5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

From the moment you arrive to the day you graduate, Marine Corps boot camp is the worst time of your life. Thankfully, during a recruit’s time at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, he or she can find ways to temporarily postpone the mental and physical ass-kicking.


 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

 

The art of avoiding work and responsibilities, better known as “skating,” will follow us for the rest of our military careers, but it always starts at the same place: boot camp.

 

Related: 5 things boot Marines buy with their first paycheck

1. Going to medical

You can spend all day sitting at medical to skate out of the day’s event. This method, if used too often, will earn you a prime spot on the shitlist.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
This is the least recommended skating method. (Image from Marines.mil)

 

2. Getting your wisdom teeth pulled

This way sucks, but you get 3 days sick-in-quarters where you don’t leave the squad bay, and then you get another 5 days of light duty, where you aren’t allowed to run or lift heavy things.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Worry not! The quarterdeck awaits! (Image via Reddit)

3. Getting stuck on working parties

If you’re stuck on a working party while everyone else is training, you’ll probably want to take your time to finish the job at hand.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

4. Have a penicillin allergy

This one is really a gift and a curse. The benefit of being allergic to penicillin is that you get to leave the squad bay early on Friday mornings to go to breakfast ahead of your platoon so you can get to medical and receive a special antibiotic pill.

Not only can this get you out of any morning training, but it gets you out of having to get the infamous peanut-butter shot. The downside, however, is that it comes with some crappy side effects, like diarrhea.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

Also Read: 5 reasons why Luke Skywalker was operator AF

4. Become a scribe

Scribes help the drill instructors compile lists and keep track of information regarding the recruits in their respective platoons. The reason this is such a great way to skate is, oftentimes, these lists need to be made and revised during training events, so scribes can skip out — especially when it’s phase 3 and the Crucible is only days away.

The big thing about being a scribe is making the nightly fire watch list. In fact, some scribes choose to exempt themselves from this list (Note: If you’re not a scribe, it’s good to make friends with one).

What are some other ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp?

Humor

BREAKING: US Marines discover crayon consumption cures COVID-19

As of March 19, 2020, novel coronavirus has been responsible for a global pandemic that has infected more than 267,000 people, killed over 11,000, and left many more jobless. As a new virus, there has been an international race to find a vaccine to slow the rate of infection.

In a stunning development, U.S. Marine Corps officials have announced that they found a cure in an unlikely yet very familiar place: a box of crayons. 

In an exclusive interview with Coffee or Die, General William G. Busey, commander of Marine Forces Command, said that the development was discovered by three young Marine lance corporals quarantined at 29 Palms, California. 

“For generations, our brave Marines have answered the nation’s call no matter the stakes. With the fate of the world on the line and literally nothing else to do, three young Marines — quarantined in the closest replica of hell that we have on earth — volunteered to contract COVID-19, and then do what they do best: eat crayons. And it worked!” 

The three Marines are in stable condition and are now undergoing further medical tests to evaluate just how many crayons are needed to cure the virus. Early testing suggests that a 24-pack isn’t enough, while a 64-pack is too much.

“I mean, I think contracting coronavirus was actually kind of nice,” said Lance Corporal Shane Geller, one of the three volunteers for the groundbreaking test. “29 Palms is fucking terrible, so I thought it was pretty unlikely that the virus could make my life as a mortarman in the Marines any worse. And I mean, who’s gonna turn down free Crayola snacks? It was a no-brainer for me.”

For fellow Marines, the announcement was not a surprise. “No Marine Corps insider is shocked by this revelation,” said Jack Mandaville, a Marine Corps veteran. He then went on to clarify, unprompted, that “there are no ex-Marines — a Marine is a Marine. And all Marines are riflemen. And they don’t die, they just regroup in hell. Semper fi. Hey, wanna see my eagle, globe, and anchor? It’s earned, not issued.”

Editor’s note: Just in case you haven’t figured it out, this is a satire article and is in no way meant to be an accurate depiction of actual events. Stay safe, and wash your hands!

This article originally appeared on Coffee or Die. Follow @CoffeeOrDieMag on Twitter.

Humor

8 reasons Marines hate on the Navy

The Navy and Marines spend a lot of time together for obvious reasons. Like anyone you spend too much time with, they start to get on each others’ nerves.


