6 of this year's April Fools' pranks around the military - We Are The Mighty
Humor

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

April Fools’ Day has come a long way from the silly pranks we pulled in our youth. These days, pranks are much more sophisticated, landing on our news feeds from official sources who are allowed to let loose for a single day of the year. Everyone gets in on the fun — and the military and veteran community is no exception.


Here are some of the highlights from April Fools’ Day 2018:

Marlow White Uniforms

Marlow White Uniforms has been the official manufacturer of Army, Navy, and First Responder dress uniforms since 1879. That’s right, these are the guys responsible for the Army’s “throwback” to Pinks and Greens.

Chances are the people that got hyped by this video are the same people waiting on the sequel to Star Wars: Rogue One.

Ranger Up Military and MMA Apparel

Ranger Up stuck with an oldie-but-a-goodie.

Plenty of folks in the comment section caught on before it was too late. Others now have one of the catchiest 80s songs stuck in their head.

Terminal Lance

Terminal Lance has been setting up this joke for a while now. Previously, they ran a poll on whether the titular character, LCpl. Abe, should re-enlist. Overwhelmingly, fans didn’t want the comics to turn into a story about being a veteran.

Then, Uriarte published some comics about talking to a prior-service recruiter on Mar. 31 — followed by a few posts that said he was talking to a prior-service recruiter.

The joke actually has multiple layers considering it’s been a yearly tradition to give other ranks, branches, and even British Marines their time in the spotlight. Many expected Max to follow suite this year. Nope. April Fools’ Day doesn’t work like that (sorry to all of you still waiting on Terminal Airman comics).

Disgrunted Vets

There’s always been a healthy dose of confusion between Dysfunctional Veterans and Disgruntled Vets. The same thing happens on Reddit when people mix up Terminal_Lance and TLCplMax (Hint: the term isn’t exclusive to the webcomic).

Disgruntled Vets masterfully added to this confusion.

10th Combat Aviation Brigade

The U.S. Army has command over every realm of fighting — except one: underground.

They thought we wouldn’t notice if they took a still from a ShutterStock animation, but we did. Well played, 10th CAB. Well played.

Official Twitter of the U.S. Marine Corps

And the winner of this year’s April Fools’ Day, hands down, goes to the official Twitter of the United States Marine Corps.

While everyone was busy putting an immense amount of time into their pranks, all the Marine Corps social media team needed to do was say they were going to do just one thing like the Army and everyone lost their collective sh*t. Lucky for us, nobody ever actually reads articles on April Fools’ Day before heading to the comment section.

Whoever made this tweet is a credit to the Corps and everything it stands for. BZ.

popular

5 military technologies that are way older than people think

Modern wars are defined by a number of technologies like guided missiles, helicopters, and submarines.


Except all three of those military technologies have been in service for hundreds of years. Here’s the story behind 5 modern weapons that have been in service for hundreds of years.

1. Submarines

 

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military
Photo: Wikipedia/Kyriaki

The ink had barely dried on the U.S. Declaration of Independence when an American launched the first submarine attack in history. Ezra Lee piloted the submarine, dubbed the Turtle, against the HMS Eagle but failed to sink it.

The Turtle was sent against a number of other ships but never claimed a kill before sinking in 1776.

2. Drones

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military
A BQ-8 takes off. Photo: US Army Air Force

The first drone missions were conducted in World War II and President John F. Kennedy’s older brother was killed in one. These early drones were modified bombers taken into the air by a pilot who then bailed out. The plane would then be remotely operated by a pilot in another bomber.

The drones were all suicide vehicles that would be steered into enemy targets. The program had its roots in a World War I program that created the first guided missiles.

3. Guided missiles

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military
Photo: Wikimedia Commons

That’s right, the first guided missiles were tested in World War I. Orville Wright and Charles F. Kettering invented the Kettering Bug, a modified plane that used gyroscopes to monitor and adjust its flight to a pre-designated target.

Once the Kettering reached it’s target, its wings would fall off, the engine would stop, and the craft would fall to the ground with a 180-pound explosive. But the missile had a lot issues and the war ended before it saw combat.

4. Hand grenades

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Daderot

When grenades became a staple of World War I trench warfare, it was actually a revival of the weapon. They had already made a big splash in the 700s when soldiers in the Byzantine Empire figured out they could pack Greek Fire into stone, glass, and ceramic jars.

5. Helicopters

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military
Photo: US Coast Guard

An iconic weapon of the Vietnam War actually saw combat in World War II. The first helicopter rescue was in Burma in Word War II and the Germans flew a number of helicopter designs. The British had flying cars that used helicopter-type rotor blades to stay in the air.

Articles

27 photos of America’s biggest celebrities when they were in the military

For some of the biggest names in movies, television, and politics, their first big audition was for the United States military.


We collected the best photos we could find of celebrities in uniform that most are used to seeing on a red carpet or elsewhere. Here they are, along with their service branch and dates of service.

