6 ways to avoid being 'that guy' in your unit - We Are The Mighty
Military Life

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

There are key distinctions between the names that exist in the plethora of military insults. For example, a “blue falcon” is the buddy f*cker who will intentionally throw their comrade under the bus, while a “sh*tbag” is the troop who will get in trouble and bring everyone else down with them. “Boots” are the young and dumb new troops who haven’t yet learned the ropes.


Then there’s the mix of the three… known only as “that guy.” This is someone who’s been in long enough to know better, screws over their brothers, and is often on the borderline of UCMJ action.

This is a brief guide on how to avoid being that guy.

6. Drop the “Army of One” mentality

For five years, the U.S. Army used the recruitment slogan, “army of one.” It was dropped unceremoniously because it suggested that that guy doesn’t need a battle buddy. The phrase started in the Army, but the mentality is military-wide.

The more accurate-to-military-life phrase is, “one team, one fight.” You don’t need to become best friends with everyone in your unit, but you damn sure need to be able to work with them professionally.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
But it doesn’t hurt to make friends. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl Samuel Brusseau.)

5. Actually know your job

Troops each play a special and vital role in the grander military. Not to sound like a high ranking officer talking to lower enlisted they’ve never met, but it also means that not everyone is going to cover for your ass. They have their own “special and vital role” to worry about.

If you’re an infantryman, know infantry stuff. If you’re a radio operator, know radio stuff. If you’re the only armorer in the unit and it’s time for you to do armorer stuff, know armorer stuff. There’s nothing worse than everyone counting on a single person for a single, specific task when that one person is a complete idiot.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
But they’ll assume that anyways if you’re an armorer and you kick back their weapons over and over. Sorry. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by LCpl. Dylan Chagnon)

4. Don’t get kicked out of a school

Schools are one of the sweetest rewards a troop can get. When a unit is told that they have a set amount of slots open to attend a school, they’ll go down the roster and see who needs it or earned it. The troops that are selected may have a heavy physical barrier or steep learning curve to overcome. They need to give it their all anyway; the entire unit is counting on them.

Related: 7 military nicknames that are definitely not compliments

It sucks if they fall flat on their face, but it’ll be forgiven if they tried their hardest. Don’t be that guy who gets kicked out for dumb sh*t. For whatever reason units always give that guy a second shot, but if they get kicked out again — that’s the final straw.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
You’ll never live it down if you fall out on day one. (U.S. Army photo by Army Spc. Brian Smith-Dutton)

3. Don’t do ridiculously dumb things

You can tell how well-disciplined a unit is by the brevity of their safety brief. You know things are good when the First Sergeant just says something to the effect of, “if you drink, don’t drive. If you drive, don’t drink. And never mix sex with either of the two. Fall out!” They’re just checking the box on things they have to say military-wide, and chances are no one has done anything wrong in a while.

When the First Sergeant says something like, “don’t get caught fishing without a license,” that means someone in the unit probably got caught fishing without a license. When they start saying something like, “don’t keep wild animals you found in the barracks,” you know they’re side-eyeing that guy who did.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

2. Right time, right place, right uniform

For lower enlisted, there are only three responsibilities to worry about. Be where they were told to be, be there at the right time, and wear the proper uniform.

If the boot who’s only a few weeks removed from living in mama’s basement can follow these guidelines, someone who’s been in the military for a while should know this. Genuine mistakes are made, unforeseen circumstances occur, or words get misinterpreted — sh*t happens. The moment it becomes a pattern instead of a one-time thing…

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Just stand at parade rest and wait. (U.S. Navy photo by Petty Officer 2nd Class Aiyana Paschal)

1. Just say “roger” and move on

Don’t like an order? That sucks. Do it anyways. Is a task inconvenient to your personal schedule? That sucks. Do it anyways. Unless the order is illegal or unsafe, that guy doesn’t have any room to complain. If they cry, “but why do we have to sweep the motor pool?” the only answer they need to be given is, “because it needs to be swept. The broom is over there.”

Nobody likes doing dull and menial tasks. Spoiler alert: Leaders aren’t monsters who enjoy making their troops do dull and menial tasks (if they do, they’re not a leader). You’re being told to do something because the task just needs to be done, it’s an easy task to kill time until CoB, or it’s a creative, corrective punishment. Regardless, crying isn’t going to make the job go faster.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

Military Life

7 things you didn’t think about before you went off to boot camp

You signed up for the military, and now you’re on that bus headed toward training to be the best Marine, airman, sailor, coastie, or soldier you can be — you think you’ve got things all figured out.


News flash: you don’t.

With all the things traveling through your brain like high school graduation and finding a way to leave the nest, it’s likely you failed to think about these important aspects of your new military life.