How, you might ask?

Related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

1. Discipline.

When it comes to discipline, Marines are top tier. The Navy can learn a lot from Marines and have plenty of opportunities to do so while on a ship. Unfortunately for sailors, the kind of discipline Marines have is learned during their boot camp, which is actually hard.

2. Navy “camouflage” uniforms.

We get it, you’re sailors. Your camouflage blends in with water – but that’s the problem. I’ve seen those coveralls you wear on a ship, so I understand you don’t wear the blue digitals when you’re underway, but those coveralls are blue, too. What are you going to do when someone falls off the ship at night?

Navy seamen in uniform
All Navy uniforms are arguably the best, much to the annoyance of Marines. 

3. Funding.

It’s no secret the Marines get the scraps from the Department of Navy’s funds (don’t get me started on that). The Navy likely needs it for those big-ass boats. But how many of those mugs in the wardroom were purchased with government money?

Come on, now.

4. Marines are a department of the Navy.

Yeah, I’m getting started on that. Everyone already knows we’re the men’s department. We use your boats to get around on deployments, but beyond that, our relationship isn’t all that special.

You’re like that weird relative that always brings up unnecessary politics at Thanksgiving dinner.

5. “Ship tax.”

We understand that everyone living on a ship is subject to the “ship tax.” For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s basically where everyone pays a toll to the captain. A sailor or Marine must perform a special duty on the ship.

This usually devolves into Marines working in the trash room with the Navy’s “special” sailors.

6. Ranks and rates.

When I first joined the Marine Corps, I thought I had a grasp of the Navy’s ranks. I knew it would hold some importance during my time, but I was sadly mistaken.

When I got to the Fleet Marine Force, I learned that the Navy also had rates which are specific to their job. Long story short, it’s just too confusing for Marines.

7. Navy deployments vs Marine deployments

Navy deployments are frequent — just like that annoying ex — and more frequent than Marine deployments. Sure, Marines have to do all that pre-deployment combat training, but this Infantry Marine would have enjoyed more deployments.

Spread the love, guys.

8. The Navy is our closest sibling

The relationship between the branches of the armed forces is unique, but the relationship between the Navy and Marine Corps is one of a kind.

As long as both have existed, they’ve been working symbiotically with each other. Marines are amphibious, so they need the Navy’s ships to get around. But at the end of the day, it’s a sibling rivalry.

Just like brothers, we give each other crap for everything.

Humor

6 signs she is more in love with your contract than you

Many service members can recall their recruiter’s insistence that they will be swarmed with the attention of beautiful women as soon as they graduate from basic. For the most part, this claim is incorrect.


However…

There are those who are absolutely into the fact that you signed on the dotted line. One can usually find them within close proximity to a military base, keeping always on the alert, and searching for their future spouse. Of course this would never happen to you but, if you think your buddy is in a relationship with someone like this, there are signs to look for:

Related: 5 things boot Marines buy with their first paycheck

6. She approaches you at a service bar

You walk into the bar just outside base, have a seat with your boys, you all are celebrating finally making it to fleet. You walk to the bar for another round when she taps you on the shoulder. She is gorgeous — you’ve never talked to girl like this, much less had one approach you. Must be your lucky day right? Well…

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

5. She asks if you are married, not if you’re single

Ok, maybe it’s just you — after all, you’re much more fit than you used to be and she doesn’t even know you serve. How could she? (haircut, farmer’s tan, affliction t-shirt) Then she asks if you are married. Not if you are single — but if you are married. This is a little to the point but maybe she just knows what she wants. Maybe she saw you and just fell in love.

4. She knows your contract better than you

You let her know that you are not married, that you live in the barracks, and have your meals at the chow hall. She informs you that if you were married you could live off base and could eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
So I give you this and then I can get an apartment?

3. She explains BAH to you

You kindly explain to her that you wouldn’t be able to afford to live off base and the cost of groceries is also a little steep. She smiles at you the same way an adult does a child, pats you on the head and says, “Oh sweetie, you sweet ignorant little thing, the basic allowance for housing is X amount of dollars here which is more than enough for us to live in a small place, not to mention the basic allowance for subsistence which would get you off that prison food in the chow hall.”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Yes, but you can’t PROVE anything… (Image via imgflip)

 

2. She proposes to you just before deployment.

So you’ve been dating now for two-weeks and things are getting serious. She sits on your rack and stares at her phone while you play video games in your barracks room. Things are perfect, until you hear her say it. “You should get married before you deploy.” (Pauses game, turns slowly)

“They’d pay you so much more: BAH, SAH, separations pay, hazardous duty pay, baby you’d clean up.”

