7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office - We Are The Mighty
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7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Nine times out of 10, enlisted troops are glad that their lieutenant’s office is far, far away. However, it’s 1700 and everyone has been standing in formation for 40 minutes – where is he? What kind of boot-tenant sorcery is going on in there? Whoever gave him a map and compass needs to be hazed right now. This is what your lieutenant is really doing in his office.

1. They’re getting pranked

New lieutenants, also known as butter bars and boot-tenants, are at the bottom of the officer totem pole. They may not get hazed like enlisted do but they get messed with like they’re in a fraternity. This one time my Lt. and I were walking into his office discussing upcoming training when he suddenly stops.

‘Not again.’

This man’s whole office furniture is missing. Suddenly, a burst of laughter from down the hall and he gives chase. There’s giggling until moments later I hear Sergeant Major laying into them like they’re back at The Basic School. If your lieutenant is late and flustered, he may have been pranked.

2. They’re taking a nap

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
An office isn’t exactly a luxury suite, but it makes a better nap location than this.

No judgement here, sneaking a little shut eye during ‘hurry up and wait’ never hurt anyone.

3. They’re stuck talking to the higher ups

When an enlisted troop avoids an officer it’s because they do not feel like giving a salute. When your lieutenant avoids officers it is because they do not want to get dragged into a long-winded conversation with the colonel. You only see the higher ups briefly; they’re stuck with them all day long. Lieutenants will try to interrupt and break contact but the salty ol’ major wants to finish his story about bass fishing first. Meanwhile, the company commander walks in and wants to share his two cents. It becomes an infinite feedback loop of small talk he cannot escape – because they’re in his office.

4. They’re texting

Yes, just like everyone else they own phones and play video games on them. That’s why your leave still isn’t approved.

5. They’re catching up on paperwork

lieutenant doing paperwork

Between getting messed with, held against their will and sitting in endless briefings they still need to do their job. The operations officer wants a roster of everybody who needs to qualify on the rifle range within the next three months, the company executive officer needs a map and five paragraph order for the upcoming field op, the S-4 needs a roster of how many MREs to order, etc. That’s why they’re a pain when it comes to turning information over to them.

6. They’re doing PT

They would rather be with the troops or go to gym but there may be time crunch. That’s why they’re always so eager to hover around the platoon, otherwise it’s burpee time.

7. They’re repacking their gear

Lieutenants have to set the example of how the gear should be packed — unless there is a company or battalion Stand Operating Procedure, guideline, on how thing should be squared away. He’ll likely be there with the platoon sergeant taping every strap, quadruple checking the packing list, and weighing the pack for good measure.

Lists

Here are the best military photos for the week of October 28th

The military has very talented photographers in the ranks, and they’re always capturing what life as a service member is like during training and at war. Here are the best military photos of the week:


Air Force:

Three F-16 Fighting Falcons from Edwards AFB fly past Dodger Stadium after the ceremonial flyover at the beginning of game two of the 2017 World Series between the Los Angeles Dodgers and Houston Astros Oct. 25.

Go Dodgers!

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Air Force photo by Christopher Okula

U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Buck Taylor, explosive ordnance disposal technician assigned to the 379th Expeditionary Civil Engineer Squadron, provides security as a potential threat is assessed during nighttime counter improvised explosive device training at Al Udeid Air Base, Qatar, Oct. 21, 2017. The scenario, based off of real-world experiences, tested the EOD technicians’ combat operational skills in a low-visibility environment. The Airmen began the night with a simulated air insertion, followed by a five-kilometer movement to a location where they would detect, disarm, detonate and dispose of simulated explosive threats. The training is to prepare for EOD support of special operations forces in a contingency environment.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Air National Guard photo by Staff Sgt. Patrick Evenson

Army:

1st Lt. Tony Gosser with Task Force Talon, 94th Army Air and Missile Defense Command, views a Terminal High Altitude Area Defense weapon system as a Soldier preforms a routine maintenance inspection on Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, Oct. 26, 2017.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo by Army Capt. Adan Cazarez

Soldiers from various units compete in the FORSCOM Small Arms Competition hosted by the 82nd Airborne Division on Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Through out the fourth week of October, 2017, three groups of competitors test their abilities in using one of three small arms weapons, the M249 Saw, Pistol and M4 Carbine.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo by Sgt. Christopher Gallagher

