have done a better job rendering what Camp Leatherneck looked like a few years ago. That’s why we have Google images.

Not even close. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

The tent city of the real Camp Leatherneck. Much different, right?

The Marine Corps’ base camp in Afghanistan. (Source: Pinterest)

4. Sleeves up and wearing the wrong undershirt

A senior officer would know better than to put on the wrong color undershirt, wear gunny sleeves and sport a cover that looks like a blooming onion. Plus he’s wearing a guard duty belt for some reason.

You could afford a talented actor like Stephen Lang, but researching Marine Corps uniforms wasn’t in the budget? (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

5. At the rifle range without any protective gear

The Range Safety Officer would lose his qualification in a heartbeat if a superior saw this crap.

Safety isn’t a real issue. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

6. Collar device placement

Oh, come on! Really?

Countless numbers of teeth have just broken after spotting this captain’s rank insignia placement. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

7. Worst secured perimeter ever

If you wanted to attack these fictional Marines, you could just walk right up from behind and they would never f*cking notice.

WTF? (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

8. A scope mounted on the carrying handle

Nope. This film takes place in 2013, meaning RCOs were used and mounted in lieu of a carrying handle. No offense, but supply Marines do not rate those types of scopes.

For the love of God, do some research people. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

Articles

This is why Corpsmen are better than Medics

“Pecker Checker,” “Silver Bullet Bandit,” and “Devil Doc” are just a few of the names to describe the most decorated rate in the U.S. Navy — the Hospital Corpsman.


We don’t like being called “medics” — if we wanted that title we would have joined the Army (shots fired).

With all that said, the military is known for its rivalry as each branch’s medical department wants to be defined as being the most dominant force. Although there will never be a clear winner, competing for the title is the fun part.

We could brag all day about having the most Medal of Honor recipients, but that just wouldn’t be dignified. So here’s proof that the rate of Hospital Corpsman is the sh*t. Come at me.

Related: 5 key differences between Army medics and Navy corpsmen

Our awesome history is better

Back in the day, we were referred to as Surgeon’s Mates, Apothecary, and Loblolly Boy, among a few others. But it wasn’t until June 17, 1898, when President William McKinley signed an act of Congress that created the Navy Hospital Corps, which allowed enlisted personnel to assist surgeons with the wounded on the battlefield.

It was the Corpsman’s job to keep the irons hot while assisting the doctors with cauterizing patient’s limbs after amputation, as well as keeping buckets of sand at the ready to help the medical staff from slipping on the floor from all those massive bleeds.

Since those days, Corpsmen served right alongside the Marine Corps, fighting and patching them up; and that tradition has carried on through the eras as they continue to earn each others’ respect.

Just some of the different types of Corpsman

With all the many types of Corpsmen out there these days, let’s start from the beginning.

In the modern era, the basic Hospital Corpsman earns the NEC “quad zero” or “0000” rating when they graduate from A-school, and can either head right out to the fleet or get additional orders for more specialized training called “C-schools.”

Some Corpsmen will go on to become laboratory techs, dental techs, or attend one of two the Field Medical Training Battalions.

Also known as field med, this tough training is a few steps down from Marine boot camp and is modified with medical classes catered to performing life-saving interventions in combat.

Corpsmen conduct a field exercise in a M.O.U.T. (Military Operation Urban Terrain).

In field med, Corpsmen learn basic patrolling tactics and infantry maneuvers that will help when they deploy to combat zones with their Marine platoons.

After Corpsmen graduate that program, they earn the NEC “8404,” or Field Medical Service Technician.

In some cases, Corpsmen can request additional schools if they qualify and decide to re-enlist at the end of their active contracts. Many Corpsmen at the pay grade of E-5 request to attend “Independent Duty Corpsman” or IDC school.

Remember when I told you we were better than Army medics? Here’s what I meant:

After completing training, Independent Duty Corpsmen are allowed to take care of patients, prescribe medications and perform minor surgical procedures without the presence of a medical officer.

No Army enlisted personnel can do that. Write that down.