Also Read: 5 things infantrymen love about the woobie

1. She needs health care

So you are married now, congratulations. First deployment is about to be underway, and where is your new bride? She was at the dentist on Monday, the dermatologist on Tuesday, optometrist Wednesday, and seems to have a healthy relationship with the ear nose and throat doctor. It may be time for you to make an appointment with the proctologist, because this is all highly suspect.

Articles

6 tips we learned from ‘Ferris Bueller’ on how to ‘skate’ in the military

Ferris Bueller is the ultimate skater.


Skating is an art form which most people will never fully learn — until now. In 1986, Paramount pictures released “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” which taught countless teens how to play sick and get out of school.

Written and directed by the legendary John Hughes, the film focuses on a teenager who embarks on an incredible journey throughout Chicago while being unknowingly stalked by his high school principal.

While taking the day off, Bueller and his two friends learn more about themselves in a day than they would ever expect.

Related: 8 tips for ‘skating’ in the military

So check out our list of how Bueller taught us the art of the skate.

1. Be convincing

First, come up with an epic excuse why you’re unable to partake in a military activity (like going to work), and make sure you sell that sh*t like Bueller sold being sick to his parents.

Getting a “Sick in Quarters” slip is the goal if you’re in the military.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
I hope I look sick enough. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

2. Use your assets properly

Unfortunately, Bueller doesn’t have a car to drive himself around. So once he officially earns his day off via his parents, it’s time to get on the phone and find someone to pick you up.

Skating should be a team effort, but make sure you repay the favor and help someone else skate on another day.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Come over to the barracks and pick me up. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

3. Know the loopholes

Here, Bueller hacks the school’s computer absence program and changes how many days he has been absent. You probably won’t have this ability unless you have a special security clearance, but the moral of this story is to understand your limits.

For instance, if your boss isn’t going to be around — you’re not going to be around. Get it? Good.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Knowing the loopholes will get you far in life. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

4. Have an epic backstory

During roll call, Bueller’s name is called out several times before this hot girl (Kristy Swanson) gives the teacher a bullsh*t reason why he isn’t in school. It works well during military roll call when the service member calling out names just wants to get on with the day and not hear any excuses — another loophole.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
How could you not trust this face? (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

5. Play the role

In the event you get an unknown phone call or run into someone outside your skating circle, divert into the sick mode ASAP.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Remember act sick. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Also Read: 11 hiding spots for an E-4 to sham

6. Make it a team effort

Ferris uses his best buddy Cameron to impersonate his girlfriend’s dad to get her out of school. Now, you probably won’t have to do all that, but it’s awesome to have military friends who are willing to skate alongside you that you trust.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Our favorite hypochondriac, Cameron Frye. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Humor

7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

These brave, young military police officers are the first people you’ll see as you enter the front gates, and they’re the last people you’ll spot as you exit.


The military police protect you from the various threats trying to make it on base, and carefully watch the criminals that are locked up — and the sh*t isn’t easy.

But who are these men and women who undertake this serious job? Well, we’re about to show you.

Related: 6 types of enlisted ‘docs’ you’ll meet at sick call

1. The over-the-top nice guy who is just excited to be in the military.

He’s also the guy you thought you could out-run if you needed to, but he was a track star in high school. You’ll find out the hard way.

Yes. They will issue him a service pistol very soon.

2. That Marine MP who is just looking for a reason to subdue you.

“Lie to me one more time.”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Marine Sgt. Shawn Brown shows the proper armlock technique during a guard training class to the Royal Tongan Marines.

 

3. The cute one who makes every troop want to wait in her lane at the gate, even if it’s backed up, just to say, “hey.”

Who cares if we’re late for morning muster?

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Image from U.S. Army)

 

4. The chill teddy bear that knows everybody who enters the gate.

This military policeman still halts every car… just to say, “hello.”