Related: 7 things you should know before joining the infantry

So check out seven things you didn’t think about before you went off to boot camp:

7. Getting a haircut — do show up in regs; don’t go crazy

We mention this tip for a couple of reasons, and we’re not suggesting you show up with a buzz cut. You lower the chances of getting picked on by the drill sergeant if your haircut doesn’t stand out from the rest of the recruits.

Secondly, your scalp will thank you after the PX barber only spends mere seconds shaving your head with dull clippers.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
This airman trainee should have read this article before going to boot camp.

6. Showing up in better shape

All military branches partake in some sort of physical activity — some more than others. That said, you’re going to have to pass a timed run and other requirements (or wind up getting held back from graduation) — not to mention a sh*t-ton of push-ups and runs in formation.

Military PT can be pretty freakin’ tough so train hard while you can.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Don’t be like Gomer. (Source: WB)

5. Modifying your sleeping habits

Boot camp is specially designed to add massive amounts of structure to your life. This means you’re going to eat, sleep, and work every day at the same time. If you adapt your sleeping habits before hitting your open squad bay, those first early morning wake-ups might not be so freaking bad after all.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

4. What you could have studied prior to arrival

You’re going to learn a crapload of new material during your multi-week stay in boot camp. Consider memorizing those general orders or different military terminology if you’re looking to make your recruit life that much easier.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Study!

3. You’re not as funny as you think you are

After you hit boot camp, you’re going to be living with people from different parts of the country that may not understand your humor. If you ever make a “humorous” remark to one of your drill instructors, prepare to do some push-ups.

How many you ask? All of them.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Every recuirt loves their DI.

2. Researching the other branches before deciding on one

Many teens make the mistake of joining the first branch that comes to mind, but it’s too late to switch after you ship off. So do your research before signing on the dotted line if you have a shred of doubt.

That is all.

You messed up and joined the Army. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

1. What clothes you show up in

Chances are you’re going to be in your civilian clothes for the first few days of boot camp. You’re going to sweat and get a little dirty during that time.

So note to self, wear something that’s comfy and helps you blend in with the rest of the recruits.

Maybe a little. (Images via Giphy)
Military Life

6 activities in the infantry that are more common than combat

People often associate the military with fighting wars, which makes complete sense. The infantry, which is the spearhead of the military, is the primary combat job. So, one might would think infantrymen are in every country upon which the United States is dropping bombs. The truth is: they’re not. In fact, chances are, they’re stuck on a boat, an island, or in a porta-john waiting for the next war to pop off so they can play in the big leagues.

Being in the infantry between wars is a lot like being on a professional sports team that only ever goes to practice. Realistically, the United States has been at war for quite some time, but what people don’t know is that infantry probably aren’t involved in that war.

Here’s what they’re doing instead:


6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

It might be accurate to assess military life as 80% waiting. Hell, most of the time you spend in boot camp is in lines.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. A. J. Van Fredenberg)

Waiting

Whether it’s in a line, in the field, or in a barracks room, the infantry is stuck waiting. Always. Waiting. Anthony Swafford, author of Jarhead, truthfully wrote, “…we wait, this is our labor.” If that doesn’t define “peacetime” military life, what does? The fact of the matter is that you’ll spend most of your time waiting for something and no one knows what that something is, not even your command.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

You’ll probably spend more time holding a broom than a rifle, honestly.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Caitlin Brink)

Cleaning

Everyone knows veterans are extremely organized and are good at keeping things clean. That’s because we spend so much of our time cleaning everything that it becomes habit. In the military, you even clean things that can’t be cleaned. In fact, most of what you do is polish turds, considering military barracks (specifically those of the Marine Corps) haven’t been renovated since the day they were built.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

You’ll get used to smoking in your free time.

(Rally Point)

Smoking

This isn’t for everyone, but quite a few people pick up the habit because it’s a great time killer. Remember how we said you spend 80% of your career waiting? Well, if you pick up smoking, you’ll bring that down to 70% and use that other 10% to smoke as you combat the boredom of waiting.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

This will probably be what kills you first.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by LCpl Andre Heath)

In a safety stand-down

Whether it’s a three-hour lecture on sexual assault, the importance of wearing a seat belt, or why the desert tortoise is sacred at the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center (a.k.a. Twentynine Palms), you’re going to sit in the base theater for an entire day listening to one commander “piggy back” off another.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

Don’t worry, there will be porta-johns in-country.

‘Appreciating’ adult films

If you don’t pick up smoking, you might instead find yourself killing time in a porta-john doing this. If you’re at Twentynine Palms during the summer (or in general), you might even challenge yourself to see if you can complete your “mission” before you pass out in the porta-john.

Just to be clear, this will probably be in addition to killing your lungs.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

You’ll probably play a video game where you portray someone doing your job, too.