 

1. Drew Carey, U.S. Marine Corps Reserve, 1981-1987

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

2. Elvis Presley, U.S. Army, 1958-1960

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

3. Al Gore, U.S. Army, 1969-1971

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

4. Bea Arthur, U.S. Marine Corps Womens Reserve, 1943-1945

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

5. Bill Cosby, U.S. Navy, 1956-1960

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

6. Bob Ross, U.S. Air Force, 1961-1981

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

7. Chuck Norris, U.S. Air Force, 1958-1962

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

8. Dan Rather, U.S. Marine Corps, 1954 (was medically discharged shortly after his enlistment)

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

9. Ed McMahon, U.S. Marine Corps, 1941-1966

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

10. George Carlin, U.S. Air Force, 1954-1957

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

11. Hugh Hefner, U.S. Army, 1944-1946

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

12. Jackie Robinson, U.S. Army, 1942-1944

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

13. Jimi Hendrix, U.S. Army, 1961-1962

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

14. Jimmy Stewart, U.S. Army Air Force, 1941-1968

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

15. John Coltrane, U.S. Navy, 1945-1946

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

16. Johnny Cash, U.S. Air Force, 1950-1954

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

17. Kris Kristofferson, U.S. Army, 1960-1965

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

18. Kurt Vonnegut, U.S. Army, 1943-1945

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

19. Leonard Nimoy, U.S. Army Reserve, 1953-1955

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

20. Maynard James Keenan, U.S. Army, 1982-1984

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

21. Mel Brooks, U.S. Army, 1944-1946

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

22. Montel Williams, U.S. Marine Corps and U.S. Navy, 1974-1980

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

 

23. Morgan Freeman, U.S. Air Force, 1955-1959

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

24. Paul Newman, U.S. Navy, 1943-1946

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

25. Rob Riggle, U.S. Marine Corps Reserve, 1990-2013

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

26. “Shaggy” (Orville Burrell), U.S. Marine Corps, 1988-1992

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

27. Tom Selleck, U.S. Army National Guard, 1967-1973

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

28. Adam Driver, U.S. Marine Corps, 2001-2003

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

MIGHTY TRENDING

Don’t believe it: Chuck Norris is not dead

The celebrity dead rumor mill is at it again. This time the (supposed) victim is Chuck Norris. According to rumors circulating on social media, the 80-year-old martial arts action movie star and Air Force veteran was felled by the novel coronavirus.

What fools these mortals be.


Norris, who served in the Air Force in Korea and beyond, is alive and well still, and maybe forever. He’s just the latest target of the endless rumor mill surrounding celebrity deaths — a rumor mill that had better watch its back.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Especially if it’s going to target Chuck Norris. (U.S. Marine Corps/Lance Corporal Ben Eberle)

Celebrities are frequently the targets of such rumors, dating all the way back to Mark Twain, who was famously reached for comment about his own death in a June 1897 issue of the New York Journal. Beyonce, Clint Eastwood and — arguably the most famous — Paul McCartney have all supposedly died before their time.

The age of COVID-19 has brought out a lot of new rumors surrounding celebrity deaths, given the misunderstandings about the virus and its lethality. Many celebrities have (really) contracted it, including actors Tom Hanks and Tony Shalhoub, singer-songwriter Pink and even the UK’s Prince Charles. All went into isolation to prevent the spread of the virus.

Chuck Norris isn’t one of those. Chuck Norris puts the coronavirus in isolation.

According to the Poynter Institute, the Chuck Norris rumor comes from a Facebook post on June 11th in the group “Are You Not Entertained?” It read:

“Corona Virus claims a black belt. Carlos Ray ‘Chuck’ Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.”

Like many things on Facebook, readers apparently only read one part of the gag and then ran with it to spread the “news” among their networks. If they had kept reading, they would have arrived at the obvious joke.

“However, after his minor inconvenience of death, Chuck has made a full recovery, and is reported to be doing quite well. It has also been reported that the Corona virus is in self isolation for 14 days due to being exposed to Chuck Norris.”

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

(Are You Not Entertained/Facebook)

Remember to keep a skeptical eye toward rumors of celebrity deaths. Just because your favorite celebrity’s name is trending somewhere, doesn’t mean they’ve met their maker. They might have instead met Chuck Norris.

As for Chuck, when Chuck Norris actually decides to die, you’ll know. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he wins fair and square.

This article originally appeared on Military.com. Follow @militarydotcom on Twitter.

MIGHTY GAMING

A soldier is up on real-life charges for killing comrades in a video game

For the first time, a soldier is being brought up on real-world charges for battlefield offenses committed during a video game. A UK troop stationed in Edinburgh, frustrated at the lack of real training took that frustration out in the combat simulator in which he and his squad were training.


He wasn’t charged with murder, according to the Telegraph, he was charged with disobeying a direct order and reprimanded. The infantry rifleman told members of his unit he just wanted to be training outside and was fed up with being on a laptop. He will spend the coming weekend on guard duty as part of his punishment.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

“Guys, take this seriously, okay??”

Members of his unit told the Telegraph they had been training on the laptop computers for at least three weeks and were anxious to go outside and do real-world training. They also challenged anyone else to do the same thing for that long without needing to vent some kind of frustration.

“All this was taking place in an office at our headquarters, when we’d rather be doing real-life soldiering outside in the fresh air. But there’s less of that sort of exercise these days because the Army has committed to Unit-based Virtual Training.”
6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Like training for, say, World War III.

The unit was training on what to do in an armored convoy in a hostile environment, filled with enemy forces. That’s when the soldier in question “lost his rag” and went on a Grand Theft Auto-level virtual spree, which started with killing the soldier next to him. He then stole one of the armored vehicles and drove it down the street to deliberately smash into local nationals’ cars.