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
“Looking good, Mr. Peterson.”  (Image from Wikipedia Commons)

 

5. The MP officer with a criminal law degree that can see right through your bullsh*t.

Don’t look directly at him, we think he knows about the stripper in the trunk…

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
He can read all your secrets just from your pupil dilation. (Image from Security Forces Squadron)

 

6. The soldier who is just itching to deploy, but first he needs to check your identification.

It’s not that just because they are motivated, it’s just they want to make an impact, somehow.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(U.S. Army photo by Sean Kimmons)

 

Also Read: 5 of the sneakiest ways people try to fool the front gate MPs

7. Rambo’s little sister.

She’s out to earn her respect and she can kick your ass if she wanted to.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
U.S. Army Spc. Adrianna Williamson, 221st Military Police Detachment military police patrolman is ready to go. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Wesley Farnsworth)

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Aug. 4

Congrats to everyone who ETSed this week. For the rest of you, here’s a little soul-balm to get you through any weekend duties you got assigned.


13. It’s fine. All that yelling is just part of your life now (via ASMDSS).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
The good news is that you’re not going through the worst yet. It gets WAY worse.

12. Boots are gonna boot (via Coast Guard Memes).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
I mean, being nerdy in uniform is hardly the worst thing that guy could be getting into.

ALSO SEE: This is a perfect example of how ridiculous boot camp is

11. For instance, he could be giving into his newfound alcoholism (via Decelerate Your Life).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Don’t fall, branch. Only 15 more years until retirement.

10. It’s really the only proper way to greet a career counselor (via Decelerate Your Life).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
CS also works well if you happen to have access to it.

9. Junior enlisted have lots of idea (via Decelerate Your Life).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
It’s just that they’re mostly about how to best play screw, marry, kill.

8. The Marine Corps pays you to drive, not to think (via Military World).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Now hit the gas,. I’m about to run out of oxygen.

7. Why are Marines so cranky? They got all them nice sketches and no crayons to color them with (via Sh-t my LPO says).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Bon appetite.

6. To be honest, you only think she looks that good at homecoming (via Sh-t my LPO says).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
And the reintegration thing is her fault. We bought an extra controller and co-op games for a reason.

5. “Driver” and “passenger” sides aren’t good enough for you Navy? (via Sh-t my LPO says)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

4. Any unit that lets you wear that to work is worth a second chance (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

3. This isn’t going to end well for anyone (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
There are so many better ways to get crackers, man.

2. With that haircut and those tan lines, the ID is pretty superfluous anyway (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Pretty sure those sailors sat down after their neighbors on the beach. No way the girls chose to sit next to them.

1. So, this one’s not technically a joke (via Air Force Nation).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Just really great advice. D-mnit, finance.

Humor

10 of the funniest ‘Top Gun’ memes ever created

When Tony Scott’s Top Gun landed in cinemas, it was an instant blockbuster, pulling in over $350 million worldwide.


Filled with adrenaline-packed scenes, Top Gun made audience members of all ages want to be the next woman-chasing, hotshot pilot.

Little did everyone know, years down the line, the iconic movie would give rise to some pretty hilarious memes.

Related: 11 memes that will make any infantryman laugh for hours

1. Just when you thought you couldn’t find anyone to go to the bar and pick up chicks with, Maverick saves the day!

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
However, if she turns out to be a flight instructor, you better help him sing her a song.

2. As writers, we just want to entertain our audience the best we can.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Well, we’ll try better on the next meme.

3. When a shirtless game of volleyball gets too real

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Please, no more missiles or guns.

4. “Sky dick” jokes will never get old… at least we hope not.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Also Read: The 13 funniest military memes for the week of March 16th

5. It’s okay when Maverick does it, but for everyone else, it’s considered a bad thing.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

6. We hope every boring training instructor reads this before heading into a class.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Nope. The powerpoint will still be boring. F*ck… we failed at getting the word out.

7. Top Gun 2 will come out… one day.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Tom Cruise will still want to do his own stunts.

8. See! We told you Sky Dick jokes will never die!

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
It literally won’t ever get old. Our careers at WATM are counting on it.

Don’t Forget: 11 hilarious Marine memes that are freaking spot on

9. Proof Brian Williams was a veteran.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
We were way off!

10. Write this down in case you forget.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Did you write it down? Because we don’t think you did.