(U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Ash Severe)

Video games

Remember what we said about waiting in a barracks room? This is what you’ll probably do during that time. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a leadership position or if you’re a boot rifleman (if you’re a boot, you should study instead), you’ll be killing time by playing video games. When you’re taking a break from that, you’ll probably be doing #3 or #5 instead.

Just make sure one of the first things you do in your unit is buy a small T.V. and game system or a highly efficient laptop. Even if you go on a combat deployment, you might be able to take it with you to kill time between patrols or other duties.

Military Life

4 of the best things about being stationed at Camp Pendleton

Twentynine Palms, Camp Lejeune, and Quantico are just a few of the Marine Corps bases that house those who’ve earned the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor. Although the various duty stations each offer their own benefits, none compare to the awesomeness that is Camp Pendleton.

In 1942, the government purchased land in Southern California from a private owner for $4,239,062. The property was soon named in honor of Maj. Gen. Joseph H. Pendleton for his outstanding service, thus creating Camp Pendleton. Some might tell you there are downsides to be stationed there, but, in general, it’s considered the best. Here’s why.


6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

The Marine Corps Exchange located on the main side of the base. If you can’t find what you’re looking for here, it’s not Marine Corps-quality.

It has everything you need

Shopping, recreation centers, and schools are just a few amenities that make the historic property a full-scale, working city. The Camp has been designed and developed to fulfill the every need of those stationed within the gates.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

There’re so many activities

The San Diego Zoo, Sea World, and Universal Studios are just a few of the places you can take your family to visit on a sunny afternoon. The drives will take you typically take around an hour or so, depending on traffic, but since you live so close, you don’t have to spend money on a hotel room — which makes sh*t cheaper.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

Visit Camp Pendleton today and notice there’s not a cloud in f*cking skies!

(Photo by Marine Sgt. April L. Price)

That SoCal weather

Do you like doing PT in the pouring rain? Well, if you do, Camp Pendleton isn’t the place for you. According to U.S. Climate data, Camp Pendleton receives an average of 13.3 inches of rain per year. Compare that to the national average of 32.25 inches.

Camp Pendleton is starting to sound pretty impressive, isn’t it?

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

Members of the Western Army Infantry Regiment, Japan Ground Self Defense Force, and Marines with the 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit play a game of football on the Del Mar Beach at the conclusion of Exercise Iron Fist 2013

(Photo by Sgt. Christopher O’Quin)

It has its own beach

The beach in Del Mar has places where you can camp or rent small cottages for a few days. These private areas can get you close to the ocean enough to hear waves crash onto the shoreline while keeping you near enough to the base to hear the Marines call out their famous and well-rehearsed cadences as they run by.

It’s a perfect location.

Articles

Here are the best military photos for the week of Apr. 7

The military has very talented photographers in the ranks, and they constantly attempt to capture what life as a service member is like during training and at war. Here are the best military photos of the week:


Air Force:

Tech. Sgt. Michael Christiansen, a 100th Security Forces Squadron assistant flight chief, draws back a bow and arrow March 28, 2017, at RAF Mildenhall, England. Christiansen was selected to represent U.S. Air Forces in Europe at the 2017 Department of Defense Warrior Games in Chicago where he will compete in the rifle, pistol, recurve archery and sitting volleyball events.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Micaiah Anthony

Retired Air Force Col. and astronaut Buzz Aldrin, flies with the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds, April 2, 2017, at Cape Canaveral, Fla.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Christopher Boitz

Army:

A U.S. soldier surveys a training ground near Kandahar, Afghanistan, March 14, 2017. The Soldier was part of a security detachment supporting Afghan Tactical Air Coordinators and advisers with Train, Advise, Assist Command-Air. As part of Resolute Support Mission, TAAC-Air works in tandem with Afghan counterparts to foster working relationships and fortify confidence in the mission.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Jordan Castelan

GRAFENWOEHR, Germany – U.S. Army Soldiers and European military candidates observe the chemical decontamination portion of the U.S. Army Europe Expert Field Medical Badge evaluation in Grafenwoehr, Germany on March 20, 2017. Approximately 215 military members from the U.S. Army and eleven European partner nations attended this biannual evaluation in hopes of achieving the coveted U.S. Army EFMB.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Air Force photo by TSgt Brian Kimball

Navy:

MEDITERRANEAN SEA (April 7, 2017) The guided-missile destroyer USS Porter (DDG 78) conducts strike operations while in the Mediterranean Sea, April 7, 2017. Porter, forward-deployed to Rota, Spain, is conducting naval operations in the U.S. 6th Fleet area of operations in support of U.S. national security interests in Europe.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Ford Williams

