5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

From the moment you arrive to the day you graduate, Marine Corps boot camp is the worst time of your life. Thankfully, during a recruit’s time at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, he or she can find ways to temporarily postpone the mental and physical ass-kicking.


 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

 

The art of avoiding work and responsibilities, better known as “skating,” will follow us for the rest of our military careers, but it always starts at the same place: boot camp.

 

Related: 5 things boot Marines buy with their first paycheck

1. Going to medical

You can spend all day sitting at medical to skate out of the day’s event. This method, if used too often, will earn you a prime spot on the shitlist.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
This is the least recommended skating method. (Image from Marines.mil)

 

2. Getting your wisdom teeth pulled

This way sucks, but you get 3 days sick-in-quarters where you don’t leave the squad bay, and then you get another 5 days of light duty, where you aren’t allowed to run or lift heavy things.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Worry not! The quarterdeck awaits! (Image via Reddit)

3. Getting stuck on working parties

If you’re stuck on a working party while everyone else is training, you’ll probably want to take your time to finish the job at hand.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

4. Have a penicillin allergy

This one is really a gift and a curse. The benefit of being allergic to penicillin is that you get to leave the squad bay early on Friday mornings to go to breakfast ahead of your platoon so you can get to medical and receive a special antibiotic pill.

Not only can this get you out of any morning training, but it gets you out of having to get the infamous peanut-butter shot. The downside, however, is that it comes with some crappy side effects, like diarrhea.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

 

Also Read: 5 reasons why Luke Skywalker was operator AF

4. Become a scribe

Scribes help the drill instructors compile lists and keep track of information regarding the recruits in their respective platoons. The reason this is such a great way to skate is, oftentimes, these lists need to be made and revised during training events, so scribes can skip out — especially when it’s phase 3 and the Crucible is only days away.

The big thing about being a scribe is making the nightly fire watch list. In fact, some scribes choose to exempt themselves from this list (Note: If you’re not a scribe, it’s good to make friends with one).

What are some other ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp?

Articles

The Marine Rapper will make you shake your Citizen Rump

Look, it is easy, and deeply enjoyable, to give Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis boatloads of crap for the shenanigans and mannerisms (shenannerisms?) he regularly deploys in the line of duty. It’s easy because he’s a good sport. It’s enjoyable because, well:

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp


But credit where credit is due, it is no easy thing to drop in on a recording studio unprepared, be played a brand new beat, compose a non-wack verse and then get into the booth and spit your best whiteboy flow in front of a hot producer and a rapper at the top of his game.

And that’s exactly what Curtis had to do when he paid a visit to Louden Beats recording studio to catch up with Raymond Lotts aka TMR aka The Marine Rapper.

Need more TMR? That time Linda Hamilton asked a Marine to the ball

TMR served 10 years in the Middle East as a Marine Corps combat correspondent, ala Joker from Full Metal Jacket. Though he started rapping young, he found he had to put his passion on ice during active duty — no time to think, let alone rhyme.

When he finally left the service, the transition was rough.

“It was a reality shock. I didn’t know where to go. You’re like, ‘I have all this time on my hands,’ and you get to thinking… ‘I was such a super hero in the military, but now I’m just a regular civilian. Nobody cares about me. I’m nothing now. Why should I even live?'”

Finding himself in a dark headspace familiar to many vets exiting the military, TMR did a hard thing: he asked for help.

With the assistance of the VA, he was able to reorient, finding an outlet in his long-dormant passion for rap. He now lives in Hollywood, CA, cutting tracks and shooting music videos to support his budding career as a musician.

And, no joke, in a single day of working together, TMR, producer Louden and the Artist Formerly Known as Ryan Curtis may just have succeeded in dropping the U.S. military’s first ever chart-topping hip hop track:

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Mic drop. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

It’s a lock for New Oscar Mike Theme Song at the very least.

Watch as Curtis looks for lyrics in a Magic 8 Ball and TMR proves there’s no room in his game for shame, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This Green Beret will make you a mental commando

This Iraq vet kayaker will make you rethink PTSD

This is why the future of motocross is female

This is what happens when a Navy SEAL becomes an actor

This is what happens when a SEAL helps you with your lady problems

Humor

7 life lessons we learned from Gunny Highway in ‘Heartbreak Ridge’

The 1986 movie “Heartbreak Ridge” took the Marine Corps community and audiences by storm as it showcased Gunnery Sgt. Thomas Highway’s rough and tumble personality. Clint Eastwood took on dual roles as he starred in and directed this iconic film role about a man who is on the tail-end of his military service.