Navy:

The Wasp-class amphibious assault ship USS Essex (LHD 2) transits the Pacific Ocean during Dawn Blitz 2017. Dawn Blitz is a scenario-driven exercise designed to train and integrate Navy and Marine Corps units by providing a robust training environment where forces plan and execute an amphibious assault, engage in live-fire events, and establish expeditionary advanced bases in a land and maritime threat environment to improve naval amphibious core competencies.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Irwin Sampaga

The guided missile destroyer USS Shoup (DDG 86) fires its Mark 45 5-inch gun during a live-fire exercise as part of the trilateral Intrepid Sentinel exercise. Intrepid Sentinel brings together Shoup, Monmouth and the French Marine Nationale anti-air destroyer FS Jean Bart (D 615) for a multinational exercise designed to enhance war fighting readiness and interoperability between allies and partners.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Maria I. Alvarez

Marine Corps:

Lance Cpl. Jared P. Baker looks down range with the Carl Gustav rocket system during live fire training at Range 7 aboard Camp Hansen, Oct. 25, 2017. The Carl Gustav rocket system is being introduced to the Marine Corps to eventually replace the MK153 Shoulder-Launched Multipurpose Assault Weapon (SMAW). Baker, a Rochester, New York native, is an assaultman assigned to Weapons Platoon, Charlie Company, 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment. The Hawaii-based battalion is forward deployed to Okinawa, Japan as part of the Unit Deployment Program.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Aaron S. Patterson

A U.S. Navy Landing Craft Air Cushion prepares to land onshore during exercise Bold Alligator 17 at Camp Lejeune, N.C., Oct. 25, 2017. Bold Alligator 17 is a multinational, naval amphibious exercise that focuses on combined training of multiple forces executing complex shaping, amphibious and sea basing operations to improve U.S. and coalition ship-to-shore capabilities.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Abrey D. Liggins

Coast Guard:

The Coast Guard Cutter Active moors at the Tenth Avenue Marine Terminal in San Diego, Oct. 25, 2017. The crew aboard the active offloaded more than 6,000 pounds of cocaine that was interdicted in the Eastern Pacific from mid September to early October.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Coast Guard photo by Fireman Taylor Bacon

The Coast Guard, Texas General Land Office, and Bouchard Transportation representatives continue to respond to an oil discharge from a barge that caught fire and was extinguished on Friday three miles off the jetties of Port Aransas, Texas.

Response efforts continue to minimize impact to the environment and the maritime community, which has enabled the Coast Guard to reopen the impacted ship channels.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
U.S. Coast Guard Courtesy Photo

Articles

The 5 coolest things in the Army’s massive treasure room

With 240 years of history, the U.S. Army has been around the block a few times. Artifacts from its history are put up in museums around the country, but a surprising number of awesome artifacts are kept in storage at a facility in Fort Belvoir, Virginia. Here are five of the coolest things tucked away in the U.S. Army Museum Support Center.


(The Army is attempting to build a museum to display many of the artifacts in their collection. To see how to support its construction, check out the museum website. You can also find information on their Facebook.)

1. Badass weapons from history

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photos: Youtube

The firearm collection in the Museum Support Center features weapons used since the start of the American Army. In addition to weapons carried by the average soldier, they have weapons that belonged to historic figures such as the sidearm carried by Maj. Walter Reed, the Army doctor credited with defeating yellow fever.

2. Original artwork by Norman Rockwell

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo: Youtube

The center is filled with awesome artwork commissioned by the Army, but the crown jewel of the 16,000 works of art is this painting by Norman Rockwell depicting a machine gunner firing into the night. Two other Norman Rockwell paintings are also in the collection.

3. Paintings from active duty soldiers

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photos: US Army

Famous civilians aren’t the only artists represented in the collections. Since World War I, the Army has maintained an art program in every major conflict. Now, artists in residency usually work in studios at the Museum Support Center in tours of duty two-three year long. They create original artwork that captures the emotion of the Army at war.

4. Uniform items from the Revolution to today

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo: US Army Museum Support Center

Carefully preserved in a series of shelves, gear and uniform items from the last 150 years are stored in the collection. This drum and hat were worn by Buffalo Soldiers in the Civil War. Gen. William Westmoreland’s uniform is in the collection as well. They even have a powder horn from 1775 that belonged to a Minute Man.