ATLANTIC OCEAN (April 4, 2017) Sailors clean and maintain an F/A-18F Super Hornet assigned to the “Fighting Swordsmen” of Strike Fighter Squadron (VFA) 32 in the hangar bay of the aircraft carrier USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69). The ship and its carrier strike group are underway conducting a sustainment exercise in support of the Optimized Fleet Response Plan.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Neo Greene III

Marine Corps:

CAMP BEUHRING, Kuwait – Lance Cpl. Alexander Seick, a communications specialist with Combat Logistics Battalion 11, 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit (MEU), closes the feed tray of an M240B medium machine gun after conducting a functions check during a sustainment training exercise near Camp Beuhring, Kuwait, March 5. Marines can use the M240B’s high rate of fire to provide suppressive fires, subduing enemy threats while moving toward an objective. The 11th MEU is currently supporting U.S. 5th Fleet’s mission to promote and maintain stability and security in the region.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Marine Corps Photo by Sgt. Xzavior T. McNeal

YUMA, Arizona – U.S. Marines with 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment and 2nd Combat Engineer Battalion, take cover from shrapnel behind a blast blanket while conducting urban demolition breach training for Talon Exercise 2-17, Yuma, Arizona, March 30, 2017. The purpose of TalonEx was for ground combat units to conduct integrated training in support of the Weapons and Tactics Instructor Course 2-17 hosted by Marine Aviation Weapons and Tactics Squadron One.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Santino Martinez

Coast Guard:

A 45-foot Response Boat-Medium from Coast Guard Station Seattle and an MH-65 Dolphin helicopter from Coast Guard Air Station Port Angeles conduct night time hoisting training on April 4, 2016. Crews conduct weekly training to remain proficient at hoisting, even in adverse weather conditions.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer 2nd Class Logan Kellogg

Petty Officer 2nd Class Jacob Warner, a rescue swimmer at Air Station Kodiak, performs an ice rescue during training at Upper 6 Mile Lake on Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson, Alaska, March 17, 2016. During the training, members from Air Station Kodiak, Sector Anchorage and the National Ice Rescue School in Essexville, Mich., worked together to perform ice rescues from an MH-60 Jayhawk helicopter and an MH-65 Dolphin helicopter.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Meredith Manning

Articles

6 military-life problems that don’t go away when you get out

The DD-214. The magical ticket that ends all of your military life problems that started the moment that recruiter told you that your job doesn’t deploy, you’ll have plenty of time for college, and everyone looks sexy in a uniform.


Except that some of those problems you think of as “military” problems are actually just problems everywhere, and they will absolutely follow you into the civilian world. Here are six of the crappiest parts of the military that will keep coming up at every job:

1. People “Piggy-backing” at the end of meetings

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
If it’s new information, fine. But if you’re seriously just going to rehash this d*mn safety brief, we’re all going to hate you. (via @SpaitoGaming)

Seriously, someone always wants to impress the boss. In the military, this means that safety briefs and other formations go on longer than they should, often with everyone standings or taking a knee as the order “Don’t drink and drive, no, really” is repeated about 14 times.

The only difference in the civilian world is that it’s always a meeting about something mundane like “Stop putting recyclables in the trash compactor” and you’re often, but not always, allowed to sit for it. On the plus side, you’re never required to stand at parade rest, so that’s nice.

2. Obviously contradictory orders

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Everyone better have 100 percent of their TA-50, no excuses. After all, we already gave you those lockers you can’t use. (via U.S Army W.T.F! moments)

Everyone’s been on that work detail where you get a long briefing about how to clear vines or branches or something safely, and then some private gets told to hold another one by the feet as the second one cuts branches upside down with sharp blades.

But don’t look to the civilian world to make more sense. Get a job in a warehouse and expect to hear stuff like, “Never lift anything over 40 pounds without having a buddy help you. Alright, now Tom, you go move those 50-pound boxes on your own. Everyone else come with me.”

3. Outdated equipment

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
I mean, it’s not like a ship can be 100 percent steel. It would never stop rusting. So we went 40/60.(via Sh*t my LPO says)

Understand that no management on the planet wants to spend money on equipment for their workers until they have to. In the military, that meant it took a couple hundred letters to senators and an exposé on CNN before the command would buy the updated body armor that cost $2 more per plate.

But the civilian side isn’t any better. If that old Atari computer can still track the customer records and the engine jack only leaks a little bit of hydraulic fluid, you can bet that neither of those things is getting upgraded for a while. Probably not until the jack fails and Tom gets crushed under an old Toyota engine.

4. Horrible incompetence in your co-workers

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
I get that you’re mad, I’m just not sure what I was supposed to do differently. (via Sh-t my LPO says)

Come on, you didn’t think that 50-year-0ld supply sergeant crankily waiting to retire as an E-5 while doing absolutely no work only existed in the military, right? If so, brace yourself, because those dudes exist in the civilian world, too.