Related: 7 life lessons we learned from watching ‘Full Metal Jacket’

Behind Gunny Highway’s tough exterior lies a man who knows plenty about being a career Marine, but also has a need to build relationships as he moves forward in life.

So check out these life lessons that we could all learn from our beloved Gunny.

1. Don’t let anyone punk you

In Gunny’s own words, “be advised that I’m mean, nasty, and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round through a flea’s ass at 200 meters.”

You tell them, Gunny. (images via Giphy)

2. Know exactly who you are

Although the majority of the film’s characters were out to discourage him, that didn’t stop him from being true to himself.

(images via Giphy)

3. Be semi-approachable

Yes, Gunny is a hard ass, but giving a treat to somebody to shut them the hell up is an excellent networking technique.

Gunny always finds a way to make friends. (images via Giphy)

4. Size doesn’t matter

You can have the biggest muscles in the room, but if you don’t have that “thinker” sitting in between your two ears, you don’t have sh*t.

Gunny doesn’t back down. (images via Giphy)

5. Grunts vs. POGs

The rivalry is real.

When you have some trigger time under your belt and know you’re right, sound off to make your point loud and clear.

Get him! (images via Giphy)

Also Read: 8 life lessons from ‘Forrest Gump’ legend Lt. Dan

6. Lead from the front

Leadership is about showing your men that you will fight with them and for them.

(images via Giphy)

7. Being patriotic is a turn on

No matter how hardcore you are, after a long day of kicking ass and taking names, it’s always good to have someone to come home too.

And Gunny lives happily ever after. (images via Giphy)We told you this movie was about relationships.

Humor

7 ways barracks parties prepare you for college life

Alcohol and parties are commonplace in the military. Only troops can throw a raging party on a Thursday that destroys the barracks, instigate a platoon versus platoon fist fight, and involve the Colonel’s hot 22-year-old daughter all while avoiding MPs being called and everyone making it to the 12-mile ruck in the morning. When those same troops get out and use their GI Bill, not a single one of them will be impressed when a classmate says, “Dude! This party is gonna be just like the film, Project X!”


Spoiler alert: It won’t. Not until a college kid rips down a door just to use it as a beer pong table will it even come close. Only a veteran with a DD-214 still warm from the printer can get that party going.

Here are 7 ways barracks parties get you ready for college life.

7. You can actually get the party started!

Veteran students are often seen as the most charismatic bunch. It’s not because we’re the most social people, we just don’t give a damn what people think of us.

This can lead others to follow us — especially to parties. Veterans won’t ever let those college kids down.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
How every veteran shows up to the party. (Image from Columbia Pictures’ 22 Jump Street)

6. You can entertain everyone, from every walk of life

Part of military life is meeting everyone from every corner of the country (in some cases, the world) and getting them drunk. If you want to see a beautiful photo of every race, ethnicity, religion, gender, economic status, and overall place in life, just check out the barracks on any given payday weekend. They’ll all be wasted and probably a few will have their shirts off.

College campuses usually have that same makeup, but veterans can bridge that gap… with copious amounts of alcohol.



Well, Wayne Gretzky did say, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” (Image via GIPHY)

5. You’ll actually know how to talk to the person you’re interested in

On or around military installations, to put it frankly, there aren’t that many beautiful women. If there is one, troops will literally fight each other for the chance to talk to her.

Take that same veteran, who needed to perfect the art of talking to the other sex, give them a strong personality and a good looking body, and let them loose.



We don’t even need to use BAH as a pick-up line anymore! (Image via GIPHY)

4. You’ll know how to hold your liquor

It takes a lot to get troops drunk. The general rule of thumb is to bring as much as you plan on drinking and then some extra. This results in troops coming to parties with bottles upons bottle of booze. All that, and they’ll still probably be just at the upper limit of tipsy or at least can pretend well enough that they aren’t sh*tfaced.

