5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

From the moment you arrive to the day you graduate, Marine Corps boot camp is the worst time of your life. Thankfully, during a recruit’s time at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, he or she can find ways to temporarily postpone the mental and physical ass-kicking.


 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

 

The art of avoiding work and responsibilities, better known as “skating,” will follow us for the rest of our military careers, but it always starts at the same place: boot camp.

 

Related: 5 things boot Marines buy with their first paycheck

1. Going to medical

You can spend all day sitting at medical to skate out of the day’s event. This method, if used too often, will earn you a prime spot on the shitlist.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
This is the least recommended skating method. (Image from Marines.mil)

 

2. Getting your wisdom teeth pulled

This way sucks, but you get 3 days sick-in-quarters where you don’t leave the squad bay, and then you get another 5 days of light duty, where you aren’t allowed to run or lift heavy things.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Worry not! The quarterdeck awaits! (Image via Reddit)

3. Getting stuck on working parties

If you’re stuck on a working party while everyone else is training, you’ll probably want to take your time to finish the job at hand.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

4. Have a penicillin allergy

This one is really a gift and a curse. The benefit of being allergic to penicillin is that you get to leave the squad bay early on Friday mornings to go to breakfast ahead of your platoon so you can get to medical and receive a special antibiotic pill.

Not only can this get you out of any morning training, but it gets you out of having to get the infamous peanut-butter shot. The downside, however, is that it comes with some crappy side effects, like diarrhea.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

Also Read: 5 reasons why Luke Skywalker was operator AF

4. Become a scribe

Scribes help the drill instructors compile lists and keep track of information regarding the recruits in their respective platoons. The reason this is such a great way to skate is, oftentimes, these lists need to be made and revised during training events, so scribes can skip out — especially when it’s phase 3 and the Crucible is only days away.

The big thing about being a scribe is making the nightly fire watch list. In fact, some scribes choose to exempt themselves from this list (Note: If you’re not a scribe, it’s good to make friends with one).

What are some other ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp?

Humor

6 tips to get a ‘sick in quarters’ chit in the military

Sometimes you just feel a little under the weather and are looking for that extra day off. Everyone experiences it and you’re no different. But hey, take if from a “doc” who’s heard every excuse in the book. Here are some surefire ways to get yourself that 24-hour “Sick in Quarters” chit that says “no duty for me, and I’m going home.”


Here’s a few ways you can get sent home as sick in quarters  — on your own terms.

1. Food Poisoning

Sounds bad right? Because it is bad.

Telling the medical personnel you ate sushi the night before (even if you didn’t) and you’ve been vomiting ever since is gold. Don’t forget to tell them you’re unable to hold down water.

They may conduct a “water challenge” which is when they monitor you to see if you can hold down a glass of water. They won’t tell you what they’re doing because they’re camouflaging the test. Spit it up onto the floor, or into a trash can, never in he sink. You want them to see the evidence.

Since there’s no real medical test for this, it’ll probably get labeled in your medical record as a case of gastroenteritis, which is a fancy word for stomach ache.

2. More Than 5 Days

Five days is typically the baseline where doctors believe your aliments may be bacteriological instead of viral — even without a fever. This is a huge tally in your win column. Once the medical professionals begin talking about giving you antibiotics, which they rarely do, hold the smile back when they put you on a five day Z-pak instead of a cold pack.

Letting you go back on duty and risk getting others sick makes more work for them. So away you go!

3. A History of…

Doctors have to be detectives ruling out the worst possible medical condition first, but they only know what you tell them.

Be careful of what you say and how you say it, you could be looking at a full day in medical getting blood work and x-rays. Your chances of going home early could be over.

4. Cough During Auscultation

Auscultation is the act of listening to sounds your heart, lungs, and other organs make using a stethoscope to diagnosis pulmonary and cardiac conditions. Here’s a common trick. Deliver a nice wet cough when the doctor puts the diaphragm of the stethoscope on your back and tells you to take a breath deep in. Timing is key. Deep breathes tend to trigger coughing.

Also note that you should dramatically clear your throat when left alone in the patient’s room. The medical staff can totally hear you from outside.

5. Have A Battle Buddy

You’re feeling so ill you can’t make it to medical alone. That’s a shame. Having a witness to testify on your behalf how sick you are is an incredible asset to have. Just remember, you now own him or her big time.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Imagine that!

