We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever - We Are The Mighty
Humor

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

The fighter squadron has long been a staple of the military in the real world – as well as in fiction. When you think “Star Wars,” you think Red Squadron making the trench run. “Robotech” had Skull Squadron. “Baa Baa Black Sheep” had a very fictionalized version of VMF-214, the “Black Sheep.”


There are real squadrons with legendary track records as well. VMF-211 is the famous “Wake Island Avengers,” there are the “Jolly Rogers” from the U.S. Navy, as well as the “Black Aces” of VF-41. The Air Force has the 555th Fighter Squadron (the “Triple Nickel”), as well as the “Juvats” from the 80th Fighter Squadron.

Fighter squadrons can have anywhere from 12 to 24 planes. In this case, we will go with four flights of four planes each. We’ll also add the CO, XO, and Ops Officer slots as well in what we will call All-Star Squadron.

Commanding Officer – Greg “Pappy” Boyington from “Baa Baa Black Sheep”

 

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

The real Pappy Boyington was the top Marine Corps ace – and he had a good run as the commander of VMF-214. The fictionalized version played by Robert Conrad was a superb tactician – cooking up a version of “Operation Bolo” in the pilot of the series, then pulling off several other operations. Also, his experience riding herd on the motley crew of VMF-214 will help with this unit as well.

Executive Officer Wilma Deering from “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

A good pilot in her own right, Wilma also can backstop Boyington’s weaknesses. Notably the paperwork and all the other mundane details that Boyington either got bored with, or may be too hung over to deal with.

Operations Officer – Chappy Sinclair from “Iron Eagle”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

Chappy Sinclair is here as a superb operational planner. In all four “Iron Eagle” movies, he is a mover and shaker — often able to accomplish missions despite long odds and being outnumbered and outgunned. Who else could you pick as the Ops O?

First Flight

All-Star One-One – Jeffrey Sinclair from “Babylon 5”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

With a long family tradition of fighter pilots, Sinclair was no slouch himself, being one of the few survivors from the Battle of the Line. However, in more even fights, he held his own.

All-Star One-Two – Luke Skywalker from “Star Wars”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

This farm kid has been lucky and has a few kills, but he is clearly a raw talent who could learn from being on the wing of a more experienced fighter pilot. This kid will get his own squadron – someday.

All-Star One-Three – David Campbell from “The Longest Day”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

One of “The Few” who had fought off the Nazis in the Battle of Britain, he can be an excellent element lead. Tends to be up for a sortie – unless he’s drinking a beer.

All Star One-Four – Christopher Blair from “Wing Commander”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

He is fresh out of flight training but clearly has some natural ability. Like Skywalker, he is best suited as a wingman for now, but has the ability to rise through the ranks.

Second Flight

All-Star Two-One – Roy Fokker from “Robotech”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

He has seen a lot of combat, and has been a father figure to younger pilots. Given his extensive combat experience, he can lead a flight, no problem.

All-Star Two-Two – Lieutenant Starbuck from the original “Battlestar Galactica”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

A sharp pilot who can sometimes get himself in too deep (he’s crashed his fighter a number of times), Starbuck is not quite yet flight or element lead material.

All-Star Two-Three – Wedge Antilles from “Star Wars”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

This guy has plenty of experience, and he has managed to survive two Death Star runs. That said, his units have taken heavy casualties in the past. Good enough to command an element, but flight lead may be a stretch for now.

All-Star Two-Four – Doug Masters from “Iron Eagle”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

Another natural stick with a high kill count. Still, there is a distinct need for more seasoning. Though Masters does seem to enjoy playing tunes while flying.

Third Flight

All-Star Three-One – Tyrus Cassius McQueen from “Space: Above and Beyond”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

He’s taken on an enemy ace and lived, plus he has a track record of being a mentor to younger pilots. McQueen’ll be able to handle the other pilots in this flight.

All-Star Three-Two – Steven Hiller from “Independence Day”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

He’s a good pilot – scoring a maneuver kill against an enemy that had a means to neutralize other weapons. Then he readily adapted to flying an alien craft. While he may get his own squadron some day, right now, he needs someone more experienced to get him to settle down and get over his obsession with the Fat Lady.