Unfortunately, with all the valuable training IDC’s go through, when they exit the Navy, they can take the knowledge with them, but the accreditation doesn’t transfer over to the civilian world. Bummer.

Also Read: 6 things corpsmen should know before going to the ‘Greenside’

We’re not Marines, but we’re often seen that way

It’s official; Corpsmen are not Marines — we’re sailors.

Because most of us have served at one time or another on the Marine side of the house, also known as the “Greenside,” many confuse us with Marines due to our stature and uniform.

The truth is, we don’t mind this because of the brotherly bond we’ve earned. If we’ve taken good care of our Marines, that bond will stretch far beyond our years of military service.

An (FMF) Corpsman takes a look at his patient during sick call.

The FMF Corpsman

FMF stands for Fleet Marine Force.

Corpsmen can earn this pin after studying their asses off and answer a sh*t ton of questions about Marine knowledge.

It’s a lot to learn and can take a year to scratch the surface of everything you need to know. In some cases, Corpsmen end up learning more facts about the Marine Corps than Marines.

Plus, if you do receive the honor of getting pinned, it’ll make you look cool in front of your platoon.

It’s also a common practice that you pass down your FMF pin to an up and coming Corpsman who appears to have a promising career.

The Fleet Marine Force Warfare pin. Semper Fi.

There are three different types of FMF pins and they all look the same. The Marine Air Wing, Logistic Group, and Division (infantry) all have different knowledge the Corpsman is tested on to earn the plaque.

The Division pin tends to be harder to earn since infantry Corpsmen spend a lot of time in the field without much time to study.

Another impressive aspect of being a Greenside Corpsman is that you’re entitled to wear most of the Marine uniforms except their legendary dress blues — provided you sign a “Page 2” document saying you’ll abide by all Marine Corps regulations.

This includes all uniform inspections and annual exercise tests.

The modified Corpsman dress uniform. That’s badass, Chief — look at the freakin’ stack!

Watch the Corpsman tribute video below, and brothers, stay safe out there. We salute your hard work and dedicated to the Corps.

(USMARINE4545, YouTube)
Humor

5 reasons why ‘POG’ is not a slur

Personnel other than grunts, or POGs, are an essential part of the fight. POGs make up the majority of the military and they perform every job that is not specifically reserved for infantry.


Any non-03 or 11B (Marine and Army infantry MOSs) that gets butthurt when someone reminds them that they do not hold a very specific MOS may need to look in the mirror and do some soul-searching. The offended are, essentially, upset that someone said they aren’t a security guard.

Infantry soldiers and Marines enjoy ribbing non-infantry personnel with the term, but when examined further, there is really nothing condescending about it.

Related: 7 things you didn’t know about the Marine Jungle Warfare Training Center

1. It doesn’t mean you won’t see combat.

Talk to any motor transport operator serving in Iraq between 2003 and 2008 and they will tell you that there is no guarantee of safety provided by your occupational specialty.

(Gail Braymen)

2. Infantry is ineffective without them.

This one might cause some friction, but any unit that thinks they can sustain themselves without food, water, supplies, and munitions is kidding themselves.

There are zero infantry leaders that aren’t appreciative of their logistician peers.

(Photo by 1st Lt. Henry Chan)

3. It’s a fact, not a state of being.

Whether you hold an administrative position behind a desk at the headquarters building on mainside or you’re an explosives ordinance disposal specialist clearing enemy IEDs, you are a POG. The only people who are not have an 03 or an 11B on their occupational specialty.

(Photo by Tech Sgt. DeNoris A. Mickle)

4. POGs learn useful skills for future employment.

Unless you want to be a security guard or security contractor, the skills mastered by infantry are not very relevant on the outside.

Of course, leadership and ability to operate under extreme pressure are handy, but these skills are not exclusive to the infantry.

(Terminal Lance)

Also Read: 5 things you need to know to become a Marine HRST master

5. Your job doesn’t make you hard.

Every grunt has stories of the guy who shouldn’t have been infantry and those same grunts will have POG friends they consider brothers. Your job doesn’t make you hard — you do.