As a matter of fact, take a look around at your civilian job after you get that beautiful DD-214. If there’s a red-faced, lazy, 55-year-old equipment office manager complaining about how he “doesn’t get enough respect around here,” go ahead and ask when he retired from the military.

5. Having to find weird places to sleep

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
(via Military Memes)

This part, at least, will be an easy transition for most of the skaters and shammers out there. Remember all those late missions and early mornings that drained the batteries, leading to everyone taking turns napping behind the connexes, in humvee seats, or squeezed under the stairs where first sergeant hopefully wouldn’t see?

Well, late nights drinking and early morning freeway dashes to avoid rush hour are only a little more forgiving, leading to you having to find spots to snatch a nap in the copy room, supply closets, and your car. Recommend getting a car with a large cargo bed or folding backseats.

6. Guys who do the bare minimum and act like heroes

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
(via The Salty Soldier)

For everyone who does the bare minimum of their orders, cuts sling loads, and goes to the bar to brag about it, there’s plenty of good jobs in the civilian world for you. Congrats. For everyone else, sorry, those dudes will be at your civilian job, too.

You may be looking forward to heading home at 5 everyday, but remember that the guys in accounting may go home about 4:30. And if you still have to pay an equipment rental place before you head home? Sorry, there’s no one in the office with credit card access. If that screws up your timeline for the next day, that’s really unfortunate.

Humor

33 images that perfectly portray your first 96-hour liberty

For the first few months of military service, we go through some pretty intense training during the week, and maybe we have to pull duty on a weekend.


So, when a holiday approaches and the commanding officer awards your unit a 96-hour liberty, you’d better take advantage.

Related: 22 things every boot has done but will never, ever admit

Check out what many young troops do on their first 96-hour liberty away from the base.

1. When everyone is told, their 96-hour liberty has been approved at the same time.

Best news ever! (Images via Giphy)

2. How you caught a ride to leave the base.

Stuntin’ 101. (Images via Giphy)

3. What it feels like walking into your hotel room

All mine. (Images via Giphy)

4. What you look like drinking your first beer in months and can finally take a shower by yourself.

It tastes so good. (Images via Giphy)

5. How you looked properly preparing yourself for an evening out with the boys

Need to buff those floors. (Images via Giphy)

6. How awesome you felt drinking with your new military friends

I feel so cool doing a fourth wall break. (Images via Giphy)

7. That moment when you notice a female troop for the first time out of uniform, and she’s hot

Holy sh*t! (Images via Giphy)

8. After a few hours of partying, you start showing off your boot camp muscle gains

“I have the power.” (Images via Giphy)

9. Eating that first real hamburger after getting the beer munchies

So good. (Images via Giphy)

10. Trying to sleep after drinking way too much the first night

“I thought I was supposed to pass right out.” (Images via Giphy)

11. Waking up with a hangover and you need a quick pick-me-up to start the day

Coffee was meant to be ingested, but whatever. (Images via Giphy)

12. Thinking for something fun to do after you recovered from your hangover

I’m so bored. (Images via Giphy)

13. When you’re replying to all those Facebook messages for the first time in months

So many messages. (Images via Giphy)

14. When your boys invite you to come to the local dance club

Gotta practice. (Images via Giphy)

15. How you think you’re dancing at the club after a few drinks

Just like back at home. (Images via Giphy)

16. How you’re really dancing at the club after those drinks

How do I look? (Images via Giphy)

17. When you find some girl who actually said “sure”

It’s a new world record. (Images via Giphy)

18. What your conscience is trying to tell you before it’s too late

“Shut up brain.” (Images via Giphy)

19. Waking up next to that girl who said “sure” and she’s not what you remembered

Beer goggles are real. (Images via Giphy)

20.  Making your escape

Shh! (Images via Giphy)

21. Getting made fun of by your boys for hooking up with her the next morning

You had it coming. (Images via Giphy)

22. Your reaction

Damn. (Images via Giphy)

23. When the group plans an evening at the strip club after dinner

Cheers. (Images via Giphy)

24. But you really want to go now

Run! (Images via Giphy)

25. Then you get hammered at the strip club

Not that hammer, but whatever. (Images via Giphy)

26. When your guys find the first stripper who appears interested

“We so had her!” (Images via Giphy)

27. Then the gents get kicked out of the strip club

I guess we weren’t allowed to touch? (Images via Giphy)

28. Then someone drunkenly jokes saying “you’re not tough enough to get a tattoo”

That’s a good one bro. (Images via Giphy)

29. Then follows it up by saying “no balls”

Wait. What? (Images via Giphy)

30. Waking up the next morning with an unwanted tattoo

Sh*ttiest tattoo ever. (Images via Giphy)

31. Stay in the hotel room for the whole day and think about all the money you wasted

What was I thinking? (Images via Giphy)

32. Heading back to base after your 96 is up.

I don’t think I can make it. (Images via Giphy)

33. Look at all the photos you took the next day at work — that 96 was so much freakin’ fun

That was the best weekend ever! (Images via Giphy)What did you do on your first 96-hour liberty? Comment below.