His comrades thought the behavior was extremely funny, his superior officers did not.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Pictured: British Army convoy training.

A spokesperson for the Ministry of Defence defended the reprimand, saying “We take the training of our service personnel very seriously and anyone who is disruptive to this training will receive disciplinary action..

MIGHTY HISTORY

America’s first fighter plane blinded pilots and lost its wings

When America threw its weight behind the Allies in World War I, optimistic politicians and the writers of the day predicted that, soon, tens of thousands of top-tier planes would pour from American factories to the front lines, blackening the skies over the “Huns.” In reality, American aviation was too-far behind the combatants to catch up, and so American pilots took to the air with French castoffs that gave them diarrhea and nausea, obscured their vision, and would lose its wings during combat.


6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

A pilot in his Nieuport 28 fighter aircraft.

(San Diego Air and Space Museum)

World War I plane designs relied on a small selection of engines, and most of them were lubricated with castor oil. As the war wore on and the oil was in short supply, Germany did turn to substitutes. But most engines, especially the rotary designs that gave a better power-to-weight ratio crucial for flight, actually burnt castor oil that escaped in the exhaust.

This oil was horrible for the pilot who, in most designs, was left breathing in his plane’s exhaust. Castor oil is used as a laxative, and it can also cause nausea. Pilots were, uh, not into that part of the mission. Worse, the droplets of castor oil would sprinkle on the aviator’s goggles, obscuring their vision with a film that masked the battlefield.

America’s top ace of the war, Capt. Eddie Rickenbacker, was famous around the aerodrome for often running around the corners of buildings after he landed so he could vomit from a combination of airsickness and castor oil exposure. He eventually got control of his stomach and could fly confidently, but it was a significant distraction for a long time.

But the castor oil problem was hard to avoid for aircraft designers. Making engines light and powerful enough to fly required all sorts of compromises, and the castor-lubricated rotary engines were one of the few designs that fit the bill.

But the bigger problem for early American pilots was that the U.S. had to buy French planes, and France kept their best models for their own pilots. So America got planes like the Nieuport 28. The manufacturers had little time to test designs before they had to press them into production and service, and the 28 had one of the worst flaws imaginable.

In rigorous aerial flight, if U.S. pilots took a common but aggressive aerial maneuver, their top wings could break away.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

​American pilot Capt. Eddie Rickenbacker with his Nieuport 28 in World War I.

(Public domain)

Yup. They would lose their literal, physical wings.

It was a biplane design, meaning that it had two sets of wings, one above the other. That upper set of wings was attached with a thin spar. It would break if subjected to significant strain.

And World War I pilots attempting to escape a fight gone bad would often trade altitude for speed and distance. They did this by diving a short distance and then pulling up hard. The plane would gain speed during the fall, and the aviator could hopefully get away before the pursuer could get a bead and fire.

But the weak upper wings of the Nieuport 28 couldn’t always take the sudden force of the pull up after the dive, and so an upper wing would snap during the pull up. So the pilot, already in a dire situation, would suddenly have less lift and it would be unequal across the wings, sending the pilot into a spinning fall.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

The Spad XIII didn’t have the drawbacks of the Nieuport 28, but it also had a worse power-to-weight ratio and maneuverability.

(San Diego Air and Space Museum)

Despite these handicaps, American aviators proved themselves faster learners and braver than their allies had expected, leading to a grudging respect from the other pilots.

And, eventually, America would get access to the Spad XIII, an aircraft about as quick as the Nieuport 28 but without the weak wings. But, by that point, not everyone wanted to give up the Nieuport. That was partially because the Nieuport had great handling at high speed as long as the pilot knew how to nurse the engine and not exceed the tolerances for the wings.

The Spad XIII was a little more reliable and stable in normal flight, but some American pilots felt like they couldn’t maneuver as tightly in the new planes, and they actually fought to keep the Nieuport 28s.

MIGHTY CULTURE

Why you should never touch something that’s ‘red or dusty’

It’s one of the oldest sayings in aviation circles: “If it’s red or dusty, don’t touch it.” It seems obvious enough not to touch buttons or switches when you don’t know what they actually do, so how did this axiom become so common? Older planes with less intelligent avionics apparently had to be safeguarded against human error.

Still, accidents happen… because some people just have to touch the red button.


6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Some people…

Planes from the Vietnam Era such as the F4 Phantom and others, even those entering service much later, like the AH-64 Apache helicopter featured red buttons and switches with red, protective coverings to prevent maintainers and pilots from accidentally pushing or switching them. The reason is they perform critical functions that should only be used when the situation calls for it.

For example, there’s no off-label reason to jettison your fuel tanks on the tarmac, as it turns out. This is the kind of prevention the color red is ideal for. Dusty switches are just controls that might be less obvious but are rarely if ever actually used.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

You probably shouldn’t jettison anything while on the ground.

In Air Force flight school, new pilots are instructed, “don’t f*ck with the switches with red guards.” These control irreversible and potentially deadly functions in the cockpit, things that could really ruin any pilot’s day if accidentally toggled without reason. Often they are to be used in emergency situations only. This isn’t only for the pilots, but also for maintainers and anyone else who might be sitting in the cockpit while untrained or unsure of what they’re doing.