So, knock that chip off your shoulder and embrace what you are, whether that’s a grunt or water purification specialist, we are all necessary cogs in the machine.

Articles

10 memes that pretty much describe life as a military spouse

Military spouses are just as resilient (and sometimes just as crazy) as their uniformed husbands and wives. They are the backbone of our military families, and while you’ll never hear (or read) me saying that the job of being a military spouse is the toughest job in the [insert branch here] (because I’ve both worn the uniform AND been up at 3:00 AM ironing HIS), you will hear (or read) me acknowledge that- without the support of our spouses- our service member’s jobs would be hella harder than they already are.


That’s why former President Ronald Reagan declared the Friday before Mother’s Day as Military Spouse Appreciation Day on May 23rd, 1984. Every year since, it is typical for the President of the United States to issue a similar declaration.

Here at We Are the Mighty, we decided to celebrate Military Spouse Appreciation Day the best way we knew how: by laughing at our life.

After-all, its like my crusty old Marine of a dad used to tell me “If you don’t laugh at yourself, Kate, I will. And I’m sure there’s others happy to join in.”

So in no particular order (because I can shine boots and clean a rifle, and you could cut yourself on the 45 degree angled crease of the nurse’s fold on my bed, but heck if I’m not the most disorganized wife on the block), here’s a bunch of memes that pretty much exactly describe life as a military spouse:

1. This one time, we got orders…

…And then we got different orders. And then, they came and packed the house up and took all of our sh*t and sent it to California, and THEN I said “hey remember that you just got promoted? Could that impact your orders?”

It could.

It did.

And the Marine Corps forgot to tell us.

There is a plan, and it’s a good one. Or two. Or three. Source

2. Wedding vows are horribly unrealistic…

…And comedienne Mollie Gross might’ve said it best when she relayed how her husband convinced her to marry him. “Babe, you can have as many babies as you want, ’cause it’s free!”

To have and to hold, in richer and in poorer, in deployments and in field ops and in career changes and in… source

3. Civilians TOTALLY understand…

I mean, obviously they get it. I have this friend, we’ll call her Not-Amy-From-College to protect her identity. Not-Amy-From-College used to tell me ALL. THE. TIME. how she totally understood what I was going through when my husband was in Sangin with 3/5 because one time, when they’d been married for about 7 months, her husband had to take the train up from D.C. to NYC and he didn’t even come back until the next day. The. Horror.

Yes, your husband going out of town for work for an entire day is EXACTLY like my husband deploying… could you hold this bag for a moment so I can knife hand you? K, thanks. source

4. What do you mean I’m only allowed to have an MLM job or run a daycare in my house?

*BIG DISCLAIMER: there isn’t anything wrong with running your own multi-level-marketing (MLM) business or running a daycare in your home.*

The military spouse community boasts a pretty healthy number of lawyers (check out MSJDN), behavioral and mental health professionals (check out MSBHC), entrepreneurs (check out the MilSpoProject), teachers, politicians, business consultants, authors, actors — basically if it’s a grown up job, military spouses either have it or have had it.

We have professional hopes and dreams just like every other adult who doesn’t live off of Daddy’s money (here’s looking at you, Not-Amy-From-College-Who’s-Identity-We’re-Quasi-Protecting).

The audacity! A grown adult actually having plans of his or her own for his or her own career… wha? source

5. Drama… drama everywhere…

I’m only partially joking with this one. We’ve lived in some excellent housing communities where, seriously, our neighbors were the bees knees. And then? We’ve lived in communities that made Degrassi look like a family TV show that came on between “Boy Meets World” and “Step-By-Step.”

I think most military spouses can appreciate this one if they’ve lived at multiple installations.

Military housing is GREAT. Except when you have to go outside. Source

6. Finally found my daughter’s kindergarten graduation cap that accidentally got packed a month before graduation…

And it was only eight years after her kindergarten graduation.