Military Life

How Tim Kennedy believes the recruitment problem can be improved

It’s no secret that military recruitment numbers have been on the decline in recent years. There’re many factors that play into this, but one of the main reasons is eligibility. According to Tim Kennedy, however, the military isn’t out of luck just yet. And his solution doesn’t (and none should ever) involve lowering the standards.


On a recent appearance on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, Kennedy discussed, at great depth, the problems that plague recruiting depots, specifically recruitment within the Special Forces community. There simply aren’t enough able-bodied recruits. Obesity remains the leading disqualifying factor among young Americans.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
(Photo by Pfc. Kelcey Seymour)

Recruits need to be able to meet physical requirements. While basic training and boot camp help slim down prospective troops, recruits must join up at a trainable level — after all, a drill sergeant isn’t a miracle worker.

“It’s harder to get into the military than it is to get into college,” says Kennedy. “You can’t go into the military if you smoke weed. You can’t go into the military if you have bad eyes. You can’t go into the military if you’re diabetic,” and the list goes on. “You can go to college if you have all those things.”

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
If college was so much more difficult than the military, then so many veterans wouldn’t finish their time in the service and easily get in to nearly any university.
(Photo by Airman 1st Class Alyssa M. Akers)

Those factors above disqualify, off the bat, roughly 71 percent of young adults. Then, when you factor in the willingness to join among the remaining 29 percent, you’re stuck with the headache-inducing task of bringing in just 182,000 new troops this year. “The perception of the military is way less of an issue than us just having a qualified population of viable candidates to chose from.”

The obvious solution is to tell young adults to get healthy. But, as anyone who has had any sort of interaction with young adults can tell you, you’d be better off asking a brick wall to do something. Being unfit for service is a cultural problem that no amount of snazzy recruitment videos can fix.

Kennedy’s suggestion makes far more sense — and it was how he was brought into the military: selectively recruiting physically fit student athletes. Convincing a small subset of students to join is a much easier task than convincing the youth at large to slim down.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
I’m not going to lie, having a recruiter sh*t-talk me while I was trying to impress him with my whole two pull-ups as a teenager may or may not have played a huge role in my enlistment.
(Photo by Airman 1st Class Adam R. Shanks)

Back in Tim Kennedy’s high school wrestling days, he was approached by an Army Special Forces recruiter in a really bad suit. All it took was for the recruiter to show up and say, “hey guys, ever thought about Army Special Forces?” He handed Kennedy the card and took off.

That’s all it took to snag the most-beloved Green Beret of our generation.

To watch the rest of The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, check out the video below.

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Articles

The military is cracking down on hazing

A U.S. Navy officer charged with hazing and maltreatment of sailors is facing a general court martial.


The Virginian-Pilot reported April 18 that the unnamed lieutenant commander is accused of verbal abuse and retaliating against a sailor who asked to stop being called Charlie Brown. Court documents say the officer told the sailor to carry a Charlie Brown cartoon figurine at all times.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Don’t laugh. (Official image of Charlie Brown, created by Charles M. Schultz)

The officer also allegedly punched a chair next to a sailor and yelled at someone for more than an hour. The officer is also accused of lying about his actions.

Also read: Lawmakers visit Parris Island after recruits death highlight’s hazing

The lieutenant commander is a reservist assigned to a cargo handling battalion in Lakehurst, New Jersey.

Military hazing has drawn extra scrutiny in recent years after a series of high-profile cases.

Articles

Marines hold hilarious ‘memorial service’ for their porn stash

In 2009, the 2nd Battalion 9th Marines stationed at Forward Operating Base Eagle, Iraq said goodbye to their porn stash.


“Golf co. 2/9 was replaced by a bunch of reservists from Utah.” reads the video description by MrTriptrop.

Related: This military-friendly porn star is starting a project just for veterans

With their deployment coming to an end, they decided to properly send off the women that provided temporary release from their sexual repression, according to the video. The ceremony and obituary are pure comedy, check it out:

We gather here today to honor the eternal memory of the women that have sacrificed services for the good of those that have suffered sexual repression through geographic isolation, mainly: us.

These ladies of the periodical, queens of the center fold have inspired our imaginations and other parts that should not be mentioned at this time.

