When Besa Pinchotti and Raleigh Smith Duttweiler showed up to their Mighty 25 interview dressed nearly alike, they laughed. Not embarrassed, not surprised–just two women so in sync it felt inevitable.
That’s their relationship in a nutshell: often coming from different perspectives, yet finishing each other’s sentences. Since 2018, the duo has worked together, leading the National Military Family Association (NMFA), with Pinchotti serving as CEO and Smith Duttweiler as Chief Impact Officer. Together, they’ve reshaped one of the nation’s most trusted military family nonprofits–while leaning on each other through the hardest chapters of their own lives.
Raleigh Smith Duttweiler grew up in an Army family, dead-set on avoiding military life. “I was bound and determined to have nothing to do with it, ever, under any condition,” she laughed.
After boarding school, Barnard, and Columbia Journalism School, she built a career writing for The New York Times and NPR in New York. Then, a Marine proposed to me during Fleet Week.
“Even I was rolling my eyes,” she said.
But she entered military life with eyes wide open, knowing the statistics on unemployment, the silent trauma veterans endure, and the inevitable strain on families. Living it was harder. She became a mother of three while her husband returned from combat deeply changed. Eventually, Raleigh made the painful choice to divorce.
She tells the story openly to erase stigma. “My husband did nothing wrong. He served, and he’s hurt in ways he’ll struggle with for the rest of his life.”
In her darkest moments, fellow military spouses carried her. “That’s what I’m most grateful for–the sisterhood of strong women.”
Besa Pinchotti’s connection to military service began across the globe. Her father came to the U.S. from Kosovo, and during the war, her family members were killed, and they lost their homes.
“What people here were seeing on the news–that was my family,” she said.
When U.S. forces intervened, saving lives, she wanted to understand who these service members were.
Working as a TV reporter in Texas, she accompanied local troops to Camp Bondsteel in Kosovo.
“They didn’t want to talk about the mission. They wanted to talk about missing birthdays and track meets. It hit me–the families are the story.”
She later moved to eastern North Carolina during the Iraq War. “The only advice I got was, ‘Don’t marry a Marine,'” she joked. Spoiler: she did. Still, she didn’t see herself as a “military spouse” until years later.
While her husband transitioned out of the military, she took a job in the tech industry. Eventually, she realized it didn’t fulfill her. She wanted to support military families and applied to just one job: Communications Director at NMFA.
“Salary cut in half. No hesitation. I wanted to feel like I was making a real difference.”
Besa quickly realized she needed Raleigh on the team. “She was one of the smartest people I’d ever met,” she said–so she slid into her DMs.
What she didn’t know: NMFA had already saved Raleigh’s family. When Raleigh’s infant daughter suffered a severe allergy and TRICARE denied coverage for life-saving formula, the family spent $14,000 in two months. A friend connected her with NMFA. Forty-eight hours later, a case of formula was on her doorstep.
So when Besa called with a job offer? “It was an immediate yes,” Raleigh said. “This organization saved my kid’s life.”
Since teaming up in 2018, the pair have redefined leadership at NMFA. Their secret? Disagreement.
“People think we get along because we think alike,” Besa laughed. “That’s hilarious. We disagree on everything.”
But there’s no ego. “I assume my idea sucks until Besa’s heard it,” Raleigh said.
Journalism taught them to separate the person from the product. “She gets it part of the way. I get it part of the way. Then we bring in our smartest friends. It’s never about being right—it’s about getting it right.”
They are also inseparable outside the office. “We text each other pictures of what we’re wearing to events. She’s my person–for everything,” Raleigh said.
For both women, the future of NMFA is about more than programs–it’s about impact.
“We’ve made real progress around quality of life for military families,” Besa said. “People listen to NMFA because of the trust we’ve earned since 1969. It’s our job now to keep pushing forward.”
They’re focused on both advocacy and urgent support. “The biggest thing we can do is remind families they’re not alone,” Raleigh said. “That’s the heart of it.”
When they learned they’d both been named to the Mighty 25, Besa read the email three times in disbelief–until Raleigh texted in all caps: IT’S BOTH OF US.
“Being in this together means everything,” Raleigh said. “When I was a young spouse, isolated, struggling with trauma and deployments, I never imagined I’d find someone like this.”
They may lead one of the nation’s most influential military family nonprofits, but they’ll tell you their greatest success is each other.
“This is the work,” Raleigh said. “But this-this friendship-is the why.”