Other things we thought were lost in a decade and a half of PCSing:

  • A Dell computer
  • An elephant tusk carved out of fish bone that looks suspiciously like an adult toy that caused my husband a rather embarrassing stop and search in a Japanese airport but that I am still laughing about 13 years later
  • A Japanese vase
  • My DD214 and military medical records
  • Wedding band (I’m still holding out hope that that one is in a box and really didn’t get vacuumed up like my daughter insisted)
  • A metal canister of Maxwell House coffee

You know those military spouses that get everything unpacked and put away within a week of moving into their new house. We hate them. source

7. No one cares what you think, Judy Judgy McJudgy-Pants

This one is so true it needs two memes to make sure the point is made. People are judgy and rude.

When people judge military members, they get labeled as unpatriotic and it’s done. When they judge military spouses, they get laughs, some cheers from a select few military members who lack integrity and good character, and maybe a few frowns from everyone else.

But military spouses are used to it. And that’s just a sh*tty deal all around.

To be honest, we’re just people who are married. Being military spouses doesn’t make us any more or any less likely to be a) a mess, b) unfaithful, c) fat, d) Wonder Woman or e) all of the above

Everyone is a critic. source

There’s a pretty good chance one of these is totally accurate. source

8. Dear Deployment: you suck…

Deployments make warriors out of princesses, men out of boys, and they separate the strong from the weak.

But even the strongest feel exceptionally weak sometimes, and we hate that.

This is, of course, when we put our big kid pants and our gangter rap on, and we handle it.

Deployments are stupid, and yes we do hate them. But we’re proud of our service member for them. source

9. Operational Security pisses us off…

But it must be done.

That doesn’t mean we want to deal with the OPSEC police. You know the ones: Becky just posted “Missing my soldier today on his 21st birthday!” And Bernice, who’s husband is a fearsome E4, busts into the convo with “OPSEC ladies! You don’t want the enemy knowing when his birthday is if he gets captured!”

Hey Bernice, if he’s captured, he gives his name, rank, service number and date of birth. Go haze yourself.

But seriously, we do take OPSEC and PERSEC (personal security) seriously.

Don’t you dare accidentally have a number in your status during a deployment. The OPSEC police will be all over you. source

10. Someone must have a death wish

So… you decided to go to the commissary on pay day. That is either the bravest or stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

Jury is still out.

Commissary on payday? Newbie. source

 

Articles

7 ‘Carls’ that every unit has to deal with

D-mnit Carl!


Everyone hates “Carl.” He’s that guy who won’t shut up during operations, or pushes buttons just to figure out what they do, or sometimes is just too eager to do stupid crap.

Unfortunately for everyone else, every unit has some version of Carl. Here are seven types that everyone runs into sooner or later:

1. The Carl who messes up a perfect thing

Oh, that Carl. Everyone is doing the right thing and nailing it, except for him. For instance, a daring commando raid in March 1941 landed in German-occupied Norway and managed to take prisoners, recruit new fighters, and damage infrastructure with only a single injury. That injury came from a man accidentally shooting himself in the thigh with a revolver. If his name wasn’t Carl, it should’ve been.

2. The Carl who always wants to screw around

 

(Meme via Pop smoke)

Everyone else is mission focused, but Carl is over there talking about fishing. Or wearing a funny prop. Or maybe even doing an accent while wearing a fake mustache. It would be hilarious back in the barracks. But since the squad is four steps away from a closed door and the fatal funnel, everyone really wishes he would focus up.

3. The Carl who won’t stop talking

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

Maybe it’s nerves, or maybe he was raised by overattentive parents, but this guy seems to think every moment is made better with his singing, sound effects, or commentary. Sure, some of his one-liners are pretty great, but it would seriously be better if he shut the f-ck up. For once.

4. The Carl who can’t get anything right

(Meme via God D-mmit Carl)

The whole unit can go through four briefings and dozens of rehearsals, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that when push comes to shove, Spc. Carl is going to hit the trigger while trying to engage the safety.