The military tries to make everything perfectly idiot proof, but the combination of complex controls with a high operations tempo can make anyone tense enough to make mistakes, cut corners, or just accidentally pour jet fuel everywhere you don’t want it to go. This phrase may have originated in the Vietnam War to keep new, potentially drafted troops aware of what they were doing and where they were doing it, to keep going through their lists and stations, even when the “Rapid Roger” tempo was very high.

MIGHTY CULTURE

Why most people don’t have what it takes to be a fighter pilot

What’s not to love about being a fighter pilot? Even the troops who continually bash the Air Force get a little giddy when they hear the BRRRRT of an A-10 in combat. And when you actually meet a fighter pilot, you’ll rarely see them without a huge smile on their face because they know they own the sky.

Sounds pretty sweet, right? Well, we’re sorry to say, but you very likely don’t make the cut. In order to even be considered for the lengthy training process that fighter pilots go through, you have to be in the top percentile of healthy, capable bodies.

If you’re still curious how you’d stack up, check out the requirements below.


6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

If you pass these, then you can start your journey at OCS… Then resume your pilot training requirements.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Christopher Stoltz)

First and foremost, you begin your journey at the Military Entrance Processing Station, or MEPS. They’ll check you for the disqualifying factors that apply to all service members and the additional qualifiers that dictate pilot selection.

Most people are well aware of the strict vision requirements of pilots, but it’s much more intensive than a regular check-up at the optometrist. You cannot be color blind, which immediately disqualifies about 8.5 percent of the population, and you must have 20/20 vision uncorrected.

Now, clean off your glasses before you read this shocker: perfect vision is actually very uncommon. According to studies from The University of Iowa, a low 30 percent of the population enjoys 20/20 vision, uncorrected. It’s also worth pointing out that, at this stage in the selection process, they disqualify those who have a history of hay fever, asthma, or allergies after the age of 12. You must also have a standing height of between 5’4″ and 6’5″ and a sitting height of 34 to 40 inches.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

You also need to be able to swim one mile in a flight suit. Good luck.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Nicholas Benroth)

Additionally, you must already be on your way to becoming an officer in the branch that you wish to fly with. Once you’ve completed your branch’s officer training, you can finally submit your flight packet.

Then, there’s the physical fitness exam. Everyone in the Air Force must undergo the USAF Physical Fitness Test, but fighter aircrews have a different, more difficult one, called the Fighter Aircrew Conditioning Test. This test gauges whether a candidates body will be able to withstand the insane amount of G-forces a fighter pilot endures.

Navy and Marine pilots must also undergo the Aviation Selection Test Battery and score among the highest. The test is extremely grueling and if you fail once, your chances of becoming a pilot drop significantly. Fail three times in your lifetime and you’re never to be considered again.

If you’re smart enough, strong enough, and have good enough eyes, then you just might be selected to be begin the training to become a fighter pilot. That’s right; your journey is just beginning.

To learn about these schools, the physical requirements, and more, check out this video from The Infographic Show.

MIGHTY SURVIVAL

It’s almost impossible to get COVID-19 on an airplane, new military study suggests

A new military-led study unveiled Thursday shows there is a low risk for passengers traveling aboard large commercial aircraft to contract an airborne virus such as COVID-19 — and it doesn’t matter where they sit on the airplane.

Researchers concluded that because of sophisticated air particle filtration and ventilation systems on board the Boeing 767-300 and 777-200 aircraft — the planes tested for the study — airborne particles within the cabin have a very short lifespan, according to defense officials with U.S. Transportation Command, the Defense Advanced Research Project Agency (DARPA) and Air Mobility Command, which spearheaded the study.


“The favorable results are attributable to a combination of the airframes’ high air exchange rates, coupled with the high efficiency particulate air (HEPA) filtration recirculation systems, and the downward airflow ventilation design which results in rapid dilution and purging of the disseminated aerosol particles,” Vice Adm. Dee L. Mewbourne, deputy commander of U.S. Transportation Command, said during a virtual roundtable with reporters.

DARPA teamed up with biodefense company Zeteo Tech, scientific research company S3i and the University of Nebraska’s National Strategic Research Institute (NSRI) for the trials. Industry partners included Boeing and United Airlines.; the study was funded by TRANSCOM, according to Army Lt Col Ellis Gales, spokesman for the command.

“All areas on both aircraft proved to be extremely effective in dispersing and filtering out the aerosol particles,” said Navy Lt. Cmdr. Joseph Pope, TRANSCOM Operations directorate liaison for the airflow particle test. “So specifically, can I tell you to sit in seat XYZ? No; they all performed very well.”

During the tests, held Aug. 24-31, analysts released two types of aerosols that had specific DNA signatures. The tagged fluorescent tracers allowed for researchers to better follow their distribution path, both in flight and on the ground.

Sensors throughout the aircraft measured over 300 iterations of aerosol releases — at rates of 2 to 4 minutes — across four cabin zones on the 777, and three zones on the 767, Mewboourne explained. The dispersions were mapped in real-time, he said.

The particles were quickly diluted, however, and only remained detectable for fewer than six minutes on average, TRANSCOM said in the report. By comparison “a typical American home takes around 90 minutes to clear these types of particles from the air,” the command said.