All-Star Three-Three – Cameron Mitchell from “Stargate: SG-1”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

He’s had combat experience on Earth and against the Gou’ald, as well as some small-unit leadership experience. Mitchell also received the Medal of Honor for heroism.

All-Star Three-Four – Pete Mitchell from “Top Gun”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(WATM photo archive)

No relation to Cameron Mitchell, Pete is a very good pilot with three kills in one engagement over the Indian Ocean. That said, some view his unorthodox style as “dangerous,” and he has made high-speed passes on various towers.

Fourth Flight

All-Star Four-One – Brad Little from “Fire Birds”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

Okay, he mostly flew rotary-wing aircraft, but he has extensive experience as an instructor, and did score a kill on a fighter with an Apache.

All-Star Four-Two – Harmon Rabb, Jr. from “JAG”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

Rabb’s shown some skill, but had a lengthy layoff due to his assignment to the Judge Advocate General corps for an extended period. He’ll catch on quick, but let’s season him under Little.

All-Star Four-Three – Blaine Rawlings from “Flyboys”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

The combat experience Rawlings has is substantial, and he did down a pair of German aces. He was also awarded the Croix de Guerre for a daring rescue.

All-Star Four-Four – Tom Kazanski from “Top Gun”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Youtube Screenshot)

The man flies by the book, and has very rarely made a mistake (over the Indian Ocean, he got target-fixated and a MiG-28 damaged his bird). We figure he’s best suited to flying as someone’s wingman until he can loosen up a little.

Who do you think we should add? Let us know in the comments below.

Humor

11 Army memes that will keep you laughing for hours

Our military humor is dark, and we have plenty of it.


Although we continually bark jokes at our rivals branches, it’s all in good fun — and we don’t want it to stop.

That said, here are eleven memes for our brothers and sisters who claim the title of “soldier.”

Related: 9 military photos that will make you do a double take

11. “But the Marines took a lot of little islands!”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

10. Accept who you are.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
And don’t run from it, because you can’t.

9. There’s some disagreement about where the Army’s pit of misery is.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Welcome to hell!

8. Guess how I know it’s not Fort Bragg. (via US Army WTF Moments)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

7. Holy sh*t! Behold, the original drill sergeant. (via U.S. Army WTF Moments)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
May the knife hand grace the faces of all those who follow your words.

Check Out: 13 of the worst tattoos in the military

6. No matter what the Facebook argument is, keep that ace ready to go.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Some talk the talk, few walk the walk.

5. Meanwhile, over at Big Army… (via Decelerate your Life)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Your life officially starts now. It’s all downhill from here.

4. Larger casualty radius but you’ve got to throw a lot more of them for 360-degrees of effects (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
P320 out!

3. I mean, PT belts do prevent pregnancy… (via Weapons of Meme Destruction).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Well, that’s what my platoon medic said anyway.

Also Read: 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

2. Stop playing Sergeant White, we all know we’re basically your personal dwarves (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Moral of the story: Never believe any order you hear until you actually see them in action.

1. Someone’s NCO, battle buddies, and common sense have failed them (via The Salty Soldier).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Hopefully, you’ll get there soon… One day.

Humor

5 things infantrymen love about the ‘woobie’

Though only a select few civilians even know of its existence, the “woobie” is cherished by all Marine and Army infantrymen, enlisted/commissioned, from Vietnam to the present.


Related video:

www.youtube.com

There are two kinds of infantry: Those who gladly pay the embarrassingly undervalued $42.95 reimbursement fee to TMO so they can keep their precious, and those who live with shame and regret for the rest of their days.

This is for the rest of you, not yet acquainted with absolute benevolence.

Related: 5 ways Marines are like ancient Spartans

5. The woobie maintains perfect homeostasis

From the frigid mountains of Afghanistan to the jungles of Vietnam, the U.S. infantry fight our country’s battles in the air, on land, and at sea, but not without that one piece of military-issued comfort: the woobie.

She keeps you warm when it’s cold out, and cool in the hot summer — we freakin’ love that.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
For casual comfort!

4. It can conceal you while you sleep

Originally olive drab, the woobie has evolved into some of the best camouflage around for the infantry warrior. The woobie is currently sporting digital camouflage, appropriate to whichever branch it honorably serves.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Sleep tight, buddy.