6. No partying for you

Now that you’ve got your SIQ chit. Get out of there and go home before the doc changes his mind.

Some quick words of advice. People are haters, and the military community is small. You get caught at the bar, mall, or strip club on your newly earned day off, you could be in a world of hurt as your new assigned place of duty is now where ever you call home.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Humor

This is what it would be like to be a Space Shuttle Door Gunner

The idea of a “Space Shuttle Door Gunner” has always been a joke around the military. It’s so outlandishly silly that no one would dare think it’s real.


With last year’s proposed Space Corps, the expansion of civilian space programs, and a growing need for a military presence in space to protect American assets, President Trump gave his nod to the idea of a “Space Force.” This joke may soon be reality. But there are still many roadblocks in the way – like physics, for instance.

For obvious reasons, the door would have to be closed during takeoff and landing, otherwise, friction alone would tear the shuttle apart. Tragic examples of what foam shedding and a faulty O-ring can cause means that any fighting a door gunner would see would have to occur beyond a distance from Earth to allow for EVA (extravehicular activity).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Now that the door gunner is properly outside of Earth’s atmosphere, they could begin their watch. A properly tethered door gunner could hold their post for a while. The current record for longest EVA, also known as a “spacewalk,” is held by Cosmonauts Fyodor Yurchikhin and Alexander Misurkin at 7 hours and 29 minutes. They walked outside of the International Space Station to install power and data cables — but a door gunner could hold that post for longer.

Finally, the nitty-gritty of space combat. A door gunner could easily bring modern weapons into space and, surprisingly, only have a few problems firing it. This is because modern ammunition has its own oxidizer, so no atmospheric oxygen is required. There wouldn’t be any sound (since audible sound doesn’t travel in a vacuum) and the recoil wouldn’t matter in low-Earth orbit because the shuttle would be moving at around 4 miles a second.

 

Tests on Earth have proven bullets fire in a vacuum. (via GIPHY)

 

The downsides would be that, without friction to slow down the bullet, it would travel until it hit something — the enemy, Earth, or some distant object forever away. Also, without gravity and oxygen to dissipate the gunpowder smoke, a large cloud would expand from the barrel.

So, yes, being a Space Shuttle Door Gunner is physically possible and may be needed one day.

 

Humor

7 things troops do on deployments that they won’t admit to

There are many things that troops do that keep mom and dad proud. The truth is, there is a lot more downtime during war than civilians expect. Part of this just feeds into the “disgruntled sheepdog” mentality that leaves us being the only ones not disgusted by our own jokes.


Deployment downtime is basically all of us getting together and doing dumb sh*t that would make our prim and proper grandmas question their “Support the Troops” bumper sticker.

7. Working out

There’s an interesting trend with deployment fitness: either troops give up two days in country or spend every waking second of downtime in the gym. There is no in between.

Although, by “gym” we mean minimal equipment usually left behind by someone. And for some reason, tire flips are the big thing.

Just trying to look for RR. via GIPHY

6. Sleeping through Indirect Fire (IDF) sirens

Command policy is usually that whenever the incoming mortar siren goes off, you run your ass to the bunker — regardless of what you’re doing.

Mortars go off constantly. Day or night. And if you’re asleep…f*ck it — the boom already went off and you still have the same amount of blood in you.

Nope. Not dead. Cool. via GIPHY

5. Pirating movies

Back in the heyday of pirating, everyone was doing it. Nowadays, more and more people stateside are willing to pay for a subscription based services like Netflix or Hulu. Not deployed troops.

Netflix doesn’t stream to Trashcanistan and troops still want to catch up on the shows they’re missing stateside. Meanwhile, the local who sells sh*tty rips doesn’t have the film they wanted. There’s really no other choice if you think about it…

And they’re not going to watch AFN. via GIPHY 

4. Make deployment videos of us doing dumb sh*t

Maybe they have their combat camera guy make an “overly-hooah” video of them remixed to Drowning Pool. Maybe it’s them lipsyncing along to some pop singer. Or maybe they make a video of them clearing a portajohn and they all stuff themselves in there for comedic effect.

We’ve seen them all. And yet they’re still funny.

Except the “overly-hooah” videos. Those can stop. (YouTube, Jessiannmc)

3. Insect fights

Give a bunch of troops too much free time, a good amount of money, and nothing to spend it on. They’ll start gambling it away.