While the more time spent on an aircraft correlates to a potential infection rate, according to the study, even passengers on long-haul flights wouldn’t be able to pick up a sufficient viral load under the test conditions. Passengers traveling on board the 777 would need to spend at least “54 hours when sitting next to an index patient in the economy section,” and more than 100 hours in the other cabins of both the 777 and the 767 to be exposed to an infectious dose, the study said.

Mannequins representing passengers were positioned throughout the aircraft, some wearing masks and some without. David Silcott of S3i and one of the authors of the report said the dispersed mannequins were part of both breathing and cough tests.

During the simulated cough tests, masked mannequins showed a “very, very large reduction in aerosol that would come out of [them], greater than 95% for most cases,” Silcott said. “It definitely showed the benefit of wearing a mask inflight from these tests.”

Pope said it is important to consider that the study was specific to aerosols and not ballistic droplets, those that are emitted while coughing, sneezing or breathing heavily.

That said, “the mask is very important in that the larger droplets that travel ballistically through the air will be caught by your mask,” Pope said. “And if you don’t have the mask on, then you cannot reduce those numbers of ballistic particles.”

Scientists also collected samples from surfaces like armrests and video screens, considered “high-touch” zones; the tests showed that while the distribution on surfaces was minimal, flat surface areas — like armrests — are more likely than vertical surface areas like seatbacks or screens to collect deposits of particles.

There are other caveats: The scientists didn’t try to simulate passengers freely moving about the cabin, moving around to switch locations or turning toward one another to have a conversation.

“While … we’re very encouraged by the results, that’s part of the reason why we’re making the results public, and sharing them with the scientific community so that that follow-on research can be done,” Pope said.

The study next heads into a peer review before its findings can be submitted for a scientific journal. TRANSCOM is examining the results, which could spur new travel policies or proposals, Pope said.

Following the onset of the coronavirus pandemic in March, TRANSCOM identified an immediate need to move passengers in a safe manner, including high-risk patients as well as military members and families traveling aboard the Defense Department-contracted Patriot Express flights. The two Boeing aircraft used for the aerosol simulations are the aircraft most typically used for Patriot Express flights.

The officials stressed service members should still follow current Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines and airline protocols when boarding a flight.

This article originally appeared on Military.com. Follow @militarydotcom on Twitter.

MIGHTY FIT

Max your next PT test with this proven nutrition strategy

Contrary to popular belief, nutrition timing isn’t a huge deal. Your human body is smart, assuming you’re a human and not a robot or lizard alien wearing a human skin suit. Your body knows how to use the fuel you give it. It doesn’t rely on you feeding it the exactly correct proportion of nutrients at the exactly perfect time each day.

That being said, there are some things you can do to ensure that you crush your next PT test. Couple this advice with a comprehensive training plan like the Mighty Fit Plan with the Endurance Boost Plug-In, and you’re basically guaranteed a meritorious promotion.

Here’s exactly what you need to do…


[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/BjZpCj2n3Kr/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link expand=1]Michael Gregory on Instagram: “Everyone wants to know how to eat to boost their athletic performance. Here’s the answer. . Eat the proper amounts of micronutrients and…”

www.instagram.com

Step 1: Pre-test nutrition

Consume a normal high protein meal with a solid source of starch or carbs, some good fat, and plenty of micronutrient-containing veggies 2-3 hours before your workout.

Protein before a workout, even hours before a workout, can help maintain and increase muscle size, reduce and prevent chronic muscle damage, and put plenty of amino acids in your bloodstream when your body is most apt to use them.

Carbs before your workout will fuel your training by putting glucose readily in your bloodstream and by topping off your muscle and liver glycogen stores. In addition, carbs stimulate insulin, which is good if you are consuming protein. Insulin prevents muscle protein breakdown and promotes muscle protein synthesis to help your muscles grow.

Fats, although they don’t seem to directly impact performance, do slow down digestion. This means you will have more energy longer because your body is slowly burning the fuel from the rest of your meal.

Bottom line: No need for fancy sports gels or drinks here! Just eat smart.

Have a real whole food meal 2-3 hours before. You could also opt for an easier-to-digest shake with all the needed essentials.

CAFFEINE: The most effective and affordable pre-workout in existence is caffeine. Taken either as a cup of coffee or in a pill, have the equivalent of 200-400mg about an hour before your test, and your system will be primed. Don’t waste your money on any powders in the exchange that come in a plastic tub or energy drinks.

[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/BjgHXn8HV-K/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link expand=1]Michael Gregory on Instagram: “90% of the time you can get by on drinking water during a workout. The other 10% it depends on what you are doing! . If you are a more…”

www.instagram.com

Step 2: During the test nutrition

This portion is only if your PT test is going to take more than 90 minutes!

On average, a PT test lasts an hour with long breaks, You don’t need to eat during it. Consuming anything during a test should be reserved for long sessions like the USMC Combat Endurance Test or pretty much every day at BUD/S.

That being said, you want to focus on protein and fast carbs.

Protein during a workout prevents muscles from breaking down and aids in quicker recovery. For people grinding out multiple hour runs or multiple workouts a day, this is imperative.

Carbs keep your energy substrate elevated during a workout. Once you deplete your glycogen stores, you need to refuel them to stay at a high level of performance for anaerobic activity. This is key if performance is a high priority for you.