5. Captured enemy artwork and propaganda

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo: Youtube

Some of the most stunning displays in the collection were captured during war. This depiction of Hitler was bayoneted by the soldier who found it. America has 436 artifacts taken from Nazi Germany under the peace treaty as part of an effort to ensure the Nazi Party never rose again.

To learn more about the collection, check out the video below.

Lists

6 ways to be successful in the Marine infantry

The Marine Corps infantry is a place where a boots’ dreams go to die. A fresh private first class or lance corporal might arrive at the Fleet Marine Force with loads of ambition only to have it ripped to shreds as the stark realization that they might never reach the rank of Corporal sinks in.


Today, we offer advice for lower-enlisted Infantry Marines on how to succeed in everyday tasks — the rank will come soon enough.

Related: The fascinating beginning of the term ‘grunt’

Keep in mind the following 6 ways to be successful in the Marine infantry:

6. Get a haircut.

Yes, we know this one is difficult when you’re out of range of the barber for weeks at a time, but when you finally can get a haircut, get something respectable that won’t result in an ass-chewing from your platoon sergeant.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
This is only acceptable if it grows during a field op. (Image via Terminal Lance)

5. Keep a clean uniform for garrison.

Higher-ups will preach until the day of their retirement that there is no such thing as “field cammies,” but grunts know otherwise — have a uniform set aside for when you’re in the rear that is always clean.

Likewise, make sure that the uniforms you have for the field and deployments are as clean and pristine as possible, but don’t worry about keeping them that way.

4. Know yourself and seek self-improvement.

This is one of the 7 Marine Corps leadership principles, but it applies to all areas Marine infantry. Know your faults and always work towards improving them.

3. Train in your off-time.

This one goes with point #4. Once you recognize your deficiencies, train in your off-time to fix them. If you’re not the strongest grunt, go to the gym. If you’re feeling underread, pick up a book.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Never stop training. (Image via Marines.mil)

2. Stay humble.

Just as you should never stop learning your trade, never see yourself as the best. Don’t believe you’re done improving because you’re not — and you never will be. Even after you’ve been praised and earned awards, maintain some humility. Be confident, but don’t be arrogant.

Also read: 9 ways not to get treated like a complete boot in the infantry

1. Always be a student.

Never stop learning your trade. When you’re bored at Camp Wilson or on a ship somewhere, read a book about Marines who have been there and done that.

Check out the commandant’s reading list — you might find something you’ll learn a lot from.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Don’t worry, there will be time to read. (Image via Daily Mail)

popular

The 7 people you meet in basic training

1. Baby-Faced Bryan

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Paramount Pictures

 


Congratulations, you’ve just become a parent. In order to survive basic training, you must now not only cover your own ass, but watch out for this guy’s as well. Because if you don’t, your platoon is going to get slapped with mass punishment, and no one wants that. Bryan somehow managed to make it through his young life without developing skills of any kind. He’s the kind of guy who hesitates when you ask him how to spell his own name.

You will watch him struggle to make his bed with his gangly 18-year-old arms and be torn between the desire to help him or to strangle him with his own sheets. But you will help Bryan, because he needs you. And because if you don’t, he will forget his kit, wear white socks to inspection, and make your life a living hell. And who knows, maybe after a few days he’ll start to pick up on things. Totally kidding — you’re probably  stuck with this kid for the long haul.

Something Bryan might say: “Hey … hey guys? Can somebody show me how to shave?”

2. Renaissance Richard

The antithesis of Baby-Faced Bryan, Renaissance Richard is a super-smart, talented, and accomplished guy. Unfortunately for you, this also makes him a bit of an annoying a–hole. Richard is usually around 30, and he won’t let you forget how he managed to be the valedictorian at his private college, build his own house, and become a brain surgeon in the time between high school graduation and now.

Richard can do anything — except keep his mouth shut. He’s the guy who makes a big show of “helping” recruits, and letting everyone know how he would do something. No one asked you, Richard. He’s also notorious for crashing your conversations so he can chime in on things like his opinions on Syria, when all you were discussing is what’s for dinner. Rich is a fine recruit, but your drill sergeant will hate him. Why? The same reason you do: he’s a pretentious a–hole. Nobody wants to work with someone who can’t accept rank and needs his ego stroked.