A common form of gambling that is sure to piss off PETA is betting on which insect will win a battle to the death. So think of it less of us being cruel to animals and more of us being aspiring Pokemon trainers.

I choose you! Deathstalker Scorpion! via GIPHY

2. Way too intimate web-chats with a significant other

We get it. Troops get lonely and miss their other half back home. With Skype or Facetime, troops sometimes put on one of those shows with their loved ones back home.

You do you. But seriously. We all hear you. You’re not subtle.

And we’re all disgusted by your filth. via GIPHY

1. Laptops in portajohns

For those soldiers who probably don’t have that special someone to have that “video-chat” with, and even if they do, they’ll probably still grab their computer or smartphone with headphones and take a stroll to the latrine.

The dude spending more time than required in a 130-degree Portajohn is handling more than his normal business, if you catch my drift.

Especially if he comes out walking like this. via GIPHY

Articles

These awesome memes show that Santa is operator AF

Operator Santa is coming to town, boys and girls.


The hilarious meme writer(s?) over at The Salty Soldier have released a new line of Santa-themed memes and they’re pretty spectacular:

1. You’ll be lucky if you even hear the boards creak before the breach charge goes off:


2. Santa’s so quiet in your house because he’s used to doing a few raids per night the rest of the year.


3. It’s not like Santa’s getting three square from the DFAC every day. Leave him some complex carbs and protein for crying out loud.


4. Why not sleigh and fast ropes? That thing flies at supersonic speeds.


5. Santa’s collects a lot of data before he puts you on the “Naughty,” “Nice,” or “BOLO” list.


6. Speaking of his BOLO list:


Humor

11 sniper memes that will make you laugh for hours

Trained snipers are some of the most dangerous warfighters ever to hit the battlefield. The history books have been inked with the legends of the most talented, deadliest snipers. Their methodical, near-surgical approach is the stuff of nightmares for the enemy and many live in constant fear of being placed in their crosshairs.

Snipers will lay still for hours as they stalk their target, waiting for that perfect shot. When you look through a scope for hours at a time, it’s hard not to entertain your brain by coming up with some dark humor. So, we’re here to show the world the humorous side of snipers.


5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Navymemes.com)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Articles

7 things you should know before joining the infantry

There’s no shortage of heroic war stories — truth or fiction — with heavy amounts of glory and honor in them, which can cause young adults to crave certain adventures. Although serving in the infantry does bring a level of individual satisfaction, many facts tend to get left out regarding what it’s really  like to be a ground pounder.


So before you run to your local recruiting office to sign on the dotted line and become a hero or whatever, here are a few things you might need to know:

1. It’s a dangerous job

Movies do a great job depicting how dangerous war can be as directors add in cinematic kills and awesome camera work.

In real life, there’s no pulse-pounding theme music or slow motion effects — the sh*t is real.

Yes, we’re serious. (Image via Giphy)

2. You will make unbreakable relationships

Once you make a friend in the infantry, you always have that special bond no matter what.

Hopefully, you’re the “Maverick” in the relationship. (Image via Giphy)

3.  It can be really, really boring

You’ve probably heard the phrase “hurry up and wait.” In a grunt unit, everything takes more time than it should and you’re going to have plenty of down time. So make sure you have games downloaded on your smartphone to play and help you stay awake while you wait for the higher-ups to “pass the word.”

Stay awake brain. (Image via Giphy)

4. You will get to blow sh*t up

This is the best part. That is all.

3/5 Get Some! (Image via Giphy)

5. You will be made to do stupid tasks

It’s called a “working party.” This sounds way more fun than it actually is. Instead of plenty of beer and drunken coeds, you’ll be outside in the heat “police calling” cigarette butts or mopping your boss’s office.

If this looks fun, being a boot in the infantry may be your calling(Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 5 differences between Army and Marine Corps infantry

6. You will go on a lot of mandatory hikes

Whether it’s 5 miles or 25 miles, an infantryman will put on all his gear and equipment and walk the base to help get him in shape for deployment — it’s called a conditioning hike and it’s the worst.

Here’s a fun little trick, wear pantyhose under your socks to keep from ripping up your heels up. You’re welcome.

It might look weird, but it can save your feet and maybe even your life. (Image via Giphy)

7. You’ll earn yourself lifelong pride, you smug bastard.

If you manage to get through all the training, deploy to combat, and make it home safe — you will have unspoken bragging rights forever.