Fats aren’t really necessary during training. Plus, they could hit your stomach like a ton of bricks. Stick to protein and carbs. Ensure you are getting your fats in your other meals of the day, like in the meals provided in The Ultimate Composure Nutrition Guide.

You’ll notice a sports drink here. The ONLY time you need one of these sugar bombs is when you are training like a maniac. Otherwise, it’s just destroying your teeth and body.

[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Bji4iHnHkMn/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link expand=1]Michael Gregory on Instagram: “The anabolic window is dead. All hail the wide open anabolic garage door! . What do you need to eat after a workout in order to ensure your…”

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Step 3: Post-workout nutrition

In order to recover (speaking of recovery, here’s how you recover from an injury) so that you can hit it hard tomorrow focus on meals consisting of whole food.

A meal that looks pretty much just like your pre-workout meal is spot-on for post-workout nutrition, consumed within 2 hours after your workout.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to throw a protein shake down your throat the minute you stop working out. Relax, go home, have a shower, cook a nice meal, and enjoy it.

You easily have up to 90 minutes, maybe even more, after a workout to get the nutrition your body requires.

Besides, the protein you ate before your workout is still peaking in your system. Having a full meal rather than a pure protein shake also helps slow down muscle protein synthesis, which is a good thing. It means your body will have more of a chance to get those amino acids from the protein to where they are needed most in your body.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Keep things simple and finish strong.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Joel Soriano)

Pretty simple, right?

The major assumption I’m making is that you don’t generally eat like an asshat in your everyday life. As a military professional, you should be fueling your body with high protein whole food meals. Like the kind you can get from the chow hall. Don’t hate, the highest quality nutrition on military bases is in the dining facility. It’s definitely not at Pizza Hut or Xtreme Frank’s Franks.

No carb loading necessary.

No magic amino drink needed.

Just real foods eaten regularly.

Send me any questions, comments, or concerns you have about your specific nutrition needs in regards to your training at michael@composurefitness.com. If you just want my FREE nutrition guide that covers everything you need to successfully cut, bulk, or maintain your current composition, grab it here!

Don’t forget to drop a comment in the comments section of this article’s FB post to let others know what to expect. There’s usually 73 dumb comments by people who didn’t actually read the article. Pipe up and let others know there’s high-quality info in here!

I’m also making a push to keep the conversation going over at the Mighty Fit Facebook Group. If you haven’t yet joined the group, do so. It’s where I spend the most time answering questions and helping people get the most out of their training.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Send me any questions, comments, or concerns you have about your specific nutrition needs in regards to your training at michael@composurefitness.com. If you just want my FREE nutrition guide that covers everything you need to successfully cut, bulk, or maintain your current composition, grab it here!

Don’t forget to drop a comment in the comments section of this article’s FB post to let others know what to expect. There’s usually 73 dumb comments by people who didn’t actually read the article. Pipe up and let others know there’s high-quality info in here!

I’m also making a push to keep the conversation going over at the Mighty Fit Facebook Group. If you haven’t yet joined the group, do so. It’s where I spend the most time answering questions and helping people get the most out of their training.

popular

What life was actually like for a viking berserker

Many myths and legends surround the Vikings. Known for being fierce raiders, courageous explorers, and competent traders, the Viking Age lasted from roughly 793 AD until 1066 AD. It should be noted, however, that much of their history wasn’t written from their perspective and is therefore skewed. Only two literary works, the Prose Edda and the Poetic Edda, and some sagas were known to have survived the ages. Historians are now looking at Vikings in a different light because of recent evidence surfacing that disproves many of the myths about the “heathen savages” to the North.


Modern historians characterize Vikings more as fur traders than the bloodthirsty savages they’re often depicted as. The most barbaric and over-the-top of these Viking stories were of the
Viking berserker. Berserkers were said to have been lone Viking warriors who donned nothing but a bearskin (or a “bear coat,” which, in Old Norse, is pronounced, “bjorn-serkr” — sound familiar?), took psychedelic drugs to block out pain, and destroyed anyone foolish enough to stand in the way of their ax. Though not entirely wrong, these are definitely exaggerations.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Verdict is still out on if they fought dragons or wrote books on how to train them. (Bethesda Studios’ Elder Scrolls IV: Skyrim)

First of all, there were three different
warrior cults who were often bunched into the same category. They are the well-known Berserkers (whose bear coats are often attributed to the worship of Thor, Tyr, or Odin), the Ulfhednar (who wore wolf coats for Odin), and the Svinflylking (who wore boar coats for Freya). Each devotedly fought for a different Norse god and each took on the aspect of the animal whose pelt they wore.

These tribal groupings contradict the “lone savage” stereotype. All berserkers — especially the wolf coats — were used in combat as a complement to other Vikings. Scandinavian kings would use the berserkers as shock troops to augment their forces. The pelt they wore was similar in function to modern-day unit insignias. You could tell who was a berserker on the battlefield because their “battle cry” was to bite down on their shield.