3. It dries quickly when wet

Not everyone knows how truly miserable it is being wet for long stretches of time, but all infantrymen do. Google the term “trench foot” and you’ll quickly see that there’s nothing good about staying wet.

The woobie dries fast, and all infantry grunts praise her for it.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Air dry!

2. Don’t forget, it provides shelter when there is none

No shelter? No problem. If you have two packs and two poncho liners, you’re good to go. In fact, the more infantrymen, the more elaborate the structure you can construct by tieing them together. The woobie comes equipped with lashings on each corner and the sides, allowing for creative architecture.

Remember when you were a kid and blanket forts were a thing? It’s the same in the military, except with full-grown men and their arsenal huddled inside.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
A home away from home.

Also Read: The 7 best things about Air Force bases, according to a Marine

1. Plus, it’s green!

And not just the color green, though it usually is. The original woobies were fielded by special forces in 1962, and around 1963, the second generation of woobie was created utilizing WWII duck-hunter-patterned parachute fabric. The fabric entrusted with soldiers’ lives was recycled, reshaped, and repurposed to continue its contributions to a more substantial demographic.

The woobie is a staple of any infantryman’s loadout, and though it may follow the poncho on gear lists, the woobie follows nothing in infantrymen’s hearts. Warriors unite over its capabilities, and we honor woobie for all that it does.

Humor

6 things every boot should know before going to supply

Heading to supply, also known as Central Issue Facility, is one of the worst experiences troops go through during their career.


It’s a lot like riding a bad rollercoaster ride of emotions — all while getting treated like sh*t. Since most service members can’t do their jobs without the proper gear to support their mission, they must go to supply to get those necessary materials.

There are countless stories out there about the hell many of us endure during a visit to supply — most of which aren’t positive.

Related: 12 images that perfectly recall checking into your unit for the first time

Check out the six things every boot should know before heading to supply

6. The gear won’t be as clean or new as you’d expect

When you show up, a civilian worker will quickly maneuver you around the massive aisles while tossing various items into your cart. Typically, you don’t know the names of all the stuff that gets thrown in, but just know that somebody before you probably drank out of that canteen or slept in your woobie.

It almost feels like wearing used underwear.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
You’re going to get issued this woobie next. We guarantee it.

5. It’s going to take a long time

Supply is a busy place, which makes sense considering that all troops need support. So, once you show up there, don’t expect them to be waiting for you with a red carpet rolled out.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
You’ll do exactly as the size suggests.

4. You’ll feel like you’re back in boot camp all over again

You’re going to be treated like sh*t. The workers at supply want to get you in and out as fast as possible. The first time you have a brain fart — as you did in boot camp — standby for them to start treating you like the boot you are to get you out faster.

We’ve seen staff NCOs get spoken to as if it were their first day on the job.

3. They run on civilian time

Many supply and CIF offices open a little past their scheduled hours and they’ll often cut off services just shy of when they’re supposed to close to ensure they get home on time.

You’re not supposed to close for another fifteen minutes! (Image via GIPHY)

2. Keep your all paperwork/receipts

Guess what? The supply office usually keeps pretty good records of everything that goes out since they barcode the majority of their inventory. If their paperwork says you received a piece of gear, but you claim that’s not true, you better have the hard evidence to back it up.

Unless you can prove it via your paperwork, you’re liable for everything.

Also Read: 6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

1. You don’t own anything you’re issued

Supply gives out this gear temporarily. Once your mission is over, you’ll need it return it in nearly the same condition as you received it. If you don’t, you’re looking at having to replace the item or paying for it out of pocket.

So, don’t grow too attached to anything.

Get a room you two. (Image via GIPHY)
Articles

9 superpowers every medic would want in the field

Corpsmen and medics carry a mobile emergency room strapped to their backs along with their weapon systems — and it gets heavy. After going through months of intense medical training they can probably apply a wet tourniquet in the pitch black with one hand while under enemy fire.


Truth is, they can’t be everywhere at every moment. Make no mistake, if the medical staff could take care of everybody and send them home in one piece, they would.

Related: 6 superheroes who were also Air Force officers

If humans had special powers, these are the one’s Corpsmen and medics would want to make their jobs easier.

1. X-ray or heat vision

There’s no better tool for quickly checking for fractures or cauterizing bleeds.