Don’t be surprised when a veteran downs an entire bottle of whiskey, straight, no chaser, and then asks who’s down for shots.



Civilians think they can drink. That’s cute. (Image via GIPHY)

 

3. You’ll know how to babysit

Troops always look after one another at barracks parties. We needed to make sure that no one got in trouble and that no one chokes on their own puke. When a situation arises, troops can snap back to sobriety well enough to handle it.

Being the only ones who can hold their liquor also means they’ll be sober enough to deal with everyone else’s problems when they’re drunk. And it’s never a fun problem like, “we need to hide the colonel’s hot 22-year old daughter! Dad’s on his way!” It’s always boring, civilian problems.



Vets will always carry you home. Mostly to flex for the ladies. (Image via GIPHY)

2. You’ll know how to make the next one even bigger

Troops have astounding drunken memory. They probably couldn’t tell you why they did what they did, but they can remember doing it.

Veterans will take mental notes as if they were a staff officer. They’ll check off what alcohol people actually drank, which music worked best, and who to invite (and not invite) next time.



A vet probably wouldn’t be joking though… (Image via GIPHY)

1. You can still make it to class the next day

Hangovers still exist. That’s just the way it is when you start adding more birthdays to your life. Troops just keep their mouths shut about it because they know they probably shouldn’t have drank an entire handle the night before an 0530 PT test.

When the only stressor is being able to make it to a 9 a.m. class to listen to a math lecture, veterans will probably still make it there fifteen minutes early.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
We worked too damn hard to throw away an opportunity at college. (Image via Reddit)

Humor

5 reasons why King Leonidas would make the best platoon sergeant ever

In 2006, a film about how 300 Spartan warriors, led by a king known as Leonidas, went to war against a massive Persian army debuted in cinemas across the globe.


The film was an instant success. Suddenly, it was a universally accepted fact that Spartans kicking the crap out of someone is a reliable way of ending a dispute. The story follows King Leonidas, a man bred to be a warrior king from the moment he was born, as he leads his loyal army against Greece’s enemies.

Though extremely outnumbered, Leonidas valorously leads his mean up against the odds and ends up dying alongside them in battle — which is totally unheard of today.

Related: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

1. He leads from the front

Many so-called “leaders” actually lead from the rear, which means they issue an order, watch their men do all the dangerous sh*t, and then take all credit for it.

King Leonidas was in front of all the battle formations and would often step forward, on his own, to kill as many people as possible.

That’s what we call a freakin’ leader.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Warner Brothers’ 300)

2. He f*cks the enemy up on the spot

King Leonidas wasn’t out to win any hearts or minds. Instead, he intended to rip out your heart and put a blade through your mind.

If you come around his FOB and talk sh*t, he’ll Spartan kick you in front of everybody.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Warner Brothers’ 300)

3. He is the same person at home as he is with his men

Some troops in high positions shed their aggression when they get home — not King Leonidas. In fact, he started training his son in hand-to-hand combat while he was still wearing diapers. That’s what we call “startin’ em off early.”

4. He knows a sh*tty soldier when he sees one

Leonidas knows talent when he sees it. He plainly dismisses a fellow Greek’s plea to fight the Persian empire because he wasn’t physically capable of fighting like a true Spartan. Real leaders don’t want you on their team if you can’t keep up with the rest of the hard-chargers.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Warner Brothers’ 300)

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

5. He knew military strategy

Leonidas develops a master plan to use the land to his advantage and take out a vast Persian army with only 300 men. The idea works, too, until that dude who he denied earlier snitches him out like a punk-a**. It happens.

Humor

This is how two Air Force Bases ended up in a Twitter feud

What do Whiteman Air Force Base and Minot Air Force Base have in common? Bombers! But on Oct. 23, the bomber families began butting heads on Twitter over whose airframe is the superior one.


Team Minot has since seemed to delete the tweets that sparked the exchange, but judging from Whiteman’s responses, the shots fired must have been pretty good.

Finally, the official Air Force account stepped in.

Which would have been fine except they told the world that Santa isn’t real.

Which got everyone’s attention.

Including the national media. One of the more recent holiday traditions in the United States is NORAD’s Santa Tracker, which the Air Force helps run every year. The Air Force backtracked quickly.