Secondly, their defining pelt wasn’t the only thing they wore, either. As intimidating as it would be to see a burly Viking wearing nothing but a bear coat, war paint, and the blood of their enemies, this kind of garb was nowhere near as common as the myth would have you believe. The
Volsung Saga corroborates the idea of a frenzied, mostly naked warrior, but logically speaking, the frozen tundras of Scandinavia would be too damn cold to spend weeks displaying what Odin gave them to their enemies. They may not have worn chainmail — which was very uncommon among Vikings since coastal raiding would rust the iron — but wood carvings showed them as at least wearing pants.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

Who knows? Maybe a few berserks did leave this world the same way they came in, you know, naked and covered in someone else’s blood. (Woodcarving via Antiqvitets Akademien)

Finally, we arrive at the myth about the hallucinogens. The first accounts of Vikings “going berserk” because they ate magic mushrooms was hypothesized in 1784 by a Christian priest named Odmann. He came to a conclusion that connected the berserkers to the
fly agaric mushroom because he read that Siberian shamans did the same when they were healing. There are two problems with this theory. First, the mushrooms are extremely toxic and would leave any warrior in no shape to fight. Second, these mushrooms were never mentioned anywhere until 1784 — long after the Viking age.

Now, that’s not to say that they didn’t take something for the pain in battle. Stinking Nightshade was discovered in a
berserker grave in 1977. Mostly used as medicine, the plant was also used in war paint. If the nightshade were crushed down and made into a paste, it could be applied to a warrior to slightly dull their senses.

The effects would be similar to someone running into battle after popping a bunch of Motrin.

MIGHTY GAMING

The Navy will recruit drone pilots using video games

Can a video game help the U.S. Navy find future operators for its remotely operated, unmanned vehicles (UxV), popularly called drones?

To find out, the Naval Aerospace Medical Institute and Adaptive Immersion Technologies, a software company, are developing a computer game to identify individuals with the right skills to be UxV operators. The project, sponsored by the Office of Naval Research (ONR), is called StealthAdapt.


“The Navy currently doesn’t have a test like this to predict who might excel as UxV operators,” said Lt. Cmdr. Peter Walker, a program officer in ONR’s Warfighter Performance Department. “This fast-paced, realistic computer simulation of UxV missions could be an effective recruitment tool.”

Since the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq began, UxV have played ever-larger roles in intelligence, surveillance and reconnaissance, and other missions. Consequently, there’s an increasing need for well-trained UxV operators.

In recent years, the Air Force established its own formal screening process for remotely piloted aircraft operators, and the Marine Corps designated an unmanned aviation systems (UAS) career path for its ranks.

The Navy, however, doesn’t have an official selection and training pipeline specifically for its UxV operators, who face challenges unique to the service. For UAS duty, the Navy has taken aviators who already earned their wings; provided on-the-job, UAS-specific training; and placed them in temporary positions.

However, this presents challenges. It’s costly and time-consuming to add more training hours, and it takes aviators away from their manned aircraft duties. Finally, the cognitive skills needed for successful manned aviation can vary from those needed for unmanned operators.

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military
A MQ-9 Reaper unmanned aerial vehicle prepares to land after a mission in support of Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan. The Reaper has the ability to carry both precision-guided bombs and air-to-ground missiles.
(U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Brian Ferguson)

StealthAdapt is designed to address this issue. It consists of a cognitive test, personality assessment, and biographical history assessment. The cognitive exam actually is the game-based component of the system and takes the form of a search-and-rescue mission. Each player’s assignment is to rescue as many stranded friendly forces as possible, within a pre-set time limit, while avoiding fire from hostile forces.

If that’s not stressful enough, players must simultaneously monitor chat-based communications, make sure they have enough fuel and battery power to complete missions, memorize and enter authentication codes required for safe rescue of friendlies, decode encrypted information, and maintain situational awareness.

“We’re trying to see how well players respond under pressure, which is critical for success as an unmanned operator,” said Dr. Phillip Mangos, president and chief scientist at Adaptive Immersion Technologies. “We’re looking for attention to detail, the ability to multitask and prioritize, and a talent for strategic planning — thinking 10 moves ahead of your adversary.”

To maintain this pressure, players complete multiple 5- to 10-minute missions in an hour. Each scenario changes, with different weather, terrain, number of friendlies and hostiles, and potential communication breakdowns.

After finishing the game portion, participants answer questions focusing on personality and biographical history. Mangos’ team then crunches this data with game-performance metrics to create a comprehensive operator evaluation.

In 2017, over 400 civilian and military volunteers participated as StealthAdapt research subjects at various Navy and Air Force training centers. Mangos and his research team currently are reviewing the results and designing an updated system for validation by prospective Navy and Air Force unmanned operators. It will be ready for fleet implementation in 2018

Mangos envisions StealthAdapt serving as a stand-alone testing and recruitment tool, or as part of a larger screening process such as the Selection for UAS Personnel, also known as SUPer. SUPer is an ONR-sponsored series of specialized tests that assesses cognitive abilities and personality traits of aspiring UxV operators.

MIGHTY MONEY

9 expert tips for negotiating an alimony settlement

Second only to child custody, alimony is one of the most contentious and difficult-to-navigate processes in any divorce. When two people are splitting up, particularly when that split is acrimonious, the last thing either of them wants to discuss is the prospect of giving money to each other.

But, the topic has to be dealt with and the only way to do it successfully is to go in armed with as much knowledge as possible.