Something Richard might say: “Sure it would be interesting to invade Easter Island, but you need to consider the political ramifications… “

3.  The Dreamer

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
(Revolution Studios)

The Dreamer has wanted to join the military since he first saw Saving Private Ryan at an elementary school sleepover. He dreams of not only becoming a great soldier, but the greatest soldier America — and the world — has ever seen. Just a teenager, he’s the guy who gets too distracted by his daydream of running through battle in slow-motion to shine his shoes, and can be heard quoting Top Gun and Band of Brothers in the DFAC.

The Dreamer’s all talk, and has no real-world experience when it comes to surviving anything more than a Hot Pocket shortage. Because of this, he will often take on tasks that are way too much for him to handle, bringing down your drill sergeant’s wrath on all of you when he fails. Think of him as Baby-Faced Bryan’s annoying half-brother. Eventually he should focus a little more on the task at hand instead of his “military destiny,” but until then you’ll just have to tune him out.

4. Shady Steve

Steve’s a little older than some of the guys in basic training, but you’re never positive what this dude’s age is — and that’s just the way Steve likes it. When pressed about his past, his stories never quite match up, leaving you wondering just what is true (hold up, did he say that he was a parole officer, or was he talking about his own parole?).

You don’t know him at all, but he just seems like the type of guy who decided to enlist because his meth ring went south. One thing you do know for sure is the fact that any outing with Steve quickly devolves into Hangover-level catastrophe, so you better steer clear of that. He’s not a bad trainee. And he’s probably not a bad guy — but he’s got your drill sergeant keeping an eye on him, so you probably should too.

5. The Old Dude

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

This salt and pepper recruit may not actually be that old by civilian standards, but 34 is pretty ancient in basic. And since it took a colonel to approve his age waiver, maybe he should have just stayed home and played Risk instead. Whether he enlisted because the Army’s his last chance to retire before 65 or because of a mid-life crisis is anyone’s guess, but don’t write this guy off right away.

The Old Dude is usually in surprisingly great shape, and that’s because he’s old school. While most of the recruits in their twenties have spent their pre-military lives playing Call of Duty and chowing down on Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, he’s been downing raw eggs for breakfast and running five miles a day. Also, The Old Dude has lived a lot longer than you — he’s seen things, and he’s wiser for it. When you need some advice or perspective on life, he’s the person you’ll want to turn to.

6. Gun-Happy Garret

Garret is a simple man. He joined the military because it allowed him to pursue his three passions: shooting, chewing dip, and spitting. Garret does not know that tobacco isn’t allowed in basic. He is furious when he finds out. Garret barely managed to complete his GED, and it shows. You are not confident that he can spell America, and are terrified of the day this neanderthal gets his hands on an automatic weapon.

To your surprise, however, Garret is actually kind of a genius when it comes to weapons. He can disassemble and reassemble his weapon with his eyes closed. He can tell you every part of his rifle and how it works, and help you with your own. Your rifle will never shine quite like his does. He is a weapons savant, and you start to wonder if there’s more to Garret than meets the eye. Trust us, there isn’t. He’s the best mark in the platoon because he spent his childhood shooting mice and raccoons behind a trailer park, not because he’s the chosen one.

 7. The Blue Falcon

This guy. This guy is the absolute worst. If you could combine a weasel and that stoner kid from your Spanish class who would constantly beg you for test answers, you’d have something close to a Blue Falcon. The Blue Falcon of your platoon is lazy, disloyal and just a textbook pain in the ass. Can’t find your extra pair of socks? Did part of someone’s kit go missing? Check the Blue Falcon’s nest. And God forbid you screw up in front of this guy — he’ll rat you out to your drill sergeant faster than you’ll know what’s happening.

The Blue Falcon’s sneaky, so it sometimes takes a while to know who yours will be. But every unit has one, and they will become the bane of your existence.

Something The Blue Falcon would say: “First sergeant, first sergeant! Private Snuffy is … “

Associate Editor David Nye contributed to this article.