But I think we’re going to give this one to Whiteman Air Force Base until Minot releases its Twitter history. The USAF Twitter Champion lives in Missouri.

Humor

6 reasons why troops hate going to supply

Heading to supply — also known as Central Issue Facility — is one of the worst experiences troops go through during their career.


The experience is like a bad a roller coaster ride of emotions all while getting treated like sh*t. Since most service members can’t do their jobs without the proper gear supporting their mission, they must go to supply to get those necessary materials.

There are countless stories out there about the hell many of us have gone through during a visit to supply.

Most of which aren’t positive.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Jonny Arsu-Afari inspects equipment from Capt. Bobb Rousseau. (Source: Army.mil)

Related: 14 images that humorously recall your first firefight

Check out our list of why troops hate going to supply.

1. Dealing with grumpy civilians

For the most part, heading to Central Issue Facility means you’re going to encounter a few civilians who may not be in the best of moods when you walk up to their counter. We’re not sure if they’re instructed to be d*cks or not, but it’s nearly impossible to put a smile on any one of their faces.


2. Long a** lines

Typically, from the moment you walked into the supply building, tensions are high. It’s not your fault. It’s just the way the military prefers it. Although you may have an appointment and you’re there on time — you can’t cut in front of anybody if there’s a long line (that’s not cool).

The long line might not be the civilian employee’s fault — for once. It could be because of a few new troops who are just freaking slow and holding everybody up.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. (Image via Giphy)

3. Getting used crap

Canteens and warming layers are just some of the items you’re going to be issued that someone else either drank from or wore — probably naked.

Enjoy. (Image via Giphy)

4. Out of pocket costs

In some cases, troops have to pay out-of-pocket costs to replace broken gear. CIF doesn’t care where or how the item was broken, they just want it back so they can re-issue it to someone else. You may have to pay for the item or locate a replacement.

Damn. (Image via Giphy)

5. Neither rank nor reputation matters here

Things commonly go wrong at supply for various reasons. Having a high rank on your collar or telling the supply worker a story of why an item isn’t up to standard won’t get you anywhere.

That’s why the majority of all CIF workers are civilians. Military rank has virtually no power once you enter the building.

It’s because they don’t care. (Image via Giphy)

6. Rejection

All you want to do is check in your gear so you can move on with your life, but you need supply’s signature to do so.

But guess what?

You have a small dirty spot on your canteen pouch, and they won’t let you complete your check-in until you clean it. Which means, no civilian life for you until they get everything back.

No one wants to see this. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Humor

9 stupid mistakes boots immediately regret

In life, making mistakes is inevitable — happens to everyone. While some screw-ups in the civilian sector aren’t considered a big deal, making them in the military can include a heavy punishment.


For many new service members, shedding that civilian mentality of “I can do whatever I want,” is a challenge — especially when you have to wait for permission to do something like go home for the day.

Too late now. (Images via Giphy)

Related: 7 military regs service members violate every day

So check out our list of stupid mistakes boots immediately regret during that special adjustment-to-active-duty period:

1. Talking back to a superior

Sometimes you feel the need to tell off someone higher ranking than you just to show your bros how tough you are. In many cases, the punishment given for that action can be worse than the crime committed.

Someone’s getting extra duty (Images via Giphy)

2. Marrying just for the benefits

Sure, the extra pay to buy beer for your friends sounds good now, but there are so many things that can go wrong right after saying the words, “I do.”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Who here married a stripper to move out of the barracks? Sorry, exotic dancer…

3. Sleeping with a grenade for your friend

We do a lot for our military brothers and sisters; this can include sleeping with someone’s friend as a personal favor.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Imagine waking up next to that.

This one is rarely a repeat mistake…

4. Over-sleeping and missing formation

It happens quite frequently, especially after a long night of drinking. I hope that sleep was worth it, because you’re gonna get reamed.

Being super cute won’t get you out of trouble every time. (Images via Giphy)

5. Getting caught with someone hiding in your trunk

After a set time, most military bases won’t allow people to enter the front gate without proper ID. So there’s only one way to sneak that special someone through security — stow them in the trunk.

Hopefully, your date will fit. (Images via Giphy)

6. Negligent discharge

Everybody wants to look cool while carrying a weapon around. But don’t be the one who accidentally fires the damn thing.