She’s fine. (giphy)

2. Mind reading or telepathy

Corpsmen and medics not only have to care for the good guys but the bad ones as well. It would be badass if they knew who not to waste their time on if they knew who wasn’t really injured.

(giphy)

3. Teleportation or super speed

During a mass casualty, “Doc” is outnumbered by the number of people he or she needs to care for. Being able to render care swiftly and take them to medical in a blink of an eye would save time and resources.

“I hope I didn’t miss anyone.” (giphy)

4. Invincibility

Being pinned down in a firefight is crazy dangerous, but if bullets and mortars just bounce off of you running out in the open to save your comrade ain’t sh*t.

(giphy)

5. Super Strength

Because picking up heavy crap is important.

Lift with the legs, not your back.  (giphy)

6. Elasticity

During the chaos of battle, you can find yourself far from some supplies you need. So what better than to stretch out an arm to grab a bandage that happens to be several meters away?

(giphy)

7. Telekinesis

Why run out into a hail of gunfire if you can just drag the casualty to you?

(giphy)

8. Endurance

Hauling sick and injured people from A to B can get pretty exhausting if you’re out of shape.

(giphy)

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

9. Super intelligence

Because being smart rocks!

(giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below

Humor

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

If there’s one common complaint among members of the United States Armed Forces (aka the best people in the world), it’s that the pay sucks. When getting paid less than minimum wage grows old (and it does, fast), a servicemember might be inclined to find a way to supplement their income.


So, we asked what a few veterans what they did to fill in the financial gap.

Related: 5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

6. Taking someone’s barracks duty

When the duty roster hits, there’s always a few people who get screwed out of something. Taking someone’s duty is a great service — one that others just might be willing to pay for. Given how unfavorable of a job it is, the competition is low. You could make a killing by taking someone else’s duty.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
The duty has no friends, though. (Image via Rod Keller YouTube)

5. Doing another servicemember’s taxes

There are plenty of people living in the barracks who feel like doing their taxes take up valuable drinking time — all you need to do is plug in their W-2 information and charge a few bones for your services.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

4. Fixing other troops’ cars

Given how much some local auto shops charge, it’s usually much cheaper and more convenient to consult with one of the many barracks grease monkeys.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Image via Marines.mil)

3. Becoming a tattoo artist

Military service and tattoos go hand-in-hand, like peanut butter and jelly or grunts and rain. If you’ve got the skill, equipment, and you don’t mind the carpal tunnel, this option may be for you.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Hopefully, this isn’t the kind of tattoo you get (or give) at the barracks (Image via Warner Brother’s We’re the Millers)

2. Make some of that “good-good”

This one is a bit out there, but times can get tough and not everyone has the talent for pole dancing, so they might turn to becoming their barracks’ own Walter White or Tony Montana.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
When your normal military pay doesn’t cut it and you need to pay off that Mustang at 30% APR (Image from AMC’s Breaking Bad)

[Editor’s Note: We are absolutely not suggesting you actually open a drug lab. Come on. You’re smarter than that — we hope.]

Also Read: 5 reasons why Luke Skywalker was operator AF

1. Giving others barracks haircuts

This one is definitely the most popular and it’s not very hard to do. Just get a set of clippers, watch a YouTube tutorial, and, even with all the competition, this one is guaranteed to rake in the cash.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
(Image via Marines.mil)

What are some crazy businesses you’ve seen in the military?

Humor

5 rules troops break all the time living in the barracks

Life in military barracks is similar to that of college dorms, except there’s way more streaking while wearing glow belts — or nothing at all. But life in those studio-sized rooms isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, especially when you share an open floor plan with three or four other people.


Like life in college dorm rooms, barracks life comes with tons of rules set by the higher command that every troop, at one time or another, ends up violating.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

Related: The top 8 ways to throw an epic barracks party

So, check out five rules that troops break all the time while living in the barracks.

5. Smoking

Most military bases have designated areas to puff a cigarette called, “smoke pits.” These areas are commonly found far away from the barracks and can be a pain in the ass to get to when you’re wasted at 0300 on a Saturday morning. Most troops decide to light up a smoke and conceal the red fiery tips, so the roving duty (who is probably also smoking) doesn’t spot them.