Smile! You’re not serving behind a desk for the next four years. (Image via Giphy)

Articles

5 awful military haircuts that would fail inspection

Service members are held to a pretty high standard when it comes to grooming practices. The military requires that work uniforms look as neat as possible, men’s faces need to be clean shaven, and haircuts fall with in regulation.


Staying within these standards can be difficult, especially if you’re deployed. But for many, it’s just a matter of heading to the local base and getting a $12 haircut at the PX or NEX. The cut may not turn out celebrity style perfect, but you will be within regs.

Grooming standards vary amongst the branches, but at least one aspect remains the same — the hairline needs to be tapered. A fellow troop’s haircut is one of the first things veterans and service members notice.

Check out our list of military haircuts that would fail inspection:

1. War Daddy

In David Ayer 2014’s war movie “Fury,” Brad Pitt plays a hard-charging tank commander with a pretty awesome hair cut. But we can’t imagine how the Army managed to get a talented hair stylist out on the German front lines to keep his hair perfectly gelled.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
We guess everyone in the 1940s cut their hair like Macklemore. (Source: Sony/Screenshot)

2. American Sniper

The story of legendary Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle hit the big screen in 2014 directed by the iconic Clint Eastwood. With all the excellent production value the film had one aspect was over looked — this Marine’s sideburns.

We could mention he also needs to shave, but that’s not what this article is about — maybe next time.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
We bet he just asked the barber to take a little bit off the top before attending his big brother’s wedding. (Source: WB/Screenshot)

3. Broken Arrow

Christian Slater plays Riley Hale, a military stealth pilot who needs to track down a war head, defeat the villains, and locate a pair of Osters.

We know it makes you sad to trim around the ears, but you know what else is sad? Terrorism. Now go shave.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
This haircut is so freakin’ bad; he’s pointing out exactly what’s wrong with it. (Source: Fox/ Screenshot/YouTube)

4. Full Metal Jacket

Although this Stanley Kubrick film is epic on multiple levels, it’s a hard fact to swallow that these Marines stationed on a large military base in Vietnam can’t find a pair of hair clippers. We’re just saying.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Joker (in the middle) looks depressed as he waits on the base barber to show the f*ck up. (Source: WB/Screenshot)


5. Jarhead 3: The Siege

The Jarhead franchise just won’t stop making bad movies. Not only does the corporal standing on the left need a quick touch up, but he may want to consider switching out his 8-point cover before the sergeant major rips him a brand new a**hole.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Maybe they bought the cover at an airsoft store? (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

Bonus: Basic

John Travolta plays DEA investigator Tom Hardy (not that Tom Hardy) in 2003’s “Basic.” Although the character isn’t on active duty, his backstory in the film states he’s a former soldier. So before he goes out on a mission to locate a rogue soldier, we think he should clean it up around his ears.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
That look you give to your hair stylist after to see your reflection in the mirror for the first time. (Source: Fox/YouTube/Screenshot)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

9 photos that show how to execute perfect knife-hands

The knife-hand is a staple gesture in the military. It conveys a sense of power from those who use it wisely and temporarily cripples those who get one stuck in their face.


Delivering the proper knife-hand takes skill, and each one is special in its own subtle way.

Related: This video answers the question of the casualty radius of Mattis’ knife hand

9. The “re-adjusting” knife-hand

This knife-hand is being perfectly deployed to let this boot know his hand salute wasn’t up to freakin’ par. There, that’s better.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

8. The famous “get ready for freakin’ boot camp” knife-hand

These knife-hands are meant to be up-close and personal with the “poolee,” as this is the first of many to come.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

7. The “double-hand” knife-hand

This type of knife-hand is becoming an endangered species, as it takes a mighty human to deliver such a gesture. This double-handed gesture can be specially deployed when talking to a group of screw-ups.

It’s beautiful.