“Alimony is one of the very last pieces to fall into place,” says Lili Vasileff founder and President of Wealth Protection Management and of Divorce and Money Matters LLC and the author of Money Divorce: The Essential Roadmap To Mastering Financial Decisions. “Everything else happens and that’s the last piece of the puzzle that completes the whole picture and it’s usually the most complicated and complex because it’s interdependent on so many other things.”

It helps, adds Vasileff, to really go into this with realistic expectations because, by the time you’re negotiating alimony, you should have a very good idea of what all the other elements are as you close out this deal. Vasileff, who has decades of experience walking clients through alimony, offered these best practice tips for negotiating alimony.

1. Know your finances

One of the most important things, per Vasileff, to know when entering into alimony negotiations is what it actually costs for you to live — to understand what you can get by on, what you can’t live without, and what you’d love to have. By knowing that range, she says, you can negotiate from a better place of understanding in terms of what you might be accepting or even giving up.

Additionally, she says to have an idea of your own earning capacity. “Often I’m working with individuals who are perhaps out of the workforce permanently or temporarily or not fully employed and there’s a fear factor in not knowing what you’re able to attract in terms of your own capabilities,” she says. “And it’s really a great time to at least think about it and plan of how you need to be financially independent more or less at some point in your own life and what does that mean?”

2. Study the law

Take the time to learn all of the ins and outs of the laws in your state and how they apply to alimony payments. There are many different types of alimony out there and doing the research as to what you can realistically ask for in your state will not only help you build your case but also help you manage expectations. “If you’re expecting lifetime alimony and, let’s just say there’s a rule of thumb that it’s half the length of your marriage,” says Vasileff, “you could be in for a really bad surprise and be unable to negotiate without that kind of knowledge.”

3. Know your budget

You’re going to be paying retainers and attorney fees, so make sure that you actually have the resources available to make those payments on time. “Attorneys are not sympathetic and do not work for free often,” Vasileff says. Additionally, as you begin preparations for your divorce, make sure you figure out a budget. It’s an expensive process and going into it without a plan can set you up for a problem down the line. “Everybody plans for weddings or a bar mitzvah or a cruise,” Vasileff says. “Very few people budget for a divorce and you need to understand that there is a cost to divorce and it helps to think about it ahead of time so that you’re not taken by surprise and unprepared.”

4. Manage your expectations

While every state has uniform guidelines for child support, very few states have such guidelines when it comes to alimony. “It’s very discretionary,” Vasileff says. “It’s weighted by certain factors and the factors are enumerated in case law and in legal statutes. But how you apply those factors results in very different outcomes.”

An example from Vasileff: “Let’s be happy and say we have million and we’re going to divide million between the two of us. I could probably live off of the interest on million, which then kind of impacts what kind of alimony I receive because it’s taken into consideration. However, if we have 0,000 in debt, no savings and we’re paycheck people, alimony becomes even more critical as an element in this calculation. It’s case specific.”

5. Plan for contingencies

“If you’re dependent for the moment on your other spouse supporting you, you need to make sure that you’ve planned for contingencies, that you have an emergency fund in case something happens and you don’t receive support for that month or six months or if he or she falls off the face of the earth,” says Vasileff. You also want to make sure that their obligations to you are secured in case they die or something unforeseen happens. Vasileff stresses that it’s important to protect yourself against any unwanted surprises.

6. Think twice before waiving alimony

In some divorce cases, one party may choose to waive alimony, figuring that they’re earning enough on their own that they don’t need anything from their ex to get by. However, Vasileff suggests that keeping the door open slightly, even with a small amount like a dollar year, allows for renegotiation if something catastrophic happens. “If you have waived alimony, it is waived forever,” she notes. “The door has closed and you can never go back for support under any circumstances. So waiving alimony is a huge deal. There are reasons to waive alimony, but for the average person who’s on a paycheck, I would think twice about it.”

7. Don’t agree to anything out of court

Once the alimony is finalized in a judgment, one party cannot change it unilaterally and decide that, for example, they’re now only going to pay once every other month. A decision like that can only be made by going back to court. However, some couples might come to some kind of a handshake agreement and allow one partner to skip a payment here and there. This is something Vasileff advises against because of the slippery slope it leads to. “What if it becomes routine behavior?” she asks. “‘This month I don’t want to pay you but I’ll pay you in three months as a catchup.’ And then in three months they go on a vacation while you’re waiting for your check. Once you start to slip and allow that and enable it, it’s much harder to enforce.”

8. Keep emotion out of it

The notion of taking someone for “everything they’ve got” in court has become a cliche in divorce-related conversations, but the truth is, you don’t want to approach an alimony negotiation with anything like malice or greed, as it’s only going to fuel more negatively. “You’re telling me you’re going to go after everything I have and go for my jugular. What do you think I’m going to do?” Vasileff says. “I’m going to strike back. You need to come back to, ‘How does this transaction get executed and what’s in my best interests to make that happen?'”

9. Do your homework

Even if you think you’ve read everything there is read about alimony, read more, and then read it again. The better prepared you are, the less likely you are to be tripped up by something unexpected. “Preparation is the best defense you can possibly have. Because managing expectations will save you money, it’s going to save you in legal costs, therapy costs, everything. And it sets the tone for you to understand that it’s a process. It’s not a sprint. It’s going to be a marathon. And you’re going to have to last and preserve your energy at different points in time.”

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.

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