Articles

4 urban myths with military roots

Urban legends, old wives tales, myths, and folklore all come from somewhere. In the 20th century, the military was an important facet in the lives of many, especially during WWII and the Cold War years. Some of the lore was bound to find its way into civilian life, here are just a few you may have heard:


1. Carrots help your night vision

While it’s true carrots are good for your eyes, because they’re loaded with beta carotene and thus vitamin A. That’s where the ocular benefits end. In the thousands of admonished children and thousands of unfinished dinner plates between WWII and today, the idea of carrots being good for you morphed into a super power where you gain the ability to see at night.

The myth started in WWII, as German bombers struck British targets at night during the Blitz. British authorities ordered city wide blackouts in an attempt to lead the bombers off course or hope they would strike off target. The British fought off the German Blitz because of a new technology which allowed them to see the bombers coming from far off. It wasn’t carrots, it was radar.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
But cabbage will still totally clean you out.

The radar RAF fighter pilots had on their planes allowed them to detect bombers before they crossed the English Channel. One pilot, John Cunningham, racked up and impressive 19 kills at night.In an effort to keep the radar technology under wraps, the British Ministry of Defence told reporters pilots like Cunningham ate a lot of carrots.

The British public ate it hook, line, and sinker. Victory gardens began producing carrots to augment food supplies and alleviate shipping issues. BBC radio would broadcast carrot dessert recipes (this is why carrot cake is a thing, when it definitely should not be) to get the public behind carrots as a sweetener substitute.

2. You lose most of your body heat through your head

Your mother never let you out of the house on a cold day without warning you to wear a hat, but this old wives’ tale comes from an experiment the military conducted on body heat loss. They put people in arctic survival suits and put them in Arctic conditions. The survival suits only covered the people from the neck down, so there was nowhere for the heat to escape, except up through the head (You try explaining this to your mom).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
MOM, I swear to god it comes out of my feet.

The amount of heat loss from your body depends on the temperature outside, how much surface area your skin has and how much skin you have exposed to the elements.

3. The military puts saltpeter in food to curb sex drives

This one even made it to the lore of boarding schools and colleges. You had no problems before you went to boot camp or boarding school. Now it seems like your libido took a vacation. What changed? It must be the food!

The logic for this is astounding. If there really is saltpeter in the food at basic training, then this must mean Taco Bell is an aphrodisiac (pro tip: it’s not, though the food quality standards are probably similar). The problem has less to do with the food and more to do with the campaign hat. It’s your drill sergeant is stressing you out.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Even if the services put saltpeter in the food, the medical truth is saltpeter doesn’t even suppress sex. It doesn’t help your libido either. Saltpeter is an ingredient in gunpowder and in that way it helps things go bang but it will never help or hurt your ability to go bang.

4.  Civilians tie yellow ribbons to support the troops

At least it didn’t start out that way. There was a John Wayne film produced in 1949 called “She Wore a Yellow Ribbon,” in which the female lead actually did wear a yellow ribbon for her cavalry officer lover. But the real custom of tying a yellow ribbons around things came from the 1979 Iranian Hostage Crisis.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
That’s not the tying I meant.

In 1972, Tony Orlando and Dawn produced a song called Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree, which was pretty popular. by 1979 the symbolic act resurfaced en masse as the hostages were held for 444 days. The practice came around again in 1991 during Desert Storm and was associated with deployed U.S. troops ever since.

 

 

NOW: The 6 craziest military myths

OR: The 4 biggest myths Marines keep telling themselves

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes of the week

More memes about the military. We hope you appreciate all the effort it takes to scroll through the internet finding these.


1. That’s a pretty nice car for an E1 (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Some shady salesman got a nice bonus from that financing.

2. The Army trains to overcome the natural fear of death.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
The Navy trains to overcome vertigo while drunk.

SEE ALSO: 5 insane military projects that almost happened

3. For those who don’t know, MCT is combat school for non-infantry Marines.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
So this is one motivated, boot POG.

4. “War is Hell …”

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

5. That’s right, this guy is tougher than Katniss.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
No big deal or nuthin’.

6. That’s one salty giraffe (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
I’d pay good money to see this as a kids’ cartoon.

7. Rip Its: When they absolutely have to die tonight … (Via OIF/OEF Veterans)

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
… and their friends have to be dead by morning.

8. Combat Camera: No fire limits, no limits of advance …

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
… and absolutely no effects on target.

9. The Coast Guard has intelligence sailors? (Via Coast Guard Memes.)

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Pretty great set-up for the sea police.