Though these many months have been long and hard, they provided us with a means for us to have a temporary release.

Your undying patriotism and service to those who serve has not been in vain and though our time together may have come to an end, you will forever live on in our hearts.

We salute you oh princess of the page, you will never be forgotten.

Now we will sound off a few of the names of those who have inspired us …

MrTriptrop, YouTube

Military Life

5 tips to prepare potential boots to join the military

Preparing before you join the military is a great way to set yourself up for success once you take that oath.


To start your military career right from Day One, there are some vitally important factors for you to consider so you can be successful in your initial training as well as your follow-on or advanced training. This advice is for anyone planning to join any military service.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
That’s a pretty good career.

5. Start Talking to Recruiters A Year Out.

If you are considering enlisting or joining an officer commissioning program, make a plan to go and speak to all the service recruiters. If you are set on the Marines, go and explore your options with the Army, Navy, Coast Guard, and the Air Force anyway. If you are just interested in the Air Force, then talk to the Army, Marines, Coast Guard, and the Navy. At this point, you “don’t know what you don’t know.”

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
For example, the Coast Guard is part of the military.

Speaking to recruiters from all military services will give you a very good idea of the full range of positions, training, and signing bonuses that are available to you. At any point in joining the military, there is a spectrum of opportunities that are and are not available based on the current size of the respective services. Speaking to all the recruiters gives you a good idea of what is truly available.

4. Drugs, Legal Violations, Some Tattoos, Obesity, and Fitness Ruin People’s Military Dreams.

There is a large group of people that want desperately to join the military but cannot due to violations of the military service standards that bar them from entering service.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
And then there are people who just know the military isn’t for them.

As a broad rule, the use of illegal drugs; legal convictions of criminal activity; some tattoo’s on the face, neck, or hands; personal weight levels above the service standard; and the inability to successfully complete a basic physical fitness test are what remove candidates from consideration for military service.

The best advice is to avoid any and all activities that will disqualify you from military service.

3. Get In Good Overall Shape. 

Your goal for fitness and bodyweight should be to get in the best overall shape that you can.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Even if you’re joining the Air Force.

You want to balance strength training and cardiovascular fitness because too much strength training could hurt your run times and too much running may leave you susceptible to injury and could even cause you to fail the push-ups or pull-ups to military standard. There are a number of excellent fitness programs that you can pursue.

2. Do Well On Your High School GPA Graduate.

After the fitness disqualifications to military service, a lack of a high school degree with a decent GPA is next. A high school degree and a good GPA that will help you do well on the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB) – a test that partially controls what military specialties that you can sign up to perform.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

Graduating high school on time and with a good GPA really will go a long way for your military career.

1. Prepare for Times When Military Service Is Awful. 

At my first duty station in Korea, the January weather was so cold that the water buffalos froze inside of heated tents, which made serving hot food impossible. We had limited MREs because they were all in the Middle East so we ate beef jerky or nothing because the peanut butter sandwiches froze. It was a horrible time in the field.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
That happens sometimes in Korea, FYI.

You can do all the physical preparations you want, but your mind has to be prepared to suffer — and suffer mightily. Military recruits that are not prepared to suffer and to perform their best while suffering are challenged to complete a term of military service.

Talking early to recruiters, staying away from activities that disqualify you for military service, being in good shape, possessing a completed high school degree, and having your attitude focused on surpassing suffering while still serving well is how you succeed.

Have a successful military career and have fun.

This content provided courtesy of USAA.

Chad Storlie is the author of two books, Combat Leader to Corporate Leader and Battlefield to Business Success. Chad is a retired US Army Special Forces Lieutenant Colonel with 20+ years of Active and Reserve service in infantry, Special Forces, and joint headquarters units. He served in Iraq, Bosnia, Korea, and throughout the United States.

Articles

Here are the best military photos for the week of Mar. 11

The military has very talented photographers in the ranks, and they constantly attempt to capture what life as a service member is like during training and at war. Here are the best military photos of the week:


AIR FORCE:

Spc. Joshua Minter, assigned to Dog Company, 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Infantry Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, U.S. Army Alaska, fires a Mark 19 40 mm grenade machine gun while conducting live-fire training at Grezelka range, Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson, Alaska, Feb. 28, 2017. The paratroopers practiced engaging targets at varying distances utilizing the M240B machine gun and the Mark 19 40 mm grenade machine gun.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Air Force photo by Alejandro Pena

A B-2 Spirit from Whiteman Air Force Base, Mo. receives fuel from a KC-10 Extender from Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, N.J. during a Mobility Exercise held by JB MDL. The Joint Base holds an annual MOBEX in Gulfport, Miss. to practice deploying and operating in a deployed environment.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Joshua King

ARMY:

Sgt. Christopher D. Miller (front) and Spc. Matthew B. Barton (back), both divers with the 511th Engineer Dive Detachment, set charges to blow notional mines, Feb. 10, 2017, at Camp Buehring, Kuwait. The Soldiers were tested on their troop leading procedures, as well as their knowledge of setting up explosives on land, during this training event. 