It can get annoying if you get caught, so consider quitting.

That’s a good idea. (Image via GIPHY)

4. Never signing a guest into the duty’s log book

When a service member links up with someone they’re attracted to, it’s highly doubtful that they’re going to stymie the flow of hormones long enough to have their partner report to the duty and sign in. It’s just easier to sneak them in.

3. Running a business out of your room

Let’s face it, members of the E-4 Mafia don’t make a whole lot of money. Because of this financial hardship, young troops develop side hustles, like cutting hair or becoming a tattoo artist. We do it even though we’re not supposed to — f*ck it.

Make that money! (Image via GIPHY)

2. Destruction of government property

We break sh*t that isn’t ours. That is all.

Oops! (Image via GIPHY)

Also Read: 6 things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand

1. Underage drinking

But, it is safer to get wasted at the barracks. Need we say more?

And we believe you. (Image via GIPHY)
Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of June 9

It’s a tradition as old as time. From the days of Sun Tzu and George Patton, military leaders have taken a break every Friday to share dank memes.


These are those memes:

1. Can confirm this is the test, can give no guidance on how to complete it (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
D-mned devil ball.

2. No one is out there to bother you, lots of fresh air (via Military Memes).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Also, bring lots of water. You’ll be out there a while.

3. This is a whole new level (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Can not figure out what this does. Like, at all.

Also see: This incredible rap song perfectly captures life in Marine Corps infantry

4. Why is the sky blue? God loves the infantry (via Military Memes).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
But he only pours his liquid crayons on the tankers.

5. Better limber up those arms. This is about to get rough (via The Salty Soldier).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

6. Slowly, the military melts more and more of the happiness off your bones (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
And, apparently, gives you two more legs.

7. “Just send iiiiit!”

(via Keep Calm and Call for Artillery)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
All good fire missions are initiated while slightly inebriated.

8. Deliveries of donuts are pretty great at raising morale (via Coast Guard Memes).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Of course, doing them too often also lowers the boat in the waterline.

9. If the students weren’t so worthless, we wouldn’t have these issues (via Decelerate Your Life).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

10. It’s been a while since I had a class that wasn’t about sexual harassment or suicide prevention (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

11. Oh, if only we were all in Alpha Company …

(via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
… instead of in Charlie where dudes KEEP LOSING SENSITIVE ITEMS!

12. You ever seen an insurgent go steel-on-steel with their first round?

(via The Salty Soldier)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Nobody has, so stop running.

13. Oh, you made points or something?

(Via Decelerate Your Life)

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Cool story, bro. Tell it again but, like, over there.

Humor

5 of the sneakiest ways people try to fool the front gate MPs

We, the military community, generally operate between the lines. We have our sh*t together and it’s all standardized — it’s not only part of our culture, but in combat, this can save a life.


We are still people, however, and sometimes that means we may need to get a little creative in certain situations…like trying to get past the MPs at the gate.

Now, why you don’t have ID, is neither here nor there — these are five of the best ways to get through the gate in a pinch.

Related: 6 signs that you might be a veteran

Disclaimer: This post is purely for entertainment purposes. We Are The Mighty fully supports the law and would never recommend breaking rules…

5. Forgot your ID? Bring the MPs food.

It is extremely easy to leave your CAC in a card reader at work or the pair of pants from yesterday.

This isn’t a horribly difficult fix; just bring the cop some food. By food, I mean an actual meal of some sort. There is a really good chance that cop hasn’t had a good meal, and if they have, that meal is either hours to the rear or to the front of them. It doesn’t have to be extravagant — a pizza will do the trick.

Sidenote: Bringing donuts could actually turn your day into a sh*tshow, so be careful.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Actual authorized alternate form of ID.

Alternative: Show an alternate form of ID. That, together with a polite demeanor and some personal recognition should also work.

4. Trying to bring a visitor on base, after hours? Try the trunk.

Many bases have a curfew and/or prohibit overnight civilian overnight guests. This makes bringing home any friends you make during a night out on the town literally against regulation.

Another simple fix: have your friend rest in the trunk as you enter the base. For compounding points, bring the cop a Monster or Red Bull.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Mission: Success.

Alternative(s): Stop being cheap and get a room. Date someone with their own place. Promote yourself out of base housing.