10. “Combat.” (Via Military Memes.)

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
They can probably get a Combat Action Badge for hitting a mouse with a mower.

11. It’s the only way the sailors will go down for their naps (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Remember to keep a petty officer around to kiss all the boo-boos better.

 12. “I thought we started at morale bedrock.”

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

13. Chaos 6 has a reputation.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
No one should test it.

NOW: 24 historic photos made even more amazing with color

Watch Civilians Mangle the Official Title of the Afghanistan War | Vet On The Street

Lists

5 secrets to shopping at the Commissary with the kids

Shopping in any grocery store with children (young or old) can be a real pain. Add in going to the commissary on payday and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Maybe you’ve already tried all of the tricks for navigating shopping with kids in tow. Or are you are new to the whole grocery with kids game? Either way, try these five parent-tested secrets for making it through the experience without losing your mind.


1. Do it in the car

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

No list? No plan? Before you jump out of the car, write down must-have items and meal ideas, then prep any necessary items before you unleash the munchkins. Refresh your mind on coupons, write down any necessary purchases you remembered on your way there, and make sure you have any distraction items for the baby. It’s better to do this now than before you get in the store.

2. Get Attached

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

If they are little enough, the best place to have your kids is hanging out on you in a carrier. You can talk to them while you go to shelves and they aren’t climbing out of the cart and getting hurt. If they are at the in-between age where they want to run around, make holding onto the cart a game. “If you hold on through this aisle, you can pick out the cereal.” Or, if they sit still in the cart, say they can have a slice of cheese at the deli or bring a healthy treat along to get them through a rough spot. Make the reward something that can be given sooner rather than later.

3. Create a game

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Involve you kids in the process and they’ll look at the grocery store as a fun place to be. Can they spy something orange in the fruit section? Find things that begin with “A”? See if they can locate the can of tomatoes you always buy first. How many uniforms can they count in the store? Don’t be afraid of looking a little silly. The commissary is a little crazy on payday anyway!

4. Give them a job

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Oh, how kids love to help! But often it is the kind of help that gets them in trouble. Instead of letting them pick and choose their role, give your little helper a job each time you go. “You are in charge of crossing things off of the list.” Be sure to bring a clipboard. Or maybe they can get the items off of the low shelves. Can they help you pick out apples while sitting in the shopping cart? The more involved you make them on your terms, the less they will be on the receiving end of a reprimand.

5. Acknowledge and avoid their triggers

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Kids feed off of your anxiety and the more amped up you are the crazier they feel. If you know you have a big shopping trip, don’t make it 20 minutes before lunchtime. Everyone will be hungry and grumpy, and you’ll have to rush through the store. If naptime is at noon, avoid bumping up against it and opt to go afterwards. If you know your child is going to flip in the cereal aisle, distract him as you grab the Cheerios. You know what has made shopping a miserable experience every trip before so create a battle plan that will keep you and your shopping buddy happy right to the checkout.

This article originally appeared on Military Spouse. Follow @MilSpouseMag on Twitter.

Lists

7 best viral videos from troops overseas

Troops overseas are generally expected to keep their heads down and do their jobs. But every once in a while, some military leaders decide to let their Joes and Jills take a break from work and put together some of the hilarious videos they see on the internet.


Typically, this includes a bunch of troops dancing and singing along to a popular pop song. There’s also the occasional motivational speech (such as number 2 on this list where U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt. Brian Walgren gave a paraphrased speech from Col. John Glenn) that goes viral.

Just a warning, most of these viral videos include adult language.

In no particular order, here are seven of the bests viral videos from troops overseas:

1. U.S. troops perfectly recreate Miami Dolphin cheerleaders lip syncing to “Call Me Maybe”

2. Gunnery Sgt. Brian Walgren motivates Marines before they assault Marjah

3. Marines in Iraq sing “Hakuna Matata” before the gym

4. Marines sing (part of) “Build me Up, Buttercup”

5. Paratroopers lip sync “Telephone”

6. A bunch of Marines coming home sing “Sweet Caroline” to their flight attendant named Caroline

7. Navy and Marine medical unit performs “Gangnam Style” dance

Articles

6 myths civilians believe about Marines

Since Nov. 10th, 1775, the Marine Corps’ rich history of kicking ass and taking names has charmed Americans and earned their respect all across the United States. Because of that, civilians see Marines in a different perspective than the Navy, Air Force, or even Army.