#MattisForPresident

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

6. The “interview” knife-hand

This particular knife-hand is also meant to display power and convey a clear message of, “you better f*cking listen.” Notice how the general’s thumb is raised, not laid flat alongside his other fingers. Like Mattis, that’s a legit sign of a warrior.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Also Related: This is where drill instructors come from

5. The “drive-by” knife-hand

This fine display sends the message of, “stop being a f*ck-up” as you walk by someone who is probably going to f*ck up.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Photo by U.S. Marine Cpl. Octavia Davis)

4. The “I can’t believe you’re eyeballin’ me” knife-hand

Sometimes, recruits and other boots eyeball the instructors and they need a quick attitude adjustment. That is all.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

3. The “are you freakin’ serious?” knife-hand

This excellent display of aggressiveness toward another soldier is remarkable. Some say there are no stupid questions. Well, in the military, there are — and this is how they’re met.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Don’t Forget: 6 times Gunny Hartman was guilty of hazing

2. The “officer and a gentleman” knife-hand

This distinctive hand gesture is formulated especially for men who want to become Naval officers one day.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Andre N. McIntyre)

1. The “don’t question me” knife-hand

Self-explanatory.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Bonus: What it looks like to receive a knife-hand

They fun as hell to hand out, but they suck to receive.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

Humor

8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

Marines carry a lot of gear while on a combat deployment: body armor, weapons, and communication equipment — just to name a few.


With all that weight tallying up quickly and a lack of storage space to contain it all, Marines have to be picky about what they’re willing to haul around on those long missions.

At times, they’ll even negotiate with one another who carries what, but check out this list of what Marines have no problem taking with them regardless of how much it weights.

1. Energy drinks

Although water is the healthier choice — there’s nothing like a delicious energy drink to make that 12-hour mission seem more enjoyable and speed up time.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Perfect on a dry day (Source: Flickr)

 

2. Extra ammo

“I have too many bullets to shoot, Sergeant,” said no Marine ever.

Ammo is heavy, but the look on a grunt’s face when he’s unloading a full magazine at the ISIS: priceless.

Extra ammo, one thing Marines always carry
Isn’t it beautiful?

3. Smokes/Dip

Even if you didn’t indulge in tobacco products stateside, you’re probably going to light up a cigarette or pack your lip full of dip while on an extended patrol.

4. Things that make other things go boom

The weight of a few Claymores, grenades, and mortars can add up if you’re carrying a few extras in your mole pouches, but one thing Marines love and are proud of is their outstanding ability to blow sh*t up.

To that, we tip our hats.

5. Crystal lite packets

Because drinking water can get boring — really boring. Although it’s a healthier option than number #1.

6. Pogey bait

Many have never heard of this term.

Pogey bait is an assortment of cakes, candies, and nonmilitary foods.

7. Digital camera

Because recording those special little moments of bombing the hell out of ISIS are unique ones.

8. Baby wipes

You never know when you have to take a G.I. shower…or a field dump.

Bonus: G.P.S.

Just in case your 2nd Lieutenant can’t get you to the second checkpoint.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Source: Garmin)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

9 entertaining ways to discipline your troops

Whenever a military film comes on and the fictional non-commissioned officer gets heated, it’s always the same routine. “Drop and give me twenty.”


The truth is, that exact phrase isn’t actually used much in the military. Not because push-ups aren’t a thing in the military — they are — but NCOs tend to have more unique and clever punishments in mind — especially if you’ve really pissed them off.

Here are a few examples of “character development” that have been used on us:

#1. Flip the rocks ‘so they can get a sun tan.’

The pain of one Joe who messed up royally can sting far after they ETS.

In front of some company, battalion, or brigade headquarters are a bunch of rocks. Each is painted with a color on one side, and another color on the other. Whoever gets the unfortunate task of painting the rocks gives future disobedient soldiers a lighter punishment: to flip the rocks from one color to the other. The next guy who acts up flips ’em back.

Sound boring and tedious? That’s because it is.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
We don’t have all day! Flip that rock!

#2. Mop the rain off the motorpool.

The idea behind creative corrective actions is to be give them a nearly impossible task to emphasize how badly they screwed up with a dash of hilarity to maximize the point.

Both can be achieved by making their dumb ass mop up the rain or sweep the grass.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Image via Imgur)

#3. Carry around an oversized version of what they lost.

Whenever you see some poor schmuck toting a giant pice of cardboard drawn to look like a CAC, you know they left their ID card one day.

Why stop there?

If they lose their weapon, make them carry a stupidly large cardboard “rifle” that they must refer to as their “wife-le”. They lost track of time? Give them one of Flava Flav’s old clocks. The sky is the limit!

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Image via Rallypoint)

#4. Carry around a potted plant ‘to replace the oxygen they’re wasting.’