Keep your finger off the trigger until you’re prepared to fire. (Images via Giphy)

7. When you break something expensive because you don’t know how to work it

It happens, but now you either have to man up and face the situation or cover the mistake up somehow.

Yes, you did. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 7 important life skills you learned in the military and didn’t even realize it

8. When you try and complete a stunt but…

…it turns out to be an epic fail.

Now you’ve damaged government property. Go get your Motrin and then get ready to fill out paperwork.

His take off was good, but he failed to stick the landing. (Images via Giphy)

9. Getting a DUI

Showing your boys you can drive drunk is a dumb way to show off.

At least he didn’t spill his beer. (Images via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Humor

7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

These brave, young military police officers are the first people you’ll see as you enter the front gates, and they’re the last people you’ll spot as you exit.


The military police protect you from the various threats trying to make it on base, and carefully watch the criminals that are locked up — and the sh*t isn’t easy.

But who are these men and women who undertake this serious job? Well, we’re about to show you.

Related: 6 types of enlisted ‘docs’ you’ll meet at sick call

1. The over-the-top nice guy who is just excited to be in the military.

He’s also the guy you thought you could out-run if you needed to, but he was a track star in high school. You’ll find out the hard way.

Yes. They will issue him a service pistol very soon.

2. That Marine MP who is just looking for a reason to subdue you.

“Lie to me one more time.”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Marine Sgt. Shawn Brown shows the proper armlock technique during a guard training class to the Royal Tongan Marines.

 

3. The cute one who makes every troop want to wait in her lane at the gate, even if it’s backed up, just to say, “hey.”

Who cares if we’re late for morning muster?

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Image from U.S. Army)

 

4. The chill teddy bear that knows everybody who enters the gate.

This military policeman still halts every car… just to say, “hello.”

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
“Looking good, Mr. Peterson.”  (Image from Wikipedia Commons)

 

5. The MP officer with a criminal law degree that can see right through your bullsh*t.

Don’t look directly at him, we think he knows about the stripper in the trunk…

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
He can read all your secrets just from your pupil dilation. (Image from Security Forces Squadron)

 

6. The soldier who is just itching to deploy, but first he needs to check your identification.

It’s not that just because they are motivated, it’s just they want to make an impact, somehow.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(U.S. Army photo by Sean Kimmons)

 

Also Read: 5 of the sneakiest ways people try to fool the front gate MPs

7. Rambo’s little sister.

She’s out to earn her respect and she can kick your ass if she wanted to.

 

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
U.S. Army Spc. Adrianna Williamson, 221st Military Police Detachment military police patrolman is ready to go. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Wesley Farnsworth)

Articles

Watch these chefs try to turn Army food into gourmet cuisine

The standard U.S. Armed Forces field ration is, above all other considerations, designed to make you emotional.


Sure, an MRE needs to be nutritious. Obviously, it also needs to be lightweight, packable, durable, quick, and easy to prepare. It’s got to have a long shelf life because who knows when it’ll be called up for active duty. And at the end of the day — and not just because it’s the end of the day — the damn thing ought to taste good.

After years of research and development, laboratory refinement, and testing in the field, the military has the MRE dialed to within an inch of its life. Private, does your dinner have “Vegetable Rotini” stamped on its olive drab shrink wrap? Yes? Then, by God, you can trust that when you just add water, the thing you find rehydrated on the end of your spork will resemble a rotini (Vegetable Class) to the highest degree achievable by military science.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Our host finds his feelings at the bottom of the feed bag. (Meals Ready To Eat screenshot)

Meals Ready To Eat host August Dannehl trusted in the prowess of the military’s culinary industrial complex. After all, he named his show after its signature offering.

When he visited the labs and testing facilities of the United States Army Soldier Systems Center in Natick, MA, he was excited to spend some quality time covering familiar territory. What he didn’t count on was the depth of the emotional response that many of his interview subjects had to meals they’d eaten as soldiers in the field. And it turns out, that response is no accident.

We want it to be a quality meal that we provide to them. We don’t know if that’s going to be their last meal.