Since every branch of the military has a particular image that the general population associates them with, we asked several civilians, “What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about the Marines?”

Related: 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true

Here’s what they said:

1. They have to be super patriotic to join

Most of them are, but others just couldn’t see themselves serving in another branch.

Now I’m joining the Corps! (Images via Giphy)

2. All Marines have to go war and fight

Not true. The Marines Corps is made of several different elements other than the infantry, like aircraft maintenance, logistics, and duties that cause your Marine to sit in an office and analyze intel all day — so breathe easy, momma bear.

Dammit, Carl! (Images via Giphy)

3. They’re all excellent shots with a rifle

Most are, but a low number of recruits score just high enough to earn the “rifle marksman” medal, a.k.a. the “pizza box.” All Marines must rifle qual before they can graduate from basic training, but it takes extra training and skill to earn higher levels of marksmanship.

Ask a Marine to explain this joke. (Images via Giphy)

4. They’re buff and strong

Most are pretty jacked, but many are just normal size — they make it up by having tons of heart.

Oh, Master Sergeant! (Images via Giphy)

5. They are mean and scary as hell

Marines can get pretty intense, but that just shows their passion. While a Marine can get super scary (especially when they gain rank or come in contact with people they just don’t like), some get by with just a quiet intensity.

But most of the time they’re fun loving. (Images via Giphy)

6. They’re brainwashed in boot camp

Negative, Ghost Rider.

They are just influenced to love their country and branch of service at an exceptionally high level through various mental and physical activities.

They have to be, to carry out the missions they’re are asked to do.

Sometimes this involves screaming while brushing their teeth — which may happen. (Images via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Lists

5 signs you’ve been in the barracks way too long

Military barracks are just like college dorms, except with more booze and asbestos.


Ok, maybe not the asbestos part (as far as you know). The military has come a long way from Quonset huts and open-space squad-bays that housed an entire unit. Barracks life has improved considerably for troops in recent years, as many troops now enjoy new furniture, keycard entry, and no more than two people to a room.

But regardless of barracks amenities, they can’t really compete with married personnel living in homes on base, or being able to live off-base in an apartment. Still, some troops try to make their rooms way better than everyone else. This is how you know you’re probably one of them.

1. You have a 60″ television set that is four feet away from your face when you watch it.

How can you watch the games on Sunday with anything less? And besides, there is all this money in your bank account from last deployment. What do you think, you’re going to save it!? The key to a great barracks room is having a ridiculously-large TV, lots of DVDs and Blu-Rays, a Playstation 4, and gaming chairs.

2. You have a full kitchen hidden in your desk or wall locker.

No need to get dressed and head to the mess hall for that meatloaf dinner. You have everything you need right here, to include a rice cooker, hot plate, microwave, mini-oven and a skillet*. That drawer over there? That’s where I keep all my spices to go on my Ramen noodles. (*Please don’t burn down the entire barracks. Your first sergeant will be upset).

3. Your fridge is filled with beer. (Extra points if you have a kegerator hidden somewhere.)

Most barracks have rules regarding alcohol. E-3 and below are usually allowed only a six-pack, while E-4 and above can have 12. But rules are meant to be broken, right lance corporal?** No one can have a proper night of fun with just six-pack, and besides, you stocked up on 30-packs because you only wanted to make one trip to the 7-day store. You are actually being responsible by cutting down on your carbon footprint. (**Rules are meant to be followed, according to your squad leader.)

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo Credit: Streetwear Deals

4. You own a 1600-watt stereo system that looks like it was stolen from a Rage Against the Machine concert.

You take your music seriously. While a barracks amateur may get something that could play tunes at a reasonable volume and can fill the room quite nicely, you need to invest in a top-of-the-line stereo system. It probably cost at least a grand, pumps out 1600-watts of sound that rattles the entire barracks, and has the “bass boost” function. Does your clock/radio have that? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

5. You have a hot tub.

If you have this, you have completely won the barracks life. We salute you.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Photo: Terminal Lance/Facebook

Anything to add? Let us know in the comments.