3. Had a few drinks? Roll down the windows and pop Altoids.

Coming on base just a little bit drunk is a reality for a lot of service members (this actually is really dangerous and stupid so don’t do it JUST DON’T DO IT).

Great. You did it. Your next problem is that the MPs are just itching for anything to happen.

Chug water, roll down the windows a few miles out from the gate, and fill up on Altoids.

Also, make sure you turn off your headlights a reasonable distance from the gate, drive as straight as possible, and drive an appropriate speed.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Billy zigged when he should’ve zagged

Alternative: Don’t drink and drive, d*ck!

2. Hanging out with someone’s drunk spouse?

No matter the circumstance, the optics on this will never favor you, and if you are made by the MPs you very well may have started the end of your time in uniform. Cops know all the gossip on post simply by nature of being first responders in a micro-community.

The activity can be completely innocent but it will never look innocent. Before you can get into work on the next duty day, the word around town could easily be that you came through the gate engaged in all-out sex in the backseat and only stopped to give your ID to the MP.

The very best thing to do in this situation is be in a mixed group as much as possible.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
How it looks driving someone’s drunk wife home.

Alternative: Don’t hang out with drunk married people.

1. Are you a chaplain driving around with empty beer cans and four scantily clad women?

Give the gate guard a fist bump and say the outreach program is working great.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

popular

This is why World War I-era British spies used semen as invisible ink

The first head of Britain’s secret service — which would one day be called MI6 — carried a swordstick, drove a personal tank, and would sometimes stab his wooden leg with a pen just to see how people reacted.


If that wasn’t enough to make him eccentric, his department also discovered that semen makes an excellent invisible ink.

 

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
It’s probably best not to ask why. Or how.

 

No one actually knows which British agent was the one who came up with the idea, but the book “Six: The Real James Bonds 1909-1939” notes that his fellow spies made so much fun of him that he had to be transferred to another office.

His name was — no joke — Captain Sir Mansfield Cumming and his agents lived by the motto, “Every man his own stylo.”

The truth was, British spies were searching for the perfect invisible ink during World War I and thought natural fluids were the ideal. The major issue with using semen to write letters? The smell eventually becomes very distinctive.

Cumming ruled that agents abroad using this method of secret messaging ensure their ink was fresh for every letter.

 

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Gloves, fellas?

 

The book details an agent in Copenhagen, a Maj. Richard Holme, who apparently kept a ready supply on hand.

“…his letters stank to high heaven and we had to tell him that a fresh operation was necessary for each letter.”

In “Prisoners, Lovers, and Spies: The Story of Invisible Ink,” Kristie Macrakis writes that Cumming began inquiring about the use of bodily fluids as invisible ink as early as 1915 and told Walter Kirke, Deputy Head of Military Intelligence that he thought the best invisible ink was indeed semen.

 

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
A sex joke that was a little too on the nose even for the Bond series, apparently (MGM)

 

Semen does not react to the iodine vapor test, a method that then turned all known invisible inks brown. This was particularly attractive to the spy agency, but unfortunately (for spies — not for those concerned with hotel cleanliness) heat develops semen ink and it appears in ultraviolet light.

Humor

4 ways veterans change within 5 years of leaving the military

Everyone joins the military for different reasons. Some to pursue a better life for themselves and their families — as others just want to blow sh*t up. That said, serving can take a toll, on not only the body but the mind.


The life you thought you wanted when you signed your DD-214 isn’t what you want anymore, and now you’re ready to make a change.

So here’s how the majority of veterans change within five years of leaving the military.

Related: 6 separation beards and what they say about your personality

1. Extra Moto! (more than before)

Many of us dream of hitting our EAOS (Expiration of Active Obligated Service) after seeing all the bullsh*t we faced on the day-to-day — sometimes even marking down the calendar. After a while, you begin to admit to yourself how much you miss it. It’s common.

Hopefully, when you salute — you render a proper one.

2. The Billy Madison effect (non-stop school)

Many of us joined the military after high school to avoid college because we didn’t know what career to take.

With many educational benefits in place, like the Post 9/11 GI bill, vocational rehabilitation and yellow ribbon for veterans, going back to school can start out feeling like a vacation. Getting paid BAH (basic allowance for housing) and book money is a pretty sweet deal.