 –Stephen Moody, Director, Combat Feeding Directive

Watch host August Dannehl and fellow veteran Mike Williams, currently the Executive Chef of West Hollywood restaurant Norah, transform the military’s utilitarian ration MRE into a mouthwatering “Jambalaya Risotto with Duo of Duck.” 

Meals Ready to Eat can be seen on KCET in Southern California, on Link TV Nationwide (DirecTV 375 and DISH Network 9410), and online at KCET.org.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Feb. 2nd

With everyone hating on some ignorant teacher for sh*t-talking the troops or an Airman for making a horrible rant video, can’t we all just band back together and hate on the real enemy? Tom Brady. So we’ll mock him. Because he can take it.


13. There’s always one in every unit.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
And technically, they’re not wrong… (Meme via Imgur)

12. We’re also experts at drinking until 0500, sneaking guests past the gate in car trunks, and putting bullets in things.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
(Meme created by WATM)

11. You wanna play chicken? I’ll play chicken.

Also Read: 6 Reasons why it would suck to be a Stormtrooper in Star Wars

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

10. “Hey, uh, Sergeant? The blinker fluid exists and is leaking.”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
That’s 10-level. You got this. (Meme via Vet Humor)

9. Perfect for the troop trying to leave the barracks.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Who wants that app? (Meme via USAWTFM)

8. For Mattis so loved the Corps that he gave his only begotten f*ck. Mattis 3:16

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

7. Even with all of his faults, he was at least very professional.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

6. Shhh…no one tell the largest amphibious landing force about missing the largest amphibious landing. (D-Day landing at Normandy)

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Or that the Tet Offensive was more than just Hue City… (Meme via Salty Soldier)

5. Ever hear a duck quack his last quack?

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
It changes a man. (Meme via Pop Smoke)

4. Next thing you know you’ll get a tactical drone strike to the face for liking your ex’s selfie.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Hell hath no fury… (Meme via Pop Smoke)

3. You hear that, guys? Some d*ckhead with a bachelor’s degree and four counts of administrative leave thinks “Uncle Sam’s College Scholarship Program” is full of idiots.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
But yeah. We’re the idiots for not taking student loans. (Meme via Military World)

2. Not only is the green grass growing, but we’re also helping lower the Global Eco-Footprint. One terrorist at a time.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
It’s kind of like driving a Prius. Only it isn’t. (Meme via Dysfunctional Veterans)

1. Apparently they don’t keep every beep at a specific interval. Starts out every 2 seconds but it changes up later.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
… and now the VA thinks I’m deaf. (Meme via Buck Sgt)

popular

9 reasons why you should have joined the Army instead

If you didn’t pick the U.S. Army that day you walked through your local strip mall mulling over which branch to choose, then you missed out.


Let’s face it. The demonym most people use for troops and service members is soldier. And there’s a damn good reason for that!

#1. We do awesome sh*t constantly.

Can you believe that civilians actually pay to go camping or to the shooting range?

You can forever play the “Oh, you think that is cool? Well I did…” stories in the lunch room at work.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
This is just a Thursday for us. (U.S. Army Photo by Visual Information Specialist, Erich Backes)

#2. Because James Earl Jones.

The Marines may have Kylo Ren from the new Star Wars films, but we had his grandpa, Darth Vader.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Who else can claim they have two Emmys, a Golden Globe, an Oscar, two Tonys, and a Ranger Tab?

#3. No one ever wanted to dress up as a Marine, Sailor, or Airman as a kid.

Kids running around with toy guns? They’re playing Army.

G.I. Joe? Mostly associated with the Army.

Those little green Army men? You get my point.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
You never see these guys eating crayons, so you know they’re not Marines (Image by 41330 from Pixabay)

#4. We actually get to play with our cool toys.

Show of hands. How many airmen and sailors actually got to fly the planes or steer the ships their branch is known for doing? Now how many soldiers got to use the weapons our branch is known for using? Thought so.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Photo by U.S. Air Force civilian photographer Justin Connaher

#5. The Army has style.

We have always had the freshest looking uniforms throughout military history. Even when you’ve low crawled in the mud, Army uniforms look better than whatever the hell the Navy calls their blueberry uniforms.

Related: This is what you should know about the return of the ‘pinks and greens’

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
Photo by Catherine Lowrey

#6. Our boy, Captain America, is one of the most recognizable fictional characters.