NOW LEARN: 13 Insider Insults Sailors Say To Each Other

Articles

13 Funniest military memes for the week of April 28

We found these awesome military memes and thought you guys might like ’em. Here are 13 of the funniest we found:


1. When it’s the perfect new house until you see the address (via The Salty Soldier).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Seems like some bases have a Jody Avenue, Street, Parkway, Broadway, and Highway.

2. Dang. Can’t even rollerblade?

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
About all you could do there is masturbate.

ALSO SEE: Here is what a war with North Korea could look like

3. I would not be entirely surprised to learn that Mattis is a Jedi (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Also wouldn’t be surprised to watch Mattis cut 100 enemies down with a lightsaber.

4. At least he warned everyone (via Pop smoke).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

5. Dangit, Air Force. If you would wear helmet bands, you could do it right (via Military World).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
It’s almost like the ground forces know how to do this job.

6. This Snapple fact is completely true (via Coast Guard Memes).

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And the pigeons were better than all humans, not just the non-rates. (But they only looked for red, orange, and yellow.)

7. See, my DD-214 won’t let me wake up before 8 a.m. (via CONUS Battle Drills).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
And yeah, it’s 8. Not 0800. ‘Cause of my DD-214 and all.

8. Better ratf-ck another MRE. No one is making it back for dinner chow (via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
I highly recommend the brisket. Or getting better coaches on the firing line. Either or.

9. Everyone in their reenlistment window, remember that rapidly expanding the military requires lots of people and that means it’s a re-enlistee’s market (via Coast Guard Memes).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
You at least got station of choice or something, right?

10. Huh. Guess I should change out of my Converse before I smoke this dude (via Decelerate Your Life).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Meh. Not really worth it.

11. This gets dark quickly (via Military Memes).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Also, it’s not spying if you’re using a crew-served weapon on full auto.

12. Seriously, guys, it’s not that bad out here (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
Come use your GI Bill. There’s booze. And degrees. And jobs.

13. These missiles got attitude with altitude and they don’t need a plane to complete them.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office
And thanks to someone’s royal screwup, it’s going to get a chance to prove it.

Articles

37 Awesome Photos Of Life On A US Navy Carrier

An aircraft carrier is like a small city at sea, except this city is armed to the teeth.


Onboard, thousands of sailors work, sleep, and play for months at a time while deployed around the world. But what’s life really like?

We rounded up 37 photos from our own collection and the Navy’s official Flickr page to give you an idea.

A day at sea begins with reveille — military-speak for “wake up” —  announced over the ship’s loudspeaker, known as the 1MC.

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Some sailors start their morning in one of the many cardio gyms onboard.

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While others hit the free weights.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

On any one of the mess decks, culinary specialists start preparing to feed the thousands of sailors that will show up for breakfast.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

And sailors file through the line and fuel up for the day ahead.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

On the flight deck, sailors need to be extra careful.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

The flight deck is the world’s most dangerous place to work.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

 

A step in the wrong direction could turn propellers into meat grinders.

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Jets launch around the clock.

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And darkness doesn’t slow them down.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Sailors on the flight deck work in 12-hour shifts, seven days a week. As a former sailor myself, I can say we sometimes forget what day it is.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Nights at sea are a stargazer’s dream.

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We fix planes in the hangar.

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We squeeze them into tight spots.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Teamwork is essential.

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Together we can move planes.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Even ships.

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No matter what, a buddy will always have your back.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Work can be exhausting. Every sailor sleeps in a small space called a rack.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

But sailors quickly learn to sleep anywhere.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Anywhere.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Sometimes we get to dress like pirates to honor the long-standing tradition of “Crossing the Line.”

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

At the “Crossing the Line” ceremony Pollywogs endure physical hardships before being inducted into the mysteries of the deep.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Only then can King Neptune and his royal court transform a slimy Pollywog into an honorable Shellback.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

This tradition is older than anyone can remember.

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Sometimes when we have downtime we go for a dip in the ocean.

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We play basketball in the hangar.

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Or volleyball.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

We sing on the flight deck.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Or relax in the berthing – Navy speak for living quarters.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

The best part about being a sailor is traveling.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

We visit foreign ports.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

We play as hard as we work.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

Sometimes we visit places civilians will never see.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

We never forget our sacrifices.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

We honor traditions.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

And when we sail off into the sunset, we know tomorrow is a new adventure.

7 things your lieutenant is really doing in his office

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