Then after a detailed meeting with the school’s guidance counselor, it appears that the path to your bachelor’s degree is going to take a while, and you’re probably going to be the oldest guy or gal in class.

You probably aren’t the smartest, but you can buy beer.

3. Career change (at least once)

Maturity plays the biggest role in personal change. The fact is, you don’t know yourself as well as you thought you did. After a few semesters of school, your mental fatigue of tests and quizzes are piling up. The realization sets in that maybe studying to be a mechanic or nurse just isn’t right for you anymore.

Also Read: Here’s the best time and place to pull the ‘veteran card’

4. Spiritual (find it or lose it)

Typically, everyone in the military deploys at one time or another. Some experience more tragic events than others, and they may start to see life in different ways. In the end, do whatever makes you the happiest.

Can you name other ways you and your buddies changed? Comment below.

Humor

6 things only a lower enlisted can get away with

Rank has its privilege. It goes far beyond just getting a slight bump in pay that finally puts your base pay above minimum wage.


As a lower enlisted, if you mess up, you’ll get smoked — or at least get a talking-to. Once you become an NCO or an officer, your ass is grass if you act like a young Private (there’s some leeway for butterbars, but not much). Be warned, young lower enlisted with your eyes on the prized NCO rank: There’s a line in the sand. Once you enter the NCO Corps, you can no longer do any of the following.

6. Shaming / skating

Don’t expect much downtime as a junior NCO — training meeting over here, command and staff meeting over there. There’ll be a lot of dog and pony shows between the moments you need to actually do your freaking job.

There’s literally no time to sit on your phone and ask the daily, “why haven’t they cut us lose yet?”

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Of course I’m at the layout… (U.S. Air National Guard photo by Master Sgt. Mike R. Smith)

5. Mistakes out of ignorance

Young Privates botch setting up a radio and no one bats an eye. A Sergeant messes up with that same radio and someone is on their ass about why they didn’t take the time to download all the manuals in their free time to learn a piece of equipment that was just fielded.

Lower enlisted learn things as they progress, so mistakes are common. Senior NCOs can rely on other people to know how to do it, so mistakes are rare. As for junior NCOs… you’re on your own.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Let’s see… it need batteries, a hand mic, and an antenna thingy… (U.S. Marine Corps Photo by Sgt. Alex Kouns)

4. Failing to meet standards (even just barely)

Standards are there for a reason. If a private just barely misses their run time or just barely misses weapons qualification, it’s not the end of the world even if it seems like it is. Their NCO should help get them back up to the standard and things are good again. No harm, no foul, and everyone looks good.

The subordinate looks good because they improved even though it’s just to the standard. The NCO looks good because they helped nudge them to where they were supposed to be.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Can’t tell if the Command Chief Master Sergeant is offering a hand or knifehanding the airman. Either way, motivation! (U.S. Air Force photo by Master Sgt. CT Michael)

3. Doing dumb sh*t with your free time

Depending on your unit and immediate chain of command, team-building exercises off duty, like when your entire squad goes out to get smashed after payday, is the norm. If you’re a Private, go nuts! Enjoy your time. NCOs and officers usually attend to see what their troops are really like, and it’s worth it even if they have to play the sober babysitter.

Even when the boots finally come off, an NCO’s job isn’t done. If you can manage to do something other than make up the work you couldn’t get to earlier in the day (meaning filling out bullsh*t paperwork, reading useless manuals, and getting ready for the next day), it doesn’t matter — someone f*cked up! Even if you’ve just met the kid and haven’t drilled into them how your unit operates, you’re in trouble with them. Never a day off.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Ever wonder why there’s always one NCO at every barracks party? (Screengrab via YouTube)

2. Complaining in general

No one likes hearing complaining about minor things. If a Private is told, “suck it up, buttercup,” then that’s the end of the conversation. Plenty of things suck, and it’s not like crying will make things better. Best of all, no one cares if a lower enlisted complains. Things get better or they suck it up.