Do you have one of those “just can’t get anything right” soldiers? Are they a waste of space and oxygen?

Make them replace all of that beautiful oxygen they’re hogging with their very own plant to put something back in the air.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Your soldier’s newest battle buddy! (Image via Amazon)

#5. Making the troop on a ‘dead-man’s profile’ blink in cadence.

There’s always that one cocky junior guy that is quick to pull out the “Nuh-uh Sergent! You can’t make me do sh*t!”

Get ’em. Anything done a thousand times in cadence can become a living hell.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Blink faster Private Colbert!(Image via Comedy Central)

#6. Fill sandbags with nothing but a white towel that you expect to come back clean.

This one always catches the smart asses if you leave them unsupervised. Take the typical deployment punishment to the next level by giving them only a white towel to clean off the sandbags when they finish. The bags must stay at one point and the dirt is a yard or so away.

A good Joe will fill the sandbags by hand and save the towel for the end and leave just trace amount of dirt on them. The smart ass will get lazy and use the towel to carry more sand into the bag and try to finish earlier. If they towel is dirty or if the task is done too soon. You caught them.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Filling sandbags has been a time honored tradition going back since Joes started screwing up. (Image via FirstWorldWar)

#7. Cutting Sgt. Major’s grass with sewing-kit scissors.

An oldie, but a goodie.

There’s a perfectly good sidewalk to use. There’s no need to step on the Sgt. Major’s grass. Give them the most useless tool at AAFES to do the most tedious task for the most amount of time.

The grass will grow back to what it was by the time they finish the field.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
This guy got his grass sent in mail to have it on deployment. Step on his and you’re screwed. (Image via Rallypoint)

#8. Greeting of the day is repeating whatever they screwed up on to everyone.

Make them the example to remind others not to follow.

“Good morning, Sergeant. Be sure not to leave your helmet at the range!” over and over again should hopefully embarrass them enough to never do that again.

Extra points if it’s for a dirty barracks room and you have them use their dirty socks as sock puppets. “Good afternoon, specialist… Be sure to clean your barracks room…”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Extra Extra points if they do it to a General officer. (Image via Defense.gov)

#9. Take away their birthday.

Hands down the most diabolical disciplinary action comes from Redditor Forewarned-Forearmed in a post back in 2014.

“What are they going to do? Bend my dog tags? Take my birthday away? chuckle chuckle”

Yep — apparently a Navy Captain did just that once by deliberately sailing parallel to the International Dateline then slipping across it right at midnight.

Tomorrow suddenly becomes yesterday and no birthday for you this year ya chuckle head.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
No one ever said the Navy wasn’t salty as hell.

Humor

This is what happened to the soldiers from the ‘Hurt Locker’

In 2008, filmmaker Kathryn Bigelow directed a film called “Hurt Locker” about a hotshot soldier who went above and beyond his bomb disposal duties while deployed to Iraq.


His passion for the job kept him in harm’s way as he defused hundreds of homemade explosives.

Although many veterans didn’t particularly enjoy the film (for technical reasons), many may have wondered what happened to the rogue EOD tech and the troops that once covered his six.

Well, we used our fictional WATM private investigators to look for the troops’ silver screen whereabouts, and here’s what they found.

Related: This is what the pilots from ‘Top Gun’ are doing today

FYI: Don’t take this literally.

Sgt. Matt Thompson

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Source: Summit Ent.)

Do remember that hotshot EOD tech who got blown up within the first 10 minutes of the story? Yeah, that was this guy. Well, turns out Thompson faked his death, and he was only using the Army to learn how to make and dispose of homemade bombs.

The government got wind of this intel, framed him, then wrongly convicted him on charges of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S.

They changed Thompson’s name to Snow — apparently no first name. After serving a few years in the federal penitentiary, the president’s hot daughter visited what was reportedly the most secured prison in history — located in space. Several violent inmates took her prisoner and the president recruited Snow to go in and rescue her.

No one saw that coming.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

After saving the president’s daughter, the government was now indebted to Snow and gave him a shit ton of money to start up a research lab.

The Army vet managed to formulate some good stuff, turning other veterans — and himself — into super humans that glow a bright reddish color.

 

Sgt. JT Sanborn

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Source: Summit Ent.)