Articles

5 military leaders that would make great drinking buddies

There has probably never been a more symbiotic relationship than the one between a war-fighter and their alcohol. Roman Centurions and wine. Vikings and mead. Samurai and sake. American troops and whatever is cheapest on non-first and fifteenth weekends.


We have a storied history with our booze.

I like to think that I put my liver through its rounds, but looking through military history — damn. If I went drink for drink with some of the best, I’d get drunk under the table by the greatest minds the world has ever known.

This beer goes out to the badasses who have awesome stories to talk about over one — and who would still probably carry my ass back to the taxi.

5. William the Conqueror

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Painting by John Millar Watt)

As the last ruler to successfully conquer England in almost a thousand years, William I lived up to the viking heritage of the Normans. For an over-simplification of what William did, think of Robert Baratheon from Game of Thrones.

The story goes, as King of England, William I threw lavish parties for his guests. Because he left his viking lifestyle and worries about consolidating power behind him, he became fat as f*ck.

To the point that his horse would be in great pain.

So how did this guy try to lose that weight? By going on an “all alcohol” diet. He wouldn’t do anything but drink. Contemporaries at the time wrote of this “illness and exhaustion from heat.”

This diet, surprisingly enough, didn’t lead to his death — unless you attribute him falling face first off his horse because it bucked his rotund rear off it. Then maybe.

4. Napoleon Bonaparte

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Napoléon visiting the cellars Moët Chandon in 1807. (Painting via Chateau Loisel)

The man most credited with why we open bottles of Champagne with a sword, Napoleon and his Hussars were famous for drinking the bubbly.

“Champagne! In victory one deserves it; in defeat one needs it” was Napoleon’s famous toast.

Napoleon and his men would frequent the hotel of Madame Clicquot, a beautiful business woman who was widowed young. The Emperor of France’s men would always try to woo her but she would just keep making money off their drunk asses.

3. Ulysses S. Grant

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
General of the Army Grant (Colorized photo via History)

The stories of the 18th President of the United States and his drinking were historic when he was still a young officer. As a Captain, his drinking from the night before lead to a forced resignation by then Colonel Robert Buchanan. The two had mutual animosity for many years before then.

“I wish some of you would tell me the brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals,” remarked Abraham Lincoln on Grant’s alcoholism.

The outbreak of the American Civil War brought him back into the fold where he would then rise to General of the Army with Major General Buchanan underneath him. At the age of 46, Grant won the 1868 election in a landslide and urged for the ratification of the Fifteenth Amendment and the proper treatment of Native Americans.

2. George S. Patton

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

The Father of American Armor himself shared his love with his armored divisions with a mixed drink he called “Armored Diesel.” He said it would build camaraderie within the division and pride.

The drink was made with many different bourbons, whiskeys, and scotches, however, the Patton Museum officially lists his drink as being: bourbon, shaved ice, sugar, and lemon juice.

“You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.” — Patton on swearing.

Patton was also very close with another great WWII leader and alcohol enthusiast, Winston Churchill.

Which brings us to…

1. Winston Churchill

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
250 cm^3/mL (or for those of you sh*tty at the metric system, 5.7 shots) was the minimum amount his doctor proscribed him per meal during his visit to the Prohibition era USA. (Photo via Quora)

There may be no military leader with a more celebrated and documented history with alcohol than Winston Churchill. Professor Warren Kimball of Rutgers authored several biographies on him saying, “Churchill was not an alcoholic because no alcoholic could drink that much!” He was amused when people said he had a “bottomless capacity” for alcohol.

“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” —Churchill on drinking in moderation.

He would drink heavily during every meal, including breakfast. In pure amazement, the King of Saudi Arabia said that “his absolute rule of life requires drinking before, during, and after every meal.”

Who would you grab a beer with? Let us know in the comment section.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of May 5

Memes call! Find your favorites, share them with your buddies, or don’t. We’re not your supervisor.


1. A training video on “Abdominal Circumference” may actually help some units (via Air Force Memes Humor).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
And Troy McClure videos would be a huge upgrade from all these Powerpoints.

2. Being outside a firefight without your rifle is worse than being in a firefight with it (Weapons of Meme Destruction).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Feels like death, and might be worse.

3. Allow the E4 to teach you a little about the military (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Starting with: Never go back to the unit right away.