If an NCO or an officer whines that it’s too hot, everyone from the lowly Private to the full-bird Colonel laughs at the pansy. Complaining about mundane crap will destroy a hard-ass reputation and open the floodgates for their subordinates to keep b*tching.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
Even if things do suck, it’s just a drop in the bucket of all the dumb sh*t that’s ever happened in the military. (U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Jonathon D. A. Carnell)

1. Being protected from the sh*t rolling downhill

This one depends on if you’re a good NCO/Officer. A good leader stands in front of that incoming sh*t-boulder rolling at their troops and tries to keep them out of the suck as much as possible. If it splashes, that’s fine. If a leader throws their troop under said boulder, they don’t deserve to be called a leader.

Let’s say, for example, a Private is driving a Humvee and rear ends the Brigade Commander’s personal car. The Brigade Commander will want their head on a spike. Each leader along the way has the choice to talk the previous link on the chain of command out of decapitating an idiot and displaying their severed head for an honest mistake.

Eventually, this particular boulder rolls into the first-line supervisor. Any leader worth their rank would pull an excuse out of their ass as to why it was actually not the private’s fault, but their own. If getting smoked until they’re sore is the only consequence, that Private has a damn good leader.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever
But it’s all worth it to knifehand a motherf*cker. (Image via Imgur)

Humor

6 reasons why golfing should actually be the lower-enlisted sport

Golfing is nearly revered among officers. Almost every military installation has a golf course and, if you look, you’ll definitely find officers who set their meetings at the driving range. But the reason why all officers love golfing is exactly the same reason why lower enlisted should be fans, too: It’s the most sham sport you can think of.


Pretty much everything about golf is perfectly geared toward pretending like you’re working hard while actually just having fun — which is, essentially, the mantra of the E-4 Mafia and LCpl Underground.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

What other way can you drink while everyone else is working?

(Photo by 1st Lt. Kenya Saenz)

You can drink while you play

This is almost reason enough for lower enlisted to love golf. Why spend your day cleaning out the connexes for the seventh time this month when you could be drinking a beer with the colonel?

Most sports discourage you from getting plastered in the middle of the game. Golfing, conversely, encourages you to be slightly inebriated.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

Even when they set up driving ranges on deployments, no one really cares how good you are.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

Your skill — and effort — doesn’t really matter

You can be tipsy and play golf because no one really cares if you’re good or not. Okay, fellow golfers might start to give a damn if you’re just so bad that people are lining up at the tee.

The good news is that if you’re really that bad (or that drunk), you can just go to the driving range and swing. Other golfers won’t judge you — because they’re probably drunk, too.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

Don’t even worry about getting the ball, that’s someone else’s responsibility. The E-4 mentality at work.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

You’re just hitting things without consequence

If you’re very serious about golfing, you’re going to try your hardest. But everyone else on a military golf course is just trying to get out of work.

This point rings especially true on the driving range, where you don’t need to even worry about aiming. Most people use the driving range to improve their stance and swing, but if you just want to let off steam, just tee up, give it a nice, angry whack, grab another, and go again.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

It’s kind of a gray area, though…

(Photo by Capt. Stephen Von Jett)

You can just drive the cart all day if you want

Golf courses are huge and it’s kind of expected that golfers aren’t going to ruck their clubs around the course. Instead, they’ll just take a golf cart. If swinging your arms seems like too much effort, you can volunteer to just drive the golf cart.

Extra points here if you can get away with just driving around the course and never stopping at any holes. Just don’t be that idiot who does doughnuts on the green while drunk. Legally, you can still get a DUI while driving a golf cart.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

What other opportunity will you get to openly mock someone who outranks the f*ck out of you?

(Photo by Airman 1st Class Christian Conrad)

You spend more time joking than actually playing

Just as with everything else that the lower enlisted do, in golf, you spend thirty seconds doing the task (hitting the ball) and about five minutes joking around (waiting for the other golfers).

Your entire day is spent barely doing anything. You’re just drinking with the guys and cracking jokes at each other. Then, when you finally come back, you can tell everyone that you’ve had a long day.

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

Just another day in the military, am I right?

(Photo by Sgt. Diandra J. Harrell)

You look professional as f*ck, but you’re really not

With all of this in mind, you’re not actually doing jack sh*t but having fun. Yet, for some reason, everyone thinks you’re this squared-away individual who’s been doing things officers do.

Officers (who are also wiggling their way out of command and staff meetings) know full well that you’re trying to skate — so are they. But they’ll still think highly of you.

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