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Tom Wade

Pfc. Heaven Southard, an Army military working dog handler with the Directorate of Emergency Services, Area Support Group – Kuwait, releases her military working dog “Jerry” during a demonstration of MWD capabilities at Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, Mar. 7, 2017. 

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Dalton Smith

NAVY:

OKINAWA, Japan (March 8, 2017) Landing craft utility 1651, attached to Naval Beach Unit (NBU) 7, enters the well deck of USS Ashland (LSD 48). The amphibious dock landing ship is part of the Bonhomme Richard Expeditionary Strike Group, and embarked 31st Marine Expeditionary Unit, is on a routine patrol, operating in the Indo-Asia-Pacific region to enhance partnerships and be a ready-response force for any type of contingency.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Kaleb R. Staples

ARABIAN SEA (March 3, 2017) The amphibious assault ship USS Makin Island (LHD 8) transits the Arabian Sea. The ship is deployed in the U.S. 5th Fleet area of operations in support of maritime security operations designed to reassure allies and partners, and preserve the freedom of navigation and the free flow of commerce in the region.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Devin M. Langer

MARINE CORPS:

Sgt. Allison DeVries, combat photographer, Headquarters Battalion, 1st Marine Division, boils snow during Mountain Training Exercise (MTX) 2-17 at the Marine Corps Mountain Warfare Training Center, Bridgeport, Calif., Feb. 26, 2017. 1st Combat Engineer Battalion (CEB) conducted scenario-driven training that encompassed mobility, counter-mobility and survivability operations in a mountainous, snow-covered environment that challenged 1st CEB to generate combat engineering solutions to infantry driven tasks.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Danny Gonzalez

Sgt. Johnathan Stamets, radio operator with the 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit, looks through his M8541A optic attached to the M-110 Semi-Automatic Sniper System rifle aboard the USS Somerset (LPD 25) Ombudsman, Jan. 12, 2017.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Marine Corps photo by Gunnery Sgt. Robert B. Brown Jr.

COAST GUARD:

2016 was the 100 year anniversary of US Coast Guard aviation. To help commemorate the event, select Coast Guard units received a MH-65D helicopter with a centennial paint scheme.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Coast Guard photo

A Coast Guard ice rescue team member uses a rescue shuttle board to pull a simulated victim out of the freezing water during training, Friday, Feb. 17, 2017 in Burlington, VT. The team hosted Rear Adm. Steven Poulin, commander, First Coast Guard District and U.S. Air Force Maj. Gen. Steven Cray, adjutant general, Vermont National Guard.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
U.S. Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Andrew Barresi

Military Life

This is how much sleep you should be getting before a mission

On deployment, troops are asked to complete some pretty intense missions under hostile conditions. Half of the time, they leave the wire with little-to-no sleep and still have to perform at a high level. Due to our crazy schedules, we are required to be up at the butt-crack of dawn for PT, eat chow, and prepare for the 12-16 hour workday ahead. After all that, we try and get some rest before we have to do it all over again the next day.

That sh*t can burn a troop out in no time.


Since we’re dedicated as f*ck, we suck it up and move on. Unfortunately, being sleep deprived increases the risk of some significant health problems, like diabetes, strokes, and even heart attacks. Aside from these major problems, running on too little sleep can cause troops to make dumb mistakes and severely lowers reaction times.

6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit
Soldiers from the 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment try to sleep during a 19-hour flight.
(U.S. Army photo by David Vergun)

According to the National Sleep Foundation, adults between the ages of 18 and 64 need seven to nine hours of sleep per night to maintain a high quality of life. Unfortunately for some troops, that simply can’t happen. In fact, some people don’t even produce the sleep hormone called “melatonin” until way later on in the night. We call those guys and gals “night owls.”

Now, we can’t blame this hormone entirely — today’s technology plays a unique role among those who might have a little insomnia.

In 2002, scientists found a sensor in our eyes called intrinsically photosensitive retinal ganglion cells that, apparently, do not like many forms of blue light — which is likely found in the very computer screen you’re using right now.

When blue light interacts with those cells, they send messages to our brain that tell us the sun is still out, which can inhibit your body’s natural melatonin production. The takeaway from that study is you might want to start reading a book (instead of staring at your phone) on your way to sleepy land.

For those who have naturally lower melatonin production in their brains, food like almonds, raspberries, and gogi berries can help boost levels.

Check out Tech Insider‘s video below to get a humorous take on catching enough sleep.