4. Back blast area clear!

(via Team Non-Rec)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Gonna be hard to explain this to the homeowner’s association the next morning.

5. It’s always embarrassing to remember that next generation’s history books will include this generation’s actions (via Decelerate Your Life).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
At least you can write some of the histories ahead of time.

6. Will pay to see “You’re Welcome” parody with Coast Guard swimmers (via Coast Guard Memes).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
The Coast Guard used this exact same pun two years ago while talking about teaching rescue swimmers to swim.

7. Senior enlisted problems:

(via Terminal Lance)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Decisions, decisions. Sorry, junior Marines.

8. Some NCO better fix that little guy’s gig line (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Can’t tell if the label in the top right corner is from the past or future …

9. Last guy to switch from BDUs is definitely the first guy to crack a beer (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Love the shades.

10. Your recruiter lied to you (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Better volunteer for some cool-guy schools and get into some high-speed units.

11. Kinda hard to take the new guy on a welcome-to-the-unit bender if someone has to make him a fake ID first (via Military World).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Highly recommend ordering the apple juice so at least no one else in the bar can tell.

12. It’s all about composite risk management (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Dirt raking is dangerous.

13. Remember all those grinning, proud faces when all the boots got their new uniforms?

(via Decelerate Your Life)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Of course, those uniforms get pretty salty before the end of the contract.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of April 13th

There’s no reason to be afraid on Friday the 13th. It’s not like anything terrible has ever happened in the military on Friday the 13th. Oh? There has? Like, a lot of times?

Well, just sit back, relax, and enjoy these memes. After all, it’s not like WWIII will suddenly commence over a few Tweets. Oh? It might? Well, that sucks.


On the bright side, our normally arbitrary number of memes released on Fridays is instead kind of festive today. So, there’s that.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

We’ve been preparing for war with Russia ever since the ’40s and it’s about to go down because of a Tweet?

Cool.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via /r/Military)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Military Memes)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via /r/Military)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via /r/Army)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme by WATM)

Fun Fact: Jason’s stalking sound is actually “ki-ki-ki, ma-ma-ma” and not “chi-chi-chi, ah-ah-ah.”

Here’s a source right here to prove it.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Grunt Style)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

Tell everyone you’re just trying to motivate the stragglers in the back.

For some reason, people still believe that.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via /r/military)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

Humor

10 epic weapons fails you’ll have to see to believe

Shooting a weapon for the first time is an experience you’ll never forget. Squeezing off those first epic rounds can make any gun owner smile from ear-to-ear.


On the flipside, many gun owners have no freakin’ clue how to hold the weapon, chamber a round and accurately fire it at a target without getting hurt.

It’s not that hard, and safety is key. But for some reason lots of people just don’t get it.

There are several safety rules put in place for a reason, but countless people throughout the globe treat their weapons as if they were toys — and many end up having accidents in the process.

Related: 17 images that show why going to the armory sucks

So check out these epic weapon fails from people who hopefully learned a lesson.

1. Trying out the elephant gun. Take #1

Remember, keep that buttstock pressed HARD to the shoulder, or this will happen.

This is what happens when the rifle weights more than the shooter. (Images via Giphy)

2. The single-handed, teenage rifle slinger

This teenager needs to use 2-points of positive control and build some muscle.

He meant to do that. (Images via Giphy)

3. Trying out the elephant gun. Take #2

Maybe put it on a bipod and go prone bro.

People never seem to learn. (Images via Giphy)

4. Quickdraw McGraw over here just shot himself.

Even the seasoned pros make mistakes, but g*ddamn this is bad. Remember, finger off the trigger until your sights are on target.

This is why we can’t have nice things. (Images via Giphy)

5. He’s so good, he shot his own cover right off his head.

This would have been a cool trick if it were a magic trick. Rule #1 and #3: treat all guns as if they’re loaded and never let the muzzle cover anything you aren’t willing to destroy (unless he really, really didn’t like that hat).

Worst weapons inspection ever. (Images via Giphy)

6.Trying out the elephant gun. Take #3

I guess he won the “who could fire this big ass rifle contest?”

At least this guy held on this time. (Images via Giphy)

7. What happens when someone gets super high and attempts to operate a heavy machine gun.

Where were these guys at when my unit was deployed?