Soon after returning from Iraq, Sanborn was given a battlefield commission for having to put up with so much crap from the EOD techs. It didn’t take long for this motivated soldier to move up the ranks. In fact, he made it to the rank of major within the same year.

That’s never happened before.

He was so badass the Army offered him a position in the security field working with a computer system called “Eagle Eye” that can track anybody anywhere all the freakin’ time.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

After a few civilians spotted some significant flaws in the sophisticated computer system and caused havoc, Sanborn decided to get out of the Army.

But he didn’t want to stop serving the veteran community or fighting bad guys, so he became what every veteran is capable of becoming.

A superhero falcon named Falcon.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Spc. Owen Eldridge

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Source: Summit Ent.)

Eldrige had a pretty rough deployment in Iraq the year of the Hurt Locker. After returning from home, he grew out his mustache and used a little of his GI Bill to become a commercial airline pilot.

Unfortunately, he was paired with an alcoholic pilot and was involved in a severe crash.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

It took a while, but Eldrige made a full recovery. He was so impressed with the level of treatment he received, he moved to Chicago and used the rest of his GI Bill to pursue a career in law enforcement, eventually becoming a cop.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Also Read: 62 glaring technical errors in ‘The Hurt Locker’

Staff Sgt. William James

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Source: Summit Ent.)

If you don’t remember this guy, you probably didn’t watch his story. After returning from another dangerous deployment, James made a few career changes because he didn’t know want he wanted in life.

He went from being a bank robber to a spy, to even becoming a diabetic a witch hunter.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Yes, you could say James was lost for a long time after getting out of the Army.

The experiences of serving in all those different fields gained him a talent that would drive him into his next profession — an archery master superhero with excellent vision.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Humor

The Olympic events each branch would be awesome at

People around the world watch in awe as the Olympic Games begin. Athletes, who have spent their entire lives mastering their given sport, are pitted against each other for the chance to emerge as the world’s greatest.


Yet, there’s always the few watching who say to themselves, “pssssh, that’s easy! I got this!” Many members of that group are veterans. Based entirely off of stereotypes associated with each branch of the armed forces, these are the events that we would dominate if given the chance.

1. Soldiers would win the biathlon.

In case you don’t know what a biathlon is, you cross-country ski for around 10 kilometers while carrying your rifle to eventually shoot at targets.

It’s basically a ruck march in the snow, minus the rucksack and plus some skis. And you actually get to shoot your rifle instead of just carrying it.

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Finally! The event the 10th Mountain Division keeps saying they can do! (Photos (left) by Scott Sturkol and (right) Jack L. Gillund)

2. Marines would win shooting events.

Every Marine is a rifleman, right? The one thing Marines can confidently brag about over everyone else is their marksmanship.

If they brag about being able at shoot 500 meters with a rifle chambered in 5.56, they should clean the floor at 50 meters, prone with a .22 LR caliber rifle.

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You don’t want the Army to be the only branch to win Gold for Olympic shooting! (Photos (left) by Lance Cpl. Andrew Huff and (right) Tim Hipps)

3. Airmen would win cycling.

Airmen had cycling as a standard fitness test event until 2003, but it seems like every Airman is still obsessed with telling you how great their spin class is. So, why not put them to the test?

Just swap the PT belt for a spandex onesie and you’re set!

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Another benefit is that they still get a chair! (Photo (left) by Linda LaBonte Britt. Photo (right) courtesy of the Olympics)

4. Coast Guardsmen would win sailing.

Coast Guardsmen are here for two things: Kicking drug-smuggler ass and sailing. And at the Olympics, they’ll be all out of drug smugglers.

Our beloved Puddle Pirates are known for sailing all sorts of ships, so why not teach a few to sail Olympic regulation ships between drug busts?

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
A third thing they do is help stranded civilians on ships, like Olympic sailboats, when they mess up. (Photos (left) by Petty Officer 3rd Class Andrew Barresi and (right) Caroline Granycome)

5. Sailors should dominate beach volleyball.

Come on, sailors! If you guys are going to get upset about the Top Gun jokes while simultaneously playing volleyball for PT in the morning, at least win Olympic gold!

If sailors brought home gold, I think we’d all stop the jokes — or they’d never stop… it’s worth looking into, though.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
In all seriousness though, go Team USA! Troops or not, they’re doing our country proud! (Photo (left) by Cpl. Kirstin Merrimarahajara. Photo (right) courtesy of the DoD)

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