Show a picture of Captain America to nearly anyone. I bet you that they can tell you exactly what his name is and his branch of service.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
His hair and uniform are definitely out of regulations, but screw it. Once you have a Combat Infantryman Badge you can pretty much get away with whatever. (Film distributed by Paramount Pictures)

#7. No guts. No glory.

Yeah. Things suck some times. No denying that.

But if you don’t embrace the suck, live the suck, love the suck, and become the suck — you don’t have the privilege of calling yourself a bad ass.

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp
These are some of the best times and the worst times we ever had. (U.S. Army Photo by Maj. Kamil Sztalkoper)

#8. You personally get to deliver 5.56mm of freedom at a max effective range at 500 meters to piece of sh*t terrorists.

Every branch has POGs (Persons Other than Grunt.) Every branch has a version of a grunt. The Army has the highest “Hooah Sh*t” per capita. At least our POGs try to elevate themselves above their “glorified cheerleader” status.

The only down side is knowing that when you get out, you will never be as bad ass as you were when you were doing “Hooah Sh*t.”

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

#9. Almost every iconic General officer in American history was in the Army.

Crack open a history book. Nearly every great General gained their notoriety in the U.S. Army. You’re in good hands.

Not to discredit the other branches who have given our country the best military tacticians the world has ever seen (because this list is done ‘tongue in cheek’ and at the end of the day, we’re all brothers and sisters on the same team).

5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

Related: 9 reasons you should have joined the Air Force instead

Humor

7 life lessons we learned from ‘In The Army Now’

“Ace Ventura: Pet Detective,” “The Mask,” and “The Santa Clause” were just a few of the hilarious movies that rocked theaters back in 1994.


But for veterans, one comedy stands out from the rest: “In The Army Now” starring former MTV Veejay Pauly Shore. It’s not known for being the most authentic military film ever, but it’s pretty freaking funny.

Shore, who plays “Bones,” is a complete slacker/electronics salesman who gets fired from his job and joins the Army reserves with his buddy specializing in water purification.

After doing sh*t ton of push ups in boot camp for being a goofball, the Glendale reservist gets called to action as a conflict breaks out in the African nation of Chad.

Related: 5 nuggets of wisdom in ‘Three Kings’ you may have missed

Peel back the layers and check out a few life lessons from the film that may reshape how you see this cult classic.

1. How to keep your retail job when the boss wants to fire you

Step 1: Humorously tell your boss why you can’t get fired.

He’s a crazy boy. (Images via Giphy)Step 2: Have one of your closest friends page you by name over the intercom system strictly for customer service reasons.
“Bones to the service floor. Bones to the service floor.” (Images via Giphy)Step 3: Sell an expensive product right in front of your boss.
Sell that sh*t. (Images via Giphy)Just don’t get busted like our friend Bones here.
Busted. (Images via Giphy)

2. Everything sounds great in the beginning

Joining the military is a life changing event. You should take more than just a few minutes to decide on the huge commitment. Have a buddy go with you to the recruiter’s office to play devil’s advocate on your behalf.

Wait! Think this through now.  (Images via Giphy)

3. Embrace the new military you

Those who are blind heading into boot camp will be issued a pair BCGs. Let’s face it, you’re not going to get a date for Saturday night wearing them, but having a strong personality behind those thick frame glasses couldn’t hurt — you’ll stand out more.

Fashionable. (Images via Giphy)

4. Finish the fights you start

Don’t even think about dropping your guard or risk getting the sh*t kicked out of you.

He dropped his guard. (Images via Giphy)

5. Don’t piss off your fellow troops

They just may kidnap you, tie you up and put you on display.

You know that had to hurt. (Images via Giphy)

6. Mind over matter

Things always seem to appear worse than they are at times. Especially when someone thinks there’s a scorpion on their back. That’s just crazy talk.

Calm down. (Images via Giphy)There really was a scorpion on his back. Oops!
Oh, sh*t!  (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 7 life lessons we learned from Gunny Highway in ‘Heartbreak Ridge’

7. Even the biggest slacker can become a hero

You can go from having an underappreciated job to winning a battle sooner than you think.

Bones saves the day. (Images via Giphy)What an amazing character arch.

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