How long have we been at war with these guys again? (Images via Giphy)

8.This is proof that ghosts can and will shoot you if you’re not being careful.

His Uncle Tanner just got his payback from beyond the grave.

We bet he bought a gun rack as soon as he was released from the hospital. (Images via Giphy)

9. The shirtless gangster.

We’re going to leave this alone.

That’s what we call “gangsta.” Thug life b*tches. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 6 reasons why troops hate going to supply

10. The exploding revolver.

Who here thought it was going to be a ricochet?

Maybe let’s not load the .44 in the .357 next time? (Images via Giphy)

Humor

What it’s like having a submarine crash into your ship

A U.S. Marine stationed aboard any Naval vessel enjoys a lifestyle very similar to that of cargo. Marines are often sequestered to their color coordinated quarters (ours were red) where they sleep in coffin racks, are given a small window of time to utilize the gym, and in some cases even have separate hours for chow.


All of these measures actually have a purpose, and that is to keep green side (Marines) and blue side (Navy) separate.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
USS New Orleans. Not pictured: Sailor and Marine rivalries.

However, there are jobs Marines can be volunteered for, jobs involving laundry, trash, and foodservice. Lucky enough for this young leatherneck, having a culinary degree puts you to work aboard the U.S.S. New Orleans in the galley.

So there I was, a twenty-two year old Corporal with a culinary degree being put to work as leader of the night shift aboard a navy vessel. There were no sailors under my charge, which I found to be slightly condescending, but that’s of no consequence. On my team there were no less than three infantry Marines with zero cooking experience and one supply Marine from Baton Rouge, LA, which is plenty of cooking experience on its own. We were tasked with prepping the next days lunch and dinner meals, baking fresh bread, and preparing and serving breakfast.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
USS Hartford (the villain of this story).

Unbeknownst to my crew and me, a U.S. submarine submerged at periscope depth in the straight of Hormuz was soon to make its move. The U.S.S. Hartford is a Los Angeles class Navy submarine that had a date with destiny in the form of a San Antonio class amphibious transport dock ship, the U.S.S. New Orleans. After 63 days at sea, it would seem that the crew of the Hartford had had enough and decided to break up the monotony with a little fender bender.

Related: This is what life is like for sailors on a US Navy submarine

Meanwhile aboard the New Orleans in the ship’s galley were five Marines working diligently. I remember quite vividly the jarring vibration of a f**king submarine crashing into a war ship, causing a mess. I was making pancakes at the time (and none were lost — not bragging just saying).

An infantry Corporal came running in asking if I could spare one of my guys, who happened to be one of his junior Marines. I calmly approved and the Corporal decided to start screaming at his young troop to get his weapon and gear because we were under attack. The young Marine yelled back, “Yes Corporal!” before running to his quarters.

He soon returned, showcasing his, “I thought I was finally going to get to shoot my rifle in combat” face of disappointment. The rest of the crew replied with laughter and taunts.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Hartford vs. New Orleans

One of our battalion’s intel Marines informed us that our theories — we hit a whale, we ran aground, we were attacked by pirates — were not only incorrect, but the hapless ramblings of the simple-minded. He then told us we would not be allowed to call out or use the internet, that all coms were being controlled, and that we were hit by our own submarine. We took him seriously until that last part.

After breakfast was ready and the crew sat down to eat in the ship’s mess area, we turned on the television for some news. We were surprised to see that not only was everything intel said true, but also that we had leaked around 25,000 gallons of diesel fuel into the straights. We ended up dry-docking the ship on an island off the coast of Saudi Arabia known as Bahrain.

Beautiful location, lots of black flags — if you’ve never been, I don’t recommend it.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Dry docked Hartford.

After six weeks of dry dock repairs, the New Orleans was back in the ocean ready for duty. It was determined that the incident was solely the fault of the Hartford and its Captain, who was relieved of command along with others. Damages to the New Orleans totaled $2.3 million dollars, which may seem like a lot until compared with the $120 million dollar price tag attached to the Hartford repairs.

I actually had a beer with one of the crew of the U.S.S. Hartford. We compared stories of the incident in which he shared with me that the submarine spun like a football — nearly 90 degrees in the water (a lot for a sub). The collision trashed the entire ship and administered one of the most jarring wake-up calls in U.S. naval history.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information