5. The Carl who randomly plays with dangerous equipment

(Meme via Damnit, Carl)

Of course, that’s why he shouldn’t be touching anything dangerous. Unfortunately, this is the military and keeping Pfc. Carl safe near an armory is like trying to keep “that” uncle sober during a distillery tour. You’re going to fail, someone is getting burned, and the locals aren’t going to want to see you again.

6. The Carl who is an expert in everything but his job

This Carl is at least moderately useful. They could be an expert in physical fitness or maybe they’re a “good” barracks lawyer (actually knows more than 25 percent of the regulations they try to quote!). But still, they know jack and/or crap about their actual job. Need someone to actually purify some water? Don’t ask Carl, he’ll reach for the hand sanitizer and eye drops.

7. The Carl who always has somewhere to be (usually the smoke pit)

(Meme via Shut Up, Carl)

Call for an extra mag or grenade during combat and you’ll understand why this Carl is the worst. You reach back for some extra firepower only to hear from one of the Joes that Carl is actually in the Humvee checking his Facebook messages or in the smoke pit puffing on a clove cigarette (yeah, he’s that guy). Hope you can still achieve fire superiority.

Humor

5 reasons veterans love the “Terminal Lance” perspective

Wherever there is conflict or injustice, there is an opportunity for humor. At its best, laughter is a release of stress and anxiety and, as we all know, serving in the armed forces is wrought with both.


Like a modern-day jester (with less ridiculous clothing and much more topical ribbing), Maximilian Uriarte has created an outlet through which junior enlisted feel understood.

Terminal Lance is the vehicle Uriarte utilizes to bring some reflection and a smile to those who would otherwise have no publication to relate to, and this is why we love him for it.

Related: Top 10 Terminal Lance comics from 2017 

5. Terminal Lance is grounded.

The comic has always taken the perspective of a lower enlisted Marine, despite commenting big-picture subjects ranging from military gender equality and presidential elections to issues as simple as how horrible it is to have porta-john water splash up and make contact.

Throughout, Uriarte maintains the point of view of a young enlisted reacting to the world around him, it just so happens to also be the point of view of the largest demographic in service.

Maybe too grounded. (Source: Terminal Lance)

4. Terminal Lance is relatable.

Uriarte creates relatable comics by highlighting the nuances of life in the Corps and giving an honest look to our generation of service members’ attitudes. Abe, Terminal Lance‘s central character, is a lower-middle-class kid who joined the USMC with the starry-eyed hope of any kid raised on eighties war movies.

Abe becomes disenfranchised by years of letdowns and a seemingly endless river of bullshit crashing down on his head, which, coincidentally, mirrors some of the same feelings this writer had as a young Lance Corporal.

Don’t fall out. (Source: Terminal Lance)

3. Terminal Lance is funny.

Most veterans, if asked, will tell you about how painful their experience as an enlisted person was. However, they’ll probably have a smile on their face as they recount the comical details.

The feeling that the Marine Corps can ruin anything — including the very things that attracted these young people to enlist in the first place — is prevalent in Terminal Lance. There is humor in pain and Maximilian Uriarte is the unofficial voice of a whole generation of junior enlisted Marines.

Ruined. (Source: Terminal Lance)

2. Terminal Lance keeps it real.

Maximilian Uriarte is a credible source. A former infantry Marine, Uriarte clearly uses his personal experience with hazing, false motivation, mandatory fun, “voluntold-isms,” and the profound ignorance of boots to craft an undeniably accurate look at the reality of serving in the Corps.

(Source: Terminal Lance)

Also Read: 5 things infantrymen love about the woobie

1. Terminal Lance is written for us by one of us.

Maximilian Uriarte was a “0351” Assaultman stationed in Hawaii. Assaultman is an MOS infamous for having very high cutting scores, creating a situation where very experienced and competent Marines are surpassed in rank by peers simply because of the competitiveness of their job.

Situations like this are the genesis for the term, ‘Terminal Lance” and inform Uriarte’s perspective in his comics. After serving four years, experiencing multiple combat deployments, and being honorably discharged from the USMC in May of 2010, Uriarte started pursuing a career in animating and storyboarding. We enjoy the fruits of his labor to this day.